Another month?!? I can’t believe how fast time flies. Sometimes it feels that I recently had surgery but sometimes it feels my sleeve has been part of my life for years! Honestly I’m glad it’s part of my life and will be with me forever! Before my surgery I remember wondering would I regret my choice to barbarically have the majority of my stomach severed off and stapled back up just to be thinner? Of course in my research I found it was not all that barbaric and most people are fine with it. Obviously I went ahead with it and had it done. Not. A. Single. Moment. Of. Regret. Ever! Even when it hurt when I woke up, no regret. Even when I was on my fourth week of liquids only, no regret. Even when I was sitting at Thanksgiving dinner eating pureed, no regret. Never, ever once. Of course now that I’ve lost 75#, hit my doctor’s goal weight, am out of plus sizes forever, lost tons of inches, and went down 5 sizes there isn’t even a thought of why I’d even HAVE a second of regret!
My weight loss has slowed considerably and I’m trying different things to see if I can change that up. The inches lost is slowing as you can see in the ribbon picture but my body shape is still shrinking (as you can see in my monthly shots). It’s been a bit of a mind game when my Dr was so impressed, I started resting on my laurels. I added more carbs into my diet and that hasn’t helped. It’s been mostly good carbs (fruit) but I’m responding by holding on dearly to every ounce and I want to make this year work for me so I decided to wait until after Nov 6th to add them back in on a regular basis. I still want to continue to lose weight and I want to make the most of these next 4 months.
I do like how I feel like a totally different person. Like I’m getting a glimpse into the world of normal size persons and not fretting 100% of the time if I’m the biggest person in the room or if I look dumpy in these clothes or if I will fit in that seat etc. I spend a lot less time worrying over silly (though real) things like that! I’m still not thin but I’m not morbidly obese either! My back is much thinner (my front is smaller but loves to hang on to it’s overhang!) and I occasionally catch glimpses of my reflection and don’t recognize myself! (Specially from the side, where i was so big) I was attributing it to “good mirrors” and “good angles” at first til I realized how consistent it was and my dear husband is always trying to convince me how thin I am because I don’t always see it.
I can’t stress enough how my mental outlook has changed also. It’s too difficult to explain but I suspect you guys get it bc you’ve gone through it! (Which is why it is so comfortable here….you guys GET IT!). I do find myself in a weird limbo of not being fat but not being a dieter either. Like my friends are either skinny or fat and not trying or desperately trying every diet out there in order to yoyo up and down. I don’t fit into any of those categories. I wish I was able to admit to the surgery bc I feel like I’m playing into the ignorance about it but there is just too much prejudice around it for me to be able to admit to it right now. I feel like if I kept it off for years and was a really WLS success story then I could admit it but right now I feel they’d be watching for me to fall/fail (and part of me is afraid of that too!). I find myself in my old brain wondering when this will be done. It’s been a great ride, but when will the regain start? I keep wanting to see ppl I haven’t seen in a long time bc this is my thin summer….who knows what next year will bring? It’s a terrible way to think of things and I’m working on rewiring my brain but from so.many years of the cycle I’m just used to going back up after my skinny season. So it’s a continual process of discovering and growing and changing as all of you know from your own journey!
Here’s my pictures from today (I couldn’t find the tank top so I have a substitute one on). And look here, I got my 8th month surgiversary post and pics up THAT DAY and not 3 wks later…haha!