Somehow this post has kept being put off... I meant to do it on the 9th, but ran out of brain. I've also been busy packing for the move - we're still waiting for our closing date, but we want to be ready. (It should be in the next two weeks!) My entire being has been focused on moving - to the extent that I think work is suffering a little. But I've managed to stay mostly on track with my eating and -- after a brief slump that was mostly weather-related - I've also gotten back to walking every day again.
Every night I go over in my head the things I want to talk about in this update... and then I fall into bed with a book and the next thing I know it's morning again. How does that keep happening! I've got a little list together now, though, so here goes.
ONEDERLAND - I'm in it! I officially went under 200# on 5/7/18, and now on 5/18/18 I'm at 194 - I do love the week of my period! I may be able to squeeze out another pound or two between now and Sunday if things go as they usually do this week. (Literally squeeeeeze - imagine wringing out a soaking wash cloth!) It's been weird, because I really didn't expect to get here. My surgeon didn't really think I'd get here, either. I haven't been here since I was in college! As of today I've lost 75% of my excess weight. How crazy is that?
Food - Like I said, I'm staying on track, keeping carbs low and protein high. I'm actually doing better with my protein lately, averaging around 80-90g a day. Net carbs wobble between 50-60 a day - a little higher than a lot of people go, I know, but I don't seem to have an issue at this level as long as most of them are the incidental carbs that come with my yogurt, cottage cheese, etc. Calorie-wise, I don't keep close track - but I tend to average now around 1000-1100 a day. I'm planning to stay in this range until maintenance. As far as amounts go - I can definitely eat more in one sitting than I could before. Not a ton more - but enough that I don't have to eat five times a day to get all my protein in. I'm still getting a lot of my calories in the form of protein shakes, yogurt and cottage cheese! But I supplement that with nuts, cheese, sliced deli meat, eggs, and sometimes bacon or some chicken. Oh, and sashimi! I had that for dinner tonight. It was lovely.
Health - I feel so good lately! I mean, I've felt pretty good since surgery, but lately a lot of things seem to have gotten better. I get out of breath a lot less lately, even walking fast or climbing stairs; I can walk a lot further than I ever expected (I did 4 miles the other day at a pretty good clip - afterward I was tired and a little sore, but nothing out of the ordinary.) Today I mowed the lawn, something I haven't done in the ten years I've lived here - front and back, and it's a double lot! Afterwards I could feel the hard work, but was still fine for doing all the stuff I normally do in a day. I can go up AND down the stairs in my house without holding onto the railing - I'm not quite brave enough to carry things downstairs because I'm still not quite sure of my feet, but it's still a thing I can do! And I can go up and down the stairs at work without holding on, too, and that's two flights. It's harder work, I'm definitely a bit out of breath by the time I get to the top, but I can do it. I had my yearly physical earlier this month, and my cholesterol and triglycerides are much much improved, and all in the normal zone; blood glucose totally normal (though it always has been), blood pressure was great, and my doc removed "sleep apnea" from my list of conditions! I think she's as thrilled with how short that list is getting as I am.
Maybe because this update is so late, I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about, well, myself. So much has changed since surgery, I can't even really find a way to wrap my head around it. Many of the vets here have said they still think of themselves as fat or overweight, or still see themselves as fat, even in the mirror. For me - I find that every time I see myself in the mirror, it's kind of a shock. It's not that I think of myself as big anymore - I'm not, at least not like I was. But I definitely don't expect to see a person with a narrow face and cheekbones and a jawline. I don't expect visible collarbones. I don't expect narrow hips or a waist that visibly nips in above them. I don't expect narrow, non-sloping shoulders. And when I look in the mirror and see those things, it's jarring. I mean, wonderful - don't get me wrong! But definitely startling. Just yesterday I had to go to the office for a work thing, and to get into the building I have to walk along a sidewalk with a big wall of windows on one side. I turned my head as I was walking, and it was almost like a funhouse mirror, because my legs looked LONG and THIN. What??? I mean, I'm 5'3 - there is no part of me that is long. But my legs are now proportional to my body, and that makes them look long. So weird.
That's all stuff I really like about my new body... but there are things I don't like, too. That's ALSO weird. I'm used to just... one big uniform dislike: Fat! I never even really parsed it out into various fat parts like "double chin" or "big butt" - My fat was everywhere. I'm sure there was a time when I was going up the scale that fat landed preferentially on some parts before others... but by the time I was at my highest weight, it was just piled on everywhere. Now, I can look in the mirror and find specific things I don't like. My rosacea is a big one - it's pretty bad, and much more noticeable on a small thin face than it was on a big moon face. My jaw is pretty square, and I'm not quite fond of it (though I do love that I can actually see it now.) My new slim throat is a bit wrinkly. I mean, this is all minor stuff, nothing that I spend a lot of time thinking about - but it's just sort of novel to have specific things about my looks that I don't care for.
I'm also not particularly happy with the excess skin thing. At this point I'm pretty sure I'll be getting some plastic work done, sometime after I hit maintenance. Part of it is appearance - I'd like to do something with my upper arms because I'd really like to be able to wear a tank or a sleeveless cami now and then in the warm months, and my bat wings are immense and floppy. But part of it is comfort, too. My thighs have gotten a bit difficult to manage at night when I'm trying to sleep. I'm a side sleeper, and I have to consciously drape the flabby part of whatever thigh is on top, so that it doesn't fold over on itself and feel super bizarre. My belly and butt are also mostly flab now, but these can be camouflaged pretty easily with the right pants and some spanx. The bat wings are really the thing that bothers me most.
Anyway, I just mentioned what I'm not thrilled about for the sake of completion - in truth, those things are 100% outweighed by all the things I AM thrilled about. I still get compliments a lot, and I still really like that (though I still don't fully know how to react to it!). One of my coworkers from another department said, "You look so good... I think you have lost a whole me!" Which is true and then some; I'm pretty sure she doesn't weigh 161#! A neighbor stopped by while I was mowing the lawn today and said, "Kio, I have to tell you, you are so skinny now!" And a friend said, "Are you done? You look like you don't need to lose anything else." I just told her that my clothes were hiding a multitude of sins, and left it at that. It's true - I can definitely see where these last 54 lbs or so are "hiding" when I take a bath!
I've noticed some fun stuff, too. Like - my cat doesn't crawl over me in bed anymore. He used to do it every night, several times - and he'd kind of piton himself up like he was climbing a mountain, so I had all these scratches on my shoulders, where he always started his ascent. Now he just JUMPS over - because he CAN. No more scratches! And he's EIGHTEEN. So you know, he can't really jump that high! Also, I can cross my legs fully now, so that my calves line up (you told me I'd get there @CheeringCJ,and I did!). I can wrap my fingers all the way around my wrists so they overlap. And - the steering wheel feels very far away from me these days - nowhere near my belly!
Overall, I feel like I've had a good month. I'm looking forward to seeing how many more of those I can rack up on my way to goal!