• entries
    65
  • comments
    535
  • views
    3,184

6 weeks out - milestones, food adventures, nightmares

Kio

316 views

Milestones:

I'm 6 weeks out today - and down 27 lbs since surgery, 84 lbs overall.  Today I landed at 271 on the scale, which is a big milestone for me - it's the lowest weight I ever achieved in Paleo adventure a couple of years ago.  After this point back then, I stalled for a couple of months... and then, gave up in despair and started the inevitable climb back upwards.  271 today is also 10 lbs lost in month 2, and I'm only halfway through the month.  So, there's a lot to feel good about.  :)  It took me 2 years to get to this weight on Paleo, btw.  It's taken me since April of this year, this time.

I've also hit a CPAP milestone - in that I've stopped using it.  I haven't worn it for the past three or four nights.  I'd hit the point where I was sleeping less with it than without it, because the air pressure was so high.  Nothing I did could stop the air from blasting out of my mouth, and I kept waking up in a panic with my mouth so dry I couldn't swallow.  Leah is monitoring me for snoring, I'm staying off my back, and I haven't felt sleepy during the days.  So I think that's going pretty well so far.  

Food adventures:

Yesterday we had our potluck dinner, and it was pretty successful!  Leah made lasagna and cheesy broccoli/cauliflower casserole, Meg made a caesar salad and brought potato chips, and our friends brought roasted brussels sprouts, some kind of crazy bean salad, and an apple cake.  I took a saucer instead of a big plate, and picked out a tiny sliver of lasagna (from which I removed the noodles and gave them to the dog; my portion was probably about 2 tablespoons of meat/cheee/sauce), a piece of broccoli, a piece of cauliflower, and one sprout.  No one asked me any questions about my portion sizes, even though none of them knew I'd had RNY.  They knew I was recovering from some kind of surgery, just not what kind. It took me about as long to eat my tiny portion as it did for them to eat their giant ones!  Still not over that.  Everything was great, and I was thrilled that I managed to eat actual vegetables.  

Later, when dessert came out, I took a tiny bite of the apple cake, but passed on the mounds of pumpkin and vanilla ice cream.  Leah actually cut a little piece off her apple cake for me - and then I halved that, and gave the other half to Sadie.  (The dog may gain weight now, but better her than me ;) My bite was probably about half a tablespoon.  It was lovely, but I didn't really want or need more of it.  

It was so awesome to be eating somewhat regular food!  The lasagna meat sauce was made with ground beef, and I didn't have any trouble with it.  The brussels sprout could have benefited from salt and garlic, but it was still nice and caramelized.  I was only able to eat the outside leaves; the inside was too fibrous.  I liked the broccoli better than the cauliflower - probably because the broccoli was softer.  I feel like I did really well last night - tried some new things, but stayed on my plan.  Later in the evening I had some cheese and yogurt, to hit my protein goals. But...

Nightmares:

I keep having these anxiety dreams/nightmares about screwing up.  One night I dreamed I ate a donut (this is totally because of that chick in my nutrition group who did that, I'm sure!) and then realized, halfway through the second donut, that I wasn't supposed to be eating it. It was like suddenly I remembered I had WLS and couldn't eat like that anymore.  I felt this vast sadness and despair... and at the same time, I knew I was going to finish that second donut.  It was really really awful.

Last night, I dreamed I ate half a can of Pringles before remembering I wasn't supposed to do that anymore.  I can't remember what I did after that in the dream, but I had the same sense of sadness and failure, a certainty that I'd ruined everything.  I think THIS was because of that one bite of apple cake.  I've posted before about being worried I'd slide down a slippery slope - I'm sure a single bite of apple cake is NOT the start of a slippery slope, at least my conscious brain is sure, but my subconscious has possibly missed that memo. 

I'm hoping as I gain more confidence in my ability to stick to my program, the nightmares will fade out.  For now, I'm just grateful that these are dreams I wake up from, and not a nightmare I'm living through anymore!



9 Comments


Recommended Comments

YEAH on the milestone!!!  Amazing! From here on out you'll be less than you have been in years!  Great 2nd month weight loss start too!

And at your party, you proved something I have been starting to notice....people really don't notice or care about what everyone else eats!  Which is always great to know!

And goodbye to the CPAP??? Happy dance here!!!  YIPPEE!

Great eating!  You got this! 

Sorry about the nightmares, but glad your "real life" is a dreamy one now!!! :)

Keep up the good work, Kio!

Share this comment


Link to comment

Congrats on those milestones! Seriously awesome!!! It's so great you're getting more food varitey, too. Sorry about the nightmares, but what are a few nightmares when you're LIVING the dream! Woo hoo! Great work!

Share this comment


Link to comment

Congratulations on your milestones! It feels meaningful to hit a previous low weight and just blow past it, doesn't it? :) Also, cheers to no-CPAP! 

Glad you had a good potluck experience. It can be empowering to figure out you can eat regular people food again, I know. The veggies get easier (and life gets a bit easier with veggies, particularly in the... um... bathroom). I actually really like veggies, and wish I could eat lots of them, but it Takes. So. Long. To. Chew. Sometimes I feel like I'm eating all day when I take a few carrot sticks and cucumber sticks to eat in my office. 

As for the nightmares, I definitely went through a stage like that. I think it might be our subconscious brains trying to catch up with food rules, internalizing the new ins and outs. I take it as a good sign. A little unsettling, though. I had a dream about getting halfway through a bowl of ice cream and realizing what I'd done. And I think one about a Twinkie or something (not a thing I would eat even in my most desperate hour pre-op). 

Share this comment


Link to comment
On 10/22/2017 at 4:17 PM, CJireh said:

YEAH on the milestone!!!  Amazing! From here on out you'll be less than you have been in years!  Great 2nd month weight loss start too!

And at your party, you proved something I have been starting to notice....people really don't notice or care about what everyone else eats!  Which is always great to know!

And goodbye to the CPAP??? Happy dance here!!!  YIPPEE!

Great eating!  You got this! 

Sorry about the nightmares, but glad your "real life" is a dreamy one now!!! :)

Keep up the good work, Kio!

Thanks!  I'm doing my best with the food - one good day, one bad day, one good day... a good day being one when I don't have to make myself throw up, a bad day being one where I do.  Bleah!  But today so far is a good day.  It looked wobbly for a minute there - I ate some chicken that seemed like it might not want to go anywhere.  But after a while it changed its mind.  :) I'm wondering if this is the feeling people say they use papaya enzymes for?  That weird feeling like there's food piled up in the old food tube and it just will. not. budge.  Maybe I should get some...

The CPAP thing is so awesome.  I admit it still worries me sometimes not to use it - I've used it religiously any time I slept for the past 10 years.  But I'm definitely waking up a lot less without it.  And somehow my subconscious mind knows not to sleep on my back without it... I haven't had any trouble with that!

Here's to the dream!

Share this comment


Link to comment
On 10/22/2017 at 5:50 PM, Gretta said:

Congrats on those milestones! Seriously awesome!!! It's so great you're getting more food varitey, too. Sorry about the nightmares, but what are a few nightmares when you're LIVING the dream! Woo hoo! Great work!

It's funny, because I get these nightmares every time I try to eat low carb.  I know they're just anxiety dreams - anxiety about screwing up! - but man, it's nice to wake up and realize I didn't really blow it.  =D

If I could hold onto that feeling and pull it out every time I'm tempted by anything.... hell, if I could hold onto that feeling and bottle it and sell it!  I'd be so so rich, and sooooo thin.... ;)  

Share this comment


Link to comment
On 10/23/2017 at 0:13 PM, Jen581791 said:

Congratulations on your milestones! It feels meaningful to hit a previous low weight and just blow past it, doesn't it? :) Also, cheers to no-CPAP! 

Glad you had a good potluck experience. It can be empowering to figure out you can eat regular people food again, I know. The veggies get easier (and life gets a bit easier with veggies, particularly in the... um... bathroom). I actually really like veggies, and wish I could eat lots of them, but it Takes. So. Long. To. Chew. Sometimes I feel like I'm eating all day when I take a few carrot sticks and cucumber sticks to eat in my office. 

As for the nightmares, I definitely went through a stage like that. I think it might be our subconscious brains trying to catch up with food rules, internalizing the new ins and outs. I take it as a good sign. A little unsettling, though. I had a dream about getting halfway through a bowl of ice cream and realizing what I'd done. And I think one about a Twinkie or something (not a thing I would eat even in my most desperate hour pre-op). 

It feels SUPER meaningful!  I went back up to 272 the next day and now down to 270 today... when I hit the 260's I think it'll really start to feel real.  The lowest I remember being in my adult life - and this would have been somewhere in my early twenties, probably - is 212.  Now THAT will be a crazy milestone!!

I like a lot of veggies, too, and I'm starting to get scared that maybe tomatoes are not going to work out for me.  They're my FAVORITE.  I'm hoping it's not that... like maybe it's a spice that often goes along with tex-mex?  Because I will seriously be bereft without any tomato sauce or tomatoes in my life.  I love broccoli, asparagus, carrots, avocado (oops that's a fruit), many kinds of lettuce, onions.... I'm waffly on cucumber, it depends on my mood.  But at this point when I'm still struggling with my protein goal, there aren't many veggies I can fit in.  :( 

My dreams are tooooootallly things I would have eaten just a few months ago!  That's the worst part, I think.  I used to be able to finish a can of pringles in an afternoon, and I could seriously mow through some donuts.  

I haven't had one of those dreams since these two, but if they keep coming, I'm gonna have to get myself some therapy!  =D  

Share this comment


Link to comment
8 minutes ago, Kio said:

Thanks!  I'm doing my best with the food - one good day, one bad day, one good day... a good day being one when I don't have to make myself throw up, a bad day being one where I do.  Bleah!  But today so far is a good day.  It looked wobbly for a minute there - I ate some chicken that seemed like it might not want to go anywhere.  But after a while it changed its mind.  :) I'm wondering if this is the feeling people say they use papaya enzymes for?  That weird feeling like there's food piled up in the old food tube and it just will. not. budge.  Maybe I should get some...

The CPAP thing is so awesome.  I admit it still worries me sometimes not to use it - I've used it religiously any time I slept for the past 10 years.  But I'm definitely waking up a lot less without it.  And somehow my subconscious mind knows not to sleep on my back without it... I haven't had any trouble with that!

Here's to the dream!

That is so awesome about the cpap...I can't imagine having it for ten year but I guess you get used to it. Last night was my best night yet...but I will be glad to ditch it!

i have the papaya enzymes and I've used it once for nausea (from taking my iron on an empty stomach) and tho I was skeptical, it did work. It isn't expensive, so try it. :)

 

Share this comment


Link to comment
10 hours ago, CJireh said:

That is so awesome about the cpap...I can't imagine having it for ten year but I guess you get used to it. Last night was my best night yet...but I will be glad to ditch it!

i have the papaya enzymes and I've used it once for nausea (from taking my iron on an empty stomach) and tho I was skeptical, it did work. It isn't expensive, so try it. :)

 

I was basically addicted to it - scared to sleep without it!  If sleeping hadn't gotten so terrible with it, I don't think I could have let it go!

Edited by Kio

Share this comment


Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...