Transforming CJ……did I realize last year when I set up the name of my blog, just how MUCH I would be transformed in one year? No, there was no way I could imagine what I would look like just 365 days later, after all I hadn’t seen myself smaller in decades! I knew I would be different, otherwise why would I agree to have the surgery in the first place, but I had no idea the profound effect it would have on me. Not just my anatomy, but my mentality as well!
How did an entire year fly by like that? I can’t believe it has been one whole year since I underwent the knife that would change my life. This morning, I am on the same train, heading to the same hospital I had my surgery in one year ago today, only difference is this time I have a sleeve full of Greek yogurt instead of being hungry and thirsty being NPO for surgery! Well, not true, that isn’t the only difference, I am sitting here taking up less room on the train seat (see pic, I’m not hanging over into someone else’s half) and weighing 85# less than I did last year!
I woke up this morning having slept well because I didn’t have a c-pap machine on, and because I wasn’t dealing with the acid reflux that was eating away my esophagus and making me have to sleep nearly sitting up. I went and got my shower and wrapped up in a towel that not only completely covered me with no gaps but it overlaps quite a bit now! I then went to put my makeup on and didn’t flinch at the sight of the triple chins I had developed. Best of all, I had a closet full of clothes that I like and that fit me well and I have my choice of any of them (well there are always some in there that don’t make the cut…last time I wore them they were loose but this time when I pull them out they are too big to wear!). At the time, I put on my black tank and pants and was ready for THE picture. My monthly picture in the black outfit. How I hated and loved them every month. I hated getting my picture taken (and seeing every bad angle possible…I remembered the days when I never saw my backside so I had no idea it was so big, now I was reminded of it every month!). I actually didn’t post those pics the first few months, as they were so mortifying. I still get mortified seeing them but it is the only way I can see my progress when I feel frustrated. I posed for the pictures, then ran upstairs to change into my real clothes for the day, which were chosen from that overflowing closet of nice clothes that fit! I zipped up my size 10 pants, pulled on my size medium top and headed back downstairs. I went down to have breakfast and instead of a full bowl of cereal (which means 2x the serving size) and then a refill if I “needed” it, I had my container of 80 calorie Greek yogurt and was fine (go figure!).
I’ve done a lot of reflecting getting to this magical day on the calendar, as is something was going to happen when I woke up (or perhaps stop happening). I think it stems back to my years of dieting and having to be done by a certain day (like a wedding/vacation/reunion etc). It is silly, really, and I have come to terms with it by today . I know I can keep at my journey and continue to do what I need to do. If I lose any more weight, great, and if I don’t, I could be happy at this size!
I find it so odd to be standing where I am a year later. So much has happened in this year that even if I was the same weight, I don’t know if I could have recognized me from last year to this! My husband and I both went through major job/career changes. We basically switched places…he worked in the city for years and I worked locally to be near our kids if they needed me. Now I work back in the city (same place he worked for 27 yrs and the same place I worked 20 yrs ago) and he is the one that is local now and he takes the kids to school and appts etc. (which is really easy for me!). I do totally different work and dress much more professionally (which I would have needed a new wardrobe for anyway, so it worked out well that I had to buy new clothes and I was able to get smaller ones!) . My confidence has soared and I feel like a different person. Finances are better off this year also since my husband got a job after 7 months of being out of work (and he loves it, which means his depression is gone). So all in all I see God’s hand at work in every aspect of our lives and I have to only assume that the WLS was part of that plan! I have learned a lot about myself in this past year and I can only imagine you all can relate.
Life changes as big as the one we all made when we decided to get the WLS comes with issues and can shake us to our very core. However, it can be a good shaking…like the kind when you have a fruit tree and you shake it and the bad fruit falls away and the good fruit remains. I feel that way and I can imagine most of you do also. I feel like a lot of junk has been stripped away with all the extra pounds and I am standing here not only many pounds lighter but my heart and soul feel lighter too. If you’re new to this journey, I hope you trust in the process and let the changes begin, externally as well as internally!
So, as I got off the train tonight (where I finished the entry I started while on this morning’s commute) I was treated to a gorgeous sunset and I felt it was God’s way of saying “the sun is setting on your first year, and it’s been a beautiful year...now go start the rest of your life with tomorrow’s sunrise”
I also attached a picture the morning i left for surgery. I was going in on a Monday and coming home on a Tuesday....granted i never made it home until late Thursday! The other is the screen shot i had for my countdown to surgery, my “before and after” picture i did on line and it turned out semi-accurate now that i look back on it!