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GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

High fives all around! Happy dance! It happened!!!!  After waiting a couple of weeks, stalled out just above goal, this morning the magic numbers came up on my scale: 149.6   I took a triumphant lap around the house in my (fitting all the way around me) bath towel to high five the hubs and the cat. Yes! YES!!! First of all, I’d like to say thank you to everyone on this forum who has been supportive, informative, caring, questioning, and interested in what I’ve been doing for the past 10.25 months (11.25 if you count my pre-op diet, which sounds reasonable). This whole journey would have been a lot harder and certainly lonelier without you. Your reassurances that my momentary brushes with WLS insanity are normal and expected have been truly helpful to my mental state. Your willingness to share your food and exercise strategies has been invaluable. To those who are further out than me, thanks for your shining beacons of hope! To those who are in around the same place as me, thanks for sharing the road together as we learn to navigate past all the rough spots! To those who come after me, thanks for your cheering, and I sincerely hope to see you here in the Maintenance Cafe very, very soon.  One year ago, I was on a “trip of a lifetime” around the US, trying to figure out what to do with my life, but mostly making myself miserable because of my weight. I took a gap year road trip (see, adults can do those, too) and turned it into a pity-fest of “I can’t really enjoy myself because I’m uncomfortable all the time and self-conscious and I hate myself.” Truly sad. I was really beginning to worry about my health, too,  as I started to realize that being short of breath, having aching joints, and a sky-high heart rate while just walking around anywhere not absolutely flat were signs of impending health crises. Diabetes runs in both sides of my family. I was a ticking time-bomb. I had been considering WLS for a long time, but just couldn’t pull the trigger. I was torn between a few possibilities: 1) accepting that my life from there on out would be limited by my physical condition to that of a much older sedentary person, 2) trying to lose weight without surgery AGAIN and facing the overwhelming odds that I just couldn’t or would gain it all back plus more (oh, the mental agony of the regain), or 3) just facing the facts and getting WLS. I did a lot of soul searching. This was all wrapped up in my mid-life quest to figure out what I was doing professionally, as well, and I knew deep in my heart that my uncomfortable and overweight body was going to have a lot of influence on what I decided to do with my life and career, too.  I read a bunch of articles and studies about WLS and the reasons it works when nothing else does, and it was enough to tip the balance on the decision. I couldn’t face living my life as a prematurely old person, limited in my physical activities to what was comfortable and easy, and limited in my thoughts and actions by crippling self-consciousness and shame. I should have decades of life left to have fun, enjoy my time on earth, and see the world, not to sit on the sofa watching TV and running out the clock. Giving in to being overweight felt like giving up on life.  I needed to take drastic action, so I started looking into WLS in Mexico as my insurance didn’t cover it. I found a reputable clinic with a surgeon who’d done a lot of surgeries over the past 20 years (and in fact had surgery himself), and booked my surgery. From the moment I did that, it felt like I had already triumphed - like the burden of trying to do this on my own was suddenly shared by the surgeon and his team, who would be helping me do this. Someone was going to help me. It was going to happen.  I found TTF not long after this, and I thank my lucky stars. Some other forums I looked into were pretty vicious places, full of nasty judgmental people, or people looking to use WLS as a short-cut (how many posts about “I can get away with XYZ after surgery and still lose weight” can you read before you start to absorb that mindset?). So here I’ve stayed, and I’ve met some amazing and inspirational people here and gotten some very sensible and practical advice (none of which involves finding slightly-less-horrible recipes for deep fried stuff at Chili’s). Along the way, I’ve accomplished basically all of the “wishlist” goals I’d set for myself in one of my first blog posts - 50 reasons to get WLS, ranging from being able to shop in a straight size store (30 pounds ago), to wearing my wedding ring again (I have to get it resized now, it’s too big), to wearing jeans (I’ve got on a pair of too-big size 10s right now), to being comfortable with going swimming (yup, although the thigh skin is a bit sharpei-like at the moment), to being comfortable going to the gym (I’m in decent shape now and not at all embarrassed), to being able to hike (better than ever, I think), to just feeling good about myself when I look in a mirror and being proud of myself (hellz yeah). My life has totally turned around.  WLS gave me the confidence to go back to the Middle East where I had worked before and actually take the job I wanted to take - I hadn’t been able to face the idea of flying 20 hours in a horribly uncomfortable plane seat several times per year, so that had meant staying in the US doing a job I intensely disliked. Plane seats are no problem now. I mean, they’re not awesome, but my size isn’t the problem. In moving to a new country and starting a new job, my weight has not held me back - I can go do active things, I’m not embarrassed at my appearance or activity level, I know that people are (sadly) giving me the benefit of the doubt when they meet me because I look more socially acceptable now (that’s a hard truth to stare at in the eyes). I feel confident. I feel excited to do new things and go new places.  These psychological effects of weight loss are all ones I know shouldn’t exist in an ideal world - I should be proud of myself and feel confident whatever my weight is, and I should be able to pursue happiness at any size, but I just can’t. It’s not in me to do that. I’m totally happy with other people feeling good about themselves at a variety of sizes, but I just don’t. I’ve internalized the societal hatred of fatness, I suppose. I very, very purposefully work at feeling positively about the larger people around me, though - I want to make sure that my feelings about myself do not transfer to others.  So, what’s my plan now? Well, I think I’ll hold out for another 10 pounds and see how it goes (pretty anticlimactic, right?). I’m still losing now, so might as well see what happens. If I go too low, I can always gain a bit back. I was around 140 when I was 30, and I felt good then, so I think that might be where I end up if I have any say in the matter. I’m going to up my calories to around 900 per day for the moment, just to see what happens. I’ll be eating more of the same, though, I think: about 50% fat, 30% protein, and 20% carbs - so definitely still getting my protein goals in. A bit more fruit and veg, I think. If I’m still dropping, I’ll throw in some whole grains and up the calories again - I’ve essentially spent nearly a year in ketosis, I believe, so some carbs would probably shake things up. I’m going to increase my weightlifting at the gym (well, when my knee heals up from its sprain, anyway - it’s a lot better in the last two days) to see if I can rev up my metabolism a little. My skinny little arms could use some muscle, and that might help with the saggy skin there, as well.  I plan to continue tracking my intake like it’s my job. This keeps me honest, and is also very interesting to me - I like to track the data. I’m hoping that it’ll help me get a handle on how much I’ll be able to eat in maintenance, too - I’d like to be kind of sciency about that. I also plan to keep weighing myself every day. I’m fairly mentally OK with seeing numbers go up a little and down a little every day, so I’m good with daily weigh-ins. In periods of my life when I’ve gained, it’s always been accompanied by complete denial that my scale exists.  TL;DR: woman loses ½ her body weight in a year and turns her life around.  Here are my official Before and During and After pictures, as well as a picture of me in my regular clothes so you can see that I don't wear t-shirts and leggings on the daily.  

Jen581791

Jen581791

 

Week three

Sheesh. Week three ended yesterday. It's funny, I sometimes feel a bit surreal. Like nothing's changed, I totally didn't have major surgery. I feel like I'm eating all the time, which was, you know...my norm before, too. Nevermind that "eating all the time" amounts to 400-600 calories instead of a couple thousand, and that the time I ate 2.3 ounces of food instead of 2 ounces, I thought I was going to blow cookies - I just have a constant feeling since the pain has finally stopped, that I'm just chilling at home these weeks for a staycation and that life is as usual.   Of course, it's not. Every day is something of an adventure when it comes to food. I learned the hard way about chewing my food into mush this week (and similarly, about not letting myself get too hungry). The better I feel physically, the more I fight head hunger.    I've been trying out different foods. It seems every few days my taste buds flip around again. I ate the hell out of cottage cheese week one, so made sure when I went to the store this week to get more, and suddenly I can't stand it. For the majority of the first 3 weeks, I needed liquids room temp, and suddenly I need them ice cold.    I went to a Hannukah party on Saturday. We figured a party would have soft things like dips and stuff I could eat, but it ended up being mostly a deli platter. Technically I was supposed to stay on purees because of the pain, but the pain had been gone a few days, so I tried out an ounce or so of deli turkey and a slice of cheese. It sat really well, and I felt very satisfied for the next couple hours. I checked in with my nutritionist Monday, and they cautioned me to take it easy but gave me the green light for soft foods.    I've been eating out of ramekins, occasionally with toddler flatware. The toddler flatware hasnt actually helped me as far as smaller bites, etc - but its blue and has unicorns on it, so naturally its become my favorite spoon and fork in the whole place     Some days my activity is on par. Some days I crochet all day and take two naps. Overall, my energy is stable and I think I'll be okay to go back to work (Im not cleared until I see the surgeon again January 3rd).    I weighed in Saturday and had finally dropped a few ounces. It'll be interesting to see what it is this Saturday.   I'm trying to start planning on what to take to work to get through the day, although planning Christmas Eve dinner for 12 is the bigger "to-do" on my list. Also, my birthday is New Years Day, so this will be interesting! Normally, we go to my brothers on NYE, drink, and play cards. Drinking is definitely out this year, and my brother is stationed in Kentucky currently and likely won't be home for NYE, so this year will definitely be different.   I'm also going to hit the ground hard to find a new job once I'm back to work. I found out last week that my boss is leaving us, and between that and my new coworker (who gives a horrible name to being a nurse), there's no way in hell I'm staying.    On to week 4! I'm very likely to not be around much, as the next few days mean a lot of list making, a lot of cleaning, a few holiday parties, and a lot of cooking and baking. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you  

delilas

delilas

 

Day 3 Post-Op

I had a good day yesterday and a pretty good night. Each day I awaken feeling better than the day before. This morning I remembered to test my blood sugar before ingesting anything and it was 113. It keeps going down on its own and that makes me very happy. It's going to be challenging for me to get in all of my fluid and protein intake. Most of the time my stomach feels like it would feel when you eat way too much and you're so stuffed you feel sick...but I've also been feeling what I think are hunger pangs in spite of that. It's weird. My doctor said that often it's just the various adjustments my insides are making that make me feel like it's hunger, but when I read through these forums, many other sleeve patients have said they feel hunger, too. I don't know. It's so early in all of this, it's hard to tell what's what. I know my body needs time. My brain especially needs time. This morning when I got on the scale I'd lost more weight. We had a trip to NYC the week before I started my pre-op liquid diet. I lost 4lbs that week and I was at my highest weight. The following week, on full liquids, I lost another 6lbs. I gained back 3lbs in the hospital, then lost it overnight plus one additional pound. As of this morning, I've now lost another 4lbs, bringing me to a total of 15lbs lost since NYC (Nov 29-Dec 3) and 5lbs lost since surgery on Monday. Today I definitely have more energy. I'm going to get a lot more walking in today, even if it's just up and down the stairs numerous times. I'm hoping to get through the day without pain medication and only need it tonight to get to sleep. I'll play it by ear.

pandygirl

pandygirl

 

Day 2 Post-Surgery

I had a pretty rough night last night. I am hurting, but not so much from my incisions (I have 7!) as from the after-effects of the paralytics they used as part of my anesthesia. Oh my. My discomfort was pretty intense overnight. Every bit of my body hurt and I felt like I'd been hit by a car or had been in a really bad accident. I wasn't prepared for that at all. I'd been holding off on taking the Hycet painkiller they'd sent home because I'm scared of getting hooked on it, but eventually I caved and took it. I'm glad I did. I was finally able to get to sleep at around 4am. I thought sleeping in the recliner in our living room would be the best place for me since I could be mostly upright, but it turns out I was more comfortable in my bed with 3 pillows under my head. So after I took the Hycet I eventually dozed off reasonably comfortable. My surgeon sent me home with instructions to NOT take my Glucophage tablets for my diabetes. When I left the hospital, my last reading had been 119 (the lowest it's been in a couple of weeks) and the nurses felt confident it would go lower. I forgot to check my blood sugar this morning before I had a sugar-free popsicle, so I will check it again about an hour after I finish the decaf hot tea I'm having right now. When I got on the scale yesterday, I had gained back 3 of the 10 pounds I'd lost pre-op, but I was completely expecting that as a result of my hospital stay. When I awoke this morning, I got on the scale and those 3 pounds were gone along with an additional pound. Don't know where it all went, but it's gone. So the roller coaster ride begins. My incisions look yucky in a scabby sort of way, but normal. One of my incisions on my right side looks bloody awful, like a terrible contusion, but it doesn't hurt any more than the others. I don't know why that one looks so bad. I thought he took the stomach out of one of the incisions on the left side and therefore I'd be expecting one of those to look awful. Anyway, I feel a heck of a lot better this morning than I did overnight, but I'm still hurting. I'm up and walking around, though, doing laps around the first floor of my house. I've also been using my incentive spirometer to open up my lungs and help prevent pneumonia. I'm finding warm fluids are easier to get down than really cold or even room temperature fluids. Still, if I sip just a bit too much it hurts like hell. It feels like it would if you accidentally swallowed a whole piece of hard candy. It makes it a challenge, then, to get all of the liquid down that they want me to get down. The goal is at least 40oz of fluid a day, but they really want me to do 64oz. When I took my thyroid pill this morning it got stuck in my throat because I couldn't take a big enough sip of water or enough sips in a row to make it go down without the sips hurting. That was really fun. I know this will all get better with time. I'm only 2 days post-op. I'm swollen and my body is adjusting. It's challenging right now, but eventually things will get easier. I'm feeling well overall, all things considered.

pandygirl

pandygirl

 

Going Home?

I'm really hopeful I'll be able to go home this afternoon. The nurse said if I can give her another good hour of getting fluids down, she'll recommend me for discharge. I've managed most of the little bowl of sugar free Jell-O they brought me for lunch, along with some sips of chicken broth and Crystal Light lemonade. I've also managed to get down 330ml of water, which equals 11oz. It's been slow going, but I've done it. It does hurt if I take my sips too close together or if I take a bit more than a sip, so I really have to pace myself. I've also managed to take two good walks around the hospital floor today. I'm ready to sleep in my own bed. Fingers crossed I can go home.

pandygirl

pandygirl

 

Morning After Surgery

I had a good night. I've started my liquid diet today. They've give me the worst beef broth I've ever tasted. The dietitian came in and tried to tell me it's homemade here and I'm thinking BS. It just tastes like a bunch of boullion cubes mashed up and melted in water. It's sustenance, so whatever. My surgeon came in to see me about 7:00 this morning and I told him that I actually think I'm feeling hungry, which I didn't think I was supposed to feel, but he says it's probably just a sensation being created by all that's going on in my tummy right now and I just need to give my body time to adjust. We'll see.

pandygirl

pandygirl

 

Ten months update: Come ON! One more pound to GW! Seriously?!

Well, apparently I am not thinking or doing much that feels novel at this point, because my last update was my 9 month update. I should write more frequently. I find that it helps me think. That said, I kind of feel like I’ve been waiting to update until I hit goal, which I THOUGHT was going to be in the last week or so. I am holding steady at 151 pounds, though, despite my efforts, which include donating blood, shaving off all of my hair, and trying to give myself a nasty stomach bug (just kidding, I’ve taken none of these steps, I’m not even doing anything to shake up my diet like going back to all shakes or anything - just doing what I’ve been doing). Come on, hit GW already. I know, it should be slowing down now that I'm close, but COME ON!   So, as a general check in, I’m doing really really well. My health feels great. I’m not hungry yet (come on, honeymoon, give me a few more months!), I’m right on track with my eating for losing (+/-800 calories per day, 50% or so from fat, 65-85g of protein per day), and I feel pretty happy with my body at the moment. I suspect it will continue to change quite a lot over the next year, but hopefully in a good way. I sprained my knee last weekend while hiking, so I’m not exercising at the moment. I think I’ll take a couple of weeks off and see how it feels before I try to get back into the gym in any way. It’s a bit painful, and just getting around means limping and being careful of it, but it is actually getting a lot better. It’ll be a week tomorrow, and I feel I can safely say that it’s healing. It’s funny because I actually miss going to the gym. It was really getting to be a part of my daily routine that I looked forward to, and not doing it now feels a bit sad. I guess that’s a good sign.  I’m still regularly visiting my tailor to get stuff taken in (some things are beyond the ability of a tailor now, but I’m hanging onto what I can). The tailor thinks it’s pretty funny every time I bring stuff in. It’s certainly nice not to have to buy a whole new wardrobe every couple of months. The closer I get to goal, the more quickly I move between sizes, so the more frequently I need stuff tailored. I guess it makes sense that losing 15 pounds when it’s 10% of what you weigh makes a whole lot bigger difference than when it's 5% of what you weigh... Sometimes when I try things on now, I look in the mirror and think, “Wow, I look really tiny!” That’s a nice feeling.  I did buy some new clothes in Dubai a few weekends ago - the selection there is way better than here. I bought three dresses and a pair of jeans. The dresses are really cute and I think they will last through 10 more pounds of losses just fine as they have well-defined waistlines (plus I suppose I could get them tailored if not). The jeans will not last through 10 more pounds of losses and I DON’T CARE. I never never never wear jeans when I’m really any heavier than I am now. They just don’t look good on my body - I have big legs: thighs, knees, ankles, the whole bit from top to bottom. Or bottom to ankles, I guess. I prefer to disguise them. When I was shopping, I thought, hey, I’ll try on some jeans and just see how things are going in that department. Maybe I’ll be thin enough to look good in them soon. I grabbed a pair in size 14, which I figured I had a fair chance of fitting into. In the dressing room, I pulled them up easily and buttoned them, and they fell down around my butt. They were way too big. I swapped them out for 12 and 10, and went straight for the 10s, thinking that way, I’d at least know which size was actually too small. The 10s were perfect. I probably should have gone for some 8s but I could not wrap my mind around the idea of even trying them on. Like it literally didn’t occur to me to even look at them. The 10s fit, and they’ll be too big soon, but I BOUGHT SOME JEANS! So fantastic. I’m wearing them right now. It feels like one of those totally normal things that thin people take for granted: Wearing jeans. Shopping for jeans. Trying on jeans. Fitting into jeans. Not feeling like I want to smash the mirror in the dressing room and run out crying when I see myself in the jeans. It’s a good thing that thin people don’t know what goes through our heads - they’re way too fragile to deal with that sh*t    I also was able to try on a bunch of stuff that, although it fit, didn’t look how I wanted it to, so I didn’t buy it. One dress fit great, but the sleeves were too short. Something that would not have deterred me before. That’s a real luxury! Normally if it fit, I would buy it because 1) Who knows when I’ll next run into stuff that fits, and 2) Who cares, it all looks bad. Oh, and 3) I hate shopping, get me out of here. Things are different now! Shopping felt like going to Disneyland, mixed with Christmas morning. I can shop in any store I want. So fantastic. I felt like skipping through the mall. Different from a lot of people I’ve read on here, I feel like my brain is quickly adjusting to being thinner and taking it for granted, like this is the real me and fat me was a bad dream or something. I’m not sure what that says about my psyche. My brain feels more shocked to see pictures of myself fat than thin. I feel like I could almost erase the fat years, somehow, which doesn’t seem very fair to my fat self, since of course life happens whether you’re fat or thin, and I’ve spent a lot more of my life at a weight I don’t want to be than a weight I do want to be. I seem to identify with the thin me better, though - it feels like it’s who I actually AM. Weirdly, I still look down at my body at times, and at certain angles, and think, “I still look fat,” or “My legs are still fat,” or whatever. I mean, I know it’s not really true, but my eyes do still see fat  in certain places at certain times. I think it has to do with being a lot thinner, but still being the same shape, if you know what I mean. My thighs are still the biggest part of me. Therefore I look at them and think “fat.” I read somewhere long ago about some psychological study where the researchers did eye tracking on men and women when they looked in a full length mirror, and when they looked at full body photos of people of both sexes. Women tended to look at specific parts and focus on areas they perceived to be flawed, and this was true whether they looked in the mirror or at pictures of others. Men tended to take in the whole package at once (and appraise more generously). I think this seems to be true for me, and my thoughts that go along with looking at those specific areas are certainly usually negative. I try to be nicer to myself. It’s hard, though. Too many years of practice with negative thoughts about myself.  That’s about it for this update. I hope I’ll be back with celebratory news about hitting GW soon. For right now, I’m going to have a camping weekend with plenty of healthy stuff to eat (camping used to equal permission to eat anything and everything, like what happens in the desert stays in the desert). There’s actually rain in the forecast for this weekend, which is amazing because it hasn’t rained since I’ve been here (since August). This is the kind of the place in the world where, when it rains, everyone goes outside and gets excited. I’ll actually be glad to see it if it happens. 

Jen581791

Jen581791

 

Aaaand, that's a nope

Well, today at lunch I was in a hurry and grabbed this tuna curry thing from the natural foods store. The ingredients seemed like they'd be ok, but there were a few I hadn't tried before. It did not go well. I have been hurting for 9 hours (though it's lessened quite a bit now). I'm guessing the coconut milk was the culprit. I won't do that again! I'm planning on sticking to the stuff I know for a little while. Oof! 

Cardamom77

Cardamom77

 

5 month update

Everything is going well. I'm currently weighing 240lbs. That's 113lbs down form my highest weight. 66lbs down since surgery. Average 13lbs loss per month. Pretty good. I had my 100 day post-op checkup with my clinic last month. Checked in with the nutritionist, psych, and nurse provider. Everyone was pleased with me. I'm pleased with myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing too slow and sometimes I feel like I'm losing too fast. I'm just grateful to be losing anything at all. Currently I'm in size 20W pants. Down from a tight 28W last year. Size 20W has always been my "lowest" size as an adult.  I think I was a size 18W in Jr. High school. As an adult, whenever I would lose weight I usually made it down to a 20W and then the weight would slowly creep up and so would the pants size. Size 20W is my comfort zone. I love me at this size. I feel great at this size. I love the way I look at this size. I get compliments at this size. Men notice me (and smile at me) when I'm this size. Feeling so good about being this size is probably why I would start slacking off on my diet or stop exercising in the past which would cause me to start gaining again. I have no intention of slacking off on my diet this time around. But I don't know what the future holds for me once I get to size 18W. It's going to be a whole new world for me. I'm feeling pretty blessed overall. I was reading some posts/blogs and watching some WLS youtube people and see a lot of post-op folks struggling. I'm grateful I have not had any further complications since recovering from the surgery. I have not had any more problems with constipation. I am not having any problems eating anything (except lactose). I don't have nausea problems or vomiting (unless I get too much lactose). My biggest hurdle is still not eating often enough because I never feel hungry. And my second hurdle would be not eating enough when I am eating. I get disappointed with eating. I don't get much joy out of it before. It's a job now. Even if I'm eating something really tasty, I can only eat 1/2 cup. I miss the days when I could pig out and lick the plate clean. That's not my life anymore. I get sad about it sometimes. But I've also been really happy trying new foods and finding protein products that are tasty. It's a fine-line balance of happy/sad when it comes to food. I'm sure we're all going through that rollercoaster. Other than all that, life is good. I took a brief vacation to Las Vegas. Had the joy of not needing a seat belt extender and could even cross my legs AND use the tray table. Ate some nice meals at fancy places - cheaply! - during happy hour. Perfect for appetizer portions and inexpensive. I did try some wine. Wine is delicious. I can sip a glass of wine for an hour, enjoy being social. I never once felt sick, or overly intoxicated, and I can go to bed sober and wake up feeling good. Wine could be slippery slope for me because I love it so much so I will have to make this a "special occasion" treat and not a frequent thing. Empty calories and potential for abuse if I indulge too much. So that's the update. I have my 6-month checkup in January. I will be doing my blood/lab work for the first time to make sure my vitamins and all that stuff is correct. Then I won't see the docs again until my 1 year appointment in July. Ta ta for now!

ThriftyTheresa

ThriftyTheresa

 

Two weeks

On the one hand, it feels like these two weeks have been a slow-mo of trying to force down protein and water. On the other hand, I can't believe it's already been two weeks!   I met my surgeon for my first post op today. My pain with the stricture has somewhat improved on its own, and he is not convinced from my barium swallow right now that it absolutely needs dilation. We're in a "wait and see" holding pattern.   I can get down about two ounces of puree. More if it's thinner like applesauce. I've been mainlining cottage cheese, pudding with unflavored protein powder added in, liquacel protein in my water, and refried beans. I realized Sunday that my "loaded potato" soup - which is actually 80% cauliflower - would be perfect. I just scooped out my little portion before adding the potato chunks in for my SO. Tastiest thing I've had in two weeks, so I ate it for most of my little meals on Monday and got the stuff to make another batch. I did the infamous ricotta bake and it was soooo good but thinner stuff is settling a bit better for now.   Since surgery, I've officially lost 14 pounds, the majority of those being the first week. I hit a lot of days in a row of 300 calories or less, so my nutritionist figures I may have triggered a slowing of weight loss early because I'm eating so little. Goal is to start hitting 600 on a regular basis, hopefully.   Because of the stricture, I'm not getting advanced to their stage 3 diet, which would mean I can actually start having solid foods. I'm a little bummed, but currently, anything solid - even if well chewed and moist - is a little terrifying, so I'm not all too unhappy. I would like to be as normal as possible on christmas eve, however, and currently that doesn't look like it's gonna happen.   I've resolved to weigh once a week. The whole first week and a half I weighed daily, and tried to not overthink it when I gained or the scale otherwise did wonky things. I handed it to my SO yesterday and told him to only give it back on Saturdays   Otherwise, it's business as usual around here. Been setting up christmas decorations and planning the christmas eve party for my family. It'll be a little weird this year since I won't be eating most of what I cook, but I'm surprisingly fine with the concept. Also been trying to work on this massive blanket I started for a friend. It's a yarn eater and it's not going quickly, so even with all my free time from work right now, not positive I'll be able to get it done on time. I won't be back to work until 2018, as my surgeon wants everyone to be off for at least a month. Thankfully, my short term disability is kicking in this week, although this is a horrible time of year to be at 60% of my normal pay    Huge thank you to all you awesome people here who have been so encouraging during these last few months, and especially the last two weeks. Internet hugs and high fives all around!

delilas

delilas

 

Milestone! My first weight stall! Haha!

Well, I've hovered at 247-249 for the last several days. I had decided to stop weighing daily, but did it anyway, and now I know why I should knock that off. I'm not worried. My average daily calories hover around 450-550, so I'm doing as I should. I'm betting it's because I've had trouble getting all my fluids in and I'm hanging onto water weight. I'm working on that, though and should get it sorted soon. I had plans to start my exercise program this week and decided I'd better postpone it until I could get all my fluids in. One should not do cardio when one's pee is *that* color. 

So far I have eaten, successfully: eggs, chicken breast and chicken thigh, tuna, cottage cheese, ricotta bake, beef brisket, homemade chicken soup (which included a couple of carrot slices and a stray onion or two - yum!), yogurt and kefir, creamy tomato soup, and a tiny sandwich I made myself with cloud bread (bread-like stuff made out of eggs and cottage cheese) and smoked deli ham, with an incredibly thin layer of reduced fat garden vegetable schmear from Einstein's Bagels. So far, so good. Nothing has come back up and nothing has upset my stomach, though some things make it gurgle more (I'm looking at you, tomato soup). 

I'm able to get more than an ounce in already - 1.5 or 2 oz of meat, I can easily get in 1/2 cup of yogurt or soup. My surgical clinic says we are absolutely not to eat more than 1/2 cup at this stage, though, and that if we can eat that much, it should be something pretty liquid-y. I haven't had any issues with getting too full or feeling sick, though, outside of the "Oh. No. Nope." feeling when I've taken the bite that fills me up. And I've had to train myself to leave the last few bites behind rather than trying to finish things. That's a habit that's difficult to break. But I'm getting the hang of it. 

I'm three weeks out today. 

 

Cardamom77

Cardamom77

 

Tomorrow I go back to work....

I probably took off longer than anyone here....and though my first few weeks were a blur I tried to make every moment of the last few days.....tho, sadly they flew by I am not ready to go back....just baby fears I guess....like will I get enough fluid in?  how will I respond if anyone in the teacher's lounge asks why I am eating so little?  what will I say when they say "where were you?"  or "what kind of surgery did you have?"  Funny thing is I am down 30#....enough to notice if you are paying attention, but not enough to hit you over the head w/ the thought "oh my goodness, she's dying of cancer!"  I don't want to look shocking.  In fact, I am wearing my regular pants (that aren't as tight but not baggy) and a shirt (that I haven't worn in a while bc it was too tight) and a long sweater over it (my M.O. is HIDE!!!) and i want to stick with that while I am becoming comfortable being back.  Odd, isn't it?  I am not ready to be the center of attention (might never be) but certainly right now I don't want them thinking "oh I THOUGHT that was the surgery she was having".  I don't know why I can't own up to it, but I just can't...not yet.  I think it stems back to not wanting to tell anyone I was on a diet bc eventually you fall off the wagon and gain it back and you are embarrassed and which no one knew in the first place.  I am hoping to break out of all of that through this process but right now I am no where near that! So, anyway, for all of you that are thinking "seriously, you took off 5 weeks and are complaining about going back?!?!"....just to rub it in, i only go back for 2 wks then I have 10 days off for Christmas break!   

CheeringCJ

CheeringCJ

 

Starting month 4...

It's really hard to wrap my head around it, but today is the start of month 4 / end of month 3 after surgery!  Getting the business stuff out of the way... Weight loss:  I was 355 when I started this process in April, 298 on surgery day, and I'm 251 today.  That's 57 lbs lost before surgery and 47 lost since - a total of 104 lbs down!  My monthly post surgery stats are:  M1: -17, M2: -14, M3: -16.  So I'm giving myself an A+ for the first quarter in the weight loss department.    You November newbies reading this, take note - M2 is when I had my long stall, and I STILL lost a lot, and bounced back in M3.  So cut yourselves some slack!  I'm super excited about where I am right now.  I'll be under 250 soon and I haven't been there in over 10 years. Vitamins:  I have generally done well with my vitamins, though I've recently had a rough patch - I'd say about a week and a half - where I've been doing very poorly with them. I'm working hard on getting back on track now. I give myself a B- on this part, because I absolutely know how important it is and I'm not letting it slide.. More on why I've been struggling in the next part... Protein/Water:  This part has been super hard for about.... two or three weeks, I'd say.  And this is why I haven't been doing well with vitamins.  For a little while now, every time I put something in my mouth, there's about a 50/50 chance it's coming right back out.  Could be anything - vitamins, meds, a protein shake (diluted), or food of any variety - soft, puree, dense, whatever.  Honestly, at first I thought I had a stricture.  But I watched some videos online, and I'm pretty sure it's just that I'm eating too fast/too much. My evidence for this is that SOMETIMES things do go down!  I think if i had a stricture, it would be more all-or-nothing past a certain consistency.  But there are days when I can't get a protein shake down... but later I can eat ground beef.  It's just a toss-up (literally).  And it's not about nausea - if it were, I'd be more worried.  I'm never nauseated.  I haven't had any nausea since surgery, except for one terrible tuna incident - and even then, the nausea hit WHILE I was already throwing up.  No, this is about starting to feel terrible in the pouch area, burping and hiccuping repeatedly, and finally needing to make myself throw up in order to be comfortable.  Which is imperative, because if I DON'T make myself throw up when this happens, it will be hours before I can eat or drink again.  And then I'm behind on my protein goals, behind on my water goals, behind on my vitamin goals... etc.   So this has been a pretty bad couple of weeks, and I'm pretty sure it's because I got cocky, and I hadn't been doing some basic things I needed to do: 1) Measuring carefully.  So what I've figured out is that for me, since I don't have any "full" signal until it's far too late, I needed to measure my food.  Not necessarily so I don't eat too many calories, because that is so not the issue, but because I can't eyeball the food and know for sure that it's not going to overload the pouch.  I know, for instance, that I can eat 4 oz of yogurt, but only just BARELY 2 oz of salmon.  And I need to measure those exactly using a scale, because if I eat even one bite too many, I'm losing the whole meal, and then everything deteriorates and chaos ensues on all fronts. 2) Stop beating my head against the wall. So, there's some stuff I can't eat!  And I just can't eat it.  It's not going to get better for a while, so I just need to stop trying. So far the things I've identified are tuna, chicken unless it is SUPER SUPER MOIST AND FRESH, packaged lunch meat, and any kind of protein shake at all.  Yeah - at this point I HAVE basically tried all the protein shakes there are, and something about them has stopped working for me.  I was fine with them in month one, but in month two they became hit or miss, and now they are just a solid miss every time.  And it's gotten to the point that I don't even want to look at them - they are sitting in my fridge, Leah swears she will drink them, but they make me feel ill every time I see them.  So if she doesn't drink them this month I'm going to get rid of them with or without her blessing. 3) Embrace what I CAN eat.  This was the hardest thing, because I'm not one of those lucky people who lost all interest in food after surgery.  I don't get physically hungry, ever - but I still do like food, and I like variety in my food.  However, there have been days that I've been reduced to nothing but yogurt and protein bars, and I am truly, truly tired of yogurt and protein bars.  Even the Oh Yeah/One bars, which are pretty good as far as protein bars go.  I have also had some pretty astonishingly low calories days over the past couple of weeks - in addition to low protein - so I've had to just suck it up and eat cheese and yogurt on some days. The good news is, I'm actually getting the hang of it again.  I've had three days in a row now without throwing up even once, and I've been hitting my protein goals, and getting in 800-900 calories a day.  Now that the food situation has stabilized a bit, I'm getting my vitamins and water back on track, too.  So here, for example, is what I'm eating lately:  - Siggi's triple cream yogurt in various flavors - they come in 4 oz containers which is totally perfect for me right now.  Sometimes I add some granola. - Carr's cheese melt crackers with gouda or swiss cheese on top - they're 8 carbs for 3 crackers, so I don't feel too bad about it if I only do it once a day. - Salmon with butter/lemon/garlic, which is delicious. - Shrimp with butter/lemon/garlic - thank you, all of you who suggested I give it a try, this is now a go-to meal for me!  I can eat 4 small shrimp at a time and they are lovely. - Fairlife whole milk, generally 1 cup mixed with 1 cup of Starbucks blonde roast unsweetened cold brew coffee from the grocery store.  This is my protein shake replacement, and it's doing its work really well for me - I wouldn't be hitting my protein goals without it.  - Oh Yeah / One bars.  My favorite is the almond bliss, but I also liked the seasonal pumpkin pie one I tried, and the maple donut one.  - Quest Protein chips - these are actually kind of disgusting, but super easy for me to keep down.  The ones that work best are salt & vinegar, because the flavoring is strong enough to kill the basic taste of the protein chip. - Sometimes chili - this doesn't always work for me, but I'm super happy when it does - Pacific Organic Creamy Tomato Soup - I salt it a lot and add some greek yogurt, and it's delicious. I've also eaten a few "off plan" things - a bite here and there.  Leah ordered chicken lo mein from my favorite chicken lo mein place a few nights ago, and I hate about two bites of it.  It was great, and I wasn't tempted to overeat it.  Mainly I ate the chicken and onions out of it, since that's what's best about it.  I bought a 75% dark chocolate bar with almonds last week and I've been eating one square per day.  I ate a corner of a roll at a work dinner the other day (probably the size of a quarter.) A few times when Leah has ordered out, I've stolen one or two of her mozzarella sticks - which are granted, 95% cheese, but also have some breading, so I don't know if they count as on-or-off plan.  I'm trying to walk a delicate line between feeling like I can't ever have nice things, and backsliding. For what it's worth, I'm still keeping extremely low carb with just an occasional foray outside the lines, and I don't feel like I'm at risk right now. But I'm mentioning all of this here because I need to stay accountable to myself and to you guys, and because if my weight loss slows down, I'll know what to cut out first! So that was the rough part, but I'm getting better.  I would just say as a caution to any newbies reading this - don't think that just because you're ok eating something one day, you'll still be okay eating it the next!  And a smooth start doesn't always guarantee a smooth journey.  I mean, I'd say I'm doing GREAT, honestly - I'm a pretty happy camper in spite of this rough patch!  But I wouldn't want anybody to feel like a rough patch is the end of the world.  Don't catastrophize if you run into problems - just work through them!  Preferably, with help from all the amazing veterans we have here literally at our fingertips.    Now, the fun part:  NSVs!!! There have been SO SO MANY NSVs LATELY!  First - I went to the office the other day to say hi to our CEO (which isn't weird; I used to be her assistant, and we came out of it really good friends).  She hadn't seen me since the day before my surgery, when I stopped in to tell her what I was doing the next day.   She was so wonderful and complimentary, it was great.  She hugged me, and demanded a picture, and said I was her hero and a rock star.  She's the best!!! It made me feel awesome. I had dressed up and done the whole makeup routine and looked good.    Other people at the office were also super complimentary - those who knew about the surgery and those who didn't. I went to an off-campus meeting today and saw another co-worker I haven't seen in months, and she said, "Wow, Kio - whatever you're doing, keep doing it!"  Plus, our cleaners were in today for the first time in too long, and they were excited about my new hair cut (and new glasses!) and said I looked great.  These days it seems like everybody I see says something really nice! Plus, there's the purely physical stuff.  Things FIT - even dresses I bought a little tight last month are now loose on me.  I've had to move all my rings to larger fingers; one of them only fits on my index finger now.  I  can wear necklaces now without feeling like I've put them on around a giant sausage neck.  I'm still walking Sadie regularly, always around 1.5-2 miles.  And just yesterday I discovered that I can WALK UP THE STAIRS TO OUR DECK.  This is an amazing new and strange thing.  I admit, I had to hold on to get to the first step because it higher than the others, and I was VERY wobbly on the next 4 steps, but I went up them without holding onto anything!  I feel like going up stairs without holding on is something I should be able to do even now, at this weight - but it's been so long since I've been able to, it might take a bit of rehab work or PT to get there.  Still, this was a huge victory for me!  And that's where I am right now - the State of Kio at the end of Month 3.  I'm probably going to update more this month about vitamins and water, since those are my current challenges.   And I honestly can't wait to see where I am at the end of month 4, and month 5, and month 6... Assuming I keep losing at a rate of around 15 per month, in 3 months I could be around 210.  And THAT would be a number for the record books for me - the last time I was anywhere near 210 I was actually 212, and it was 1995...  

Kio

Kio

 

All good.....

My appointment went great! I was down 18 lbs from my pre-op appointment. My incisions look good. I was cleared for all activity, as long as it's not in lakes, rivers, etc. (due to bacterial concerns until my incisions are 100% healed - there's still a little scabbiness). My diet was progressed and I had about a half a scrambled egg today. It was SO GOOD! I felt like I was eating eggs for the first time. The flavor was stronger (in a good way) and I felt completely satisfied after eating half of an egg. That was amazing to me! 

I feel really good about this. So far, things are going incredibly well. I'm sure I'll have some minor screw ups from time to time, but I think I'm doing pretty well. I can't wait to try some more food, but I'm also really happy taking things slow. It makes the whole process more mindful, which is a definite positive. 

 

Cardamom77

Cardamom77

 

My HOLY MOLY Moment!!!

So I took my measurements this morning and was going to tack them on yesterday's entry but I was so stunned that I thought they needed a post all their own!!! Remember when I posted about the ribbons I was doing to take my measurements? well, here is the STUNNING difference when I took them today! I was so shocked!  This explains why my clothes aren't tight anymore!!!     And my total inches went down 15.25" in 6 weeks ....the best being my abdomen which literally went down 3"!!!!  That is my Holy Moly Moment!!! Here are my weights too.....the beginning weight was my highest....and I am so close to 30# I almost want to count it (wasn't it you, @Kio that said not to count the point whatevers? ha!)  

CheeringCJ

CheeringCJ

 

My One Month Surgerversary!

Well, I can hardly believe it was one month ago today that I "went under the knife" as they say.  Not a second of regret, not when it hurt so bad, not when the room spun for 2 days, not when I threw up for the first time and thought I split an incision, not when I couldn't walk without dragging IVs all over with me, not when I got home and tried my hardest not to sneeze or laugh which was so painful, not when I couldn't sleep in my own bed but had to position myself just so on the recliner, not when I was on my 5th bucket of protein mix, not when I was roasting turkey on Thanksgiving and didn't get the "trimmings and desserts", not when I stalled for 2 weeks.....basically not at ALL, not one single, solitary second!!!   I am pretty much healed completely at this point.  I can sneeze without seeing stars, I can get up without holding my stomach and  I can wear pants that snap/button again!  I am pretty much all set with my new tool and ready for the shedding to begin! I had a 2 wk stall, but then have lost consistently since.  It may be a pound, or just 2/10th of an ounce, but I am going down something each day now.  i don't expect that to be the case forever but I will take it for now!  To date, I have lost 29.5# in the last 8 weeks.  I am officially on my "forever" eating plan....the only restrictions are  that I can't have any breads/cereals/pasta etc until I reach my goal weight but I am sure by that time, I will have gotten so out of the habit of eating them that I am not going to go wild and gobble them up.  Last night I had a chicken leg for dinner....it was so delicious!!! I didn't eat the skin of course but it was cooked w/ the skin on so it was so juicy (which is why I started my first solid meat w/ dark meat so it was moist).  My plate looked funny since it had just a little leg on it but it surely did the trick and filled me up.  I used the smaller salad plate but it still looked lost on it, I might have to go to the bread plate or saucer and use that so mentally it doesn't look bad for me to see it because my eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach still!  When I eat (usually something pureed), it feels like it sits in my pouch but it eventually moves along.  Actually it is a good system, it makes me feel full so I don't over eat and it is too full feeling to want to drink so it keeps me from drinking....when it moves on, I feel like I can drink again and by then the 30 mins is up, so it actually times itself out well. I have lost enough that my pants are baggy and my shirts fit MUCH better but no need to get new things for a while.  I went in a lot around my ribs (which is where I always lose first) so I thought my before surgery and 1 month pics would be stunning but hardly!  I will not post them yet until there is a noticeable difference, which might not be until next year....haha! So, onward and upward to month 2!  I'm pretty excited still about what my new life is going to bring!   (I haven't done my measurements yet, so I will add them probably in the morning)  

CheeringCJ

CheeringCJ

 

'Twas the day before my post-op appointment, and all through the house....

..... I choked down another 4-in-1 shake, though I'd rather eat a mouse.

I hate these shakes now. HAAAAAAAAATE them. I'm glad they're temporary. After today, I won't have to drink these anymore. I can go back to putting raw natural protein powder in something I flavor myself and I can eat (soft) FOOD. I am so excited about being able to vary the flavors of things and to have more savory foods! I've always been a sweet tooth, but I would be totally ok with never having another sweet food in my life if I could just have a variety of savory foods. Right now all I can really have is broth. I like broth, and I've branched out on broth (currently enjoying a beef, turkey, bison, and lamb broth), but (wo)man cannot live on broth alone. 

I have some farm fresh eggs from my mother's neighbor's farm and that's what I'm having tomorrow when I get home from the clinic. I've never been so excited about scrambled eggs in my life. I mean, I DREAMED about scrambled eggs last night. I'm not hungry and I don't even necessarily want to eat, but when I have to eat, I hate that it has to be these stupid shakes. 

Grocery shopping over the holidays has been interesting. I'm starting to get a little sad about things I won't be able to eat. Pannetone (our homemade stuff, not that nonsense from the store), nuts, figs, all the rich, fatty foods that I like for holidays. But on the other hand, I won't feel like I have to roll out of bed and waddle around feeling stuffed and gross. AND I can focus on my family and friends instead of the food. I may bake, though. I really love to bake for others, so I might have to go ahead and do it. I'll see how I feel in a week or so. 

And I REALLY REALLY miss my sister. Her birthday is the 11th. She would have been 38. :'(

Cardamom77

Cardamom77

 

6 Month Post-OP Appointment

I had my 6 month follow-up today, though technically 12/14 is my 6 month mark.  Everything went great.  I weighed in on their scale at 169.8 (their scale is still heavier than mine).  BP was 138/80, resting heart rate was 68.  They said my BMI is 25, and I am no longer overweight.  She was so complimentary, and it was so affirming for me.  She said I get an "A+" LOL.  The lowest I can ever remember weighing in my adult life was 165.  That was 20 years ago when my girls were young.  When setting my goal weight, I decided to try for 10 pounds less than that, since I was going to have this handy new tool to help me.  155 became the magic number.  The doctor/nutritionist said 155 was surely do-able.  I am continuing to focus on that goal and I would love to reach it by my birthday on January 24th.  If not, I won't be shattered.  I will get there soon enough. Food is still very much a mental game for me.  I was off work the week of Thanksgiving, and was not able to exercise very much.  I was also around foods/carbs/sweets that I don't normally have around me.  I rationalized one bite of this, or a bite of that.  After that week, I was up .6 pounds.  I was angry at myself.  I swore at my scale.  I was immediately crabby.  My husband looked at me and said, "My God babe, it's only a half a pound."  Yep, I was pissed over 1/2 a pound!  But that 1/2 a pound put me back in the 170's and I didn't wanna go back there.  Sounds crazy, huh?  Over Christmas we are off work for a week and spending the holiday with my daugher in Wisconsin.  Luckily my daughter is a healthy eater, but I know I won't get much exercise as it is freezing outside there...so again....I worry..... Maintenance is coming.  I am terrified.  #HowToMaintain    I am very interested in hearing from people who were exercising through out their entire weight loss period.  Did you just add some calories?  Allow a few more carbs? 

TammyP

TammyP

 

8 month Check In - still no regrets!!

I know I have been a little MIA lately - life has been very busy between family and work. I am now eight months out and down almost 70 pounds. I am So, So happy and I have no regrets whatsoever. I am still dealing with the side effect of thinning hair but I have realized that if I really focus on getting my protein in and supplementing with Biotin that it does help. I found the best way to get protein in is to use a Yetti cup with the iso-pure Alpine punch. It is 40 g of protein per bottle and when it is super cold, you do not get any aftertaste whatsoever. I have also recently started taking 10,000 MCG's of biotin to help with the hair loss. I sprinkle in a little bit of the X fusion hair fibers so you really cannot tell about the thinning hair. I think it is more noticeable to me than it is to anyone else. I used to get handfuls of hair falling out, now it is just five strands. I think I am finally passed that part of the journey thank goodness . Another side effect of the sleeve is that I do have a much sensitive stomach or I should say noisy stomach. Within 10 minutes of eating, my stomach starts gurgling away - too bad I don't have a mute button for that! With having this extra weight off, it does make it so much easier to be more active. I am trying to incorporate in more walking into my daily routine. One of the things that I have started doing is at work I avoid elevators in the parking garage. I will park at the top level and walk up-and-down twice every day. I also try to sneak away in the mornings to go do a quick mile on the treadmill at work. I try to time it during my favorite show, The Price is Right so that I can get my fix of Drew Carey for the day. I know it is not running marathons but I figure every little bit helps. I actually caught myself wanting to run on the treadmill which just a year ago I never would've even considered doing that.  I have been traveling a lot for work these last three months which used to be so hard on me but now is not an issue at all. Rushing through airports with heavy bags doesn't even phase me now where as before I would be huffing and puffing just to go a short distance. Again I have no regrets. I know I still have a ways to go but for the first time in a long time I have hope and believe that I can get to where I want to be!

Toto65

Toto65

 

Finally on the other side!

I finally got sent home last night.  Unfortunately, anesthesia and I have never gotten along. I always take much longer to 'emerge' afterwards, and even with a lot of warning yesterday, it was the same. I was held in recovery for over 4 hours while they tried to wake me up, and then sent on to my room, where it took me another 3 hours to really open my eyes. I remained pretty out of it and barely able to drink that day, but sometime around 3am I was able to get myself out of bed to the bathroom, which was a helluva accomplishment  They were super aggressive with my nausea, which makes this the only surgery I've not spent hours vomiting after, so also a huge plus.  The next day, I just couldnt get liquids down without severe pain. Every sip I took, whether cold or room temp or hot, felt like it would just sit on top my lower esophageal sphincter. It would be followed by a severe blooming pain, and I could feel the liquids start to trickle in. Then Id belch, and Id okayish again. But ain't nobody gonna be sipping their water constantly if it means nasty pain each time. The surgeon said he'd had to "blow open" my lower esophagus when they scoped me directly after the procedure, but that he wasn't concerned. He chalked it up to an esophageal sphincter that was really good at doing its job, and was just too swollen that day to give it up.  I was also really, really red in the face and chest and they didn't know why. They thought initially it was from a specialized research nasal cannula that I gave them permission to use on me, but even after that was taken off, it took nearly 36 hours for me to stop looking like I had a second degree sunburn.  That night, determined not to stay the next day, I got a little more serious about water intake, pain or no pain. By morning, it wasn't painful with every sip. I got up and took a long walk every couple of hours to help the worst of the pain, which was just gas pain. They sat me down to ensure I could eat applesauce and thinned purees without vomiting. They were still a little on the fence, but I got 40 ounces of liquids in, plus some applesauce, plus a few hundred feet in walking, and the diagnostics they wanted wouldnt be available till Monday, so we agreed if I was still having issues, they would schedule me outpatient on Monday. They made me wait to get a few doses of IV steroids to hopefully reduce the inflammation, and then I was allowed to leave Friday night! Thankfully, its been getting better since then too. I have no doubt that getting sleep in 3-5 hour runs instead of 1-2 hour runs in the hospital has helped, too. Its a little harder to sleep propped up, but I'm making it work. Truthfully, the hardest two things about being home is managing my own medication schedule (jesus they send you home on a lot of meds) and keeping Wifi the pup from jumping on me. He's been since locked out of my room via babygate and is not at all amused by it.  I thankfully haven't seemed to gain any weight while hospitalized, but Ive got some serious upper abdomen swelling. That'll be interestiing as it goes down.  Ugh. I've got another 20 ounces to go to meet the bare minimum today, so I best get on it  Thank you all for the well wishes!

delilas

delilas

 

101 lbs down today!

Not from surgery - that would be crazy.    But I'm 254 today, which is 101 down from my starting point in April!  I lost 57 before surgery, and I've lost 43 since.  And now I'm just over 100 away from my goal - which is my personal goal for myself, not my surgeon's goal.  Trust me, he is a LOT more conservative.  I think he'd be perfectly happy with.... I dunno, whatever 355 - (60% x (355-140)) is... ok it's 226.  Once I wrote the formula I had to do the math.  So right now, I'm not quite three months out, and 28 lbs away from my surgeon's "goal" weight for me.  But I am hunting bigger game than that.   I mean, if I were to hit 226 and just... stop losing... I would survive that.  I wouldn't be perfectly happy, but I'd be okay.  I already feel so much better, it's hard to believe life was so hard and unpleasant just six months ago.  I can walk a couple of miles without much pain or effort, when a couple of meters gave me pain back in April. I can fit into clothes that make me look... I don't know.  NORMAL overweight, not crazy scary overweight like I was.  I can shop in the higher sizes of normal stores now, I don't have to buy everything at Full Beauty (ugh, I hate that name).  Most of my random day to day pain is gone.  I don't huff and puff when I go in to the office, even though it's like half a mile from parking lot to elevator.  But I don't think 28 lbs more is going to get me where I want to be.  I want to be able to go up stairs without holding on.  I want to go to the gym and exercise and have people look at me and think "yeah she can lose some weight" instead of "what's SHE doing here, this gym is for normal people!" I want to go hiking in the Fells and bike to my office and do yoga.  I don't think 226 is that weight for me. Whether I can lose over 75  more pounds than my doc thinks I will.... I don't know.  I'd need to lose 215 total to hit the goal in my profile and ticker, and that.... is a lot.  Worth trying for, though!  I mean, I'm almost halfway there now! I did take some pictures yesterday when the scale dinged 100 down.  But I realized that when I took my first set, they were ugh, without very much clothing.  I never planned to share them online.  So to make them match up I took yesterday's pictures in the same clothes and the same poses, and realized I'm still not going to post them online!  Not yet anyway... maybe when I have some more milestones OUT FROM UNDER my belt.  But I'm too shy to do it right now.  SORRY, @CJireh!!!  

Kio

Kio

 

Tired.

My vomiting hasn't ceased, both effortless/involuntary rumination and episodes so violent I nearly pass out. Eating is a painful chore.  I've been taken back to a liquid diet and am scheduled for an EGD on Monday.  I'm no longer afraid of tube feeding. At this point I may welcome it. Just holding out hope for things to get easier. After years of complications, I'm a little disappointed this surgery hasn't alleviated my symptoms. At least I've lost 25 pounds since. That's something to hold on to.  

MsMasala

MsMasala