stakeda

Stacie's Journal (stakeda)

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Stacie,

It is the children's money, and personally I feel that you should keep it, put it in a bank account for the kid's college or to be given to them when they are 21 if they choose not to go to college. My ex refused to sign the divorce papers until after my son's 18th birthday, 5 years after we split up. I didn't get one dime from him then, and Chris won't see a red penny from him for college either. Chris is well aware of all of this and refuses to even talk to his dad. To him his dad is an irresponsible deadbeat. If your ex wants to pay......let him. Put it away for your kid's future.

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Gosh, I swear the time flies by so fast now that I'm traveling for my job. I feel like I'm losing touch with the rest of the world.

I went to see my therapist last Friday. I explained the whole story, from start to finish, about my ex husband and the child support issue. As I explained everything to her, I realized that I had already made my decision on what to do. I guess I just needed to hear (from a professional's opinion) validation that I had made the right decision.

I have decided to keep the child support. This is my kid's money. My ex needs to pay back the $40k he owes them. I have decided to cash the checks and split it evenly in the kid's bank accounts. They are very responsible and will make good decisions on what to do with it. I refuse to take from them the way he has for years! So, that's that. I received the first check. It was for a WHOPPING $96. Well, at least they have some Christmas cash to spend on their friends, huh?

Well, it's 4:12 am and I have to get ready to catch a plane to San Jose. Gotta go. Talk to ya'll later.

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Stacie:

I think you made the right decision for everyone--your ex, your children and you. When you see your children using that money, you will know again that it was the right thing to do.

Life is tough, but we can be tougher!!

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Hey Stacie,

I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time with you on Saturday, and I can't wait to do it again. I hope all is well with you, and I guess that I will see you tomorrow.

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Stacie,

I am so happy about your decision. It sounds like you have been VERY busy. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.

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I had so much fun at Dr. Callery's Holiday party! It was so good to see everyone again. I feel really disconnected because I haven't been able to attend any support group meetings in a while. :(

Ya'll are some of the best friends I ever had. I really love you. ;)

Kim, thank you for the scarf ! I have received so many compliments on it. I still have my order in for a pink one, okay? My daughter is dying to get her hands on it.

Gerry, thank you for the Lindsay Lohan CD. Amanda confiscated it already. I haven't seen it since you gave it to me! :eek:

I miss you guys!

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I had so much fun at Dr. Callery's Holiday party! It was so good to see everyone again. I feel really disconnected because I haven't been able to attend any support group meetings in a while. :(

Ya'll are some of the best friends I ever had. I really love you. ;)

Kim, thank you for the scarf ! I have received so many compliments on it. I still have my order in for a pink one, okay? My daughter is dying to get her hands on it.

Gerry, thank you for the Lindsay Lohan CD. Amanda confiscated it already. I haven't seen it since you gave it to me! :eek:

I miss you guys!

We miss you too.. hope to see more of you.. (or less of you more) :P

Kim, thanks for the PINK scarf.. I love it!!!

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I remember when you took your avatar pictures on this forum you seemed to be always in a pink shirt, it seemed that also, everytime I saw you, you were in pink. I think that's where I got the idea for a pink scarf for you. I'm glad you like it. Pink is very becoming on you. It matches your sweet as cotton candy personality! :P

I love my snowman candle and spa treatment goodies too! ;) Stuart came up with the perfect secret santa gift and one that I hold close to me and that is the gift certificate to my favorite resturant - Outback Steakhouse. They are so WLS friendly there. A big thank you to both of you for thoughtfulness and generosity. I love you both! I wish you both nothing but good this Holiday Season.

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I'm off to Savannah, Georgia for the holidays. I'm going to see my mom & grandparents. Wish me luck on dealing with my mom. I hope she's not too competative with me while I'm there. I don't want to compete with her. I never have. We'll see.

The difference in my attitude now as compared to 65 pounds ago will probably shock my mother. I have to say, if she starts in on me, I'm going to immediately put a stop to it. Where as before, I'd let her continuously tell me how much fatter I am than her until I just blew up! :eek: Well, not any more. After the first comment, I'm going to calmly sit her down and explain that her comments hurt my feelings and I will not tolerate her stomping all over my heart!

Wish me luck!

Other than that concern, I really enjoy my time with my mom, step dad, and my poor old grandparents (in their 80's) aren't going to be with us much longer so I'm looking forward to seeing them. :)

I had my "Resident Party" last night. (I'm a Regional Manager for a national Property Management company) Boy was it a success! We had a fully catered event. (Prime Rib, Baked Ham, & Delicious Sides) But, the hit of the party was the CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. :D Man please! You'd think these people had died and gone to heaven! I was mesmerized by that thing! It was beautiful. The residents were in HOG HEAVEN. For sure! And yes, I helped myself to one strawberry, one cherry, and one slice of banana. Of course, I only put a small amount of chocolate on them. But, it was yummy!

God, it feels good to NOT pig out anymore! I'm eating like a thin person now. What a change!

So many people are making comments now. People that knew me prior to my surgery. They are amazed with the difference. The main comment I receive is "You look like a TOTALLY different person now"! My response? "I feel like a totally different person now"!!

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Stacie,

Thank you so much for all the clothes, if it weren't for you I'd be (to quote Braydee) running around "nakie bootie". You are not just my podmate, you are my wonderful friend and a true inspiration. I love you sweetie. I wish you, Adam and Amanda a joyful Christmas and a wonderful visit with your family.

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I have really enjoyed my visit with my mom this Christmas. I feel no competition this year. Strange!!! :eek: I feel bad for my mom. I don't think she'll ever really feel comfortable with herself. She'll die insecure. That's sad. :( But, I really feel good about myself! I'm trying to heal ALL OF ME. Inside and out. That's my NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. Healing ALL OF ME.

I love the life long friends I've made during this journey. Pam, Bridget, Christina, Angela, Jeanie, Gerry, etc.... ( And everyone else on the Forum ) you all are really special to me. I hope we stay in contact forever.

So, another New Year's Resolution... STOP DRINKING!!!!! Good luck, huh? I'm really going to try. Wish me luck!!!

I'm looking forward to our trip to San Francisco! Who's going with us???? I'm also looking forward to the summer picnic!!! Oh, and by the way, my sister has a contact on the game shows. She knows someone who picks the contestants on The Price Is Right and on Wheel Of Fortune. Who wants to go in mid-January????? I'm going!!!!! It's on a Friday. Let me know.

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I'm an in with the trip to San Fran. It sounds like so much fun!!! What date in Jan for the game show? If it's not on a payroll time I will go then also. I've been to the price is right once. None of us got picked, but it was a lot of fun. Hey are we still going out for your B-day? Let me know.

I'm glad to hear that the visit with your Mom went good. You're an awesome person who couldn't like you, and not want to be around you???

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I went out with my friends last night. We had a great time!!!

Today I wonder about a few things. . . .

I sit in a pool of material. My clothes just hang on me. :eek: I keep wearing them though! I can't seem to accept the fact that I'm shrinking! Do I want to look fat? WHY????

I want to numb the pain. What pain???? I don't know. But, I want to make it go away! Where did this pain come from??? I don't remember any tramatic experience. I don't remember what makes me hurt so bad. I just know that it hurts.

Was it from my childhood??? Was it from my abusive marriage?

My therapist says that I would have never ended up in an abusive marriage unless I had a low self esteem to begin with.

So, where did this insanity begin??? :confused:

God, please give me answers!!! I'm begging you!!!

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Man that was deep!! I wish I had an answer for you.. but that was a great post nonetheless!! All I can say is that I love you dearly and I am glad you are my forever friend. :) Keep your chin up and let me know if there is anything I can do personally to help you with these emotions you are feeling. I am feeling a little blue right now myself.. but that is because the Chargers just lost a few minutes ago.. :(

Your life has just changed so dramatically.. remember that one meeting where I was just a mess? Where I was blubbering about not being able to deal with the "emotions" I was feeling and stuff like that? You are about the same distance out now that I was then. You could just be living the emotions I had a couple months ago and trust me you are not alone. It is hard to accept the changes sometimes and it is difficult to understand what is going on with yourself sometimes. I still can't believe I am wearing a size 7/8 and I dare myself to try on a size 6... well I dared myself to and will do it tomorrow. I don't know what will happen with that.. but I refuse to give up on myself.. and hope you don't do that to yourself either.. keep your chin up.. I love you!!!!!!!!

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Hey Christina...

I wish I had answers for myself. Thanks for you support. I really appreciate all of my friends. Ya'll are great!!!

Good luck on your size "6".

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Stacie:

I feel your pain, my dear. It is very confusing when the demons rare their heads unexpectedly and it's so distressing when it occurs suddenly.

Believe me, I'm no psychiatrist or therapist. But I have been a patient for a while now.

One issue I remember you talking about is your often strained relationship with your mom. Perhaps that is where some of your pain started (and continues). I think that when we have one parent who seems to be dominating or overbearing (or suffocating), we either adore that parent or become victimized by that personality. Perhaps, without consciously realizing, you became the victim of the relationship...causing you insecurity and self-loathing.

Another thing I can relate to...you had a wonderful time last night with many people expressing their love for you. Sometimes we just can't tolerate love. I know that it sometimes becomes almost physically impossible for me to accept love and kindness. It's those damned demons again.

All I can say is that I try to take it one day at a time. But, I am determined that someday I will be able to accept love freely and not feel uncomfortable with it. Baby steps is all we need...one day at a time.

I wish good thoughts and strength for you, my friend. Hang in there.

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Stacie:

We are in this together. I wish I could be more help to you.

Just remember that you're an awesome woman. You have a wonderful career with great kids. You are self-sufficient. You're beautiful. You have a sparkling personality. You are worth all the love and admiration you get.

You are worth being nice to...to yourself. You deserve to be good to yourself.

Self-love is a magnificant lesson to learn. Perhaps we can all learn it together.

Sweet hugs to you, Stacie.

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I know how you feel. I have clothes that are way to big. I see how they hang off of me, but I still look in the mirror and think that they are to tight. I have jeans that I wear they sag in the butt and fall, and I am always pulling them up. Do I go get a smaller size? No because I can't possible need a smaller size than an 18. An 18 was the smallest size I can remeber wearing several years before the surgery. It's odd to me that I don't need to go to the "womens" department for clothes, but that's where I always end up going, because it's where I feel comfortable being.

I hope that you are able to figure out what's going on with you. You're a great person with a huge heart, and you deserve nothing, but the best. If you just need to talk to someone give me a call. I will always be here for you no matter what.

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My son just told me that he's disappointed in me for coming home drunk last night.

I feel like a loser.

He didn't have to tell me that. I already feel guilty for it.

What am I going to do????

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