quirk2726

Lost almost 100 pounds and still feel like the fat girl.

38 posts in this topic

I have been so depressed. I am down 98 pounds (which is fabulous to me), however, since the weather has been getting warmer, I am realizing that even though I have lost this amount of weight, I don't feel it or even feel like I look it. I have so much ugly skin on my arms, I cannot ever even think of wearing sleeveless outfits. The inside of my legs look jiggly and nasty, and so does my stomach. At least when I was huge, my skin was a lot firmer. This has been really hard for me. There is no way I could ever afford plastics. I just feel like a big deflated mess. :(

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You're not alone.  When I'm naked I think, man, I thought 190 would look a lot better than this.  Even though I know I've lost and look like I've lost, when I start looking at the skin and the flab and the cellulite, I don't feel like I've changed at all...  Motivation to work harder with the weights, do more crunches, suck it in, and push myself to work out in general.

quirk2726 and 3K99Papi like this

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I think a majority of us feel this way.  I've decided to be happy with how I look in clothes for now.  I hope for plastics in the future, but right now I have my health and I can do so many things that I couldn't have done before. 

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I completely understand what you mean... going through a bit of that depression myself.  I'm only 4lbs from goal and still "feel" fat.  Seems like all I see in the mirror is the saggy skin and bumpy areas.  I told my husband how I was feeling and he said "You do realize that your bones are sticking out, right?  You're not fat - whatever you're seeing in the mirror isn't real!"   Can't get my head around that yet....

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I say to myself this: would I rather have some loose skin or be dead from an obesity related illness.  I choose my loose skin every time.  I know we don’t wind up looking the way we hoped we looked, but we are alive and that is a beautiful thing. I think you should treat yourself to something nice, something that will make you feel special and proud of what you have accomplished. Try not to focus too much on the skin; I know it is hard to do as I am there too.

 

If that doesn’t work, maybe give yourself a laugh by thinking of all the creative things you could do with your loose skin. My sister and I had a good laugh about this recently, especially when I came up with the fact that if we ever were on a sailboat that lost its sails, she could hoist me up and I could power the boat and get us home.

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Thanks for the encouragement everyone, I think I am just having a down day. I do need to be happy with the fact that I am no longer considered diabetic, am off all of my medications, and can fit in smaller sizes. I'm fine, as long as I don't have to take my clothes off! :P

Singa2n likes this

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I am happy enough with how I look in clothes. My problem is I dislike how I look without clothes! I will not be running around in sleeveless, shorts, or swimsuits much.

I tried explaining to my hubby...when he sees me, he sees me thinner and healthy. When I see me, i look down and see floppy boobs, a tummy bulge over the belly button, then another roll under the belly button, cottage cheese fat thighs and hips. Looking down at my body is a different view then someone seeing you across a room naked. Heck, the mirror is a better image then looking down at myself.

 

I think we can see the flaws more since they are so close. These flaws matter to use, we want to be closer to perfect. Losing all the weight is great, but it seems to emphasize the flaws more. However, put on some clothes, and I am thrilled. I like my body when it is dressed.  :)

Starfish207 and quirk2726 like this

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I bought a one piece swimsuit but also got a swimsuit shorts to go over my cottage cheese thighs. I find if I don't raise my arms at a 90 degree angle my upper arms are ok. I wore burmuda shorts on vacation; covered the cottage cheese. My legs used to be nice and firm, not anymore. I think we think it looks worse than it is. I then think I don't look any worse than someone on the beach wearing a bikini who probably shouldn't be.

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i just dont care. If someone says anything to me i say ummm go ahead jerk face! I used to weigh 350... your words are not going to hurt me now lol.  I currently feel fat because I gained 45 lbs due to pregnancy but I lost 30 of it but this last 15 is bothering me. i want to fit into my 8s and 9s again and I am in a 10 but they are snug. I bare my arms with all the jiggle for now. i am going to talk to my doctor about skin removal because I do believe i have an issue or 2 and a hernia which needs repaired. 

DianaS likes this

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Do I love that I have lots of loose skin, cottage cheese, string cheese, flabby everywhere and it's only going to get worse?  NO.  But I will not shy away from wearing sleeveless shirts, shorts and bathing suits in summer.  I certainly didn't look any better 50 lbs ago or better yet when I was almost 300 lbs.  

 

I am proud that I have had this surgery!  I am proud that I no longer take insulin for diabetes that I have had for over 30 years.  I am proud that I no longer take medication for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and am now in the process of going off anti-depressants that I have been taking for about 8 years.  Most of all I am proud that my chances of seeing my daughter graduate from high school then hopefully college perhaps get married and them make me a grandma have increased exponentially!

 

This flab, these dimpled thighs - these are my battle scars and I am on my way to winning the war. 

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Starfish and Susan Silver--I am with you. Last I checked loose skin does not cause diabetes and the SharPei look I rock as battle scars. Give me the saggy, wrinkly thighs anytime over high blood pressure,  depression, diabetes, high cholesterol. I prefer to run and jiggle than to sleep 12-15 hours out of every 24 hours in skin smoothed out by fat. Not to say that I can't mourn the fact that I will never look like a Victoria's Secret model, but my motto is "Choose Life and Health" and I remind myself of that every time I see the wrinkly saggy skin.

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Someone actually asked me yesterday when I was going to have the loose skin removed! A lady a work with. I was speechless at first then told her I hadn't thought about it yet. Then she asked if I was afraid to. Lol! Heck I wasn't afraid to have WLS! And I hope I'm not quite done taking weight off. I thought most plastic surgeons wanted you to be stable in weight for a while? People!

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Cheesehead--In hindsight, I'd be tempted to look at the rude one blankly and ask, "Loose skin?" And hey, as far as the beach goes, do you look/feel better now or 100 pounds ago? I know that this summer when I stand up from my beach chair I might jiggle more, but....I'll have a MUCH easier time standing up!

Cheesehead likes this

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I am down 93 pounds but the skin on my arms has literally made me cry. But Most days I just power through..... I live in FL so sleevless is a must. I will just have to learn to deal. Hugs to you though because I know how you feel.

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I am dealing with a lot of the same issues.  I have good days and bad days but most of the time, I find myself feeling a bit down with all the excess skin.  I'm having a real problem right now finding a bathing suit that I won't be totally ashamed to wear this summer and I felt a whole lot more comfortable wearing shorts LAST summer when I was 100+ pounds heavier.    I managed to find a pair of swim shorts that cover my saggy thighs but I can't find a top I'm comfortable in.  I have to find something because we swim ALOT throughout the Summer.  Any ideas??  I also find that I have days, I look in the mirror and still see myself as that fat girl and don't notice the fact that I've lost 110 lbs at all!! 

 

I think it's important that we all remember to focus on the positives side of our weight loss and on how much better we feel physically.  Things I'm thankful for...my body doesn't hurt all the time from carrying the excess weight, my diabetes is essentially gone as is my high cholesterol AND most days I have a lot more energy than I ever did before. 

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I feel ya! My arms look so loose, my brothers compared me to those flying squirrels! I mean I feel much better losing the 100+ pounds but I still feel like the fat girl I was known to be! I think when we start getting closer to our goal weight we'll get rid of that "fat girl" mentality! Hang in there! :)

quirk2726 likes this

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I feel ya! My arms look so loose, my brothers compared me to those flying squirrels! I mean I feel much better losing the 100+ pounds but I still feel like the fat girl I was known to be! I think when we start getting closer to our goal weight we'll get rid of that "fat girl" mentality! Hang in there! :)

I don't know about that. I am not so far from goal.

When I was fat I really did not see it. I did not identify with being "fat", I was just me. As I lost the weight I became more and more aware of just how fat I really was. Now it is an image that is etched in my brain. I have days where I am fine. Like this morning, I looked at myself naked in the mirror, and I was "wow, I look pretty good" but most days I am "ick, sagging, droopy,... lets get so clothes on- that's better."

I think the saggy skin bothers me more then the firm but fat skin- to the eye. It is how it looks, and I interpret it as good/bad, etc...

 

I doubt I will ever be able to afford plastics. But that would be nice.

Starfish207 and Collylo like this

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I too didn't think of myself as fat and the more weight I loose the more I realize just how fat I really was, which makes me kinda sad. I feel bad for the fat me but glad i overcame this.

quirk2726 and Collylo like this

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I am in the same exact position 98 lbs down and still feel really fat and over analyze my body any time i look in the mirror. I finally bought some new clothes that actually fit now and because they fit and aren't falling off like the rest of my clothes, I feel extremely fat. And I am annoyed because these last 2 lbs haven't come off all week. I just wonder how much weight will I have to lose for me to feel like I look different and not feel fat. I think we will always see the fat person inside of us and always have body image issues or at least for a long time. Luckily, I haven't had too much issues with the skin but I still have 68 lbs to go so I am sure I will. 

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I am in the same exact position 98 lbs down and still feel really fat and over analyze my body any time i look in the mirror. I finally bought some new clothes that actually fit now and because they fit and aren't falling off like the rest of my clothes, I feel extremely fat. And I am annoyed because these last 2 lbs haven't come off all week. I just wonder how much weight will I have to lose for me to feel like I look different and not feel fat. I think we will always see the fat person inside of us and always have body image issues or at least for a long time. Luckily, I haven't had too much issues with the skin but I still have 68 lbs to go so I am sure I will. 

You need to come to terms with yourself that you're weight is a lot less than it was before. If you cant understand that you have lost a lot of weight and looking in the mirror doesnt confirm it for you, you may never come to terms with it.

 

I've lost 100lbs in 3 months. I was 425 and today I weighed in at 319. I was visiting my mom for mothers day when I stood next to a full length mirror and I had to ask her if it was a trick mirror because it made me look thin. And she looked at me, started crying and she told me that I looked exactly the way I described. Thats all I needed to hear.

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I have to say this, Tex. Men do not typically have the same body image issues women do. It's not a question of just getting over it or coming to terms with it. We have to acknowledge that men's bodies work differently in more than the obvious way (metabolism, muscle building, fat retention, etc.) and that men are socialized differently. It's just the way it is. And women do have suffer more from body dysmorpia than men.

 

For me, part of coming to terms with the loose and saggy skin and the fact that in many ways I still see the fat woman has been allowing myself to grieve the fact that I will never a perfect movie star or model body--the dream that I grew up with was to be Miss America. Never ever was that going to happen. So I 1) acknowledge that there is a loss for me (no perfect body--it doesn't matter that nobody's body is perfect; I will never have one) 2) the fact that I will always have some extra skin or fat and that I will die never having worn a bikini is a source of pain and so I allow myself to feel the pain 3) reimagine a world in which there is not a chance I will ever have a perfect body 4) come to some sort of relationship with that Molly J. Acceptance does not come with a snap of the finger. Hope that doesn't come off as a lecture to those who don't have body image issues. I mean it as encouragement for those of us who do, and maybe as a peek into what it is like to have these issues for those who don't. 

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I have to say this, Tex. Men do not typically have the same body image issues women do. It's not a question of just getting over it or coming to terms with it. We have to acknowledge that men's bodies work differently in more than the obvious way (metabolism, muscle building, fat retention, etc.) and that men are socialized differently. It's just the way it is. And women do have suffer more from body dysmorpia than men.

 

For me, part of coming to terms with the loose and saggy skin and the fact that in many ways I still see the fat woman has been allowing myself to grieve the fact that I will never a perfect movie star or model body--the dream that I grew up with was to be Miss America. Never ever was that going to happen. So I 1) acknowledge that there is a loss for me (no perfect body--it doesn't matter that nobody's body is perfect; I will never have one) 2) the fact that I will always have some extra skin or fat and that I will die never having worn a bikini is a source of pain and so I allow myself to feel the pain 3) reimagine a world in which there is not a chance I will ever have a perfect body 4) come to some sort of relationship with that Molly J. Acceptance does not come with a snap of the finger. Hope that doesn't come off as a lecture to those who don't have body image issues. I mean it as encouragement for those of us who do, and maybe as a peek into what it is like to have these issues for those who don't.

You definitely "get" how I am feeling, for sure. I look around at naturally thin people and wish I could experience a little slice of their world. It's like, going through all of this and losing this weight, I feel really good, but then a big part of me thinks to myself, "I went through all of this...for what?...to only STILL be wearing my 3/4 sleeve shirts in 90 degree weather, because I STILL cannot wear short or sleeveless shirts" That is how I am feeling. It's a letdown of sorts to me. I mean, I knew that I wasn't going to obtain a model's body, once losing this weight (all of that extra weight I had on for years is gonna cause the skin to have to remain there), but I really and truly had a different image of what my "after" picture was going to look like, and so far, I am sorely disappointed. :(

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Last weekend I went to try on bathing suits with my teenage daughter. She needed a new one and I was just curious about sizes and styles that my new body might fit into. Boy was that a terrible experience. Nothing fit right and even the "fat lady sizes" looked terrible. I left there feeling like a failure. Why have I gone down this path and worked so hard... just to still feel like the original 330 pound fat girl? How disappointing! I cannot see myself as anything but the old me. The tags might say a different size, but I still see the me that weighed 330 pounds.

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I didnt have this surgery to look like Gerard Butler in 300. The entire goal for me was to live a happier, healthier life and not be contained in what I could and couldnt do. Even as a large guy, I refused to allow my weight hold me down. I hated when someone told me I couldnt do something, because I did it anyways knowing I would pay for it later, but I would prove them wrong..

 

If you came into this surgery hoping to look like Kate Upton when its all said and done.. You had it for all the wrong reasons. Because even if you have platics done, you're left with REAL battle scars that are visible from the back of your arms or underneath,either way, you're going to battle peoples perceptions of you.

 

Ladies, I understand I'm a male, and that my system is designed diffrently, but in the end I'm going to have the EXACT same issues as you. I didnt have this surgery because someone called me fat... Ihad this surgery because my wife and I wanted to scuba dive on our anniversary in Jamaica, and I couldnt finish the laps in the pool...

 

You're all beautiful, inside and out even before you lost the weight. Your personalities, your encouragement, thats enough for anyone that knows you personally to love you for who you are. the rest of the world doesnt matter. We lost our chances to be Upton or Butler after we surpassed the point of no return with our weight. Those who go forward with plastics are still left flawed from operation scars, unless they have $$$$$ to assist in removing those.

 

 

I know several in my support group that have had plastics from some of the best surgeons in the country and they all have the same issues. All it does is clean up the mess enough to hide the flaws as much as possible.

 

butyou're only flawed if you continue to feel that way. Smile. Live life to the fullest. Enjoy the nw start you have to do the things you never got to do before. But never forget, you're beautiful. And no one can take that away.

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Tex--One thing I neglected to say--congratulations on your awesome weight loss. You have lost a whole little woman, a growing child, a large dog! You must feel awesome. A friend of mine would say, "Wow! You lost more than 4 Thanksgiving turkeys!"

 

And while I don't disagree with a thing you said--you are right on all counts--my point is that for people with body dysmorphia it is not as easy as "snap out of it." That's like telling a person with clinical depression to pull himself up by his boot straps or telling a person with cancer that she can fight it with positive imaging--forget radiation, etc. You are so fortunate not to be plagued by this disorder recognized by the APA. I would bet if we took a poll the people who got WLS because they wanted to look like Upton or Butler are in the great minority. Speaking for myself, I had it to defeat diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. I had it so I can climb to the top of the Hatteras lighthouse with my family. I had it so I can be active instead of sleep  most of the day. I had it for a multitude of reasons that did not have to do with appearance. And I know I am beautiful, and I was beautiful 100 pounds ago, too. BUT dysmorphia means that sometimes when I look in the mirror I cannot see anything but fat or baggy skin. Logic has nothing to do with it. I congratulate you again on your success; my plea is that we all recognize that other's experiences are different from our own, and no amount of "shoulds" or advice is going to negate our issues. I never chose to have depression or diabetes, and I could not and can not will those disorders away. But through recognizing them, and working with them, and with help and support from others--not advice--I can transform them and myself. 

 

BTW--looking at your picture, I would say that Mr. Butler has nothing on you! You know?

Edited by Molly January
Tex176 and quirk2726 like this

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