tmcgee

I have not been honest with you

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ok, this is hard. not only on this board, but on other entertainment based boards, the idea of alcohol has taken place in my head.

i look back and i realize that the mere discussion of alcohol can be a trigger. i too have relapsed after 3 years. it feels awful and i plan to go to my favorite meeting next thursday and confess. you can confess on a message board, and its  very soothing. people are there for you.

 

and you can confess in a meeting, and half the people will tell you they relapsed as well.

 

i DO NOT want to derail this, but i do want people to know this is a real danger. yes, i've had addiction problems in the past, and have done outpatient rehab in the past. but it hit me so hard that when i am down and out, so sad, so lonely, so craving the comfort of food, that i suddenly found myself in a liquor store, not knowing what i was doing there.

 

this is IN SUPPORT of initial post, not about me. but how scary... old habit die hard when you can no longer lean on food to take away some of the pain

 

if you read this, thank you. OP, thank you. so very very much. I was so solid in my sobriety! and it melted away so quickly. I plan to go back to AA asap. thanks ^^

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You've got this, a-d! And I know we're not the only ones. I'm doing mostly okay, and when I originally posted, I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one, that others here had figured out how to get past it.

I'd never heard of addiction transfer before coming here, but I have experienced depression from losing lots of weight before, and I've fully been expecting it, and while I didn't go the alcohol "solution" the last time, this time was different. I've got that part beat for now, but sadness and depression remain. And how I can be lonely in a house of 7 people is an utter mystery to me.

I did get my anxiety meds increased slightly this week, and I think it's time for a mental health visit and prescription evaluation. So happy to have good health insurance right now and I have a counsellor that helped me beat the depression almost 20 years ago, different reason, and she was brilliant with the solution, not just making me talk like so many of them do. I hope there isn't too long a wait for an appointment, and even though I know the trigger words to get me in right away, I don't want to use them.

Edited by tmcgee

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You've got this, a-d! And I know we're not the only ones. I'm doing mostly okay, and when I originally posted, I knew I couldn't possibly be the only one, that others here had figured out how to get past it.

I'd never heard of addiction transfer before coming here, but I have experienced depression from losing lots of weight before, and I've fully been expecting it, and while I didn't go the alcohol "solution" the last time, this time was different. I've got that part beat for now, but sadness and depression remain. And how I can be lonely in a house of 7 people is an utter mystery to me.

I did get my anxiety meds increased slightly this week, and I think it's time for a mental health visit and prescription evaluation. So happy to have good health insurance right now and I have a counsellor that helped me beat the depression almost 20 years ago, different reason, and she was brilliant with the solution, not just making me talk like so many of them do. I hope there isn't too long a wait for an appointment, and even though I know the trigger words to get me in right away, I don't want to use them.

Tom

If you need to use the "trigger words" to get an earlier appointment, use them. There is no one in the world more important than yourself, so do what you need to do to get help now. Anxiety meds help anxiety but not depression. There are a wide variety of antidepressants available now that are much better than 20 years ago. I am not saying that medication is the ultimate answer, but an effective antidepressant can lift your mood enough to get you moving enough emotionally to be better able to participate with your counselor. I have been battling depression since I was 16 years old. There were periods of profound depression in my 20's and 30's but thanks to better antidepressants, a supportive husband and lots of hard work with therapists and psychiatrists, my depression has been stable for the last 20 years( some dips and bumps) but stable enough for me to have a successful career and personal life.

I rarely share this much personal info but am doing so now to try to both encourage you to get immediate help and to let you know you know you are not alone. You may feel alone but you are not.

Please don't wait to make the call. Don't postpone getting the help you deserve . Please reach out to your friends on TT anytime.

Just noticed that yesterday was your 1 year surgiversary.

Congrats on your fabulous success.

You lost 131 pounds in one year. ,,,,amazing.

Cathy

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I've been thinking about you, sweetie.  Hoping a little warmer weather helps you beat the blues, too.  It's coming.  Spring and all her little pollinated minions are heading your way.  You WILL get past this.  

 

Big love to you

c

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The first step is admitting that there's an issue.

 

You've done that, and I congratulate you for doing so.  Oftentimes that's one of the hardest steps.

 

The next is finding a way to cope.  When it's alcohol or drug addiction (or food addiction, as we all know), it's not an easy monkey to kick off your back.  You have to shed a lot of pride to go ask for help, but I think that would be good for you, to try to find a support group or counseling.  I'm not going to say that you can't quit cold turkey on your own, but it sure does help when you have a backbone for support from real, live people that are in the room with you. Not that we can't be supportive on TT, but it's different when there are people right in the room with you.

 

I see some of the problems and stress you've posted about.  It's very hard to compartamentalize stress, or to resolve/deal with it so that you can work on kicking an addiction.  Those stress factors never go away completely. 

 

I know you know all these things, but it's worth noting that it's always hard to apply them to yourself.  You just never think it's going to happen to you.  Those rules that other people live by won't ever become pertinent to your life.  You know?  

 

I'm going to put you in my prayers, Tom.  But I sure hope that you reach out to someone and get some counseling.  Maybe it's just a hotline for now, just somewhere that you call when you're feeling the urge.  Or maybe you're ready and able to reach out to an AA meeting, or maybe you can find a counselor that can help.  Just talking can help you become aware... and that's what  you've got to do.  You've got to become aware of those triggers that are driving you to take a drink, and make yourself change those habits and kick that physical addiction.

 

Please keep us updated.  I'm worried about you.

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My PCP will be back from vacay on Monday, there will be a request from me in his inbox Monday morning for a psyche/counsellor/medication eval and referral. And I will use trigger words, just not the very scary ones. I've gotta fix the depression part of this NOW. I'd classify it as mild to moderate, that said, I know it can easily blossom to something much worse.

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Good for you Tom. It is not always easy to make the call but definitely worth it as you start to feel better

In my thoughts and prayers

Cathy

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My PCP will be back from vacay on Monday, there will be a request from me in his inbox Monday morning for a psyche/counsellor/medication eval and referral. And I will use trigger words, just not the very scary ones. I've gotta fix the depression part of this NOW. I'd classify it as mild to moderate, that said, I know it can easily blossom to something much worse.

Keep your chin up and follow through on that. Don't let it slide. Plenty of people care about you. You matter a lot. :)

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Tom, just know we are always here to listen and support you brother.  

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Tom, just know we are always here to listen and support you brother.  

I know, it's a very special group with a unique set of challenges and experiences. I'm basically okay, have been far lower in my life to the point I couldn't function -- I just want to be more on the sunny side right now.

 

I appreciate ALL of you!

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heyas!

i wanted to add something - in case it would help you too

 

i was referred by my GP to a local hospital program that helps collaborate care between psychiatrists, psychologists, LCSWs (advanced social workers who normally do therapy), socio-economic programs, AND substance abuse!!

 

i had my first meeting with a social worker on friday, and am meeting with a case coordinator on monday. 

 

i am in no way implying you need all these services, but i personally need a few. maybe there is something like that in your area? i had NO idea this existed.

 

sigh, late at night and i thought i would share.

 

nighty night all, if its your bedtime lol!

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sigh, late at night and i thought i would share.

 

nighty night all, if its your bedtime lol!

 

Yeah, I don't sleep well either -- never have!  Thanks for the info, a-d. I'm sure there are similar options open to me, however, I also have it set up so I have to sign a medical records release if I want my info passed around and I don't want it passed around without my okie dokie.

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Yeah, I don't sleep well either -- never have!  Thanks for the info, a-d. I'm sure there are similar options open to me, however, I also have it set up so I have to sign a medical records release if I want my info passed around and I don't want it passed around without my okie dokie.

oh god i know the feeling. i don't want to broadcast my problems to the world. i guess at this point i have to. i know how you feel - really. this stuff is so personal. WHO wants to transfer their records everywhere??? 

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oh god i know the feeling. i don't want to broadcast my problems to the world. i guess at this point i have to. i know how you feel - really. this stuff is so personal. WHO wants to transfer their records everywhere??? 

There's a special release for psychiatric records. At my age, it makes little difference because I've been self employed for decades. Still, I want the control for who sees those particular records. I don't much care who knows I have asthma, or a bad knee, etc.

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Well not sleeping either and just got back from the doctor.  She gave me lunestra to help me sleep and directed me to a counselor who specializes in addiction transfer and WLS.  I have an appt. to see her on Friday.  She also suggested AA in conjunction with seeing this person.  Hope everyone is doing well. At least Spring starts tomorrow!  :D

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Thinking of you today, Tom. I hope you are having a good day!

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Well not sleeping either and just got back from the doctor.  She gave me lunestra to help me sleep and directed me to a counselor who specializes in addiction transfer and WLS.  I have an appt. to see her on Friday.  She also suggested AA in conjunction with seeing this person.  Hope everyone is doing well. At least Spring starts tomorrow!  :D

I have a PCP consult in the morning about antidepressants, had a psyche appt yesterday. She thought they would be a good idea, and she's very good but not an MD.

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Tom, what happened at your appointment?  I went and saw the counselor this morning as well.  She seems to be very good but as you know it's the first visit.  We discussed my drinking habits before surgery and when I started up again and the circumstances.  That's as far as we got to today.  I also got in addition to the Lunesta, sertraline at 25 mgs which I take every day (second day) and Clonzepam which I take a half pill twice per day as needed.  So far I have taken the half pill in the mornings.  I am a bit tired but not sure if it's just getting used to the pills or what.  Let me know how it went.

terri

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50mg sertraline for me and I also have 3x .5 mg of clonazepam. That got increased from 2x about a week ago.

They say it can take up to 6-8 weeks for the Zoloft to fully kick in, but I had a two hour nap an hour after taking my first dose yesterday. I haven't been able to nap since pre-op, so I blame it on the pill. Not complaining, just saying. I'll be taking the dose at night instead.

I really hate taking pills, and hope it won't be long term.

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I hate taking pills as well and I also had a nap yesterday.  I thought maybe it was the stress of seeing the counselor but you're right, it was probably the pill.  She told me to take it in the morning and the other half at night if I needed it.  I may have to re-think this if this continues.  Hope you have a wonderful Saturday-Tom!

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Well I am riddled with addictions and it is all in my family as well. 1. Food Addiction - If you feel bad EAT you will feel better 2. Growing up in AL just put some lipstick on everything will be GREAT........UGGGGG. I had a bypass 10 years ago. I did not deal with the food addiction. I lost 140 pounds and looked and felt great. My husband at the time wanted me to be thinner (or so I thought) but even after all that weight loss had an affair after we moved Florida. I started having a glass of wine and night with my girlfriend who also was my next door neighbor. It took about 1 year and I was drinking daily and this continued for 4 years. I regained almost all my weight and was at rock bottom. I put myself in detox then treatment where I discovered that a lot of bariatric patients had addictions - cross addiction. I had no idea. I learned so much and have been Sober for over two years now and my sponsor GOD love her also is working with me for the food addiction along with alcohol. I started having lots of acid reflux GERD and I went to several doctors and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. I finally figured well heck I will see if I can find a bariatric doctor here in Florida (my original surgery was in AL). I did go see Dr. Jawad and had the Upper GI done. I have a gastro gastric fistula and my pouch is leaking in to my stomach. My insurance approved the revision very quickly and now I am trying to be patient waiting on my surgery date. I have learned so much these past few years. The main thing is to always take care of oneself. No matter what. It is so important and slowly by slowly I am clawing my way back up and out ....... addictions are so hard but knowing the issues so that we can work on them is the best defense. It is sometimes good to have distance from family and just love them from afar! :)

 

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