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The best thing about getting a divorce was moving to this complex that has the nicest pool ever. I think my daughter and I have been every day since it opened. No kidding.
I was just thinking it is so nice to just swim and not feel self conscious about being over weight. And to not get winded or something when I'm playing with my daughter.
At the same time, the typical female brain of a woman living in this culture starts doing really annoying things. Like looking at other women's bodies and missing my curves, missing my larger size breasts, looking at women in bikinis with totally flat stomachs and realizing I will never have that. I just wish when I was young and thin I would have appreciated my body for one damn day!
Oh well I tell myself I need to love myself. I didn't have surgery to look good, I did it to feel good. And I need to love the fact that I made the right choice for me. This surgery was so life changing.
I live in an area where half the people at least are from other countries. And so there are many times I am literally the only white American at the pool, which is fine, that's how I like things to be, I've always tried to put myself into situations where there is a lot of diversity. One thing that really bothers me is that the women from some countries apparently aren't allowed to swim. But their husbands can. And I just feel like it's so unfair. I have seen everything from a woman wearing a sari, a woman wearing the full on hijab with the full body gown/dress thing sweating by the side of the pool, and then just women who apparently have to wear long pants and three quarter length sleeves at all times.
And I look at them, then look at their husbands, and I just feel like this is shitty. This is so shitty. And then I wonder what they think of me, not just me, I wear a suit that has swim shorts and a tank top type thing, it's more sporty than sexy. But then you see women with huge breasts with them just hanging out or suits with almost butt floss. And I wonder what these women are really thinking, are they feeling like we American women are slutty? Does it bother them that their husbands can see us but they have to sit there in the heat and just watch their families have fun? I do have to say the husbands don't seem to notice the American women, they feel very safe and like they aren't pervs or anything. I'm not trying to say that at all. Most of them are focused on their kids and it's cute to see.
Or who knows, maybe the moms are thinking about something else and it doesn't bother them or they are so devout that this is their religion and this is how it is, this is their role and they wouldn't want anyone to feel sorry for them.
I love swimming and if I couldn't swim because it was supposedly wrong for me to show my legs and arms in public, I would be so sad.
Hi I had my surgery on 4/4. I had complications - my esophagus was perforated during surgery resulting in a second surgery you the next day to have a stent inserted into my esophagus so it could heal and a third surgery 5 1/2 weeks later to have the stent removed. While the stent was in eating was a challenge and I threw up or heaved for weeks so I kinds missed the stages of purée and soft mostly i don't remember because of all the meds but lost almost 40 lbs. It was pretty miserable and I am still having some issues because of the perforation, that coupled with missing food I am weepy and feel sorry for myself way to much! I read how people are so glad to have had wls and it was the best decision and I hope to feel that way soon. I have gotten a little better with missing food but then I have a bad days with the health problems because of the surgery and it brings me down and I wonder what in the world I have done to myself. Since the stent was removed and I actually began eating I have lost about 7 lbs in a month. One problem I am having in particular is constipation! Yikes I think my body forgot how to poop! I am adding benefiber but I have to add a laxative at least every other night. Any advice on this particular issue would be appreciated! So that's my basic story, I have been reading forums and it does help but this is the first time I wrote about my journey.
I've never been great at managing a blog, but I plan to keep a short blog to reference days and details as I go through this journey. I attended a "Weight Loss Surgical Informational Session" hosted by Via Christi last night, which after my obsessive reaching lately, did help ease my nerves a bit. I have mixed emotions:
- Excitement - Ready to get the ball rolling, excited to see results
- Embarrassment - Haven't discussed this with anyone outside of my parents, who were the ones to bring it up to me, and my husband. I somewhat feel like I'm taking the "easy way out". Since I don't know anyone who's personally had this, I fear stigma of people gossiping behind my back about my weight loss.
- A mild amount of fear - What if I regret this? What if something goes wrong? Will I ever be able to eat my favorite foods again?
I'm not too worried about the procedure itself (leaning more towards the gastric sleeve at the moment), but moreso the healing process after and the whole post-op stage as a whole.
Weight: 249.6 lbs
BMI per CDC: 48.7
"For your height, a normal weight range would be from 95 to 128 pounds." It's been a good 10 years since I've seen that on the scale, so I have a long way to go.
8:00 a.m. - Pre-workout
9:30 a.m. - Protein shake made w/ 6oz of almond milk
9:45 a.m. - 2 scrambled eggs with cheese (est. 288 cal. per MyFitnessPal)
1:15 p.m. - Nutrisystem Chicken Parmesan (270 cal)
2:00 p.m. - 13 Apple Cinnamon rice crisps (120 cal)
4:30 p.m. - Sugar free lemon lime jello (10 cal)
8:00 p.m. - 4 oz teriyaki chicken / 0.5 cup jasmine rice
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I grew up in upstate NY, one of 3 children; an older sister and a younger brother. Yes I was the typical middle child; self-sufficient, lots of friends and all about going to school for the social side! I wasn't overweight as a child, kind of gangly and Tom boyish, playing in the woods behind my house! It was a good childhood, family camping, trips to zoos and parks and the occasional vacation to Wisconsin or North Carolina or Virginia to visit family members! Once I hit puberty my body started to change of course but I think I took the widening hips and larger breasts as somethin I needed to tame! That kind of set me up for failure & I spent way too much time obsessing over my changing body than it warranted. I spent my teenage years at a normal weight but I couldn't see that! I married when I was 18 (1 week past my 18th birthday) because I thought I was a grownup and had my 1st child at 19. By the time I was 27 I had 5 daughters and weighed somewhere south of 180 lbs....it wasn't a bad weight for me it was just not the weight I wanted to be! Then we moved to Florida for my husband's job...Florida is a place where you cannot hide your weight, too little clothing! I have spent the following 20 years going from 175 lbs to 245 or so pounds, up and down with much ease really....gained 20 lbs...try this weight watchers diet....gained by 45 lbs...let's try that herbalife diet.....gained 50 lbs.....let's try phentermine and vit. K shots!! And then we move to Tennessee two years ago....let me tell you I Love Tennessee! But we adopted our 5 year old grandaughter and I decided to stay at home after working for a dozen plus years in a fast paced (as in you ran for 12 hrs straight, no sit down breaks or anything remotely like a break) medical floor as an RN. I started baking our own bread (yum, yum!) And pies and goodies! And quickly ballooned up to 275 within a few months! It has progressively gotten harder and harder to keep up with my newest charge and I feel guilty because I'm not able to keep up with her. We went on vacation to NY by way of Gettysburg and I spent the majority of the time being out of breath or just sitting in the vehicle waiting for my husband and grandaughter to return from whatever sight I couldn't even get to! We went to breakfast to this overpriced cafe that I sat so gingerly in the chair I couldn't enjoy even a moment of that ridiculously over priced food because I was afraid the chair would break! We rented a rustic cabin for our stay in NY and it was beautiful there, I got to see my family but I ended up with a UTI because she says under her breath, it's hard to perform proper hygiene while in a rustic cabin (I know TMI!) I had already decided to try to have WLS before that vacation and it couldn't happen quick enough. I had gotten to the point of weighing in at 316 lbs, I'm diabetic, have hypothyroidism, osteoarthritis in my back, hips and knees, high blood pressure and needless to say mobility issues and constant pain. I want to be around to help guide my grandaughter to her adulthood. I want to be around to enjoy our retirement and enjoy my 10 grandchildren! I want to kayak and swim and slide downhill and just grow a garden and raise some chickens!!!!
I started this journey on August 30th, 2016 when I went to my first consultation at the Vanderbilt center for bariatric surgery and weight loss. I won't kid you the journey from August to finally having surgery on March 31st, 2017 was not easy, but was so worth it!!! Ten years ago I would have told you you were crazy to say I would have WLS, but now I am so grateful and happy that I have had WLS, it's given me hope for the future that I had lost!! Here's to a new me and here's to a new you!!!
I finally had my one week follow up appointment this morning! It felt so overdue!
My initial follow up appointment was scheduled for Tuesday, April 25, 2017 and I was so anxious for it. I wanted the doctor to give me the look over and tell me how I was doing for peace of mind. More than that, O felt ready to move and stretch a little beyond walking the 4-5 times a days around my apartment, but the staples kept me back.. I was so tender still around the incision sites that anytime I moved and felt something sting or pull, I sitting out for the count. But I know they were healing because of the itching. Itching is the universal constant for healing wounds and honestly it's the worst tease because you CAN'T scratch at them. Or also in my case: wear a bra, Because one of my incisions was right between my breasts and wearing a bra put pressure on the site and constantly rubbed at it. So for about two weeks I was free-boobing it. (An oddly freeing, but weird feeling without the support)
Unfortunately, my appointment was pushed back two days until this morning due to an emergency with the physician's assistant. This morning was the first time driving my car in almost two weeks and it did require a little ingenuity to bend in the places I needed to. But I got it all worked out and showed up this morning at the requested 15 minutes early to do the whole check-in and paperwork process, but afterwards ending up waiting almost an 1 hour and 40 minutes passed my appointment time. Just chilling in the waiting room watching Fixer Upper on Tv. I was a little annoyed that they were so far behind schedule, but I was more worried they would tell me we'd have to cancel and reschedule again. I needed the staples OUT! Thankfully it just turned out that he had been caught up in surgery and I headed back for my weigh-in and blood pressure.
It was a bit of a let down. At home I always weigh myself in the morning at the same time before I've eaten breakfast, after I've gone to the restroom, and without any clothes on. I want it to be as consistent and as accurate as possible to just weigh me. And from yesterday to this morning, for some reason that I'm guessing has to do with water weight (I haven't been the greatest at getting beyond 32 ounces yet when I should be at 50 ounces), I went up 1.7 pounds. Well dang. And then at the doctor's office, with the clothes on and everything, it was 3.7 pounds increase. Which sucks to see the numbers, but things are fitting differently and the shape of my body is changing and I'm just going to focus on the non-scale victories for a while. (but still weigh myself for the consistency) My blood pressure was 124/82 which is still in the pre-hypertension range, but it's a bonus in my book because I always free out when I go to the doctor's and the number is inflated from the anxiety. So if it's that high nervous, in chill-mode I'm gonna be in the normal ranges! And I know that as I continue to lose the weight and work on my cardio, the numbers will continue to drop all around.
And I was nervous to get the staples out despite how much I was excited for it. A hundred irrational fears ran through my mind as I sat in the room waiting, mainly thinking in circles about:
- Is this going to hurt?
- Are they going to give me a shot to take the staples out?
- Have the staples been in so long that the skin has started to grow over?
- What if I've been over doing it and I've ripped something?
- What if the staples rip something when they come out?
- What if my incisions are infected?
- What if I start bleeding again?
- What if the incisions haven't closed enough that I have to get new staples or stitches?
- What if I need to take more blood thinner injections?
- Is this going to really hurt?
I could not just settle down and let it go. But the nurse came in, and she was very friendly and all matter of fact about it. I think from start to finish, taking the staples out and putting on the new steri-strips took less than 5 minutes. She had me lay back on the standard examination table found in every doctor's office. I did get to sit propped up at an angle, so not completely flat and feeling vulnerable. I held up my shirt and bra out of the way so she could get to all the incision areas and she started before I even thought she had opened up all the supplies. There was a little bit of pain, but not from removing the staples themselves. On the incisions that had a little bit of dried blood around the staple site, I felt a slight tugging sensation to get the staple out. And depending on how much she had to tug, sometimes it's twinged the incision area. Honestly I caused myself more pain than needed because I tightened up during the procedure, so I overworked my stomach muscles and for about 40 minutes afterwards had some spasms and cramping along the main wound site. Just need to chill and go with the flow more.
But now that the staples are out, I am less afraid of sneezing too hard, or sitting down to fast, or stretching, or bending to the side. Driving was still an interesting endeavor after the appointment and will probably continue to be for a while, but I am cleared for full on walking now and I think that will do the most in helping to loosen up all the internal muscle stiffness. And is just in time too. Before my surgery was scheduled, I had signed up for the Warrior Dash 5k this Saturday, April 29, 2017. I know the obstacles are definitely beyond anything I'm ready for at this point, but I'm planning to push myself with the 3.1 miles. Here goes nothing.
Day 4 of the 5DPT: I woke up this morning and I was 207.2. This means I've lost 6.4 lbs in 3 days. I know the 5DPT isn't about losing weight (although it goes hand in hand with eating correctly), but it's always nice to see the scale go down. I will say that today has been the hardest so far - not because i'm hungry, but I didn't have a lot of time to do prep last night for "firm proteins", so I've been living off low-sodium lunch meat and chopped chicken breast IN chicken salad so it's more dense than chicken salad alone. At this rate, a turkey burger tonight sounds amazing.
So, I have to say - I'm not hungry. I'm not craving any carbs. I've been able to manage my 30-minute liquid cutoff before and after meals. And the 6.4 lbs has been just enough to see some of my clothes actually fit, which is always a motivator. For me, so far the 5DPT has been more of a mental reset than a physical reset, and I actually do feel like I have more confidence that my pouch still works, and that I can stick to the pouch rules and have success again. We'll see how day 5 goes, but dare I say I'm optimistic.
MORE MOTIVATION: Interesting fact recent posted on Science Daily: "Obesity resulted in as much as 47 percent more life-years lost than tobacco, and tobacco caused similar life-years lost as high blood pressure, new research has shown." https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/04/170422101614.htm
Well, the weekend has come and gone and progress has been made in several areas. Today I am 1 month, 2 weeks, 2 hours and 10 minutes smoke free (as of 10:30 AM). According to my app, I've been smoke free for 961.11 hours, I've saved $200.25 and I've not smoked 1,001 Pall Mall Light 100's (or 5 cartons-worth). I would reward myself with some type of treat, a movie, some electronics, etc., but unfortunately(?) my wife's budget has cannibalized the 'Cigarette Budget' and added it to the 'New Car Fund'. Fair enough. I'd just waste it on crap anyway.
This weekend was a very productive one, though it almost turned out to be a bust. Friday evening I let myself go and ate half of a large Pizza Hut pizza. Maybe you've been there before, and maybe you haven't, but it's a weird experience in retrospect. I had one slice of pizza, then another, then another and another. I went to bed with my stomach aching and feeling like a slob and a loser. I wasn't even that hungry. It just felt good to eat. I felt dejected and sad; worse than if I had smoked a cigarette, or even a pack of cigarettes. Saturday I couldn't do much of anything because we had family over, one of which who has had Bariatric Surgery recently. We ate pretty sensible on Saturday. One weird thing I tried that I hadn't tried before was a lettuce wrapped sandwich from Jimmy Johns. Everyone wanted Jimmy Johns for some reason. I just ended up pulling the lettuce off and eating the meet and cheese. The lettuce wrap did not work as intended, in my personal opinion. It was well done, but too much.
Sunday, I knew I had to atone. Luckily it was a very sunny day out, even though it was only in the mid-30's. I had to run to the office to take care of something I had forgotten about on Friday, and since my office is right on the Ohio River, I figured I'd go for a stroll, and considering I'm not under the constraints of work, I could stroll as long as I wanted. I sat my Samsung Fit2 for an hour's walk and set out fully intending to walk a lot more than that. And boy did I walk. I just kept walking and walking and did a circuit through three cities! I started in Covington, crossed over into Cincinnati, walked around the newly developed Smale Riverfront Park and passed my beloved Great American Ball Park, home of the Cincinnati Reds. I did some exploring then crossed a bridge over into Newport, KY and then walked back through to Covington, KY where I started. My results were as follows:
Time Spent Walking: 01:36:03 (stopped and started a lot to take pictures)
Distance: 4.04 mi
Total Calories Burned: 722 Cal (According to Samsung SHealth)
Average Speed: 3 MPH
Max Speed: 5.5 MPH (Damned techno)
Total Ascent: .59 mi
Avg. Heart Rate: 119 bpm
Max. Heart Rate: 146 bpm
I don't care too much for all of the 'Total Ascent' and some of the other measurements. I care most for the distance and the time spent. I know that it's a lot of up and down hill stuff, it's not all flat walking, and I know my average heart rate would be higher but I stopped a lot to take pictures (in the span of 90 minutes I took a total of 75 unique pictures, two movies, and 5 panoramic pictures for reference. Next time I walk I intend on doing so without the camera.
At any rate, Sunday I did well on my food log. I ate ~800 calories and burned about 722 according to Samsung. If you read this far, can you tell me if you think that is healthy? I know asking health questions to anyone outside of my doctor is frowned upon, but I'm curious and I feel okay, don't want to bug the physicians unless I'm really feeling funky.
Sorry, wanted to get this blog finished before I have to leave for my kid's doctor's appointment. She's 15 months old today, and I've got a feeling that it's immunization city for her. Pray that we have a nurse that doesn't drag the process out. Most nurses can give 3 or 4 jabs in the blink of an eye and I can distract her from them. The last one put about half a minute or more between each shot and poor baby girl did not appreciate that at all. Neither did mommy or daddy.
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It's 2am, getting late, and I'm listening to a 90's play list presented to me by Apple Music on iTunes. It's adult pop of the 90's. I'm 36. In 1990 I was 9 or 10 depending on the month. So the nineties coincided with my tumultuous adolescence. I was just as crazy as any other teen but perhaps even crazier. That's a story I'll save for some other day. :-)
Right now lets focus on this woman I've become. I'm creative. I like to paint, bead necklaces, explore new and old music, and I daydream. I'm pretty and kind of smart. I never was married and have no kids but revel in my freedom and feel little more than gratefulness when I see my friends and with babies and children because I know my life is easier and my heart is already full.
My weight has become major eyesore and health issue. I'm almost 5-5 and I weigh 324 pounds which means that I basically need to lose 200 pounds. I do have a food addiction and it is somewhat out of control. If I'm not eating I'm reminiscing about food or plotting my next meal. I need to grow apart from this addiction because its killing me.
I just wonder if I can do it without surgery but the clock is ticking and I know that a diet and exercise will not make me lose as fast as having a sleeve gastrectomy. I can do both and lose like crazy. I can undo the harm I've done unto myself over the years in much less time if I subject myself to this. I just worry that I'll be one of this people who regret their decision at least in part. I feel like after the surgery, food and I will have a weird, awkward relationship and I won't know who I am anymore. lol. Food is a part of me like a lover I suppose. It's been a lifelong thing between food and I and I've lost many relationships in this life and losing my love and passion for food because I won't be able to take more than a few bites at a time sounds rather like a punishment I don't necessarily deserve. Or do I?
I AM one of those people. I am one of those people who binge-ate like it was a career and didn't care about the consequences. I refused to exercise most of the time. Maybe punishment IS what i deserve?
I'm planning on getting my surgery in January 2018 so i'll have time to test myself and if needed I can prepare myself for the surgery. I might not end up getting it if I can kick this problem without a sleeve.
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Hello, I'm new. has anyone had pain like someone "kicked them in the stomach" ? when I wake up, when I drink or not., it doesn't seem to go away, walking helps but it comes right back soon. I had sleeve done on 12/14/2016 and I was wondering if anyone has any ideas that helped them relieve this awful pain. please help, thanks
Warning: horn tooting ahead:
When I began this bariatric adventure my leg pain and numbness was so bad I could barely walk or stand for five minutes. I had to stop working at a big hospital back East and move home to my family on the West coast. I told the team at the weight loss clinic that my goal was to get down to where I could be back on my feet and get back to work, if not I would have to go on disability. I'm an ultrasound technologist, so it's long hours on hard floors all around the hospital. Well today, I got a job offer from the nice little hospital five minutes from my house. I have worked so hard to be able to stand and walk again. I really think I will be able to do the work.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to see the surgeon's office for my 6 month follow up from RNY and I get to tell them the good news. I have lost over 100 lbs (some of that was pre-op diet) and am somewhere in Twoterville . My home scale won't give me a reliable reading, so I don't know exactly where I am. My primary doctor told me a few weeks ago that I am having the best outcome of anyone he has ever worked with through this process. That really helps make me feel good when I worry that I should be losing faster.
So anyway, not to ramble and brag, but I have hit the century mark, made it to Twoterville, and got a job. Life is good.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT ONE MONTH HAS PASSED SINCE I WAS SLEEVED.
HIGHEST WT. 261 LBS.
WEIGHT AT BEGINNING OF JOURNEY 251 LBS.
DATE OF SLEEVE OCT. 21, 2016
WEIGHT ON DAY OF SURGERY 241 LBS.
CURRENT WEIGHT 213.1 LBS.
IF YOU ARE HAVING BARIATRIC SURGERY AS THE SOLUTION TO YOUR WEIGHT LOSS ISSUES, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG.
I AM SURE YOU HAVE HEARD IT IS JUST A TOOL.....AND IT IS. HAVING BARIATRIC SURGERY REQUIRES A LIFE CHANGING COMMITMENT . HOW YOU ASK? WELL, MOST REQUIRED PREPS ARE VERY DIFFICULT. FOR ME, IT WAS A STRICK DIET FROM THE DAY OF MY CONSULT UNTIL 2 WEEKS BEFORE SURGERY . THEN, IT WAS A 2 WEEK LIQUID DIET . THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ANY AND ALL LIQUIDS. NO CAFFEINE , NO SODA, NO ALCOHOL, NO SUGARY DRINKS AND NO CARBINATED DRINKS.
I LOVE THE WEIGHT LOSS I'VE EXPERIENCED AND THE COMPLEMENTS . SINCE SURGERY I'VE HAD TO FOLLOW SEVERAL EATING PLANS.
WEEK 1: SAME LIQUID DIET AS PRE OP
WEEK 2 & 3: PUREED DIET. 1 1/2 OZ. PROTEIN AND 1 OZ. FRUIT OR VEGGIE. NOT ALL FRUITS OR VEGGIES.
WEEK 4 & 5: SOFT DIET. SAME AS PUREED EXCEPT FOOD IS NOT PUREED.
WEEK 5: I AM NOW ABLE TO EAT MOST FOODS AND UP TO 4 OZ. OF PROTEIN , IF POSSIBLE. THERE WILL BE ANOTHER DIET PLAN AFTER THIS.
IT IS IMPORTANT , ALTHOUGH NOT MANDATORY , THAT YOU HAVE THE SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND OR FRIRNDS. EACH PERSON HEALS AT A DIFFERENT RATE SO YOU MAY NEED HELP FOR LONGER THAN YOU THINK. IT TAKES A WHILE TO GAIN YOUR ENERGY BACK. I AM STILL WAITING. BUT I THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN HERE FOR ME AT EACH TURN OF MY JOURNEY.
FOR ME, THESE ARE THE HARDEST LIFE CHANGES:
NO DECAF FOR A MONTH AND NO CAFFEINE AT ALL.
NO BREAD, PASTA OR WHITE POTOES UNTIL MONTH 6.
AND....TALK ABOUT LIFE CHANGES . .NOTHING TO DRINK BEFORE EATING, DURING EATING AND FOR AN HOUR AFTER EATING.
EATING HAS CHANGED, TOO....TAKE A BITE, PUT FORK DOWN, CHEW AT LEAST 20 TIMES PER BITE, SWALLOW, COUNT TO AT LEAST W0 BEFORE TAKING ANOTHER BITE.
NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG. I AM HAPPY TO MAKE THESE CHANGES. MY PURPOSE FOR THIS SURGERY WAS TO GET HEALTHY, NOT TO WEAR A BIKINI. SINCE SURGERY , MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS. HAVE BEEN CUT IN HALF, I AM OFF SOME OF MY HEARTBURN MEDS AND WILL BE OFF THE REST BY THE END OF MY 2ND MONTH. I HAVEN'T HAD TO HAVE A STEROID INJECTION IN MY BACK AND AS I SAID IN A PREVIOUS POST , I AM ABLE TO WALK BETTER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS.
SO READ THIS CAREFULLY . USE IT AS PART OF YOUR RESEARCH TO SEE IF YOU ARE ABLE TO OR WILLING TO MAKE THE NECESSARY CHANGES.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DECISIONS!!
Clip on the pictures below. The top picture was taken at the end of week 4. The bottom picture was taken the day before surgery .
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#SelfieLife #Beautiful #FaceBeat #EyebrowsonFleek etc, etc, etc!!!!
How many times have I taken a gorgeous photo of my face, hair done, makeup done and posted it to my social media accounts? I can't even count at this point. But the truth is, what about the other portion of my body? Some may say I am "THICK" or "CURVY" or a little extra to hold on to… I pride myself on loose fitting tank tops to disguise the muffin top that I have gradually created for myself. Jeans? I forgot what those were! The thought of trying them on one leg at a time only to get to my hips and either JUMP, shake or suck in my gut to put them on has become a tiring task in its’ self. Leggings have become my new best friend along with flats. FLATS are the new high heel for fashion in my closet! Just the thought of squeezing my now chubby toes into a sexy 5-6 inch heel is tiring enough… Now, I just want everything to SLIDE N GLIDE… slide into my leggings and glide away in my flats… awe the simple life!
But is it really so simple? I have just been getting by and accepting the unhealthy physical change not even truly knowing that my mental has adjusted to this bad habit as well. I think that I secrete confidence and in reality I am disguising my pain and defeat. I wish I would have thought about it a while ago. I wish I would have known that my SELFIE is SELFLESS without my true worth being the equivalent to the picture. This is NOT going to be an easy journey, but I can only pray that GOD gives me the strength and courage to make every appointment, to be sure to be as up forth and coming with all of my flaws, to be patient in the process. My goal is not to just be SKINNY! I want to be GREAT in all aspects and not just SLIDE and GLIDE thru life, but to be able to LIVE it…
Today I go to my 1st VGS seminar with DR. Douglas Khan… today marks the 1st day of my new life… My #SelfieLife will no longer be just a face, but a new self-image ALL THE WAY AROUND!
Hi! Next week I will be having the sleeve surgery. I have been debating with myself on whether or not to keep before pictures of myself. I honestly don't want to remember or see how big I really am. However, looking at all the before and after pics of people, it is amazing the transformation that people have gone through and achieved. Does anyone have thoughts about this?
As for body measurements, I know my weight but don't really care for the rest. Should I take measurements too?
As for my clothing, I am throwing out anything that no longer fits me as I lose weight. It seems if I keep it, I end up back in them again. I am ending this yo-yo cycle on October 17th. I think I am just stressing about everything right now.
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I don't know why. But i have always had problems with stalls.
I was never built a thin person. I have always had a little extra on the sides. That followed me through my chilhood, and up to my teens, where i did something about it.
I started taking Ephedra and Coffein, plus i joined i Gym. Then it started to go quick.
I was nearly down on my ideal weight with no stalls really. But as soon as i stopped with the pills, i regained.
I continued taking them as long as i could. But then i could not more. My head would not allow it. I began to experience anxiety and stress.
After that i was put on a SSRI. And i really began to gain weight. I stopped with them, but i could never loose weight as i could before.
Maybe i just got older, and my metabolism changed. I don't know.
But in five years, with many attempts. I have tried to loose weight, and get under 118 kg's. But never succeeded. There is something that is stopping it there. It's like i hit a brick wall every time.
No matter what i eat, no matter how many months. It just doesn't matter.
But now i have had the surgery, and i'm almost down there. And i'm stalling again. I have stalled for over a week. Almost two now.
Well, I certainly didn't expect this to happen so soon. I am 8 months out and only 2 LBS (!!!!) away from *my* goal of 130 lbs. I'm pretty amazed at this process, honestly, and a little fearful for the future. I know that I will probably weigh less than 130 lbs in the next few months, but I don't want to go too far. I'm 5'2" so presently I'm at the high range of the 'normal' BMI now. I have been 120lbs before and I was WAY too skinny and looked unhealthy. Even now people are saying "don't lose too much" and "you look great but don't lose anymore".
I have my next NUT/doc appointment in another month and my topic of conversation will be about maintenance. Is it too soon to start thinking about that? Everything I've read has people adding back in 'good fats' to maintain, such as nuts, avocado, cheese, etc. But these are foods I already eat--I've never gone the low-fat route on this journey as I believe good fats are essential to a healthy body. My normal blood work proves this to be true FOR ME. YMMV.
Some things I've noticed at the 8 month mark:
- My appetite has not returned yet. There are times when I 'crave' certain foods, but I've not experienced hunger like I used to. I do notice when I have low blood sugar and need to eat, however. Same jitters as before.
- I cannot tolerate chicken or turkey. At all. I've tried at various times and I still feel as if it gets stuck at top of my pouch. This saddens me greatly as I feel most of the food choices and recipes center around chicken. For substitutions, I eat shrimp (probably more than I should), ground beef, regular beef steak, white fish, tuna, and pork is ok.
- I'm still not getting more than 900 calories a day. I try and try to add more, but I just can't do it. This worries me.
- I absolutely love the Premier Protein shakes and usually use it as creamer in my coffee every morning. (My fav is the new Banana flavor and Chocolate of course.) This also means I've been able to cut the Splenda and Half & Half that used to be the staple. I think it's a better substitute.
- While I haven't added any breads, pastas or rice in my diet at all, I have tried a few things: wheat thins with tuna salad, for example. Rice noodles with veggies and cod. When I was in Amsterdam a few weeks ago for work, I tried 1/2 slice of their brown bread (brod) with salted butter. (Yes, it was delicious.) But again, I notice that my pouch fills up quickly so I still tend to focus my meals on the protein first.
- My body is entirely different than it was when I weighed this over 15 years ago. My butt sags, as does my arms and tummy. And I wear clothing very differently--which has been eye-opener. Before when I would look for the right pair of jeans to fit my booty, now I fit into every size 8 I try on, as there is no booty left to stuff in!! :-)
- Second-hand stores are my friends. Goodwill has been a lifesaver, as has ThredUp.com which sells nice used clothing for very cheap.
If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, would be very glad to hear them!!!
I changed surgeons a few months ago; we moved to a community north of Austin in March, and the drive downtown was killing me (never mind parking, ugh!), so I asked to be reassigned to a different surgeon in the clinic that's in Round Rock (I'm north of RR, too, but it's a lot closer than downtown Austin!). NB: I didn't change surgeons because I didn't like him - no, I adore Dr Faulkenberry. I already drive over 100 miles a day just to get stuff done, and to add a trip to downtown Austin was more than I could stand. I love Dr Acheson, too - just as nice, and we have a great connection re football (he's a former college QB!).
So I saw Dr A on June 16th. He was very happy with my progress. He nodded along with my long tale about my umpteen doctors regarding my anemia and my hypothyroidism - "as long as you're following up with it and staying on top of it, I'm not going to worry too much." Believe me, I want this other crap over and done with and stabilized so I can move on with life.
He looked at my weight and smiled: "As of today's visit, your BMI [34.6] is no longer in the morbidly obese range." And: "Your weight is great - you're at 202; I bet it will feel great to be under 200 here shortly!" Yeah, baby!
I've been busy with a zillion things since that day, including a blood transfusion and the beginning of a second set of ten iron infusions (yeah, I was/am walking dead anemic, have been for a long time). My son's school year ended, and I've been trying to keep him busy, including a month's camp.
Today, I finally got into an endocrinologist, Dr Singh. I have to say, I love her... and, as I said to my better half, I love all my Texas doctors. I've gotten more accomplished in the 18 months we've been here than all that time in Phoenix. My docs are no-nonsense, Dr Singh included. She popped me on Synthroid immediately with samples, before she fired off my prescription to the pharmacy. Now THAT'S progress!
But as of today, officially at the endocrinologist's office, I weigh 197. 197!
I AM IN ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, first blog entry and it's a unpleasant one! lol!.... I did something stupid and had to send an email to my senior support nurse for support......well, the experience has taught me to not have anything outside 'my plan' I have created! the liquids are not rich on that!
Despite my senior support nurse being away on holiday, she still logged on and answered saying that I would be ok and not to worry....she said that there will be some things that I just can't eat, but that in a few months if you try them again (if you want to) then they may be ok that time! ....weird! Just shows you how fragile you can be sometimes inside without knowing it! I certainly found out the hard way! Have absolutely no problems following the experience and feel absolutely fine! :-)
This is the panicky email I wrote the following email yesterday to my senior nurse!:
Sorry to disturb you, but, I have just been violently sick, threw up twice, in short succession; everything I had to eat came back up and then as there was no more it just stopped, and now feel as right as rain! I am worried though, in case I have actually damaged any stiches or staples or something? It seemed like my whole body went into spasm, and severe pain all over, and it was the worst I have ever felt while being sick, and a very frightening feeling.
I can only assume that it was down to what I had just had.....I had drunk quite a large glass of milk, and not by sipping it either, which I know I should have done, I just didn't think.....then, as I was thinking of going to get some Bouillon for lunch, my house share mate said he had some really tasty gravy leftover from his cooking for his lunch, and said why didn't I have it...well, I did, and it was lovely, but very spicy and very rich....I guess it was too rich for me, coupled with the glass of whole milk I had (which was also his as I had run out of my skimmed and haven't been to the shops yet), I guess my body just expelled it.
What should I do? If anything? (apart from not doing that again). Will I be ok?
When I was getting ready for my gastric bypass surgery, I read whatever I could about it. Back then, blogs and online support groups were pretty new, and few and far between, so I read a few books on the topic. Now, there are tons of online resources, but I still really like a "all info in one place" book. Here is a list of 7 of the most popular and helpful out there!
The Sleeved Life by Pennie Nicola is about her journey getting the vertical sleeve gasterectomy. The cool thing about this book is she combines her personal story with lots of the most recent research on this type of WLS.
The Big Book on the Gastric Bypass has everything about gastric bypass, from how to pick a surgeon, what to expect pre-op, how the surgery is performed, recovery, etc. It has lots of info about afterwards as well, how much you can expect to lose, the diet, & exercising after.
Weight Loss Surgery: The Real Skinny is a great one that talks about all the "bad" parts of WLS. It goes over the mental aspects, how to change your relationship with food, and how to handle when you don't get the results you were hoping for.
The Success Habits of Weight Loss Surgery Patients (3rd addition) has stories from patients that have had all different bariatric surgeries. Patients interviewed are long term success stories, from 5, 10, 15 years ago, some from 30 years ago!
Back On Track After Weight Loss Surgery is great for any of us struggling with weight regain, with slipping into bad eating habits, not making time to work out, etc.
Weight Loss Surgery for DummiesWeight Loss Surgery for Dummies I absolutely love the "Dummies" books so of course this one had to make the list! As all the other "Dummies" books, this one is written in clear, easy to understand language, tons of tips and tricks, and fun to read.
Al Roker: Never Goin' Back I had to include Al Roker from NBC on this list. He is such an inspiration, and this open and honest story of his life, his struggles as a child with his weight, and what finally led him to getting bariatric surgery, is a must read
Most of these are available hardcopy or on your kindle, which is personally my favorite way to read
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Today was a frustrating day! After talking to others regarding insurance and preauthorizations, it make me curious to see if my Bariatric office did turn in my paper work to insurance. They said 3 days ago they were sending it out.. Nothing has been sent..ugh.. Said they were waiting for the surgeon to sign it. I need to be patient and just focus on my healthy eating and exercising ! This waiting game is not my bag.. Lol.. Just had to blow off some steam.
On the 10th I was officially 2 months post op! As always let me get this out of the way: I weighed 203lbs on that day. Which if you're keeping track, is only 12lbs down in a month. HOWEVER, I weighed Friday, three days AFTER my two month mark, and I came in at 199.2. I am NOT celebrating onderland yet because I'm baaaarrrrrrely under 200. Let me get to about 195 and keep it there for a couple days and I'll be partying in the streets!
I attempted to take my measurements this month, but it didn't really work out. I have no idea if I'm putting the tape measure in the same places as the last two times, and I wasn't impressed with the results I was getting (there was almost no difference between this month and last month). I'm not sure I'm going to continue to take measurements, its just too iffy and aint nobody got time for that.
My clothing situation continues to be ridiculous. I have about 6 shirts and three pairs of pants I can still wear, and I don't mean like, "I can wear them but they aren't very cute on me anymore." I mean like, I cant wear them because they're falling off and a boob might accidentally pop out in public. Its a great problem to have, I'm grateful, but its also irritating.
I'm going home to Texas for a long weekend this week. I can't drink. Eating isn't fun. I don't know how this is going to go and I'm a little nervous. It will definitely be a test, both for me and my will power and discipline, but also for some of my relationships. I have a feeling many of my relationships are built on a foundation of going out to eat and drink. We shall see! However, I'm also concerned to go home because I know people are going to comment on my weight. The last time I was home I was 40+ pounds more than I am now and wearing 4 pants sizes larger than today. I feel like they're either going to think I should have lost more by now, or they're going to go way overboard telling me how great I look. Either one will make me uncomfortable honestly. I really don't like attention, predictably. Which brings me to...
Since I've started losing weight, my boss has become incredibly inappropriate with me. It's been so bad I had to report him to HR, though HR has yet to do a darn thing... but that's another story entirely. My point is, I KNOW this wouldn't have happened to me 70 pounds ago, and knowing that makes me feel a lot of things I'm not sure I can sort out on my own. It's not just my boss of course, I've been getting more attention in general, and while its flattering and makes me feel nice in some ways, it also makes me so so uncomfortable and I feel so awkward and out of my element. I've never in my life had to worry about men approaching me. But also, it's very... confusing? -Is that the right word?- when I receive attention from other men, but not necessarily from my husband. I think I should probably start seeing a therapist. But then again I think that sounds like a painful mess, dragging everything out of the closet and looking at it, no thanks. My schedule changes in June, if I have the time to go to therapy, I promise myself I'll at least look into it.
In other news, I feel gas pains in between my shoulders now. I didn't have this immediately following surgery but now two months later I do feel it occasionally and its actually pretty painful. Another thing is I get this weird feeling in my stomach sometimes, not necessarily painful, just kind of nauseating I guess. I'm not sure if my stomach is telling me I'm hungry, or if its just gas, or maybe some acid reflux. I really can't pin point what's happening in there! Anybody else have a weird feeling in their stomach that sounds something like what I'm describing?
Hmm, lets see. I had to give up the bariatric advantage vitamins, they taste so bad that I catch myself accidently on purpose forgetting to take them. So I got some chewy vitamins instead and I actually compared the ingredients and they're almost exactly the same. My advice- don't spring for those Bariatric Advantage chewables. Get something cheaper.
Oh also, I really do think my hair is falling out with a lot more frequency. I am teetering on the edge of spending gobs of money for products and supplements for hair strength/growth... but should I? I could really use some advice. My hair is already thin! I can't afford to lose anymore of it yall.
Well I'm working on a big project for my department right now and I should probably get back to it.
Until next time!
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I am two weeks out of surgery. Well, technically I am only 13 days but I'm rounding up.
I weigh 103.9kgs!!! I know this site runs on pounds but I am not American and it kind of confuses me, but that's amazing!! I am proud of myself and I cannot really remember the last time I was proud of myself or the last time I was 103.9kgs! Probably two and half years ago.
When I first started this journey I expected something else, something much simpler, much more straightforward and less painful. I know that weight loss surgery is not the easy option, that it is difficult but I guess subconsciously, I did think of it that way.
But it isn't.
First of all, surgery is a nightmare, I've never had it before, never been to a doctor for anything serious, I've never stayed overnight before and I am lucky, because not only is recovery a #*%$#, hospitals are also spooky at night.
I also underestimated how awful the liquid diet would be. My stomach wasn't hungry, but I was jealous, of everything that everyone was eating that I could not. Honestly, I thought I would breeze through the liquid stage because I didn't mind protein shakes or soup and yoghurt. Well, that was a lie. There is something so draining about eating the same thing every day, and not chewing, or having any flavours; everything was either too bland or sickly sweet. Eating becomes a chore, and maybe this is for the best because I definitely didn't have a healthy relationship with food pre-op, but I don't like hating food, I would just like to strike a healthy balance.
I am looking forward to eating real food, but differently, I'm excited to try new healthy recipes, the ability to leave food on my plate. Enjoy food and not gorge myself until I'm filled with self-loathing.
Pain wise, I am doing okay, I am 2 weeks out and I feel pretty good, almost how I was pre-op barring the occasional struggle. I am moving around and I try and to go up the stairs couple of times each day, I get winded pretty easily but not sure if that's from surgery or being fat. I am lucky that my recovery is going well, I know it's because I'm young.
It's just this has not been easy, it has not been awful and terrible, and I am very blessed, there have been no medical complications so I shouldn't complain, and I am not. I am happy I had this surgery, I am just learning that this is a tool, that you don't wake up afterwards a new person. You are still you, and you are responsible for making this work.
It's important that I know my weaknesses
- I love carbohydrates. I love my 8 pieces of toast and pasta and rice, and I know that I will have to stay away from them if I want to prevent regain. It is difficult but I know it's for the best.
- Exercise! I am good at it. But I am also lazy and good at putting off going to the gym. A good diet is one thing, but I know I need to work out too.
- Cheating. I am all talk, I know all about diets and healthy eating, I know a number of calories in a milkshake, I know what I should be eating and what I should be eating, therefore, is no excuse as to cheating. I have to be serious. I cannot allow it this time.
Sorry for the rambling, I've been trying to catch up on the past two weeks and I need somewhere to place my thoughts.