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About this blog

From the very beginning hopefully this is my journey to the life I so desire!

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Apologies in advance for this one!

Dear me what a time I have had since posting yesterday morning. After feeling whacked out after the school runs and driving things got worse. I took my meds and had my first milk drink then I felt the urge to go to the loo. I knew it wasn't going to be easier because I hadn't had my bowels open (B/O) for nearly 2 weeks eek.gif

I was stuck on the toilet for just over an hour! For what I thought was a motion stuck and hanging out but oh no no no no! Nothing had even appeared. I was shivering I felt cold, I felt exhausted and I was in pain. I have been taking the Milpar regularly so I didn’t think it was be as bad as this but, the worst was yet to come.

My mum called me again and was shocked as I didn’t sound very good, I explained what had happened and she told me to relax and just get some rest she would pick the kids up. I climbed into bed and slept half on my front half on my side.

I woke up to a knock on the door and it was 3:30pm I'd been asleep for about 5 hours. I went down to let mum in and she said I looked awful - I felt it too. I managed to get my daughter a drink and something to eat and out of her school clothes - because she has school dinners she only gets a snack in the evening well what she would have in a packed lunch box and this suits her. I was just about to sit down when the urge was there to go to the toilet again! Oh god what will it be like this time...... My body was involuntary retching from below, the pain was unbearable, my legs were aching and cramping, I was hot, cold, sweating, shivering and exhausted.....2 hours and 11 minutes later!! I was in a worse state than I was this morning, a tiny bit had passed and I had suffered worse and felt weaker and more unwell than earlier. Hubby arrived home from work and picking our son up from nursery and just told me to relax. I managed to get up but although my motion wasn't hanging out the time I had spent with it trying to get out it wouldn't go back in, my only thought was to wear one of the kids nappies in my underwearfrown.gifeek.gif

I clambered into bed and slept. I woke at around 8 to have meds - I included Movicol in them tonight as advised by my nurse from when I spoke to her earlier it is disgusting, and have some water and milk. I only stayed up for about an hour and a half before I felt the need to return to bed, once I was change the urge was there againfrown.gif I was terrified. I said goodnight to hubby and said I'll either be 2 minutes or 2 hours.

It happened again! An hour and a half of struggling and my body involuntary retching, the hot and cold, the shivers, the pain I was exhausted again. Although rather than just bulging some had actually come out - well with assistance from me! I tried everything each time today, standing up, crossing legs, squatting, sitting up, slouching, holding my bum cheeks, pushing my perineum, wiggling, and constant wiping. Nothing worked. Now you have been warned for the detail and TMI but, I was at a last resort and as I am in care work I have witnessed this before I found and old medicine spoon and I kept knocking the tip off from where it was hanging out, it was helping a little and I was eventually able to get up and get to bed with a nappy!! Of course I threw my aid away!

Luckily I slept through the night but, the pressure when I got up was immense! I can’t do another day of this surely. Mum turned up to get my youngest to take him to nursery and I assured her I'd be able to get my daughter to school, they were really well behaved and got themselves dressed and ready. I served breakfast and that urge came over me again cry.gif

The same all over again!! I had finally had a wave of "What the hell have I done!" I was upset, tired, sore, cold, hot and shaky. After 50 minutes I had progress! More was moving out and I had wind - that's the Movical. I am not joking it was like crumbly concrete! Finally one last blow out and my body retching I pushed with it and at last it was out! I text hubby I text my mum "It's F***ING OUT!!!!" kissass.gif

I sorted myself out and got up, boy was I in pain. My walking was somewhat distorted, managed to get my daughter to school only 15minutes late and just explained to the office I was running late because I'm having problems since surgery - they told me not to worry.

I got home and managed to potter about the kitchen and tidy a little but, I was tired and sore. I knew had had to concentrate on getting fluids in me now I can not keep going through this. I took my meds, a cup of ice, slimfast with added ice and water and some iced water upstairs and sat up in bed watching a bit of daytime TV and started on my ice and slimfast. I woke up about 2:30pm I managed to get up and hoover downstairs, put some washing on and prep food for dinner. Mum came home with my eldest and she said I looked better I did feel better but was still tired and sore.

I have since been much better and positive. I've been sipping liquids and nibbling on ice. I managed to cook a lovely meal for hubby from scratch and got the kids to bed. I'm still sore but, finally managed to do normal things this evening. Fingers crossed tomorrow will be better!


I'm starting to get a bit apprehensive now. I'm comfortable with my thick-ish soups and my yogurts.

I was worried after my attempt last night of blended sausage and mash. I only managed a teaspoon and a half - you know the small narrow teaspoon. I had indigestion like pain for a little while. I had some volvic apple flavoured water a little while after my teaspoon of puree. Then about 9ish I had my ambrosia custard pot. Well half, it was a chocolate one 1st time I've attempted the chocolate flavour but, I only managed to get 1/2 way through because of this indigestion thing started. I was worried it was the fat from the sausage and butter from the teaspoon earlier or was it because it was the chocolate custard or was it because I had the juice and custard too close together?

So now I'm worrying about my puree stage. I don’t want to get aches and pains but, I of course want to move on - I think?! Haha. I don't know do I keep it at thick soup consistency and get thicker, or is it soft mash potato consistency - I bought a potato ricer thingy bob yesterday to make sure its all lump free. Ahhhh it's not as easy as I thought. My diet sheet says scrambled egg! I dont like sloppy scrambled egg, I cook it until there's no liquid - kind of like the McDonald's b/fast one haha (sorry to mention the M word lol) is that too firm or ok?(it might be different in the uk to u.s but its a firm block kinda like a spanish omlette?) OMG! Questions questions.

I've got an appointment today so I will ask when there and hopefully come away a bit more relaxed about it all smile.gif

As always if anyone has any ideas or tips even menus please let me know!

Thanks in advance, Have a great day xx



Yesterday I emailed the bariatric co-ordinator as planned after my preparing for surgery group session.

I just said that one of the nutritionists had confirmed that my funding had been approved a little while ago and that I was just literally waiting for a date. So I emailed just asking what sort of time frame I would be looking at. Waited all day for a reply, every time my phone bleeped with a new email my heart skipped a beat but not one was from the hospital. Come 5 o'clock I figured I wouldn't be getting an answer until Wednesday at least! NHS staff, from my experience, don't tend to be about at the weekend and Monday & Tuesday are both bank holiday days because of the queens jubilee, how inconvenient lol!

This morning my phone bleeped and it was an email from Homerton!! I was so shocked and excited and what followed had me even more overjoyed?! This is the reply from the co-ordinator:

"I am glad you enjoyed the session and you will be hearing from us in the next few weeks with a surgery date. Please let me know if there are any dates you have booked annual leave so I can avoid those. With regard to timeframe for surgery we are now booking July and August but please be aware that during the Olympics we are assuming it will be easier for more local patients to be booked for surgery."

OMG OMG OMG!! :P:lol: Soooo happy with that answer! I figured that would be so about the Olympics, one of my worries was do I drive up there or get the train if I had an appointment during the games.

What IF my date IS the 3rd of October! I previously mentioned in a blog that I had a vivid dream about having surgery and it was the 3rd Oct. Haha! If that's so I will DEFINITELY be playing the lotto!

:wub: Best Wishes to all :wub:


What is going on?

Today I have an appointmnt at Homerton at 3.30pm haven't a clue what for! I'm normally really excited about going but today so far, its not there :( Is it because I'm getting frustrated now? Still waiting for a date? I'm not tired, I've got nothing else bothering me and I dont think I'm hormonal! I normally get teary at little things before a cycle but I'm at the end.

Check this out my favourite song at the moment made me burst into tears while driving home from work this morning! I just felt an emotional over load but I dont know why? The sun was shining, I had had a good shift - good nights sleep I'm a carer. I'd just been paid a little extra so it wasn't money worries, wasn't stressed for any reason. Anyway I've posted the song. It's by a swedish singer Loreen who won the Eurovision 2012 contest. For those of you who dont know - Its a yearly thing where European and Eurasia (Jerusalem) compete with singers. Some are good and some are just dam right hilarious, it's all very politically voted, you know which country is going to vote for the other based on what ever is happeing in the world today.

Loreen - Euphoria


I joined an UK based forum yesterday, lots of people at Homerton and from Essex like me, poured my heart out in a first post explained the last year and where I am asked for advice and experiences of others who are at the same point as me, just starting or on the loser bench already. Do you think anyone has replied? Not one bloody thing!! It's made me feel quite isolated :unsure:

I also felt a traitor to TT lol ^_^

So I'm totally mixed up today. Maybe I'm worried about my weigh in? My scales at home put me up from what I was weighed at hospital last week :blink: so I'm just gong to have sips of water before I go.

I'll let you all know of course what happens!

:wub: Best wishes to all :wub:

***** OOooo nearly forgot!! TWO WEEKS of NOT smoking! Yay! :P


You would not believe the morning I have had!!

Woke up very tired, tumbled in the car with the kids and dropped hubby to his work pick up, drove home and as I parked on the driveway I realised that hubby had my house key!!! Aaarrgghh!! :wacko: So I had to drive 40 miles in rush hour traffic to pick up my house key and 40 miles back home. There was no other way of getting in. It wasn't too bad traffic wise luckily. A little stressful as my fuel empty light came on and there was no way I was going to stop and fill up because I was in my PJ'S!! Lol

Got home at about 09:40am, rang the school for my girl and got both the kids breakfast, washed and dressed, rushed to the supermarket to get a "princess/queen" dress up from the seasonal isle. The school are having a dress up like a king and queen jubilee party, the queen's 60th year of reigning. Got her to school at about 11am then when back to the supermarket to do my food shop.

Took me an hour and a half with little man but, I was very focused lots of healthy food and I kept in mind my portion control. I even bought myself a smaller dinner plate ^_^

Back home unpacked shopping and for some unbeknown reason I went into a cleaning frenzy! I emptied the fridge and freezer, threw all the old stuff out and cleaned them both, including the floor underneath!! :cool: The I did the food cupboard. Good stuff.

Just sitting having my lunch now on one of the kids plates. 3 cracker-bread, tuna and a small salad.

I am now going to email the hospital to ask how long they think it will be until I get a date!

I'm determined to lose as much as I can before surgery. I'm going to try really hard to up my twice a week swimming sessions to 5 as soon as possible. We worked out expected weightloss in group yesterday and mine left me weighing about 96kg <_< that is NOT what I want so I'm in super mode now and hopefully TT will be here to support me as you all have so far lol :D

:wub: Best Wishes for All :wub:


Its been really hot here the last few days and REALLY hot over the weekend. My arms and shoulders have been burnt so bad and I have a sunglasses mark on my face, I even have the little pattern on the arms of my sunglasses burnt onto the sides of my head lol!

Anyway Saturday wasn't a bad day really. Father in law came to collect my two babies to take them to the beach while hubby was at work for half a day. My plan was to tackle some over cluttered cupboards but that didn't happen. I felt really tired and headache-y. To top it off I got bad menstrual cramps briefly so went and had a lie down and fell asleep. Since having been on this diet since end of Feb my monthly's have been up the spout(sorry guys!! :blink: ) The current one started over two weeks ago and I'm onto the 3rd week, one hour its there then its not then it is. I'm thinking its the weight loss because when I've put a lot on over a short period of time I miss them. I shall see my doctor the end of the week if no change.

So hubby came home and we went to join the kiddies and in-laws at the beach hut. It was so hot and I was feeling fairly brave so wore a colourful patterned strappy dress. It was a bit tight, well fitted lol but looser than when I wore it last year. Asked and asked and asked hubby if it looked ok and he assured me it did. I wore cropped leggings underneath(not that brave lol.) I was dreading it as I always do when we have meetings with the in-laws. Father in law is your average 60+ yr old kindest, do anything for you, doesn't beat around the bush type of guy. My hubby's brother is an ex-soldier fitness fanatic his wife is a tiny skinny size 6ish(uk) with fake pert boobies. Their two girls are tall, leggy and skinny. My hubby's cousin is your average big bloke, his wife has an ideal figure to me! Slim, curves in all the right places. So I'm the biggest out of everyone :(, anyway I shrugged it aside and just got on with it. We stayed at the beach a few hours and it was nice, it always is. I'm never made to feel uncomfortable by them which I am grateful for, I just feel like "an elephant in the room" in more ways than one! There was a BBQ with burgers and sausages but I stayed true and had my salmon and prawn pasta* home-made* and salad, well only half of what I took which I was pleased with. Came home and had cereal for tea cause it was pretty late by the time the kids were fed, washed and into bed.

Sunday was even hotter so again we all decided to head the beach again. This time without hubby's cousin, he was too burnt, but with his brother and family and sister, she's a petite little thing and her husband is your average slim guy and they have two girls the same ages as my two kiddies 4 and 5 and dad. I decided to wear the colourful dress again without leggings :eek: lol it was so hot and I only wore it for a few hours on Saturday. So we were all showered and dressed and I had time to do some washing and a few bits. Again asking hubby if looked ok over and over. But I could feel him looking. So I asked again are you sure this looks ok? He said yes its alright, what else have you got? and that's when it dropped. It cant have looked alright if he had just said that to me! My immediate answer was it doesn't look alright then does it, you let me go to the beach in it and it doesn't look alright!!! I went upstairs and shut myself away in our bedroom - hubby none the wiser as to how I felt. I trawled through all my clothes trying to find something that would be cool enough to wear and burst into tears. Its been ages since my size/weight/appearance has made me cry. I lay face down in my pillow and sobbed loudly, then I tore the dress up into a handful of pieces :unsure: and just laid on the bed curled up. I thought about blogging straight away but didn't want hubby to see me like it. Even though it was hurting that he didn't have a clue that's what I was doing/going through.

Eventually he came upstairs with the hoover, came in the bedroom to see if I was ok. He asked if I had a headache, probably because I was curled up holding my head my reply was a sobbing no I'll be ok. He then disappeared briefly and came back in and saw the dress and asked me what on earth I had done that. I cant even remember what I said. Along the lines of it obviously doesn't look alright and he said it did he thought I was going to try something else on and show him that's why he said did I have anything else not because it didn't look nice. He couldn't apologise enough and told me I was being silly, well stupid actually lol. I just felt incredibly guilty but didn't budge. I got changed and made some brunch and we preceded to get ready but, now I really didn't want to go. I changed my top to a white vest and asked hubby if it looked Ok lol! He said yes fine don't ask me (I'm not surprised) but it was so hot I was past caring. I even put my swimming costume on underneath.

We got to the beach and everyone was already there, hubby kept asking if i was ok, he was still feeling bad. I sat near my brother in laws wife but kept my own space. She moved closer and we were chatting about everyday things and then about my surgery. I now feel really grateful that we did speak about the surgery, she said some really nice things and offered support, said she'd have the kiddies any time, it was just nice to have a good conversation about it. I felt more comfortable as the afternoon went on and even took my vest off so I just had my leggings and costume. Again there was a BBQ but I was content with a litre of water and a few apples(my new favourite.) A lovely day was had and I came out of myself and chatted to everyone, I resisted any goodies being passed about which made me feel good and had forgotten about the mornings drama, even though hubby was still making sure I was ok. We packed up early evening and went home, fed washed and bed for kids and I was smothered in aftersun by hubby. We ordered take away but, I as usual had the healthy option which was lamb and chicken grilled chunks with a large salad and a pitta bread. Went to work for my sleep night shift a little while later.

This morning I feel good. I went home did the normal routine for kids and popped home. Nearly forgot I promised to cover my mums morning shift (we work with a private care team) so I popped up to work. I hadn't had breakfast and was quite hungry. I ended up having 6 cream crackers and a slice of white bread with margarine, quite a bit of marge, a Viennese whirl biscuit thingy and a slice of ham :eek: omg why!! I haven't had anything since well a coffee, 2 apples and water. I've got a big salad for tea so I'm thinking that should be ok lol. I even cleared my wardrobe out. Anything that doesn't fit is out to the bootsale box and stuff that's old or covered with moth holes is out in the trash. I am feeling positive again today. Still not smoking which has seemed to cure the indigestion type chest pain I was getting. I feel good for drinking all the water. Just my lady problems need to keep an eye on lol.

Looking forward to my appointment Thursday afternoon. I couldn't sleep last night for thinking of it. All i know is that its about an hour long and in a seminar room. I've been to the two group discussion meetings/presentations, nutritionist and dietician, signed off psychology so I haven't got a clue what it could be for. I kept thinking last night what if its to give me a date and the pre op diet for four weeks (or 2 or 6 or 5 etc lol) and they say in four weeks providing your such and such a weight your surgery will go ahead! Ahhhhhh I was so excited about it i felt like a kid on Christmas eve lol. So I calmed myself down just incase its not an appointment for that! ^_^

So that's the update lol sorry its so long haha! Warmest wishes to all :wub: :wub:


So today I am super hyper! THE news I been longing for!! "Surgery Date".

Emailed Homerton to ask for an update in regards to my weight loss form and not having heard anything for a couple of weeks. Asked if the assigned doctor is still reviewing my case or is there an appointment on its way or do I have to wait until after my review appointment with the psychologist is complete which is on 21st may. And I am so excited. The reply was " ask Nick (the psychologist) and if all good to go please tell him to give your notes to me for a surgery date."

Eeeeeekkkkk that's made me so happy. Fingers crossed all will be ok. My write up from my session with him seemed pretty positive and I have taken on board his advice on stuff that we spoke about.

I feel like I am about to win the lottery, like someone is giving me a clean slate to start my life all over again and be a new person, let the person trapped inside out. I get so excited I nearly burst into tears lol. Just feel so lucky to be where I am.

:wub: All the best to everyone, stay strong, you CAN do it!!! :wub:


So everything has been going well - no problems on the pre op milk diet aside the constipation (sorry tmi) gave into the fybogel today yuukk! :wacko:

This morning me and hubby were having cuddles while the kids were stil asleep - must be a blue moon tonight, and I could hear in his breathing that he was upset. So I asked what was wrong and he buried his face saying nothing - I know this is serious. He got quite upset and emotional saying he doesn't want me to have surgery on monday!! :confused: :(

It's not that he DOESN'T want me to have surgery he's just scared and worried incase something happens. He was getting himself in such a state telling me how much he loves me and he's sorry for things that ever upset me and that if he lost me then he doesn't know what he'd do over and over. I calmed him down and tried to joke saying he's a big softy at heart that everything will be ok and that he's more worried than me.

After talking about the positives and discussing plans for post op and about how good i'll feel and hopefully look not to mention health benefits etc he calmed some more. I also explained the dangers if i I carried on as I am and the illnesses that could burden us. He tried the "but you've lost so much already just stick at it" I explained it's not that easy - having a goal like surgery and being under the hospital for weight loss is so much easier, well not easier but it keeps you focused and more determined - if I was doing the diet off of my own back as soon as I sts or stalled that would be it I'd get fed up and got back to square -2: put all I lost back on plus more!

Anyway after a heart to heart and he calmed down he went off to work leaving me in my own thoughts.

What do I do? Of course I've been worried about the risks, who wouldn't be but, the outcome is so good. I do want this, really want this but, I dont want to leave my children motherless or leave my hubby heart broken. My way of thinking is I've kept to every instruction pre-op weight loss targets met, gave up smoking on and off but seriously the last 6-7 weeks, been exercising 3 times a week pushing myself this last month and I will do the same post-op I will follow everything by the book, I promise myself and my family.

Part of me wishes it was next week already then I'd be sitting here writing something totally different. Aaaahhhh! Why isn't it easy confused.gif:(


Ah what a few days it has been, My pre op liquid diet started so well, I wasn't phased by food at all. Sunday gets here (fathers day in UK) and BAM! I can smell food everywhere and i WANT it. I have still persevered and not given in once. I licked my finger the other night after doing the kids dinner ; I placed a juicy burger on a plate and natural reaction was to lick the grease off, I licked and immediately was like S**tttttt (excuse the profanity) but, of course that's not going to damage anything lol. Then today doing my daughters dinner (my son has dinner at nursery Monday & Tuesdays) I nearly so nearly nearly popped a teenie piece of cheese in my mouth but stopped just before it touched my lips! Lol dear me I have never been so aware of food. I'm presuming its a good thing! I'm more aware so able to control. All good :P

Tonight was a first for me! I went swimming alone! :eek: It felt good! I worked much harder than what I do when I'm with my mum, I dont know what the difference was but I worked hard, tired now but to be expected - I will sleep well,

More temptations! I picked my brother up from work after swimming - the pool is near his work and he lives near me. He came out of work hungry and he works right by KFC drive thru!! :unsure: I knew that's what he was after so offered to take him. Initially the smell was killing me, my brother is a wind up and ALWAYS has been, we're always at each other! So he was winding me up, it lasted all of about 5 minutes or so until I slammed on the breaks (i made sure it was safe to do so) and went watch it don't drop it! Lol he soon stopped.

The deal was this evening I would go swimming and hubby could order a pizza and watch England game alone and not feel guilty about eating pizza infront of me. I phoned him when I left the pool to check he had eaten but oh no! He was just about to order! Jeeze! I was not a happy bunny but hey ho the game took priority...as did the beers. I got in and its lucky I'm not a lover of pizza, the smell was mighty strong but I had my last glass of milk and boiled the kettle for my oxo cube "soup" and jumped online this has satisfied me so I am saved lol ^_^

Bought my last bits and pieces for my hospital bag today, cant wait! 6 sleeps and I'm there! Whoooooo

:wub: Best wishes & love to all :wub:


So....This IS IT!

Cant believe waaay back in August my blogs started as "Please let this be it!" and here I am..... This IS IT!!

My last night as a "Pre-opper". I feel a twang of emotion as I close one chapter of my life and enter another.

I'm not nervous at the moment, I feel calm and reserved and prepared. Maybe I'm still in disbelief?

I've had a lovely day really. Hubby's brother and his family paid us a surprise visit along with hubby's dad. They got me a card with lovely words written - i welled up but held the tears back and a lovely bunch of flowers. I felt happy and admired once they had left. Then it was time to go of to mums with the kids. It wasn't as bad as I had preempted. The BBQ didn't happen to my relief and it was just my family and my mum and her partner. We had tea and mum put nibbles out. We then went over to the park for about an hour while the weather was clear and the sun peaked out. We had a bit of a giggle actually, which was great. Mum and her partner got me a lovely present - a keep sake album for my progress. Really cute novelty style album in a tin case - I love it and it's just what I was after. They got me a lovely keep sake card with a mini "Be Strong" keyring attached. The words written inside were beautiful I couldn't hold back the tears and out they came lol. I felt much better after. We left mums about 5:30pm. The kids were fine and promised to be good, my daughter even said "goodbye fat tum tum" lol which was cute. I will miss them so much over the next 3 days.

I packed my bag this morning, I've probably packed far too much but, better too much than not enough in my opinion. Hubby is more nervous than me! I just want it to be this time tomorrow then the worry will be over.

I thought I would have more to say but, that's it really. I'm going to finish my milk off and have my hot salty drink before getting an early night.

I'd like to thank everyone for all your words of support and encouragement. I really couldn't have done it without you!

So move up on that losers bench and polish up that spot for me, I'm on my way! xxxx


Today so far has been getting the better of me. I've been tearful snappy and tired.

I am genuinely tired - lots of late nights and early mornings - unavoidable but necessary. The lack of calorie intake probably has a hand in it too.

My mum has been getting a little bit on my nerves.

We never have had the best relationship, spurts of being close but never 100% solid. We're just totally different. We had a few hard years when she first met her new partner but that seems to have settled ok now. I guess she's being as supportive as she can be at this time. All I keep getting from her is "if you don't want to go through with it don't" and I have to explain that I do, I really really do. She's always been big as have her immediate family - weight for all of us has been a life long struggle - just so happens mine is too much for me and I don't want all the health problems associated with weight so hence my decision for my op and truly I really cant wait until Monday!

I don't know if jealousy is the right word but, she's always got to be one better than me. I'll say I lost 3lb and she'll say she's lost 5. I keep getting calls asking how I'm doing on the pre op diet but its like she's more interested in telling me what she's eaten today. She'll tell me it's so hard doing Slimming World green days - well the other day I snapped and said you wanna bloody try a milk diet! That's HARD! She just said "I know I know I just keep thinking if you can do it I can". <_<

The kids are staying at hers Sunday night so hubby can come up to hospital with me and she has said she'll be there for them as much as we need - which I greatly appreciate - she wont ever let me forget it though. It's her partners birthday on Thursday so Sunday she wants us to go to a BBQ!! Seriously! A BBQ?! :blink:

Anyway I agreed just told her don't expect me to cook anything lol. Today she rings me to tell me that he has invited his family down for it too, I've never met them before and how awkward is it gonna be for me! I explained to her that I am worrying a bit because I'm going to be sitting with my milk while everyone fills up on burgers and sausages etc and I'm gonna feel like an idiot! I don't want to tell people I've not met that I'm on a pre-op diet because I don't feel I should or even want to.

All I got from mum was don't worry " I wont be eating alot just salad really" yeah right!!- but that's still eating and you know them and they know you diet! I also explained that I wont be staying late because I've got to get up at 5:30am to get ready and then explained I'm worried about the kids staying up to late and they have school. She just told me not to worry and she'll sort it and it wont be late and it'll be ok. Then she asked me if i was ok and that I sounded upset - well that was it out they came the tears! I sobbed but I'm not sure why - I said I was worried about everything not the op but I just feel I've got so much to prepare and so little time - hubby is a fantastic dad but, I just worry will the kids be fed ok, get to school on time, be washed and clean etc etc I blamed my emotional outburst on hubby getting drunk last night but that wasn't true! Well not entirely. I text mum after and said it's not hubby's fault, I'm just tired, cranky and I'm hormonal **Apologies to the men here :wacko: ** I'm about to have my period and I'm worrying incase this affects surgery. I've emailed Diane at the hospital twice now but she hasn't replied, boy will i be gutted if they can do it because of "women's problems".

I just feel a bit overwhelmed today. Better since I had a little cry but still not myself.

On a positive note - not feeling hungry still going strong on the milk, bought healthy foods for the family to cover from now until I'm home from hospital where I will probably do an online shop. Not one of hubby's best traits lol ^_^

:wub: Best wishes & love to all :wub:


I'm back from my psychological review now. Very pleased Dr Nick said all was good to go! Eeeekkk!

I mentioned to him that I spoke to the coordinator last week and that she said for him to let her know if everything was ok cause then she'll proceed with the date process. Thankfully Dr Nick said he'd email her right now (at about 12:35pm) which he did as I prepared to leave the room.

I am so pleased that I've been signed off just the date now and pre op diet plans I believe.

More good news since 19th Feb 2012 I have lost 1stone 11lbs (11.3kg) very happy with this!

I was randomly laughing all the way home which I guess is my happiness and excitement in to that I am another step closer. Although now I'm home I'm not so up, I'm hoping its the tiredness of today. I worked last night and was on the go from 6am this morning. A lot of driving about then the drive to London about an hour or so from where I live then the drive home, not to mention the waiting around at the hospital.

Still all in all a good day I feel.

Off to do school run then I shall relax lol

:wub: Best Wishes to All :wub:


Today had a couple of appointments at Homerton. One was a pre-admissions. Checking my general health and that I am healthy for surgery. After a lot of waiting around getting ecg's, blood tests and other checks I was "approved" to commence with surgery.

This afternoon was a group session. This was all about the pre and post op. 3 out of 4 of us have started the pre-op diet and 1 hasn't yet. We were talking about receiving our dates over the phone and how soon it is lol.

I feel more ready than ever now. I have been advised on minimum time limits for the "eating" process after surgery. My question was if we stay on the liquid diet longer is that OK? Of course said the dietitian - as long as your getting the correct intake.

Me? Asking to stay on a liquid diet for longer lol! Well I never. Still I'm pleased with myself, I've finally managed to distinguish the difference between head hunger and actual hunger. I am appreciating the smell of food! I take pleasure in the smell of food at the moment and it has been satisfying me. I've not been tempted either!

I know its only been 4 days on the liquid pre-op diet but, I really did think I'd be struggling. I thought I'd be starving hungry and would be "cheating" but NO! I haven't been and I've not even once been tempted to cheat. Sure it's crossed my mind that "mmmm that smells good, just a little piece" but I keep it as a....shall we say "fantasy" lol. Soon I will eat and I WILL savor EVERY mouth full. No longer will food be a habit for me. I am going to keep it as a pleasure and really taste and actually eat what I put in my mouth. I am not just going to stuff it in without tasting it or appreciating what I have made or what has been made for me.

I am looking forward to starting my new life. I don't feel nervous, there aren't any niggling doubts. I am ready.

:wub: Best Wishes and love to all! :wub:


Not THAT bad

So I had my weeks holiday with my "friend" and all the kiddies. I say "friend" because me losing weight is not something she is supportive of sadly. This is the one I previously said " I have a feeling I'm going to lose "friends" along the way. I recall one said to me, after I told her I had been referred for surgery, she went oh great so now I'll be the FAT one!! Charming ay?! I updated her after my appointment Friday just gone after she asked how I got on and she ignored me, texting me later in the evening saying she wasn't ignoring me just didn't feel like talking, I wonder why?!? That's my best friend of ten years! Well screw her and screw them all. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot, an awful lot to be slim."

Anyway point is I only put on 2lb!! Excellent. I wasn't very "diet behaved" and was dreading the scales once I got home but 2lbs isn't as bad as I thought and today I have re-started and cracked on. Got my next appointment on Monday and I cant wait. Hubby is coming with me this time too which I'm very pleased about because now he'll get to see and hear all the ins and outs from the professionals!

Will update due course.

:wub: I wish all the best to you all and every success!! :wub:


My surgery DATE!

I feel like I have been waiting for surgery my whole life since this process has begun.

Since last having spoken to the co-ordinator at the hospital I have been impatiently waiting for a surgery date. I was advised it could be between july-august but they were concentrating on people who live in the area because of the Olympics. I presumed to myself it would be in October possibly but definitely this side of Christmas.

Every day for the last two weeks nearly I have been waiting for a letter to come through wit the date on but, nothing has arrived.

This morning I had a withheld number call me on my mobile. I didn't answer never do with private numbers. Then my landline rung too again private number so i let it go on to answer machine I heard "Hi Ana its Diane from homerton, can you please call me as soon as possible I have left a message on your mo...." I picked up, made up an excuse that I had not quite made it to the phone in time. She said to me that a date for surgery had come up and because i had done so well with weigthloss it would be the 25th of ju...( i thought she was going to say July!!) JUNE. The 25TH JUNE 2012!!!! I have an appointment of 11.10am for pre admission on the 22nd. I of course said yes that would be great. I was advised an email would be sent over with all bits i need. I accepted gladly and was happy. I told hubby and he was a bit taken aback. I then looked at the calendar again called my mum and she squealed with shock but was happy. Then, I burst into tears.

Why? I kept saying I wont die will I? I'm scared, I want it but I dont want to die. Hubby got a bit teary and hugged me and said I dont have to do it, I know I know I can pull out at the last minute. It's just so soon, I've been waiting so long and worked hard, and expected a date to be given more formally not just over the phone.

Shock. I think thats what it is, I text mum to say i cant stop crying and she called right away asked if I was ok, I said yes I think just shock its so soon.

I've calmed a bit now. Just said to hubby this time next year I be slim, compared to what I am nnow and again cried, How long have I wanted that!! To be slim!

OH MY GOD!!! Monday June 25th 2012. The first day of the rest of my life!! (teary again now)

Love to all xx


Hello!!! Firstly let me begin by thanking EVERYONE for your kind messages and words of support it has all be very comforting this week and much appreciated thankyou!thankyou.gif

So I am now 5 days post op! Already. Starting to feel normal-ish lol.

I went down to theatre on Monday 25th June at around 10:40am. We had been at the hospital since 06.35am and I was all kitted out by 7.20am. So was a little bit of waiting around. Time to meet the anaesthetists and Mr Koak popped by. Everyone was so nice and friendly. I wasn't at all nervous - which still amazes me. I had slight concern when the consultant anaesthetist I believe it was said there could be a chance that a bypass wouldn't work if my insides weren't long enough so they would perform a sleeve. Something which I hadn't had time to prepare for so I was somewhat hesitant, although gave into the idea - no point going under for nothing. rolleyes.gif

So waiting around I thought I'd probably go down at lunch time and settled to read a magazine and relax - as well as doing my exercises lol. Then the ward nurse appeared and said "Ana would you like to follow me they've called for you." OMG here we go! I was still totally cool. I had a tiny flutter in my chest as we walked down the corridor but hubby was more nervous than me. Got to theatre and we had to wait around for a little bit. Tom (hubby) was a wreck where as I was laughing and joking and so ready. Just before 11am I was told they were ready so I said my "see you soons" to Tom and told him not to worry and off I went. wave_cry.gif

There were so many people in the room. Two ladies in the top left corner, my soon to be (at the time) Physio in the bottom left corner. Two Dr's either side of me (once I had got onto the bed that is) and a few around the foot of the bed. A few pleasantries were exchanged between us all and I was still feeling good. There was a struggle to put the cannula in my left hand, there normally is with these things, and the Dr said let's just get her off to sleep then we can sort it. I had the oxygen mask put on my face and was advised to take deep breaths in and out. I thought of my kiddies and could feel my eyes well up but, instantly snapped myself out of it. I closed my eyes and that was that.cool.gif

The next thing I knew I was being wheeled along a corridor and Tom was standing there and said "Alright Anna" I remember nodding and waving sort of I think haha! Then I was on the ward and asked what time it was and Tom said 5 O'clock! Wow that took hours! I remember telling Tom to take a picture, he was hesitant but I insisted, I want every moment captured. I remember Dr's and or nurses saying the op went well, Tom was saying he was glad I was ok and would let me rest. I remember the wind pain in my chest - really uncomfortable. I remember saying I was in my own room and remember the faces of the staff around me.

Next thing I knew I was awake and I text a couple of people just to let them know I was ok, I also had some dry mouth spray and went off to sleep again - I think. I had obs during the night and they were going on about me having a high temperature and antibiotics should be started in case of infection. I said I felt fine and not hot at all but, when the nurse put wipes on my head legs and arms I could feel how hot I was. It felt like I was sitting on a radiator full blast, next thing I'd dosed off again. I remember waking in the night with pain and the nurse giving me an injection which sent me straight off to sleep.

I woke Tuesday feeling rough but less pain and temperature still high. Dr's and nurses visit and Mr Koak - all said the op went well. No one said why it took so long - not that I asked though. I was getting some fluid down but not much. In the afternoon I started to feel sick, my second dose of peppermint water took me over the edge and I was sick. Then everything I was taking orally was coming back up. The dry retching was hurting and I felt exhausted and I slept for ages. When my physio arrived he said my chest sounded clear and we walked around the ward and to the door - this was when I realised I was on Thomas Audley Ward! Tuesday night I was still feeling nauseas, still high temperature but less pain. Tom and my brother came to see me which was nice. Think I managed a bit more liquid overnight and gradually felt better.

Wednesday was still feeling sicky but not as bad. A Dr advised not to take the peppermint water and wanted me sent for a chest x-ray. I also had to have a couple of "septic tests" during the day to rule out infection because my temperature was still high. I managed much more fluids today squash, tea and clear soup, it felt much better. Tom came up and we walked to the front of the hospital and sat outside for a bit, I didn’t realise how hot it was weather wise! I grabbed a latte from Costa and it went down nicely - well a third of it over about an hour or so lol! I told Tom not to stay late as he looked as exhausted as I felt so he left a little earlier.

Thursday morning I felt the best I had! I slept really well and I was moving much better, the sickness had gone off as had the wind pain - even though it was leaving from both ends lol. The Dr said I could leave today which topped off how I was feeling. I showered which felt great text everyone and arranged with the ward nurse that I would be leaving at the 4-8pm visiting time. She said this was perfect as it would give time for my bloods to come back and make sure I had everything I needed to leave with. I walked about, had squash and tea. I pottered around my room when lunch turned up. I figured I'd sit in the chair with the table across me and watch the T.V. Just as I settled the ward nurse rushed in and said “right you can go now I need 8 beds and only have 2." This was at ten to 1. I was quite taken aback and exclaimed "NOW!" so she said that I would be able to wait in the discharge lounge. This had put a bitter taste in my mouth from the excellent treatment I had had every other day. The student nurse looked sympathetic at me but, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have time to change or have any soup or anything.grumble.gif The porter turned up just as I had finished sorting my bags out. I put my bags onto the wheel chair and walked downstairs. It was a horrible stuffy room which became over crowded. I got tired and ratty and nearly upset but, Tom turned up just in time!

Since I've been home I have felt very tired. Yesterday and last night I had really bad pain down my right side - only when moving - it felt like a tightening but, I can’t handle the soluble paracetamol so am suffering it. It is better today but still there. I've also had the worst yellow fur tongue! It's awful I brush my teeth so much.

Today I feel better, not so tired and I haven't had a nap. Fluids are going down well although not as much as is on my "Example Meal Plan" but I'm getting there. My wounds are itchy which I presume is a good sign!

I can smell everything so intensely but, it's not making me hungry which is a relief. I don’t feel hungry at all. I think I got my first feeling of fullness today - I think - so I stopped drinking my soup. It takes me a good 20-30mins to get my meds down and each drink is about the same.

I have had no regrets, no "what have I done?", no doubts. Just an eye opener that it's a shame it came to this but, this is my second chance at life.

I've not weighed myself yet, I'll do that Monday morning. On my pre-op diet I lost a stone!! I was so pleased.

So thanks again everyone!! Here's to the new us! xxx553.giftalk017.gifwinner.gif


So here I have snippets from my diary - I've been so busy I've not really been online at all. Things seem to be going well. I've had up and down days since starting the soft food stage which I guess is to be expected. So here's my diary entries since last week or so.

July 17th 2012

So this is probably more self inflicted rather than it being me just trial and error at foods. On the last few days of my puree stage - which originally I couldn't wait to end, now I'm not so sure.

By yesterday lunch time I was over the sickness and bloated feeling I had yesterday and last night and had my lunch which was 2tbs of cheesey mash and a WW crustless quiche. I just ate the filling and not the base so about 3 level tbs. That was at 12 and took about 20min. Had my tea about 4.30 - 3tbs minced beef and peas blended with gravy and 2 tbs of the same cheddar mash as had at lunch. That took me about 25mins.

Last night I went to bingo. I was hungry about 8pm after a large glass of fresh oj with water. It was busy so figured it would take 30 min or so - it took 40min actually. The jacket=t potato was too much for me the other day so I thought I'd go for fish goujons and mozerella sticks, thinking of my protein.

The fish was more greasy nuggets than baked goujons I had in mind. I peeled most the batter off and blotted off excess grease. With the mozerella sticks I took off much of the breadcrumb coating and ate the cheese. With this I had 1 tbs mayo 4 thin slices cucumber- skin off and one thin slice tomato no skin. It took me a little over half hour- the entire interval and the first game of the second half.

A little while later I started to feel very hot, bit headachey and worn out, I panicked this was the start of a dumping. I went outside for some fresh air and could feel in my chest and mouth the urge to be sick. I spent ages dry heaving with no vomiting. I only brought up that clear fluid like water is it acid? After that I felt fine - lesson learnt!!

July 18th

This morning I felt fine just tired after my late night. I had half small cup of nescafe no sugar cappuccino with a splash of milk. I couldn't manage any more. Then I needed the loo- I had a bit of an upset tummy, last nights food perhaps? I didn't have anything until 12, my lunch. Same as yesterday afternoon: 3 tbs mince beef and peas blended with gravy, 2 tbs cheddar mash and 1 tbs extra light mayo. Took just over 20 mins and I have felt really sick ever since. No urge to be sick its just there.

Now this is bad I know but, I haven't taken my fastabs properly for a few days. I left some at mums and put my repeat pescription in late.

Was it the 1/2 cupcake wednesday that had me like this for the afternoon and night and the food last night that's got me like it today or my bad routine of taking, or not taking my fastabs or a combination of all?!

I don't want to contact my nurse just yet, I hate being a pest.

To top it all off I've stayed the same for 11 days!!!! I'm not very happy, have I broken my bypass? cry.gif

July 20th

Got me fastabs in capsule form Friday, I got all the way home and realised they weren’t the dissolvable in your mouth ones and was fuming. I figured I'd have to empty the powder inside the capsule onto a spoon and it was gonna be worse than the dissolvable one! Hurrah! They are tiny little pellets in side 1/4 of a tsp I reckon - I pop them in and down they go, no taste no fuss! flirt2.gif

I decided to stick to blander foods over the weekend to try and rid myself of this sickie feeling after eating I've been getting. I've been having porridge, custard yoghurts, milk, scrambled egg & blended low fat cauli cheese. I also grabbed some melba toasts and cream crackers Friday with some phylli light and low fat pate. My word they go down a treat. I manage 4 melba or 3 cream crackers comfortable but, when or if I have a 4th/5th boy do I feel uncomfortable!

I tried the crackers with peanut butter- low fat as I heard it was a good source of protein. Smooth one of course. It went down ok but 10 minutes later I was "sick".

That’s 3 times now I've been "sick" - I use inverted commas because, I'm not bringing up any food. Just clear water and dry heaving. Spend about 20 minutes feeling really nauseous then the "vomiting" and I'm as right as rain, it's so weird!

My mum thinks there's no food because I've not over eaten and it's just something that hasn't agreed with me but, I don’t know.

How is everyone else sick at this stage? Gross I know lol!

Pleased to say after 11 days of staying the same I have lost 3lb! That’s better - not as much as I hoped but a loss none the less. I keep telling myself the 8/10lb loss a week isn't going to happen EVERY week lol.

July 25th

So today I am 1 month post op. I can't believe it already!

I still have no regrets and wouldn't change this for the world. Started swimming again this week - went Monday and Tuesday morning, taking it easy but still managed 10 lengths although I could feel it in my left side so I didn’t push too hard lol.

Yesterday we spent the evening down the beach, it was beaut. Tide was in and the water was so clear which is a peasant sight. Spent 20 minutes swimming to and fro, it was quite hard swimming against the tide but still glad I done so. Took some snacks down. I've started to eat those little salmon snacks. I'm not sure what they're called but they are bite size flavoured cream cheese wrapped in a sliver of smoked salmon. They're so soft and very tasty and protein packed! Score! Also had lots of different fruit throughout the evening.

Woke up so dehydrated this morning. My mouth was sticky and I had a headache - almost like a hangover. I started the day with fresh OJ diluted with water.

My 1 month post op and birthday breakfast was a first half slice of toast and a two egg and low fat cheese and ham omelette! My lordy it was DIVINE! biggrin.gif Took me 30 mins but, I couldn't finish all the omelette. Very happy with that.

I'm still full from it and just sipping on cool water now. My calves are a bit crampy today but, I think that’s the dehydration because I've had it before. Will keep an eye though.

July 29th

Gee today I feel so crap.

Emotionally that is. The last few days I've felt it on and off. I've been fine when I'm on my own or out and about but, when I'm with others I feel crap. Today I feel exceptionally fed up. Everything that people say to me is irritating me, not just today but the last few days.

I've got a short temper so I'm snapping at the kids alot which makes me feel bad, I aplogise after and just explain that I'm tired and feeling poorly and they forgive me.

Just as I'm about to write this bit I'm welling up frown.gif

I seem to be cut off all the time every time I talk to hubby. Every time I say something positive n my front he gives a negative.

I've been looking at holidays for next summer, we haven't got money at the moment but it's nice to get an idea of what we can get for what sort of price every time I've said to him here look at this one he says something flippant and/or negative. Then I just clam up and I'm no longer interested. He then apologizes and then wants to go over it but by then I don't wanna know which irritates him.

There's also things I've said I'm gonna do and he goes oh no you wont, that wont last etc. I think thanks for the vote of confidence!

Ah I don't know whats wrong. He asked me this morning if I feel ok and I said I don't know he said what you mean and I said what i said, I feel fed up up I don't know. He suggested we go out but I said I don't want to and he snapped sarky well then your gonna be fed up to which I gave back yes I will.

I don't think I'm "hormonal" I'm not overly tired and there's nothing else I can think of that's bothering me.

I feel like i want to run away, grizzly, irritable and teary.

Had bit of head hunger that last day or so too which is a bummer. I've fought it away with coconut flavoured options (low cal hot chocolate drink) and juices.

I also haven't got a clue what to eat! I've stuck mainly to crackers with low fat pate and humus. I've had scrambled egg and omlettes. Still blending the meat. Been having melon and bananas with yoghurt and I also tried chicken with salad on my birthday. About 2 tbs salad and 3 chunks of chicken breast grilled with 1 tbs extra light mayo - it was divine! Took about 40 minutes to get down but i really enjoyed it.

I hope this down side passes soon.

July 30th

Today I feel a whole lot better than yesterday thank god!

Dunno what that was yesterday but, I'm glad it's over.

Started the day off early as I worked last night and the morning carer went off sick so I was in for a little longer. It suited me though. I had my meds with a cup of tea at 7am, made sure my lady was comfy, showered and got sorted and breakfast was made for me and my lady for 8ish. I had 3 squares of toast with a scraping of low fat spread, 2 egg omlette with 1 slice of ham cut up into in and 2 tsp of tomato sauce. 25 minutes to eat it. about 9.40am I sipped half a pint of water over the following hour. Had lunch at home which was 3 tbs of shepherds pie - home made with 2 tsp of extra light mayo. I'm now going to have a cup of tea!

I'm planning on getting early nights so I can have early starts like this and get my eating and drinking in good routine!

August 1st

Cant believe August is here! 7 days until my baby girl is 5 and that festive season is getting nearer lol.

Good day yesterday. My 1st night out in aaaaages is on 7th september. Off to an 80s night at the Cliffs Pavilion in Southend. Whoop! Bought some gorgeous neon pink wedge high heels for it yesterday from PRIMARK (normal size clothes shop)!! I was so pleased I could get my foot in their shoes. There was so many and my friend and I spent about half an hour or so trying them all on. I've never worn very high, loud, sparkly shoes because of my weight and confidence.

My confidence is something that is majorly on the up and I feel good.

Last night I had chicken noodle stir fry. It was after swimming and I managed the largest portion I have had since surgery - obviously not too large and I stopped when I was full with loads left on the plate. It was delish though.

I also managed to find some french toast crackers. I find these a lot lighter on my pouch as opposed to cream crackers/crackerbread/melba toast.

This getting up early lark has helped loads too. 3 days I've managed to eat a drink well. I was getting up after 8:30 - kids are on holidays and some days have slept in till gone 9am! But it was shifting everything later and later. I'd have my morning drink with meds from 9ish and that would fill me up so I was having breakfast at 11-12 then another couple of drinks which would make lunch be around 3-4 then fluids maybe a snack and dinner was getting on for 8:30 till whenever. Which is never good to eat so late. So since I have been up at 7 it all slots in nicely and I'm eating at good times.

Last week or so I've noticed I cant eat weetabix/porridge/readybrek. No matter how runny I make it I have about 6-8tsps and I feel slightly uncomfortable so I don't have it. I'm not sure whats causing it because on the stage 2 diet and first week of stage 3 they were all fine.

I'm a little concerned the last week or so I have noticed cramping in my right calf. The last couple of days it has been REALLY uncomfortable. So much so I've had to put my leg on a chair to ease it. I thought it was where I had gone back to swimming but, it hasn't got any better or eased off at all. It has just been in the calf up until yesterday evening. It's in my ankle and front of leg too. Hubby massaged it for me last night which helped temporarily. This morning I went swimming and every time I pushed my legs out my ankle twinged. No I've got aches in the left leg and can feel the right calf very mildly starting to twinge. Anyone else had this?

So there we have it my update - I wont stay away so long next time lol! I've uploaded some pictures of me today too. A couple before surgery and ones from today. Comments welcome!biggrin.gif

Hope everyone is well xx


Last Supper!

So tonight is my last night of "eating" before I start my two week pre-op diet tomorrow. Eeeekkk!

I've ordered my favourite takeaway - really naughty! Medium chips and medium mixed donna kebab lol tut tut! I slowly made my way through the chips and got to my favourite part the kebab, I was nibbling at it like a mouse. An hour later and I havent really touched it! I cant believe I've not eaten it! I've not really eaten much all day I think from the shock and another emotional triumph (see below). Whats wrong with me? Am I just passed the food thing? I'm not too worried about it now, it's on it's way to the bin and I'm all geared to go ahead with my pre-op diet tomorrow - milk based. Wish me luck!!

I've mentioned before about my so called best friend of 10 years and her lack of support through this journey for me. I have today found out some hurtful truths about the person I cherished as a best friend for 10years!! So today I publicly burnt that bridge down! I feel good for having done so now. I was upset earlier because the thought of "my best friend" not being there for one of the most important changes of my life hurts.

I have recently made a huge apology to an old friend who I was somewhat inconsiderate to a while back and this last fortnight we have picked up where we left off a few months ago. She has been more than supportive and I feel lucky to have her by my side again.

Thats all for now :P

:wub: Good luck and best wishes to all :wub:


Just an update

Late update re my last appointment. Changed internet providers and its been a busy couple of weeks.

So I had my session with the psychiatrist at Homerton on the 16th April. I expected a small group but that was an understatement! It was my hubby me and another patient. To me, she didn't seem as though she needed WLS. She wasn't my standard of big but she wasn't slim. She revealed that she had ALREADY had WLS a couple of years previous that her parents had paid for, a gastric sleeve I think it was. She explained that she went through a breakdown in her relationship and went back to binge eating and piled the weight back on.

Now I'm not one to criticize nor to be malicious? But, i cant get my head around the NHS. So many people are desperate for WLS and are refused yet they help people who have already had the surgery and failed? Surely they should be at the bottom of the list? By all means good luck to her and i hope it works out for her this time. Anyway this is about me and not about someone else nor is it about me moaning lol ^_^

With just us 3 in the group me partner and i got a lot of 121 interaction with the psychiatrist which was good. So many helpful hints and tips were given and yet again another hour of eye opening information. My mum asked me if all the details and information put me off the idea of surgery but, hell no!! I cannot wait I really cant.

I have been trying my hardest to control portions and loose weight in preparation. I was weighed by the psychiatrist and he was quite surprised, a good surprised sound lol to me relief. He kept the weigh in results to himself though. My weight loss form was sent off the day after my appointment by my GP which read 156kg. Totally stoked by this as I was 164kg in February.

I had a hard week last week and put on a few pounds. money was short and healthy eating didn't come easily a lot of cheap processed food did not help me in the slightest but, come pay day i got stuck back in and I'm stocking up to prevent such an event again :P

Ive been watching a few WLS surgery programmes and find myself in tears of joy? i think, at the success people have. I think a part of it is excitement for myself. Ive started to try and imagine what it will be like, how i will feel physically and look. I have never ever been slim!! I came into the worl overweight nearly 26yrs ago and i feel this WLS is giving me a second chance for a new life, i can feel myself welling up now soppy mare lol. So i am goinf to email the hospital today to see if theres any updates.

Ill wrap it up there and update next appointment.

:wub: All the best to everyone, stay strong, you CAN do it!!! :wub:



I just heard this song on an advert for a solicitors company and I immediately thought of posting it to my blog!

It gave me a little chill and I guess some of it rings true. I have since found out that Jimmy Cliff did the original so I am posting both versions. Not sure which one I prefer lol. Rachel Collier's version is somewhat heart wrenching where as Jimmy Cliff gives it more uplift.

Anyway for your listening pleasure lol

Hard Road To Travel - Rachel Collier

Hard Road To Travel - Jimmy Cliff


Im back!

Oh my word! I haven't been online in soooooo long. My laptop died on me then we disconnected the internet connection then it was birthdays and Christmas and now we're here

OK so my last blog was my letter being received with my date for bariatric assessment. Boy have we come a way since then!

So I had my day of appointments and the group session with advice, surgery info and diet info which was great, The dietians and would be surgeon were great really cleared my mind about things and spoke to me rather than at me and I really felt like they were genuinely caring and wanted to help. Especially the would be surgeon he was so nice. I promised myself I wouldn't cry but, I did. I blubbered like a baby but because I never talk about my weight, eating habits and how it affects me etc etc I think being able to tell a stranger was a huge release.

So, although I didn't get a yes you can have the surgery things were looking really positive. The Dr said I meet all of the criteria so fingers crossed it would be OK pending a multi disciplinary team meeting.

That was the 30th September 2011. 31st October 2011 I hadn't heard a thing and was growing more disheartened by the day so I decided to call. A very nice lady took my call and said my case was scheduled to be heard on the 2nd November apologies for not getting in contact there's been a backlog etc etc.

I gave it ten days(1 working week) and I rung again because I hadn't heard anything. I was informed that not all necessary parties had attended the meeting so it was rescheduled for 29th November. <_< Great.

All over the news a week later industrial action in the form of strikes for all public service workers (including the NHS) are due to take place on 29th november :eek: that means no meeting!!

I called on the 1st of December and left a message and I emailed from my smart phone, I was getting pretty desperate. A few hours later I had a response apologising and guarantee-ing my case WILL be heard at 10.45am on the 5th December.

I called and emailed for ten days with no response and was convinced it meant I had been denied surgery. I was so fed up, my comfort eating went into overdrive and I just didn't care.

17th December, Inbox 1 New......YES!!!! They had answered but, it wasn't the best news was my thinking at the time. The meeting had taken place and the team had felt it best for my to see the psychology team. Did this mean I wasn't having surgery? That they were going to try and therapist the weight off me :huh: I emailed back and asked if that was just a normal step or that I had been denied surgery but there was no answer. I was devastated. I rang my partner and wailed to him, I wailed into my pillow and rather than letting food take my sorrow I didn't eat, only for the day mind you lol. The next day I had a reply! It was just another step in the process and a lot of patients are appointed to see the psychiatrist (best words ever followed) before surgery.

Hallelujah!! All I had to do now was wait for an appointment, I looked online about bariatric psychiatry and some people were lucky enough to just need one session and some people needed more help and were on an appointment course of 6months.

My appointment letter arrived just after Christmas and before new year with a date for the 17th February 2012, seemed and age away. Well now the date has been and passed and i have had my appointment with the bariatric psychiatrist.

So the good news I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR SURGERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol::D Best new EVER!

I had a rather intense session with the psychiatrist and felt good, She was pleased that I had started a diet and exercise programme however lenient I had started. She said she felt i didn't need referring for binge eating counselling and she would contact my GP to monitor me for depression. I've had bouts of it on and off for years because of childhood abuse, my weight, my appearance etc.

The best words she said to me were "I'll send you the weight form and once you have lost between 5-10% of your current weight visit your GP, tell them to fax it urgently and then we can get you an appointment with Dr Gallagher who will be able to discuss a surgery date with you." Oh my goody goodness!! That's it,

I couldn't believe it, it was't until I was driving home I burst into tears, not a good thing whilst driving I admit but, I think it had just set in at that given moment. I have spent 25yrs, my whole life over weight, obese, twice the size I should be, more so, I was now being given the chance to be slim, shop in normal clothes shops no need to hide any more. I cannot believe it.

Today I have started a very strict regime, I've got 1st 2lb - 2st 5lb (16-35pounds) to lose. If I work hard and stick at it I could do it in 6-8weeks. I've GOT TO DO IT!!

I'm so happy, although last night I had a feeling its to good to be true. I think its going to be tough, really tough. I have a feeling I'm going to lose "friends" along the way. I recall one said to me, after I told her I had been referred for surgery, she went oh great so now I'll be the FAT one!! Charming ay?! I updated her after my appointment Friday just gone after she asked how I got on and she ignored me, texting me later in the evening saying she wasn't ignoring me just didn't feel like talking, I wonder why?!? That's my best friend of ten years! Well screw her and screw them all. I'm willing to sacrifice a lot, an awful lot to be slim, healthy and live an active life, not just for me but for my two beautiful children (3yrs & 4yrs) who by the way said they love my fat tum tum lol!

:wub: I wish all the best to you all and every success!! :wub: I wont be away for so long again

Oh i forgot to add as you all said a gastric bypass is better recommended than a gastric band and im pleased to say i have agreed for the bypass =)


So in total contradiction to my post yesterday, today I feel hungry. I'm sure part of it is just mind hunger but, I am certain part is real hunger. I haven't been naughty though. I'm just not willing to risk any sort of complication whether it me just being sick or something more serious.

Maybe it's because I haven't got enough in me today. I've had 2 cups of milk, 1/2 mug soup, 1 custard pot and 1 cup juice. The drinking does help big time. It wards off that hunger pang - which is what Dr Nick said or it was the nutritionist Cleverly lol I cant remember who.

My hunger got worse doing dinner for hubby and the kids today. I've been fine when cooking, even though I have been exceptional at it lately even if I do say so myself lol, I've not been tempted to pick or nibble but again as above. Today however I have made chicken breasts stuffed with garlic & herb phylli light and wrapped in bacon. The juices that come off of it are really from the phylli and water from the meat and I had a teaspoon of that clear liquid eek.gif but my god!!! It was like a party in my mouth! It was the same reaction as putting something like a slice of lemon, or sherbet or that popping candy. My mouth was tingly all over the place! It tastes beaut!

I will be having my soup in a bit so hopefully that will satisfy.

Moving onto stage 2 next week Wednesday is my 1st day but, I may wait til Thursday as I have a hospital appointment Wednesday. Question to anyone who knows can I have anything as long as it's blended? Obviously I dont mean getting a take out or blending chocolate bars giggle.gifbut, cooking healthily can I blend it?

Thanks in advance.

Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend.

Love to all xxbiggrin.gif


How Aggravating!

After watching embarrassing bodies "fat bodies" as it was so delicately titled, I was feeling very emotional and determined to get my appointments ASAP and hopefully get my surgery. So this morning I rung the clinic that I have been refered to, as advised to in their leaflet if I've not heard in 7 working days to call them. The secretary was ever so nice and polite and informed me they had sent a fax to my doctor requesting more information on July 26th and as yet had had no reply! This had got my back up just a little. Straight away I picked the phone up and called my doctors surgery. The receptionist said there was nothing on the system regarding this fax nor was there anything in my doctors inbox folder, great! The receptionist politely advised my that my doctor was not in until Thursday and I'd have to wait til then when she can speak to them.

Fan-blooming-tastic! Frustrated is an understatement. Roll on Thursday!


Finally got my letter from the cinic I had been referred to. *Drum roll......*

Dear Patient,

Your GP has recently referred you for a specialist opinion to the Gateway Team at Fortis Healthcare. Your referral details have now been reveiwed (FINALLY :D ). The Gateway doctor has decided the most appropriate care is for you to attend a hospital clinic.

We have not been able to make you a booking via the choose and book system (for goodness sake <_< I just want a date NOW , please!) to avoid further delay we have therefore faxed your information directly to Bariatric surgery (Whoop :P )

You will hear from them regarding an appointment. If you do not hear from them within 3-4weeks (WHAT?!? :angry: ) please contact them (dont worry, i will :blink: )

So that was the letter i had been waiting for since late may! I was so pleased to have finally received confirmation that my case is being dealt with but at the same time a little be nervous.

My mum and my partner are confident that this letter is basically saying yes i can have surgery. I live in Essex and the hospital i have been referred to is the other side of london (comments more than welcome on this). My partners argument being why would they send me all that way IF they just wanted to chat and that it wasnt because i had been approved.

I however do not want to get excited about the possibility that I may have been approved because if i get there and the doctor turns round and says no you have not been approved try this, this or this first i will be gutted. Like actually devastated and will more than likely cause such a scence I'll be referred to the to the other doctors in 'white coats'!

Fingers crossed i get my appointment date soon.

Well done, Stay strong, Good luck.


Here we go....

So I started my healthy eating properly last Saturday(18th feb). I have been REALLY good. A mixture of slimfast and slimming world is doing the trick. I've dramatically reduced my portion sizes and I even put a chocolate bar BACK IN THE CUPBOARD!!! :D Go me lol.

I have been tempted to be naughty but as soon as I've gone to I've not wanted to, I am so desperate to get my target percent weight off ASAP its keeping me focused. So far anyway.

This week I'm adding swimming and dog walking to my regime so hopefully it will help knock it off even more.

I just hope I don't hit "The Wall"!! :unsure:

I've done good starts on diets before, excellent starts. It lasts a couple of weeks and BANG! The weight loss reduces sharply.

I'll have a couple of weeks losing a few pounds then it goes down to 1lb maybe even half a pound and that's when it stalls. I get so disheartened and think screw it and I start to eat everything I shouldn't thus putting me back to square one! No scrap that maybe square minus 5!! :(

But, I am hoping the goal of a surgery date keeps me going and focused. Tomorrow is another week starting in my diet plan so lets see how it goes!

:wub: All the best to everyone, stay strong, you CAN do it!!! :wub: