I feel like it's been forever since I posted, but it was just a week ago. That probably says something about the kind of week it's been!
I haven't been exercising as much this week - well, ok, not really at all - because I've felt really tired a lot of the time. I thought it was just not sleeping enough - I can't seem to make it far past 6 hours a night this week, between one thing and another - or that I needed to return to CPAP. But this morning I woke up with a full blown cold, and it occurs to me I've probably been fighting it off for about a week now. My nose is stuffy, my throat hurts, and I've been so tired and brain fogged all day I actually called my boss at noon and told her I was shutting things down and going to bed. Which I did, and slept for about three hours.
But I miss you guys, so I wanted to post at least to say I'm still alive and still hanging in there. I'm in a bit of a stall, bouncing around between 270 and 269 all week. I haven't been getting enough protein or water this week, either, so that's probably related. Today, even though I'm feeling ugggghhhh, I've made significant progress on that score. 64 grams of protein so far, and I'm swilling tea by the bucket (with Premier vanilla protein shake mixed in).
I've also returned to tracking (MFP), since I feel like I have been off track all week, and I don't like the feeling. I haven't done anything terrible - I did not, for instance, eat an entire glazed donut, like that one lady in my Psych group! But I've had fried mozarella cheese sticks for dinner twice (two cheese stick limit) and while there's protein in there and not a TON of carbs, it's high in fat, and it's a trigger food, and I've felt ... I dunno, endangered, somehow.
This started when I saw my nutritionist last week. She was pretty adamant that I try to eat some carbs - not a ton, but just to not try to cut them out completely. I get up to around 25 g of carbs every day just incidentally from all the dairy I'm eating to get to my protein goals. But she thought I should try to have like, I dunno, half a small whole wheat tortilla or something once a day. She said the body prefers to burn carbs and will burn protein if there aren't enough carbs.
I've done keto long enough to know this is pretty much bullshit, but I figured... ok, I will add a FEW carbs in. And then I ate some mozarella sticks, because breading is just a few carbs, right? Clearly, my head is not quite in the right place when it comes to my trigger foods. I'm not going to do that again, and I've instructed Leah to bite my head off if I even suggest it (I usually eat dinner with her, so she'd know. ) Even so, I've been having probably around 700 calories a day or less... just not in quite the right macro ratio, since my protein has been low.
One thing I have found is lovely, has a couple extra carbs, and doesn't really trigger me, is refried beans on a half taco shell with cheese on top, baked in the oven till the cheese melts. So I'm happy to have found something NOT YOGURT to eat that goes down well, has protein, and doesn't make me want to eat more carbs. Maybe I'll tell the nutritionist about THAT next time I see her.
Halloween was pretty much awesome. We gave out full sized candy and the tiny vampires and ghosts and power rangers and princesses and pirates were all thrilled. Many parents mentioned the decorations, which I finished in a white heat yesterday just before dusk - one parent even asked permission to take pictures of her kids in front of our Pumpkin Door. I was super good - didn't touch the candy, wasn't even tempted, even though Leah and Meg snacked on it all night. And all the leftover candy went to work with Leah today, and stayed there, so our house is junk-free once again.
In terms of advancing my diet... I still haven't, much. I'm mostly eating the same kind of stuff I would have eaten in Stage 3, with a few Stage 4 intrusions. Like the half taco shell, and the breading on the mozzarella sticks. Mostly the protein bars - I've found they're usually super easy to eat. I mostly go with Quest, but I've tried a few Oh Yeah bars, and they were not bad (Key Lime and Cinnamon Roll). I still can't handle protein shakes straight, and there are some protein things that I have found just do not work - like those Quest Protein chips I mentioned in a post a while back. I've started thinking of these as "elevator foods" - in that they go down easy, and then they come right back up!
However, in spite of my worry, I probably don't have a stricture - my nutritionist agrees. I can eat solid food - just not all solid food. It's possible I've been eating too quickly, so I'm making a very conscious effort at putting food aside after a bite, then waiting, then having another bite. There's been less trouble since I started doing that - I just had a white meat chicken salad for dinner, for instance, and it's settled well.
In other news... I've been engaging in a weird mental/emotional exercise today. I've been re-reading blog entries from my friend who had GB back in 2008 and did not reach her goal weight. I'm not sure if I'm doing this as punishment for not meeting my goals, or to try to learn from it. Her surgery was 10 years ago, and I'm sure programs were different then, but it seems to me that she had a much harder time than I did immediately post-op. She was in the hospital for five days after surgery, and along the way she had some pretty severe vitamin deficiencies and a stricture. It's interesting to read it - both her experience up to 7 weeks, where I am, and long after. I know WLS is not something she regrets - I talked to her before I decided on it, and she said she'd be far worse off now without it than she is with it. But I also know she wishes it had gone better. In one of her pre-surgery entries she asked herself "will I be one of the people who fail?" and it was like an echo of myself two months ago. And I know she considers herself a person who failed it now, and that makes me scared that I will too... even though it's not logical, we're different people, we had surgery at different times, with different programs, etc.
Hopefully it will just turn out to be motivational.