stakeda

Stacie's Journal (stakeda)

478 posts in this topic

Stacie:

Boy, does this sound familiar...self-sabotage. I'm a virtuoso at it. The most important thing now is to NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT. That's what your little self-destructive demon wants you to do.

WARNING! TOUGH LOVE COMING...

This is hard to say, but you placed yourself in a really difficult situation when you went partying in the Gaslamp for your birthday. Since your resolution (and desire) to stop drinking was made just a week ago, it was almost impossible to think you were there and not going to drink.

I know the ladies who made the plans wanted to show their love for you...but that made it even more difficult for you to turn down the offer. Perhaps a party at your house where you could control your environment might have been a better choice.

(Okay, enough with the parent role)

Anyway, there's nothing you can do to change what happened yesterday. You only have the power to change today and TOMORROW. You have to pick yourself up, dust off, and start again. We all fall...it's what we do when we stand up again that matters.

I could give you a thousand examples of me falling. God, do I fall! But every day, I try to get a little better. I have a great husband and daughter. Their love and respect are certainly motivating factors, but MY self-respect and self-love are the most important motivating factors for me.

I think great resolutions for you this year might be the same as mine--to fall less, to find and embrace your self-respect, and to love yourself.

Much love to you, Stacie.

(Please don't hit me the next time you see me!)

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Dara,

That was well said. I couldn't say anything so nicely...it would come across mean.

Stacie, you are such a doll. Don't beat yourself up. Just move on because today is a new day. I am glad that you enjoyed your Birthday with the girls. It was a special occasion. As long as you have control and aren't doing it all of the time, I think you are fine.

Hang in there girl.

Love and hugs~

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Yes, that was well said Dara. You're such a special person.

Stacie~ You can't change the past, but you can work on the present and future. Don't give up on yourself. Your son may be disappointed in your choices the other night, but sit down and talk to him. Maybe explaining your choice as an adult to do what you did will help him understand. Believe it or not, your son and your daughter are your biggest fans! They don't think that their Mom is a loser. WE don't think you're a loser either!! Pick yourself up and start fresh. Give thanks for being given the opportunity to start again Stacie and don't give up on yourself because you're worth too much to do that! :o

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Whoa, hold it. Stacie and loser in the same sentence??? I am sorry, but that does not COMPUTE! Stacie, you are not a loser. Look around you dear. You have two great kids, a wonderful home, a fantastic job that you are GOOD at, and friends that love and RESPECT you. Okay, you are also human and you showed that by going out for a friend's birthday and having too much to drink. You can and are working on that. So, go to the mirror, look at your reflection and say "I am ashamed that I was not strong the other night, but I WILL work on that and I WILL win. I see that my clothes are hanging on me and I WILL go shopping and buy new clothes. I WILL embrace the new me, the new life "I" chose for me and I WILL win at this too. I am a GOOD person and I DESERVE this." Now, go do it. And mean it! And Stacie, I wish you enough in your life, because you deserve it.

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Stacie

You know what baby I totally know how you feel because I've been going to therapy for about 3 months now and I'm just starting to deal with some heavy things. I almost didn't come on Friday because I just felt like crap all day. I don't know why but I'm so week I can't tell anyone know and I have a really hard time being 100% honest about what I'm feeling inside. I'm working on that day by day. I don't stand up for myself or what I want at all. You know the funny part of that is I don't know when all of this started and I don't know why.

I wish I had answer for you honey but I want you to know you aren't alone. Honey if you want help with the drinking thing let me know I'll be there any way I can. You know I've noticed in the last month the more I'm dealing with things I've been drinking more and I'm not going to trade one in for the other so maybe we can help each other.

I love you. Be strong and I'm sure a talk with Adam will help you both. Stacie I think part of the problem with Adam to is that he was very worried about you last night when we started calling. You may want to talk about that to him because I think that is why he may be upset with it.

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What the heck is going on? You are frigging grown... you are the grown up. Adam is such a sensitive person, but he is the child.. you are the grown up. You went out to celebrate yor birthday, your new life, your new job with your new friends... it was a celebration and there is NOTHING wrong with that. You should ask Adam if the subject should come up again... what are you ashamed of? What is the deal? Remember the last time you felt this way.... the CHAD incident... Stacie its your life, you are accountable to you like you always have been... you went out and had a birthday party and now you are a marter? I dont think so. For so long you have been your childrens best friend as well as their mother, always putting their needs before your own and making a lifetime of sacrifices for their well being, to make them happy... you need time for YOU once in awhile, how long does that happen? Very rarely do you ever cut loose, and let your hair down without your childrens approval...... I dont see anything wrong with celebrating... tell Adam that twice a year you would like to have the opprotunity to get a little crazy... now does that sound unreasonable? You came home drunk... its not like you woke up drunk with a stranger somewhere... now thats embarassing and something to be ashamed of... but not what occured this weekend. Which by the way, Im sure you spent Saturday and Sunday catering to your childen... business as usual... your a wonderful gal Stace... and your entiltled to let loose twice a year, well....because I said so! Now get over it you big cup!!!!! Adam will get over his disappointed.... but you have memories to last a lifetime! Party on Wayne..... I love your face!

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So if you don't want to hear the harsh reality, then don't read on my friend. Stacie, I love you to death. However, I know that you wanted to get out and "party" with your friends, and that means having one or one too many drinks.. you already know that you have a "problem" with drinking and you did it anyway. Your son probably watched his own Dad and countless others in his family fall off the wagon time and time again. Did you tell the kids about your resolution to stop drinking? Did they feel as if you lied to them or yourself? Kids are very perceptive, and they don't sugar coat things, they don't know how.. they tell it like it is. So it sounds to me like you are trying to sabotage yourself or your relationship with your kids.. I don't know I wasn't there. I know that if I were there I wouldn't have taken a drink because I would have been driving, however, I know that you must be going through a lot and masking it with alcohol is not going to help one bit. You are such a special person, but I don't want to see you clinging on to outside influences and rationalizations to drink. If you have a problem with alcohol one drink as you know is too much and 100 aren't enough. You must nip this in the bud and your "friends" if they are true friends will respect the fact that you don't want or need to drink. If that means going out less and "partying" less then that is what it means. There are many other things to do other than drinking my friend.. you just need to learn those things now. I hope that you don't hate me for posting this.. but I tell it like it is and if your friends really cared about you they wouldn't allow you to drink.. that's just my opinion.. and I am sure I will get plenty of hate mail over it but I don't care.. I love you enough to put myself out there for people to criticize so I can be a good and "TRUE" friend to you.

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Christina you wrote: "I tell it like it is and if your friends really cared about you they wouldn't allow you to drink.. that's just my opinion.. and I am sure I will get plenty of hate mail over it but I don't care.. I love you enough to put myself out there for people to criticize so I can be a good and "TRUE" friend to you."

Is Stacie an alcholic or something? Am I missing something? Its funny how all this "love mail" is coming from people who dont even know you, havent spent any time with you other than maybe having an occasional dinner at the Outback. Lets not start critcizing anyone or compariong friendships here, because its like comparing apples to oranges... how can you sit here and say who is and who isnt a true friend? Its perposterous!!! Dara, Dale and Christina its obvious you care, very obvious but dont criticize someone you have not even spent any time with.

And as far as putting being put down as not being a "TRUE" friend is very insulting and frankly very hurtful. I dont even know how you can think that way, I am in shock... really.

Stacie, read the posts from people who know what your favorite color is, (pink) those who know your favorite food (mariscos) those who know who the love of your life was ( I'll keep that in bewteen us friends) those who KNOW the names of your cats, those who spend time with you, those who know you.... and if all of this is overwhelming talk to your therapist and Christy about it.... spirits up, you DID NOT do a bad thing and shame on those of you who JUDGE!

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I thought this forum was a place to share problems and discuss issues about friendship and gastric bypass problems and emotions in a positive and non-judgmental environment. Just a thought......

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I thought this forum was a place to share problems and discuss issues about friendship and gastric bypass problems and emotions in a positive and non-judgmental environment. Just a thought......

I wasn't judging anyone or anything like that. I was telling it like it was. I guess you misunderstood my post.. let the hate mail begin.. obviously I am not a "good friend" afterall.. I should keep my mouth shut and not try and help others. If you want to discuss it further, I would be happy to do so, off the forum.. I will give all the support I can to Stacie, but I refuse to offer her a drink.. but that is just me. She stated many times she wanted to stop, so I would be the last person to say "Here Stacie have a drink" call me crazy but that is what I thought support was.

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Okay, I have to admit......I am ticked about what Christina posted. As one of Stacie's "true" friends I am offended by the sactimonious tone of the post. Stacie needs support, not being criticized by someone who really does not know her at all except for some brief contacts at meetings. She has her demons, we all do. "but I tell it like it is and if your friends really cared about you they wouldn't allow you to drink.. that's just my opinion:" Excuse me.....back up a minute. Who the hell needs "permission" when they are an adult??? Part of being an adult is being responsible for your actions, not blaming them on someone else. Stacie is not doing that, you are Christina. This was a celebration of Stacie & Angelas birthday, not a time for us to go out and corrupt Stacie. I am really offended by this whole frigging thing. I support Stacie, good and bad. That is what a "true" friend does. Fair weather friends are there for the good, and quick with criticism when times are not so good. You are right, it is just your opinion.

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I've got to put my .02 cents worth in. I agree with Bridget. You are the adult. Please do not beat yourself up over this. You had some drinks with friends. Tomorrow you can decide to drink or not to drink again. You are the one that is in control.

"People who love you

people who you love back

people that will always be there for you

through the good times and the bad

they make you happy when you are sad

they are angels that have yet to earn their wings

they are your dearest friends"

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Just for everyone's information.......Nobody drove to or from the club that night. We took cab's to and from, so there was NO drinking and driving. Those of us that were there know that!

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I knew that nobody drank and drove.. I said I personally wouldn't have drank because I HAD To drive myself. You all are reading way too much into this. I was trying to be a good friend, but apparently since I don't know someone well enough, I am not allowed to voice an opinion. Therefore, I will refrain from making comments, and will sugar coat everything from now on.. actually I feel as if maybe I will just go at this on my own without the support, because constructive criticism is needed sometimes for me to put myself back on track.. and I don't feel as if I can get that here without a fight so I will wish you all the best of luck in the world and know that you have made a difference in my life.. but now I will bid you all farewell and hope that you all do very well in your lives..

Thanks for everything but I really don't need this either.. :)

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Just for everyone's information.......Nobody drove to or from the club that night. We took cab's to and from, so there was NO drinking and driving. Those of us that were there know that!

To clarify, when Stacie got to the club she only had water.... none of us gave her any liquor. We saw how drunk she was and only loaded her up with water......

Christina: I love you girl...... dont go. (( HUGS ))

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My son just told me that he's disappointed in me for coming home drunk last night.

I feel like a loser.

He didn't have to tell me that. I already feel guilty for it.

What am I going to do????

Oh, man, ladies...what's going on here? Where is Stacie in all this? Let me retrace a little--I have put Stacie's post above so that we can all get perspective on this issue.

No one should feel offended. This forum is for support, and I believe it should be positive and tutorial when it's needed. When I fall and ask for input, I know I have friends here who will try to help me figure out why I fell and then lift me up. Do you think by all of the bickering on this post that Stacie feels better?

For example, Stacie recently posted a dilemma about her child support issue. She asked for input and she got it. Then she was able to make an informed decision. It's obvious from Stacie's post above that she was asking for input...was she not?! ("What am I going to do?")

I'm sure all of us have read Stacie's previous posts about her family history of alcoholism and her desire (and New Year's resolution) to stop drinking. I, for one, was simply trying to help her figure out why she felt bad about getting drunk ("I feel like a loser" and "I already feel guilty about it") and give her some suggestions.

Ladies, please don't ignore the fact that Stacie SAID she wanted to quit drinking and, after your evening together, she posted, asking for help. Another very important part of this whole dynamic that just came to light is that Stacie was already drunk when she met you ladies. I would recommend to Stacie that she definitely address this with her therapist.

I don't feel that we're being judgmental. God knows, we've endured judgmental feelings from others all of our lives. But, let's make sure that when we're asked, our input is for the person's best interest--warts and all.

I'll admit I haven't spent much time with Stacie in person...just brief chats at meetings. However, I feel close to her based on her journal-sharing and our mutual life experiences. When someone asks for help, I try to relate my own life experiences, defeats and growth.

I would recommend that if you haven't already done so, please re-read Stacie's journal from the beginning again. I think you might find a little different perspective with it fresh in your mind.

Love to all...and especially Stacie!

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We all get a little too heated up and emotional over this forum. Those of us who've been online for a year or longer know that a true blow-up happens every 3 or 4 months... like clockwork.

My observation is that most of the fights happen when friends feel the need to defend their loved ones. We're all adults - let Stacie tell Christina how she feels about what she wrote. If she chooses not to say anything, then that's her choice and it's really none of our business.

None of us are perfect, none of us have the right to judge anyone else on this board, and all of us know that when we post our comments we are inviting anyone and everyone to give us their opinion. So, the opinions have been given - just let them sort it out on their own.

I love you all in a BIG way but you need to chill out! ;)

So, now that I've given my opinion :rolleyes: I'll go ahead and post all of my dating/sex questions to distract and preoccupy you! Whoohoo!

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Bridget & Pam.....

Thank you for your support. I really appreciate the fact that you have really spent so much time with me. You know that I'd NEVER sabotage my relationship with Adam & Amanda!!! :eek: You know that I feel GUILTY for almost everything I do..... I feel GUILTY for, what I'd call, UNDERPERFORMING at work. You know that I'd feel GUILTY that Adam didn't get the Computer Accessory that he wanted, that I'd feel GUILTY for not responding to my employees in a timely fashion. God, what else would I feel guilty for???

Christina & Others,

I really appreciate your opinion! I know that you're right in so many ways! I know that you care. I know that, even if we haven't spent too much time together, we can still care about each other, right??? But, I do want you to realize is that I REALLY love my kids!!! I wouldn't do ANYTHING to sabotage that!

:D I WAS DRUNK BEFORE EVERYONE CAME OVER!!!! Christy and I drank a few drinks before everyone showed up!!! It was my BIRTHDAY!!! I need to get over it!!!! It's not like I'm drunk EVERY night or anything!!! :o

I really love everyone on this forum. PLEASE don't argue over me! That's not my desire. I really want to post my experience for the benefit of others. I didn't want to start a fight!!!!

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Stacie:

I'm so happy you posted! I was really worried about your reaction when you read all the posts back and forth.

One thing you can be assured of...we all love and care about you! Otherwise, we wouldn't be so emotional and such WOMEN about it!

You're an extremely intelligent woman and a devoted mother. You'll figure it out.

Thanks for tolerating all of us hennie pennies around here.

Much love...

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Stacie,

Sorry baby, it's the mom in me that came out in your defense. Like a mother hen protecting her own. I love you and trust that you have the strength to do what is right for YOU. PS, hows that wascally wabbit? :P

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Bridget & Pam.....

Thank you for your support. I really appreciate the fact that you have really spent so much time with me. You know that I'd NEVER sabotage my relationship with Adam & Amanda!!! :eek: You know that I feel GUILTY for almost everything I do..... I feel GUILTY for, what I'd call, UNDERPERFORMING at work. You know that I'd feel GUILTY that Adam didn't get the Computer Accessory that he wanted, that I'd feel GUILTY for not responding to my employees in a timely fashion. God, what else would I feel guilty for???

Christina & Others,

I really appreciate your opinion! I know that you're right in so many ways! I know that you care. I know that, even if we haven't spent too much time together, we can still care about each other, right??? But, I do want you to realize is that I REALLY love my kids!!! I wouldn't do ANYTHING to sabotage that!

:D I WAS DRUNK BEFORE EVERYONE CAME OVER!!!! Christy and I drank a few drinks before everyone showed up!!! It was my BIRTHDAY!!! I need to get over it!!!! It's not like I'm drunk EVERY night or anything!!! :o

I really love everyone on this forum. PLEASE don't argue over me! That's not my desire. I really want to post my experience for the benefit of others. I didn't want to start a fight!!!!

Stacie,

First of all I am sorry if what I said offended anyone, especailly you. I never thought you would do anything conciously to sabotage your relationship with your children. And I do know you well enough to know that you feel guilty about EVERYTHING!!! So don't feel guilty over that blow up that happened. Trust me there is a lot more to it than you realize and it isn't about you. I was trying to help and didn't quite finish the post before re-reading it to ensure that no feathers would be too ruffled over it. I was reaching for straws trying to figure out what was really going on with you. Let me tell you this, that I never thought I would try and sabotage my most important relationship, but I did. I tried many times to sabotage my relationship with Stuart, but dang it he won't let me. He puts my butt back in place and then gives me a great big hug!! I swear I don't deserve him.

I honestly was trying to help and didn't read anyone else's posts before posting a reply to your post. After I posted I knew for sure it was over for me. :( Either way I do stand by what I said and I know that your friends are true friends because they didn't allow you to keep drinking.. that says a lot about them. I know you are not a falling down drunk and I know that you were celebrating. Each day you have the opportunity to wake up and decide what kind of day you are going to have, we have that opportunity and we are lucky for that. So when you wake up remember that you are a special person, with a lot to offer society, your family, your friends, and mostly YOURSELF.. so know that and decide to live how you want to live your day. Don't fret over one night. Heck, last time I checked, you were human right? You do breathe oxygen like us right? You bleed right?? Ok just checking.. just making sure.. cause I know you look like an angel and in many ways you are.. but lets get real.. you are HUMAN and you will make mistakes. You will have regrets and you will learn from them and move on. Just know that I really do care about you and was truly trying to help. I was not trying to put anyone down or test who was the better friend here..

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Hey Stacie?

Are you my sister? Reason I ask is that what you were saying sounds SOOO much like me. I feel guilty over EVERYTHING. A very hard habit to break. Regardless, you are still one of my heros, bet you didn't know that.

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Girls! I am so happy everything is ok. I hate to see arguments and I am sure Dr. Callery and Dr. Potts want to see this as a happy, supportive forum.

We are all here for each other in times of good and bad!!

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That's The Christina I am used to hearing!!! Supportive and loving!! Thanks for coming back...I truely feel the forum would not be the same w/out you :P I do not know you well, but from what I do know and read you are a lot like me and only mean the very best!

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Dear All,

I know that you have been through similar situations...but being through the same situation doesnt mean that you have experienced the same things that I have. I have read your excerpts. I greatly respect the comments that you have made, although i feel that your feelings have value, I must say the following...

Feeling fat everyday is not a good feeling. Feeling worthless everyday is also not a good feeling. What does it take to feel valued? Self worth? What is it really? Does it really matter what size you are? Does it really matter what position you are in? At this time I do not know. Regardless of how I feel about myself, it doesnt seem to matter in today's society. The more I go on the more I realize that self worth comes from inside. Regardless of your size and regardless of the way you feel about yourself inside, you are worth so much more. There are so many ways to express that way that you feel...so many ways to express what you are worth...all I can say is that when it comes down to it, what you are really worth is how you feel about yourself no matter what people say, no matter what people do yuo have to have faith. It takes a big man to tell you that your nothing, it takes a big guy to tell you that your s**t, but it takes a bigger person to stand up against that and say, "No one could tell me what I am. No one can tell me what I do. No one can tell me what Im worth and only God can tell me what I am capible of and im my mind and in my heart I am worth more than anyone in this world can tell me...EVER...I AM EVERYTHING,...and nothing more than you will ever be.

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