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8 month surgiversary

Jen581791

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Today is my 8 month surgiversary. 

Eight months!

As of today, I weigh 169 pounds. I have lost 121 pounds (102 since surgery). 

My BMI is 25.7, down from 44. 

I’m about 5 pounds from “normal” BMI (whatever relevance you give this number)

I lost 11 pounds this month, making it the ninth month in a row I’ll pulled double digits (-11 for the last three months in a row)

I lost 37% of my excess weight this month - that number gets bigger and bigger as the amount I have to lose gets smaller and smaller, obviously. 

I lost 6% of my total body weight this month. That seems like quite a lot. 

My current, rather flexible goal weight is 150, which is now within shouting distance. 

I feel like I’ve achieved most of my lifestyle goals. I can do the things I want to now without pain or discomfort, being out of breath, or feeling self-conscious. 

~~~(With the exception of swimming. *prepare for long, whiny complaining ahead* My legs look pretty awful to me - I know I’m thinner, and I should be proud of my body, but I am not now, nor have I ever been, happy with my legs. I still haven’t bought a bathing suit. I need to, since it’s getting to be bathing suit weather here now. I had a dream last night that I went to the beach with a bunch of people I’ve met here at work. They were all swimming, and I was sitting on the beach, alone, feeling sorry for myself that I didn’t have a bathing suit because I would be too self-conscious in it. This is not hard dream to analyze. Two groups of my colleagues are off on bathing suit related adventures this weekend, ones that would probably be awesome but that I didn’t want to go on. I hope the next 20 pounds brings me a little peace of mind in this area. Part of it is my general self-consciousness, but another part is pure 100% pride: I know my legs don’t look good, and I don’t want anyone to see them. I don’t feel like I can just “get over it” and come to terms with my appearance. And no, it’s not body dysmorphia. My legs do, indeed, look wobbly and cellulitey, and whatever the opposite of toned and fit is. Even when I was a runner and much thinner than I am now, they did not look good. This seems like a petty complaint, but it’s pretty central to my sense of self. I have always been ashamed of my legs, like since I was a kid. So I’m hoping the next 20 pounds will do something magical. Yes, I'm trying hard to keep in mind being thankful for my health and that I have a pair of good, functioning legs that take me where I want to go. I told you this would be whiny, and it is. It is not a feeling I am proud of, but it is an honest feeling, so I'm sharing it.)~~~

I stopped running this week. The first week, everything felt fine. The second week, my knees felt a little achey after the first couple of days, and on the third day of running, they hurt. They kept hurting after I stopped running, and still feel a little achey now. ACL achey is not something I want to play around with, so I’m back to walking fast and lifting weights. It stinks because I was kind of getting in the groove with the running, going at a decent pace, and my body was feeling really good from it (well, other than my ACLs). I’ve kicked up my walking pace to varying between 4-4.3 mph, which is a pretty fast clip and gets my heart going pretty well. I figure 45 to 60 minutes of that is adequate for cardio, and with some weights thrown in, that’s enough to get in decent shape. This will do for now, and I’ll look back into running in another 20 pounds. Maybe that’s light enough to not hurt myself. Why do I keep saying "in another 20 pounds"? It sounds like this 150 GW I have in mind is taking on some psychological significance I didn't mean it to.

I went out to dinner last night with a group and had some lovely coconut curry prawns, and I don’t think anyone at the table noticed my weird eating at all - I ate most of the prawns, lots of the curry sauce, and none of the rice it was served with. It was very tasty. I had a couple of glasses of wine (probably should have stopped at one, but oh well). I passed on the dessert - a big group at the table next to us had a huge birthday cake, and were apparently impressed with the level of gusto with which we sang happy birthday to a stranger, and sent over slices of cake for everyone at our table. Cake is not my thing, so that wasn’t hard, and I just pushed mine toward the garbage disposal, I mean my husband, who ate most of my share. He’s very handy for situations like these. (He’s actually lost about 30 pounds since I started this whole process, so I’m apparently not using him as my personal garbage disposal too often.) It was a good evening that showed me how easy it can be to eat what I need to eat without having to answer any questions or get weird looks. None of these people know me as anything other than what I look like now, so they will learn to accept my tiny meals as normal for me. And as I looked around at the people I was eating with, I guessed that I was probably the thinnest one at the table. None of them are very big, but just a little more overweight than me. Very strange. 

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Fabulous - how is it that you actually look like you are standing taller by the end of the series? :D  Is it easier to post these photos now since you 'broke the seal' with the first series posting?  Even if you didn't post the photos - I'm sure looking at them helps reinforce the wins.

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Jen, you are looking so great.  My head is still spinning from your observation that you were the thinnest person at the table.  I can't even imagine what that would be like.  I'm so glad that you are physically able to do (almost) all the things you want to do.

I can't tell you how much reading about your journey helps me.   Thank you, again, for your candid reflections.

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2 hours ago, CurvyMermaid said:

Fabulous - how is it that you actually look like you are standing taller by the end of the series? :D  Is it easier to post these photos now since you 'broke the seal' with the first series posting?  Even if you didn't post the photos - I'm sure looking at them helps reinforce the wins.

Well, gravity is pulling 42% less hard on me.... :lol: That's how much of my SW I've lost. I'm also not 100% effective at lining up head and feet and having the same angle each time exactly, etc, etc, so there's that.

It is easier to post this time knowing that I've already posted pix before. Hey, it's already out there, right?

Definitely just looking at them helps me wrap my head around the changes. The mirror doesn't always work quite right, but the photos are helpful.

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19 minutes ago, kayak19 said:

Jen, you are looking so great.  My head is still spinning from your observation that you were the thinnest person at the table.  I can't even imagine what that would be like.  I'm so glad that you are physically able to do (almost) all the things you want to do.

I can't tell you how much reading about your journey helps me.   Thank you, again, for your candid reflections.

I know - I'm just kind of rarely the heaviest person around me now. It's so weird. Believe me, I'm not over the surprise yet.

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45 minutes ago, Jen581791 said:

........ It's so weird. Believe me, I'm not over the surprise yet.

Trust me, embrace that feeling because as long as you have it, you will continue to be successful with your WLS journey.  “Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive.” -  Andy Grove

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So enjoy your blog and updates but the photos are the best! What a wonderful representation of your journey! Beautiful all sizes, and looking like an athlete in the recent!

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@Jen581791.....you are incredible!!!  I can't believe the astonishing pics!  You melted away!  Look at your face and neck!  Wow!!! You have always been pretty but look at the confidence and glow on your face as you progress!  I'm super impressed. Plus it's great to kinda "meet" you after getting to know you. I've seen your little "circle face" with your name but never the whole you (I never go back in this forum only forward) so I don't think I've seen you before). 

Skip the running, the fast walk is just as good but way easier on your joints.  You don't want to have to have another surgery on them.  

As for the bathing suit/legs....what if you wore a suit that brought attention up (away from legs) and a simple pair of biking shorts over the bottom?  I'm much more confident with short bottoms on my suit because my legs are big. Or any kind of comfortable coverup, but I'd rather wear biker shorts (like the compression like factor!) then the annoyance of pulling wraps around me all day.  Or what about a sundress over your suit if you're not planning on going in?  Are your friends 100% model perfect?  I know mine aren't. Even my skinny friends have little rolls here and there. It's called being human and flawed and most of us are :)  Personally I think we are harder on ourselves than others are. The things I micro-observe about myself I never notice in others! (Like I never notice what others eat or how spotless their houses are/aren't and even if they don't have perfection, I don't enjoy my time with them less!) I think once the initial feeling of "shock" when you emerge in your swimwear, you will get beyond it, and they won't notice Bc they'll just be enjoying your company!!!  

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Thanks, @CJireh! I'm feeling great these days. 

I've decided to give the running a rest for a while at least. Knee pain is no joke. Fast walking and some weight lifting will have to do. 

Youre probably right about my bathing suit insecurities being a me problem and not worth other people's time to worry about. I have a new bathing suit with legs I'm trying out later today - the legs are, in this instance, for modesty's sake since I'll be swimming at a small town beach with local people in this fairly conservative Muslim country and don't want to offend, but the net result is the same: hiding my thighs! :lol: 

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love it, I might just have to move there for hiding my thighs too! haha!

BTW, I had to go back and check your stats....you just look so young and I didn't realize you were such a young person....then I saw your age and yes, you are still young, much younger than me, but you look way younger than you are which is great!  Work it, girlfriend! :D

 

Edited by CJireh

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It is so funny because no matter how i worded that I kept thinking it sounded offensive!  What I meant was you speak with more wisdom like you're not young, but when I saw your pic, I thought "wow, i didn't realize she was so young" (thinking you were early to mid 30s) so I had to go look at your stats and was impressed that you look much younger than your age BUT you're certainly not old (take it from someone w/ over a decade on you, you ARE young) you just look even younger!  (does that sound like a compliment?  I still feel like I am coming across saying you're old....but I am not meaning that).  (anyway, @Jen581791 I think you look phenomenal and young is what I am trying to say!)

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3 hours ago, CJireh said:

It is so funny because no matter how i worded that I kept thinking it sounded offensive!  What I meant was you speak with more wisdom like you're not young, but when I saw your pic, I thought "wow, i didn't realize she was so young" (thinking you were early to mid 30s) so I had to go look at your stats and was impressed that you look much younger than your age BUT you're certainly not old (take it from someone w/ over a decade on you, you ARE young) you just look even younger!  (does that sound like a compliment?  I still feel like I am coming across saying you're old....but I am not meaning that).  (anyway, @Jen581791 I think you look phenomenal and young is what I am trying to say!)

Yes, yes, I understand and didn't take it the wrong way :) Thanks for thinking I look like I'm in my 30s - sometimes I feel old because I teach 18 year olds, and they think I'm REALLY old. I'm older than most of their mothers... so I guess, relatively speaking, I am really old, at least in their eyes. Heck, I remember a time before the internet and smartphones, which is basically prehistory to them ;) 

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On October 20, 2017 at 10:43 AM, Jen581791 said:

Thanks, @Dragonfly111! I'm feeling really great these days. 

How are you doing???

@Jen581791, I'm doing pretty well! Finally back at work, so we'll see how that goes. I'm about 7 weeks post-op and my weight loss is VERY slow. Wondering if I need to up my calories, but since my lifting restriction has been lifted, I'll be starting back at strength training this week. Not sure what that will do to my weight loss. Trying to keep the faith and such. 

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