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  1. Now its about what is the meaning of my life. What purpose am I meant to serve? What good can I bring to my present, my future? What is my destiny? I want desperately to leave behind a legacy, where do I start, what is it exactly?

    None of these answers has anything to do with vanity, only self worth. Now that I am able bodied, and have a bright future, where do I go from here? Restless.

    "The only necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

  2. I also had GBS in December 2008. Last year, I started a new job and stopped working out as I had a lot of program development to acheive in one year, hence I regained about 20 pounds.

    Effective May 2012, I resumed my regular workouts, I am moderating my intake as I do not usually dump and I am making efforts to avoid late night snacking.

    I am holding steady now, but it is indeed more difficult to lose the regained weight. But, I will not give up and will continue to move forward. In August, I will resume the 2-week preoperative diet. It worked then and it should work again. I am also going to continue my 30-minute, 5-day a week power-walks.

    I plan to keep folks up to date with my progress here.

    Giving up on reaching my goal weight is not an option for me.

    Source: Need help losing weight...sigh...

  3. I never liked dining at a resteraunt that had booths because inevedibly the waitress would seat us there and often more than not I would not fit. well tonight I took my dh to dinner at Black Angus Steak house and didn't ask to be seated at a table rather than a booth. When we were seated my dh smiled and said, "hey... you fit!". I was so glad to sit comfortably at a booth for the first time in 15 years. Dinner was so nice and I really enjoyed out time together. Now, 115 lbs less makes alot of room in a booth seat!. I love the new me...

  4. Okay so I made this one up... and it's pretty spicy, if you don't want it spicy leave the Jalapeno's out and it doesn't have bite at all.

    I adore this -- eating at least 3x a week for the last couple of weeks!

    Makes 6 - � Cup Servings

    Calories: 213

    Fat: 13.5

    Carbs: 6.5

    Protein: 15


    � 1 Large Can Snows White Premium Chicken in Water

    � 1 Can Festival Artichoke Hearts

    � 1 Can Mushrooms

    � � Can Diced Jalapenos

    � Knor�s Pesto Mix

    � � Cup Olive Oil

    � 6 Pieces Sun Dried Tomatoes in Olive Oil

    � � Cup Part Skin Mozzarella Cheese

    Cooking Instructions:

    • Cut artichoke and sun dried tomatoes into small bit size pieces.
    • In a large bowl mix chicken, artichokes, mushrooms, jalapenos and sun dried tomatoes.
    • Add mixture to skillet and warn and brown gently.
    • In small sauce pan mix Knor�s Pesto Mix, � cup Olive Oil (I use the oil from the sun dried tomatoes jar) and � cup of water. Bring pesto sauce to a boil stirring constantly, let simmer for 5 minutes stirring occasionally. Add pesto sauce to skillet and mix into chicken mixture and mix together well.
    • Add entire mixture to small casserole dish and bake in over at 325 degrees for 60 minutes.
    • Top with Mozzarella Cheese and bake until cheese browns on top.
    • Serve warm or cold on top of lettuce for a spice chicken pesto salad.

    Source: Pandora�s Spicy Chicken Pesto Casserole

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  5. Shineg2g
    Latest Entry

    This morning when i woke up, I decided to weigh myself. I usually do it on Sunday mornings. I have been anticipating seeing 199! Halelujah it said 199. I wiped my eyes thinking maybe I wasn't looking at it correctly. Then I got off. I checked to see if it was set correctly on 0 to get an accurate weight. Then I hopped back on. HOT DAMN!! The needle was between 198-199. So I got off again and weighed myself again. (i know you're thinking I'm crazy) SHO NUFF!! the needle was between 198-199!!! I was so happy and excited. I have not seen my weight in the hundreds for many many many many years. So I took my camera phone out and took a picture. This is one of my milestones that I have accomplished.

    Hooray for me and all others on this journey.

    Cheers to being in the 100's and a healthier life.

    Now I hope that when I get home the scale doesn't change. If you've been experiencing things like me. I'll lose a pound and two or three pounds will mysteriously show back up a week later. Still don't understand that. I exercise on a regular basis and have better eating habits. That's just a mystery. Now I need to battle my hair thinning. I still have some but it's thinner. Growing longer but thinning. I don't wanna cut it.

    I eat and drink protein and still experience hair loss. What should I do?

    Please advise...


  6. It's very quiet in my house this morning. My DH is in Ojai for a meeting and my 10-year old granddaughter is with her Mom for the weekend. (GD lives with us now) My 3 cats are sleeping after being fed and attended to....

    I know I'll be busy later on. It's always been a habit of mine to do major housework when my DH is away. And I mean MAJOR! Nothing is left undone and it's very satisfying to see the house completely clean.

    This time around I need to go outside and take care of some minor gardening issues. I enjoy gardening as it relaxes me. I honestly need more sunshine anyway...gotta get rid of this "ghost" look!

    My reward for all this work will come later on when I plan to do some much needed clothes shopping. I've always worn elastic top waist pants just because they were easy to get on-off. I've decided to try some "real" jeans, zipper and all! Levi's 512 are supposed to be good...boot cut, waist high, and stretch. Can't wait to try them on!

    I need to get my flabby butt in gear here and get to work. I hope everyone has a terrific weekend no matter what you choose to do!

  7. Well, it has been a long few months since I last wrote anything here. I must say it feels like a long time, and at the same time I can't believe how quickly everything blew past me. The last time I wrote here I was just embarking on the first step of an incredible journey during 2011. I actually became a triathlete...

    Yes, I am a triathlete now.

    Whoa. Those are some big shoes I am filling now. A year ago I was just convincing myself that I might just make it out of Mass General Hospital and back home in one piece. My recovery from gastric bypass took much longer than I had expected and included some very painful complications. The beginning of January marked a new year and a new step in my evolution to become a thinner me. I embraced it whole-heartedly and enthusiastically. I completed my very first indoor triathlon in February, something I didn't think i could ever do, and then decided to commit to three more on Cape Cod over the course of the summer. After completing the first one in Hyannis in June I realized I needed triathlons more and more to keep me motivated to exercise. The sheer exhilaration of crossing the finish line, no matter how far behind the others I was, was addictive and kept me flying high for weeks. After my second one in Falmouth I decided that I would sign up for another one in September, closer to home, just to be able to finish off my season near my own home waters of The New Hampshire Seacoast (Wallis Sands). Truth be told, my second one was harder than my first because I had more mental challenges to deal with. That nasty thing called self doubt cropped up during the swim and then followed me through every event, but I didn't quit. Not once.

    Training for the triathlons became easier - my wife (who is 60 years young)was training with me and completed every triathlon that I did - it became our entire focus for the summer and gave us lots to talk about. Pretty soon it was laughable to think about just going for a run - it wasn't enough to focus on just one event during a training session - we had to do at least a run and a swim, or a bike and a run, or sometimes do all three events at the gym in order to feel as if we had worked out enough. Imagine that from the woman who dreaded going to the gym a mere 8 months earlier... and being able to watch my clothes size continue to shrink wasn't half bad either! I was just reveling in my new body, enjoying all that activity, being able to chase my 14 year old son on the soccer field and almost catch him sometimes... I couldn't stop smiling. My depression had faded away.

    We had other stresses to deal with - our 17 year old son has lots of disabilities that make it very difficult to live with him full-time, and we were having to make difficult decisions about whether or not we needed to dissolve his adoption in order to get the state to provide the appropriate services for him - exercising was my stress-reliever and my salvation during this period. Eventually we had to swallow the bitter pill in order to do what was best for him, though we are still very much his parents and care for him every weekend we knew that he needed more than we could provide... I'll get really sad if I write more about this, so I'm stopping this for now...

    And then we went camping in Provincetown, MA for the whole month of August... talk about escaping reality and living in a fantasy world - beaches and ocean on all sides, good food (most of which I could only sample), entertainment and acceptance, and exercise opportunities by the fistful. We were surrounded by beauty, joy and mostly sunshine for that whole month. Training for the final Hyannis triathlon and then my fourth one in Rye, NH came pretty easily. My body felt so strong and well-primed. I still encountered the mental challenges of doubting whether I could finish the swim, then the bike, then the run, in the next two triathlons. But I didn't quit. No siree. I did it and am still quite proud of what I accomplished. But then it was over - the season was finished and I lost my motivation...

    Coming home from vacationing for a whole month was sheer hell. I don't recommend it. It was so hard to get myself back into the routine of being on call all of the time - at the beck and call of every state agency who needed to meet with me about my son, and every school meeting that required my attention...the doctors' visits, paperwork and bills to be paid, getting my kids back into school routines, my wife back to her routine, and me into mine - back to working and juggling and being there for everyone else but myself... it was quite depressing. This Fall was really hard. I also had plateaued with my weight loss. I wasn't dropping five pounds a week anymore. Some weeks I even gained back a pound or two. I'd lose it again, but then it was only half a pound... my clothing size stalled as well. I knew it would happen. This was inevitable. I had reached my maximum weight loss. So, now what?

    Dealing with the stress of coming home and then not transforming by leaps and bounds anymore has been a pretty tough thing. Oh yes, I have still been receiving compliments, though not as often as before. I'm still moving pretty well, though I am feeling some aches and pains that I had been able to ignore during my euphoric period. It's just that now I am noticing the lumps and bumps that are left behind after losing all of this weight. It isn't pretty, and I would like to take care of them, but doing it involves more than just pushing harder on the bike now. When I shake my arms they make a slapping sound because of the excess skin - I laugh about it, but inside it hurts a bit - there's a bit of shame there... I'm having to work harder to eat healthy - to keep my mind focused in good habits. The lack of sunshine doesn't help my mood any...

    But, we have signed up for more triathlons this spring and summer, and it is time to begin training in earnest in order to be able to cross those finish lines with my head held high, not crawling across in defeat. And so I begin this January anew...

  8. navywife1999
    Latest Entry

    Life is good. I haven't lost any weight in almost 2 months! I am going to the YMCA, 3-4 times a week. I love Zumba, I am a un-cordinated fool, but it is still fun!!! I am going to try Water Dance next week! I hope to lose the last 20 pounds to my goal by June (my year anniversary!). I am able to eat just about everything. I need to walk away from the sweets. I never cared much for them before the surgery, but now I craved sweets and salty foods! I am eating about 800-1000 calories a day, now. I am getting my energy back. My hair is still thin but I don't think I am losing it anymore. I am also trying some hair stimulating shampoo, conditioner and syrum.

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    BIG MEDICINE Season 2 on TLC

    Premieres January 9th 10pm EST/10pm PST/9pm CST


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    Well the fact that I will be having my plastic surgery in just 2 short weeks is starting to sink in. I just got a call from the hospital to pre-register me plus I've started to do all my little pre-op duties. My lab work is now drawn, next week it is my EKG, my surgery clearance appointment with my PCP and mammogram. Then the following week I have my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon the day before my surgery. So this is REALLY going to be happening and it sounds as if the 21st is still a GO for the big moment.

    I have a lot of weird feelings going along with all of this. Yes, you, I've been having the strange dreams. You know I don't remember dreaming at all before my wls. I wonder if my sleep apnea was still keeping me from dreaming. :rolleyes:

    You know there is something so surreal about the thought of having a large portion of my loose skin removed. It's been years and years, literally, since I've seen my body without excess skin or fat. I'm already struggling to recognize my reflection in the mirror. How am I going to feel seeing another whole new person in the mirror almost over night? Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited about this next part of my journey its just sometimes hard to wrap my head around how major of a change this will be for me.

    Sometimes all of the past 2 years still feels like a dream. I get on the scale and I am still shocked to see my weight. I honestly expect to one day get on it and see a weight of 355 realizing that I dreamed all of this and the reality is that none of this ever happened.

    My heart is honestly pumping hard right now thinking of what is to come in the next 2 weeks. It even makes me feel sort of choked up. I know it's silly but sometimes I feel that I don't deserve all of this "goodness". How have I been so lucky and blessed to have had this wls, gone through it with minimal complications, lose over 200 pounds PLUS get my insurance to pay for not only a panniculectomy but ALSO my breast reduction!!

    I honestly am so humbled by the blessings I have received in my life as a result of my wls. I see so many struggling to get approval for their wls, so many struggling with complications, so many who fear that they will never see the reality of goal or the ability to afford any plastic surgery. There are so many and sometimes I almost feel guilty for the road I have traveled on this journey. I feel so undeserving.....

    .....all of is a miracle...I have no other explanation and it brings me to grateful tears and leaves me struggling for the words to express how I feel....right now.

  9. uniquetasha
    Latest Entry

    I logged into Thinner Times for the first time in a while and wanted to blog about some things. I had my surgery on 4/7/2010 and am almost 2 years out but this has been one rollercoaster ride. I recently had another operation on 11/30/11 and it made surgery number 5. I can't express enough about how serious haviing WLS is. I am often approached about getting the surgery and I still have my mixed feelings about it. We all have our opinions about things we want in life and strive to get them however, I never intended to end up this way. I wanted to get on here today to see if I can find a blog about some issues I am having but could not help but blog. People please if you are considering having surgery complete your research and be fully aware on what can happen. Dont get me wrong, this is the best thing I could have done losing 160lbs is something I could have never did on my on. I do not regret it but it upsets me to have people tell me that I took the easy way out and by no means is this process easy. I thought for sure I would have surgery and lose weight and everything would be ok but GOD had another plan for me. People please take this thing seriously, I see so many people that has had the surgery and are doing wrong but best believe complications is not something you want to have. I love the new me and I try and stay strong. If I can do it you can do it. I have 40 pounds to go to get to my goal weight but if I never lose another pound I am forever gratefully I got the opportunity of a life time.

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    Latest Entry

    Well its finally been and gone , Im relieved and very happy .

    Not much pain now , had my first shower today and that mad me feel more human .

    Am on liquids for a month now , and Im coping well , only craving I had was for a cream cracker :D

    But that soon went .

    Fluids going down well , Im walking well only real problem I have is my asthma .

    After the A/setic seemed to trigger a bad chest


    No regrets so far , Im lucky I have great family & friends and have a stong circle of support .

    My fav drink at the moment is cadbury low light hot choc made with fortified milk mmmmm ... love it .

    The house and my life is so quiet at the moment , no daughter here she is with her daddy whilst I recover , and No work or dashing around daft .

    I miss my lil one so much the days are soooo long without her here .

    Im tired Im not sleeping well , due to being on steriods for my asthma , Im bloody wide awake all the time .

    My incisions are clean cut & healing well and that awful gas pain has gone , that was the worst bit .

    Im glad I have got this far , with no complications or upset x

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    Made up my mind to have surgery: 1-11-09

    Attended Gatric Bypass seminar: 2-5-09

    Consultation w/ my surgeon: 2-25-09 (Told I was a perfect candidate for Laproscopic Gastric Bypass. I have to meet all of Tricare Prime's requirements in order to get approved and the surgeon requires that I lose 10 lbs on my own prior to surgery and attend 1 support group.

    Attended Support Group: 3-5-09

    Lost 10 lbs required by the surgeon: 3-9-09

    1st Sleep Study: 3-10-09

    Psych Eval: 3-12-09

    EKG & Physical exam: 3-16-09

    2nd Sleep Study: 3-25-09

    EGD: 3-26-09

    Info submitted to Tricare for approval: 3-30-09

    APPROVED: 4-2-09

    Got 4-13-09 surgery date: 4-2-09

    Picked up C Pap machine: 4-3-09

    Pre Surgical screening: 4-10-09

    2 Day liquid diet: 4-11-09 & 4-12-09

    SURGERY: 4-13-09

    Discharged from the hospital: 4-17-09



    :mad:HIGHEST- 413

    :(DAY OF SURGERY- 400

    :oCURRENT- 381

    :DGOAL- 180


    About my surgeon:

    Michael H. Wood, M.D., F.A.C.S.

    Dr. Wood has over 25 years of surgical experience and an extensive background in weight loss surgery with over 3,000 bariatric surgical procedures. He is Director of Bariatric Surgical Services at DMC

  10. :o Hi Friends,

    Tomorrow I will be speaking in Hemet to a group of potential patients for the GB procedure. I wish I had the opportunity to speak to someone before I had my surgery. It sometimes help to have some of the myths addressed before having such a Major Surgery!:)

  11. Hi!! Some friends and I, all having one type of WLS, have decided that driving to Gainesville once a month is to costly and not enough. So we, with the help of our nutritionist are starting a Weight Loss Sugery support group in Lake City, FL.

    Lake City Medical Center is helping us by giving us a wonderful place to have our meetings. We are starting August 17, 2009 at 7:00 pm in the classrooms across from the cafeteria. (someone already made a joke about it being across from the cafeteria.)

    If you have any questions or want to join us please contact us at:

    thanks so much.


  12. So I guess I am finally willing to say that I am under 200 pounds. I usually never did because I knew I would start gaining the weight back as that was my pattern, as soon as I started to see a waist line I would freak out and eat everything in sight to put my 60 pound security blanket back on. It is weird, I found myself eating more today as a result. I also felt very unsafe for some reason while walking. Not sure where all of this is coming from. Still not feeling 100% but drank half a bottle of wine last night so that is probably why.

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    Gastric Bypass Surgery...answer to everything wrong in my life! If I have gastric bypass I will become the prettiest, most healthiest person that ever walked the face of our planet! I will no longer be hungry 24/7, and all of my illnesses will go away! I am going into this knowing that I can die. It IS worth it to me, because I am not really living now! I'm so sick all of the time, and I'm so tired of feeling bad. Gastric bypass will fix it all. I can't wait!!!

    Now, fast forward seven years...that's how long it's been since I've had surgery. I was born again on March 12, 2003. For those of you who are in the process of getting ready for surgery, I would like to emphasize the statement "BORN AGAIN!" That's because there is no truer statement for a gastric bypass patient (GBP).

    The paragraph at the top describes what my expectations were when I had surgery on that fateful day in 2003. My purpose in this blog is to discuss those expectations and bring to light the true reality of my life. It is my hopes that this blog will help my fellow GBP on their own roads.

    I look forward to sharing more later, but I have to go and do some work now. Thanks for listening!

  13. I suppose it is time that I update this blog as it has been two and a half months since my original surgery date. I work full time and am in school full time so I don't have a ton of free time. Plus, with the tiny amount of food I eat every day I am exhausted by the time I get home from work!

    Life has been going pretty well post-gastric bypass surgery and I am pretty happy most of the time. However, I would not say that I am happy all of the time. This process is very, very, very hard. In fact, it is a lot harder than I ever imagined that it would be! I have spent my whole life as an overweight person and have gained habits that supported that life over the years. Those habits do not go away just because you have the surgery, you have to work very hard to break them. When I am at home and it is just my fiance and myself eating, I typically will take portions that are the right size. But in situations where we are eating with family or friends, I seem to put way more food on my plate than I could possibly eat. I don't even come close to eating it, but for whatever reason, my head tells me to take more than I know that I can eat. The funny thing about it is that although my plate has way more than I could possibly eat on it, it still has WAY less than anyone else's plate!

    I do go through my periods of feeling super deprived and depressed, but stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers go down usually seems to help those feelings go away. I have found that the thing that people say about going through puberty a second time is fairly accurate. I can go through a roller coaster of emotions in the matter of a few minutes...which is a load of fun for those around me! Luckily, the people that I have in my life are the most amazing people in the world and they are willing to put up with me!

    My fiance, Jason, is probably the most amazing person in the world. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am and is always sure to point out the changes in me that he has noticed. He says that this process for him is a lot of fun because it's like he gets to be with a new person all the time. Lately, he has been saying how hot I am a lot more often and that obviously makes me feel really good! We have always had a very good sex life, but now that I am shrinking, it is getting even better!

    My biggest struggles so far have been taking my vitamins and drinking protein drinks. The vitamins have been a struggle for me because I got very used to taking the Flintstone's vitamins and I didn't mind them, however, I was told that they are missing something and that they were no longer recommended. I went and bought the Centrum vitamins and tried to take those for awhile. That didn't last very long because they were huge and they tasted awful. I tried another brand called Celebrate and those weren't as bad tasting, but they were just as big and the after taste in your mouth would last for so long, I just couldn't handle it. Pretty much the same issue with the calcium. I have been told that calcium citrate is more desirable because it is better absorbed, but the chewable calcium citrate's that I have found have been so awful, I just can't choke them down. So needless to say, I was not feeling very well, and honestly, I didn't look very well could actually see the nutritional deficiency in my face. I decided that taking some vitamins and having them not absorb as well as others would be better than not taking vitamins at all, so I went out and bought some Flintstone's with iron and some of the Viactiv calcium chews and have been very good about taking them (I never had a problem with the B-12, so I didn't have to worry about that.)

    As far as the protein drinks go, I just need to buck up and start drinking them again because I know that I need to just do it. I am embarrassed to admit it, but after the two-week post surgery liquid diet (when I was very good about drinking my protein drinks) I have had maybe two or three protein drinks total. Not good Kellee!!! No excuses, I need to just do it!!!

    So...overall things are going well. My weight was 320 the day of my surgery and my weight was 270 yesterday when I weighed myself. Nothing wrong with 50 pounds lost in 10 weeks and 2 days!!! My highest weight in February of 2008 was 365, so I only have 5 pounds to go until I am at the 100 pounds lost point and I have to say that feels pretty good!

    Until next time...

    (The first picture is from September when my weight was around 340. The second, third, and fourth pictures are from Christmas with my current weight of 270.)

  14. So, today, 13 days post op, I woke up thinking that I was going to be able to go home to Robert. I've been feeling better with the UTI under control and I'm able to do short trips to the store. I can't wait to start walking, which will help me sleep at night, which I'm having trouble with.

    My family wasn't home, as they go to church on Sundays. I packed all my things up and waited for them to get home to drive me half way to meet Robert (and he'd drive me the rest of the way).

    Like I said in my previous post, our house is being renovated and that includes the outside, too. I wanted to borrow a couple of gardening tools from my parents large collection. I found some bush trimmers and wanted to test them out. I had my big 33oz. water bottle with me. I picked a bush in the front yard and started whacking at it.

    Eventually the sweat was dripping, and I know it's been pretty hot lately, so I was only out there, 10-maybe 20 minutes. I went back inside and started drinking my bottle of water and could barely get it to my lips. My hands and arms were shaking pretty bad.

    This happened before the surgery, too, but only when I wasn't properly nutritioned or low blood sugar/high blood sugar (not really sure the EXACT reason).

    I'm pretty sure this time it was just because I wasn't properly hydrated. My family came home and my mother was quite concerned with my state. I was hot, trembling, and asking to go home. She was bewildered why 13 days post op I'm out landscaping her front yard, lol. So, of course, she said it probably wasn't a good idea to leave just yet, since I'm a little "out of my mind."

    (Yes, I'm 24 and an independent woman, but I happen to not have a vehicle here, so I'm dependent on them right now).

    Then her point was further proven when I turned back into a 4 year old and began to cry. Pitiful!

    (I drank lots of water and had some egg beaters and fat free cheese for some protein and eventually the shaking stopped).

    I am having the hardest time controlling my emotions. I guess all these big changes and not being in a stable environment is getting to me. I have so much support around me, yet it's almost like a competition in my head.

    I wish I was stronger. I knew it was going to be like this, but now I just cry. I cry when someone mentions my stress, I cry when someone notices that I'm crying, I cry because I miss Robert and want affection, but he's two hours away. My crazy head is thinking he'd rather have me here since I'm so difficult to deal with right now. I'm not supposed to go back to Robert until my emotions are "under control" ...but damn, how long is that going to take?

    Anyway, the weight loss IS going great. It's just adjusting to life again. New home, new baby tummy, new business. (oh did I mention that I'm currently trying to start a photography/art teaching business?)

    I'm not upset at all about the food. I could care less about food and I'm not having any trouble at all with eating or drinking. I get 70-80grams of protein in a day. I'm taking all my vitamins and my pain is very minimal now.

    So....I need to quit being a baby and figure out my limits.

  15. Wow.

    I am young, 24. My husband is 26. We have been married for 2.5 yrs and been together for a little over 4 years. Our life has been full of abstacles since we have been together. After only dating for 3.5 months I got pregnant with our first child. We decided that just because we had a baby there was no reason to rush and get married. We both we in school full time and working full time during my pregnancy and after. 3 months after our first daughter was born I was pregnant again...uughh. I love my babies, but birth control has severly failed me. Our children are now 2 and 3. We are both still full time students, although I am not working anymore due to layoffs.

    We are more strapped for money now. We have moved to another state where I only know one bestie! Which happens to be my husbands first cousins wife. My mom plays a large roll in financial help, as she knows that we are sacrificing alot for the betterment of our kids future and ours. That puts an awkward strain on our marriage because of the fact that I don't work and that she helps support us. I feel like he resents me because I don't work. But in order for us both to succeed I can't think of any other way ( As I do alot of his school work too, papers, exams etc...)

    So on to the weight loss thing. While I was in the hospital he helped, there were times when he seemed to get impatient with me when I asked for help to get up, or help to the toilet. When we got home my mother was here to help with house up keep and other things so that he could concentrate on helping me. Again, he seemed to think that I was able when I was still in quite abit of pain, I was unable to wash myself effectively. I am only 5 days post-op and still having difficulty reaching certain parts but I have given up asking for help. I just do my best by myself. After my mom left he has not done anything around the house. He slept all day yesterday, I mean until 4pm all day.

    I can understand some of why he slept. I had to go to the ER night before last b/c I was vomitting for over 3 hours and was unable to keep any water down and I was in terrible pain. When we got home from the ER I asked if he would help me use my phenergan suppository b/c I was afraid of getting sick again. He said, " Do you really need it tonight, you just got it at the hospital." so I didn't say anything and just laid myself down and went to sleep.

    I got up and I needed some clean clothes and so I did a load of laundry. Once he got up I had 3 baskets of laundry sitting that needed to be folded and put away. Instead of helping me when I started folding them he went and picked up our children and was gone until it was time to bring them home and put them in the bed. Then he left again, went to the store and got cigarrettes and beer. We have quit smoking a long time ago, where is this coming from? I did not question him when he brought that home, then he started eating ice cream right in front of me after we discussed before the surgery that we were not going to keep stuff like that in the house, as it sits in the freezer now.

    Today I have finished the laundry, gotten both my children off to school. And picked up a little around the house, he is laying on the couch asleep. Complaining that he is stressed out and his chest is hurting. Does he even know what pain feels like? I have had two children without any pain medication, I went 7 hours without any pain medication right after my surgery (due to an error on the nurses part)...

    I am afraid that my efforts to be healthy and live a fullfilling life with my children is going to be dampened by his unhealthy decisions. I am so sad, I cannot comfort myself with any prior addictions; food, cigarettes, alcohol. I don't know if we will survive. I want to for our children. :(

  16. I am so overwhelmed with everything in my life right now. I am losing focus on eating the right things and just eating the easily accessible stuff. The wedding plans are in full swing, and there is only a month to go. Trying to figure out where all my skin will go in my wedding dress should be fun. Hello Spanx! I can't wait for plastic surgery. lol My hair is still falling out but not as much as before it seems. I didn't want to be a bald bride. BTW, how come almost every food/drink tastes different now, except potato chips and chocolate? Darn it all.

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    Well my date is getting nearer and I am excited, but I do find myself making excuses for eating stuff that I will not be able to eat after surgery. It is a hard road to navigate, and the Christmas holidays are not making it any easier. I know that I will get through it, and I do have a whole year before they roll around again, and by then my New lifestyle and new self should be better prepared to handle it.

    Just my random thought for today.

  17. Surgery was three weeks ago! Hard to believe that since it just seems like yesterday. When I went to my initial consult my weight was 204.5. I had been losing since my highest of around 220 for several months prior.

    The day of surgery I was a nervous wreck. It was such a chaotic morning. First, alarms didn't go off and I was supposed to arrive at 930am. So, I jump in shower and rush everything except for scrubbing my belly with the special soap thingie they gave me. My BF and I begin our hour drive and get stuck in traffic. I decide to call Barix and let them know I'm gonna be about 15mins late. They said no problem and I felt a lil better. I kept asking my BF if I was being stupid doing this. I kept waiting for him to talk me out of it...which he never did.

    We arrive and to my surprise are actually on time. Then began the process of waiting. So, I get there at 9:30 finally go back to pre-op around noon!!!! My BF hadn't eaten since we were rushed and I felt bad. I think I finally went back for surgery around 2pm. It all went well and had a hiatal hernia repair as well (yay no more zantac)!

    I weighed 192.5 when they took me back and later that night was a lil over 200. Darned I.V. Fluids! Oh well I can handle that!*

    So, today is 3weeks later. I have had no problems with any food. Although I haven't had first fill yet (feb 8th). Here are my current stats: weight 186ish, waist & hips down 3"!!!! I'm so excited for this! I look forward to being able to incorporate exercise into this process. My migraines got worse for a bit so that has been an obstacle for me. I WILL get there!

  18. I went into my refrigerator to get out pizza sauce that I have to make for my son special because of a special diet. I had a realization that I feel terrible about. I was eating my family out of house and home before surgery.

    I knew I had a food addiction, but I had no idea it was as bad as it was. I realized that I've spent 1/2 as much on food this past month than in all previous months before my surgery.

    I realized that the food that I do buy is lasting longer. When I cook now, there are leftovers that I'm having to throw away because there are so much of whereas before, it was gone within a day.

    It's the same story with my pantry. It actually always looks full now instead of becoming bare every other day because I'm going through it apparently single-handedly.

    I'm feeling pretty bad about myself right now, ashamed and disgusted at my old-self, it's like I can't believe I was like that and I know I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure I never be that way again. Part of the healing process to make sure I change my eating habits for the rest of my life I guess.