• entries
  • comments
  • views

About this blog

A daily record of the weird things that only your "inside voice" says...from newbie to new life.

Entries in this blog


WLS support group was last night. What a cluster! I like it here better. Here, if I should, say, stumble onto a blog about someone's mother that took 2 hours to read, I could just leave it. No one would think I'm being rude. I'm certain that the group facilitator needed to get all of that out, but frankly, I was looking for some honesty about:

1. How much did you lose?

2. Did you meet your goal?

3. What kind of changes did you see in good relationships?

Can you believe that NO ONE talked about any of that? We did, however, spend about 30 minutes brainstorming with a pre-op construction worker about what else, besides eating, he can do with his hands in his bulldozer while he waits for other people....not kidding. My suggestion (after any hand-held device, i-pod type of thing, etc... was ruled out) was to eat ice. If you have to crunch....crunch ice. His response: ice melts. NOT AT 4 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING IN RENO, IT DOESN'T, MISTER. Wonder why WLS statistics are a bit skewed? He has a surgery date and refuses to consider anything else to do with his hands while he works in his truck.

Silver lining: Group turned out to be required....which I would've found out IF I had waited until after my consultation to attend one. But, WLS group.....CHECK!


Tonight is my first WLS support group. I'm kind of getting a jump on it, because they only meet once/month, and I'm not very good at waiting. I meet with my surgeon on the 24th and my other appointments are scheduled afterwards, but I've decided to take the opportunity to cross something, ANYTHING, off my to-do list.

Anxious, excited, worried....yep, I'm a worrier. It's the first group I will have ever been to, ever. And, the cliche, "Hi, my name is _______ and I'm a fattie" will not leave my brain today. Of course, the calm, rational, responsible adult screaming to come out and play knows that this scenario is ridiculous, but....it is what it is. Sometimes, the neurotic worrier wins. Today is one of those days.

Worried that if I don't go tonight, I might miss the next one...with the upcoming semester starting, over which I am also worrying. Worrying that the group will be awkward, etc... Worrying that the worrier is winning. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Time for the daily worrier squash. This. is. not. like. me. *Squash*

I'm choosing to use this day as my QUOTA of worrying over dumb stuff for the quarter. Glad it's over. YAY! Looking forward to tomorrow.


So, the engineering major in me is trying to find the chink in the 60-70 lbs in the first few months armor. Making sure it isn't a metric system conversion, etc... nope. I'm stunned. All I can say is WOW! I can't even fathom that kind of success for myself, but you guys are really doing it!

I can't help chuckling to myself when I see a post titled, "STALLED AND FREAKING OUT." 9 times out of 10, the writer has lost 60 pounds in a flash, then stopped for 2 days. The funniest thing, though, is that I'm laughing because I KNOW I will write a similar one in a few months. Please bear with me when I do....and I promise that I'll return the favor to the new newbies.

My next step is group on Monday night...until then, I'm COMPLETELY ADDICTED to looking at you guys' before and after pics. So far, I've found a triathlete, several runners, and many many gym rats. You guys inspire me. Way to grab life by the, um.....horns. :)


Yesterday evening was my psych eval with Dr. Stephen Mayville----a Tricare provider that I chose particularly because he's an LSU graduate stuck in Reno like this Louisiana girl. He was very adept at putting me at ease....after all, the idea of someone picking through my head with strange "count backwards" tricks is very unnerving. It actually didn't seem much more stressful than a job interview that asks about family, background, how you deal with life's stress, hobbies, etc... I think I may actually have had more stressful blind dates than my psych eval.

One thing I learned: we spoke quite a bit about my marriage. I asked him about the statistical increase in divorces of people after WLS....here are his thoughts. The overall quality of life with the post-surgical community is dramatically improved.....sometimes, that requires a divorce. Voila! No longer worried about that one.....I'm one of the lucky ones that is married to a great guy, regardless of size.

This morning, I neurotically checked the Triwest website to see if my referral to see Dr. Ganser (read Wizard of Oz) has been approved. Neurotic because my PCP only submitted yesterday AND we are talking about Triwest. Nevertheless, it WAS there AND approved!

I've already called my patient advocate at Western Bariatric (hint: they'll give you one even before you have a referral authorized....one that will guide you through the process so you don't leave anything out). Now, all that's left to do today is wait for her to call so I can get my appt. with the Wiz, and make two nutritionist appointments. WOO HOO!

I know, I know....calming down. Just very excited---and I think it's important to celebrate every movement in the right direction! Here's to the inches that make up the mile!

footnote: I hope that I'll be able to get everything done and schedule the surgery for this semester's spring break. If anyone else was a student when their surgery was scheduled, I'd love some insight.


Why the tartar sauce, you ask? I ran across a quote not too long ago that read, "Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat and bringing the tartar sauce." Unknown author. It is with this kind of optimism and fervor that I am determined to change my life....with a little help from WLS.

I'm a pre-oppie. In fact, I just got the nod from my PCP-----he'll be submitting the referrals/authorizations TODAY for my surgeon of choice. And, frankly, I expected a little more resistance from him. I strode in, John Wayne style, armed with the printout from TRICARE as to the requirements, a sample referral letter from Western Bariatric, and the start date of my fanatical weight loss try. (April 5, 2010).....and that was just when i started my food diary.

To date, I have met with him monthly, tried sparkpeople.com, Detox Diet, Food Lover's Fat Loss, Hypnosis for Weight Loss----all with and without phentermine and/or Metformin for weight loss. (nope, not a diabetic. nothing but PCOS) Supplements, no supplements, different supplements. Cardio, interval training, strength training, counting steps, counting bites, counting hours. Phew. My BMI is 42.1, and growing, now that I'm off of phentermine. Pardon my confusion, but how can the major concern at this moment be: "are you sure you'll be able to give up junk food?"

Can I give up a slice of pizza??? SURE! I've given up cigarettes, diet cokes, meeting friends at the bar for a drink, all refined flour products, all sugar completely, and the last DECADE of my life to whatever fad diet may have a slight glimmer of hope that it might shed a few pounds. Giving up pizza isn't a sacrifice. I give up better oxygen exchange every time I gain back the weight. I huff and I puff.....Let's talk sacrifice.....let's talk putting those smaller jeans back on the shelf in the closet after the new diet stopped working. Let's talk watching all of my skinny coworkers give a half-hearted effort at whatever diet I was fully committed to.....then watching them celebrate their 5 pounds a week loss....over a beer and bowl of chili! Let's talk about losing the battle for longer than winning it----in my life. Can I give up pizza, you ask? Even though I am as big as I am, I have dreams that, regardless of popular opinion, do not include Italian food.

......and this is frame of mind that I had when he said, "Sure, I'll give you a referral. He's a great surgeon, and I know you'll be thrilled with the outcome. What does the insurance need me to do?" So, whether it is timing, karma, fate, guardian angel, or a fairy godmother.......to whom it may concern......could you please make all of my appointments go this smoothly?

So long, pizza. Au Revoir! I'm trading you for tartar sauce.