S - ickening eating habits
I - ntegrated tool
X -tra room
Wow have I been absent from Thinner Times for the past few months. I have been overwhelmed with a terrible work situation and then the holidays hit. BAM! And here were are, at month six. Actually past my six month-iversary. I have no idea on my weight or measurements (haven't weighed or measured in a month but clothes fit the looser so at least there's that).
I traveled and will travel more for this holiday. The first was for my grandfather's 90th birthday. My parents came to the airport to pick me up and they didn't even recognize me. It's been surreal at 100+ pounds down. I've gone from a size 28+ (because I wore stretchy cottony things and who knows their actual size) to an 18. I recently bought a pair of jeans at the thrift store that were a size 16. The sweatshirt I am currently wearing is an XL. SURREAL!
Sickening eating habits. There is no other way to describe my thoughts as I watched my parents. I spent the holiday with them and there was bread and butter with everything. And so many, many snacks between meals. So many, many sweets. I'm not going to lie, I was completely revolted by it. It's hard not to respond when I see them doing all the bad habits that I know I had pre-surgery and lead to my max weight of 370 lbs. I am concerned for their health, obviously. So I would make lots of salads in the hopes of filling them up before they ate the main meal. And fruit salads in the morning. But they love their carbs. I'm such a midwest girl from a midwest family. I was sickened by it all and just went for long walks around the neighborhood to distract myself. Everyone said how good I look but how do I *not* harass them about eating better. Both of them know they have gained weight over the years and want to improve. I feel almost like I'm part of a pyramid scheme and I'm trying to recruit others into the VSG lifestyle but I SWEAR!! this works! But wait, there's more! If you act now, you'll also get a set of Ginsu knives that will cut through cans!
Integrated tool During all of these family events there were a lot more dinners together where my eating habits were heavily scrutinized. There was also the issue of me not even feeling like eating most of the time (still no appetite at 6 months out and focused only on getting to 80g protein). Perhaps they weren't as heavily scrutinized as I felt, but I was aware that I was eating approximately a cup of food to their very full dinner sized plates. There were also some very judgemental dinners with family where they felt the need to weigh in on my unmarried, athiest 'lifestyle' and did not want to hear about the new homeless initiative I started with my Humanist group. Le sigh. Family drama, eh? But I felt like I integrated my tool well. My VSG tool is something I am still getting used to but I shipped protein bars and protein chips to where I was staying in advance so that I could have them with me. I did NOT eat a single Christmas cookie or bread/pasta/empty calorie food and managed to find decent offerings at quite a few restaurants. So is my tool fully integrated into my life? Not yet but it did feel more integrated with the additional family challenges. The dating challenges are still just that, challenges. But I'm finding a way around those too. Salads really are key.
Xtra room! YES!! Allow me some leeway with that spelling - how else can I use an X and part of my fun with these posts are finding things to fit the letters. HOWEVER, during this holiday I flew for the first time since surgery and there was XTRA room in the airplane seat belt!! I won't say there was extra legroom because I really am too tall for these seats but there was extra seat room and I was even stuck in the middle seat for one flight! What an amazing feeling to know my extra large body (rather than 4x body) could fit in the seat without ending up with bruises on my hips from the seat rests, without crossing my arms over my body and hoping/praying/swearing that if I could will myself or squeeze myself smaller so I didn't 'spillover' to my neighbors, I gladly would. It was a great feeling.
So as we all get ready to celebrate the end of 2017, which I have to say has been a remarkably terrible year for me in many ways but also already a new beginning, I want to say thank you to all of those who have gone before me and gave me the courage, and give a huge, squeezy hug to all of those who go after me in order to give you comfort. There will be terrible times, there will be times when you may not regret the decision but need a break from thinking or writing about it on this forum, but to know this community is here....well, it makes me smile, gives me continued comfort and keeps me coming back.