When there's a need to open up.
There are some things in life that are easy to talk about; work, life, simple day to day things. Then, there are things that you struggle to even face alone, much less involving someone else in it. It's time that I open up about my biggest struggle. A struggle that I've faced my entire life. A struggle that almost killed me.
I'm overweight. Those two words are so hard to say. I cry each time I associate them with myself. I have let that fact, and the peo
So I meant to post this last week, actually the week before but obviously I didn’t! My hubby is away and I have a little free time before bed tonight so I thought I’d post.
I have been pretty disappointed with myself bc I have slacked off a lot. Part of my problem is that I KNOW I can recover, so I feel like IF I gain 10#, i will just get serious and get it back off, which is a SUPER DANGEROUS way to think!!!!
Today I decided to do a 5DPT. I have been wanting to do it for a long
For the record, I am now 14 months post-op and 6 months under goal weight.
6 months? Really? Up to now I purposely didn't have the "M" word ("Maintenance") in my blog title because I didn't want to jinx myself if it wasn't going to happen. Looking back now, I can see I wasn't really in maintenance at first as I was still consciously, and unconsciously making myself lose more. But , even though I still feel like keeping in 5-10 pound range is scary, it's beginning to feel not like standing
Yes, I have neglected to write anything here for a long time! This isn’t because I’ve lost interest in TTF (I read it daily and comment fairly frequently). It’s just because things have gotten pretty routine for me, so I feel less of a need to do the soul searching I have spent so much time doing here in the past. I’m not taking anything for granted (working hard on that!!!) and I definitely haven’t gone back to my old ways, so I think things are OK.
As a catch-up since last summer (what??
Wow! I realized it's been December since I posted. Holy cr@p! I haven't poked around the threads yet to see how everyone's doing, but I will!
I'm doing well. I'll post the not so great first - I developed kind of a not great relationship with alcohol and may have given myself an ulcer as a result. I've only been experiencing pain for about two weeks, so I contacted the doctor ASAP. They're giving me a megadose of PPI daily and I'll have an endoscopy when I go in for my 18 month appointment i
Hard to believe it's been such a long time since I last updated! I never meant to let a month go by without posting here. WLS was such a huge point of change and disruption in my life (in the best possible way) that I didn't think there would ever come a time that I didn't need to talk about it endlessly. But truth - after a while, the machinery of normal life grinds on, and other priorities begin to reassert themselves.
At 19 months out, I feel pretty evenly-keeled about my surgery and
Honesty first. Ready? Here it goes:
I will remember these first few months of maintenance with the biggest emotion being --------- PANIC! Isn't that dumb?!!!!!!!!!??????
I have felt grateful for months and months now as I healed from surgery and the pounds started coming off and the clothes got smaller. And I still feel HUGE gratefulness. But, since this forum is the place to be honest, I have to warn others that the biggest emotions I have felt in maintenance have been fear and pan
Well this marks not only the end of my 4th month of maintenance blog, but also my surgiversary. So I've posted a few pics at the end.
1 - Before picture
2 - Picture this morning
3 - Picture of some old and current pants
What a great year. A life-changing year. I thank God every morning for this opportunity for a healthy future. I am so grateful. Yesterday I had my one year check up with my surgeon and I had tears when I thanked him for his good work. He got tears too!
Well, it's only Month 3, and I'm no longer in my goal range of 130-140.
I've spent a few weeks feeling very weird and a little scared. My emotions have run the gamut between, "Wow, what fun, this is awesome, my Weight Watcher goal in 1985 was 127!" to the depths of "This is scary! Am I still healthy? I'm looking scrawny? If I accept this weight am I anorexic?" Part of me was asking what foods to add, and the other part was loving still losing each week. I finally made an appointment with
I almost titled this blog entry "Too skinny"? I am NOT complaining, but this month has been a bit of a trip into the Weight Twilight Zone. I hoped to get down in the bottom of my weight range before Christmas so I could enjoy holiday treats without fear. Also, we're going with 5 families for a week to a ranch in Arizona starting tomorrow so the eating/drinking will be tempting there too. Sooooo, I wanted to be at "fighting weight" when all that started. All good. I did that.
But then a wei
One year. I can't believe it's been a whole year - its funny, how it both seems twice as long, and also like it can't possibly have been a year already.
In the year (and couple weeks) since surgery, I have lost over 100 pounds. I can power up stairs without losing my breath, do longer hikes, and I have a wholly different relationship with food. I'm very mindful of my tool; especially now that I really and truly feel hunger again. It would not be difficult to eat past the warning signs of fu
Never done a blog before. But I love reading them on this site, and I think I have something to say. And I'm hoping it might strike a few chords with some of you.
I can lose weight. Over the years I have turned the diet light on and off. I have lost hundreds of pounds over my life time (since junior high) and gained hundreds more. I have been successful on Atkins, Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, Phen-fen pills, fasting once a week, and countless others. I've also ALWAYS gained it back.
A year ago today, I was headed into the hospital all nervous that I had made a wacky decision that I might regret. My sister had just died, so I was grieving and looking at going through this process without her - which was not part of my plan. She was my support system. My family needed me, but I told them I needed to go ahead and do this for myself and that everything could wait until I was healed from surgery. I almost backed out. Some of my friends and family thought I should have at the tim
Hi guys! Today is my one year surgiversary and it just hit me HARD. As I sit here, literally sobbing at my desk with my office door closed, I thought I'd share a few thoughts with the one group of people that I know can understand my feelings more than anyone else.
One year ago I was a smart, talented, woman who had cultivated a solid "fun, pretty-faced fat girl" personality over the decades of my obese existence. As my weight increased over the years, the best and most important parts of m
Transforming CJ……did I realize last year when I set up the name of my blog, just how MUCH I would be transformed in one year? No, there was no way I could imagine what I would look like just 365 days later, after all I hadn’t seen myself smaller in decades! I knew I would be different, otherwise why would I agree to have the surgery in the first place, but I had no idea the profound effect it would have on me. Not just my anatomy, but my mentality as well!
How did an entire year fly by
Wow. I cannot believe another month from now will be a year since surgery. In many ways, it feels longer, but in most ways, it feels shorter!
This time last year I was keyed up, making all my pre-op appointments, wondering if I would be a success story for WLS or not. I was burdened by feeling I would be someone to cheat the rules, and end up not being able to lose weight.
I'm so happy to know I wasn't "that" person. I lost 100 pounds in 8 months, and although I've held steady thes
Here I am, almost a year out. I'm actually posting this a couple of days after my 11 month anniversary. I've had a rough couple of weeks. I spent a week in an inpatient psych facility - voluntarily. I'm doing better now, though. I've just had a very difficult year and it finally got to me. While I was in the facility, my meds were adjusted and I got some therapy, which I will continue with, so I'm feeling hopeful.
I've been off my bike for the last two weeks, so my ride to work this morning w
So I hit 11 months this week...and it is a surreal feeling. For some reason (probably because I am motivated by results!) I am very driven by my 1 yr surgiversary....and I am not thinking that is a good thing! I guess it goes back to my dieting days where you needed to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain function (reunion/wedding/vacation/etc) and when you were drawing closer but not making it, you gave up knowing “it’s never going to happen so why keep trying?”. I have that very feel
Lord almighty, where do I start?
Well, let's start, as ever, with stats:
Starting weight: 311
Current weight: 209
Starting BMI: 53.4
Current BMI: 35.9
My weight has, for the most part, held completely steady this month. Thanks to this pregnancy, I'm eating constantly (or so it feels) but popping between 208 and 210 pretty regularly. I hit 205 the week after I found out I was pregnant, but as usual when I hit a new weight, it had bounced back to 20
I rode the Square 2 Square today! It was a little different than it would have been had it gone on as planned, but it was still pretty fun. About 20 miles in, I was adjusting my helmet and hit the edge of the trail weird and wrecked my bike. I mostly have a bruised ego, along with a skinned chin and knee, but my bike will need repairs. My bike was safe to ride, though, so I went ahead and rode the additional 10 miles I needed to finish. If my bike hadn't been safe to ride, I would have gotten a
I'm 10 months out and I've lost a total of 120 lbs. The weight loss is slowing, I think, but that's totally fine. I'm at 159 now, which I never thought would happen, so I'm doing well! I'm sticking with around 1500 calories a day or so and more carbs than I was having before - largely because I need fiber.
The ride I signed up for today was canceled because we had some intense rain overnight that flooded some of the tunnels and they can't really hold the ride and risk the liability if someon
It is amazing to me that I am ten months out!!! How did that 10 months go flying by so quickly? But then again, sometimes I think being heavy was a LIFETIME ago, not only 10 months ago! How blessed I still feel for being able to have the surgery!
This month wasn’t a big weight loss month again (eating out, going away twice, fresh Jersey peaches (so worth it!) and then finding it hard to get back on track after vacation (but I am mostly there now). I went up 2-3# in Aug but went back do
I had decided a little while back that maybe I should go on more of a maintenance diet. I posted a couple of things asking about calorie intake and maintenance, etc. I had plateaued for a while and was thinking maybe 165-ish was just where I was supposed to be. So I decided to up my calories, add in some more complex carbs, and settle into my new weight. Then the weirdest thing happened - I started losing weight again! I think I was eating too few calories as I've upped my activity considerably,