Dees

I'm going back to work tomorrow...

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What do I say to people if they say something about weight loss?  I know and understand a gracious "thank you".  Should I try to head off any viciousness?  Or just let it go and see how it plays out?  I'm really an emotional wreck about going back to work...

Edited by Dees

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If it were me, I wouldn't say anything. you said you guys are tight-knit, but honestly, it sounds as if THEY are tight-knit and you are on the outside looking in. This is YOUR journey and YOUR business...if you feel they will support you and be in your corner, by all means tell them. If you feel they will continue to be judgmental and all, you can always say that you are on a medically supervised plan...that IS true! Best of luck to you!

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From what you wrote I got that they already know about your surgery and their smirks and backhanded insults sound a lot like harrassment to me. You may want to have a talk with your Boss or HR person.

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Well, unfortunately talking to Boss/HR is not an option for me for various reasons that I can't say here. :\  

 

This is something I have to just handle on my own.  I do not have those resources.

 

I think I'm going to just go back, smile, inhale, and hope they don't shred me, lol.  I don't want to be a drama queen about it or anything, but I feel like it's a legitimate concern, given some of the past comments and behaviors.

 

Thanks for the replies.  I'm definitely gonna take my Ativan tomorrow... lol

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It's too bad they know about the surgery. I will not be sharing anything unless it is a close friend or family member.

They are obviously a bunch of jerks and I'm sorry you have to be around them.

You hold you're head up HIGH. You did this for YOU!

You are better than a bunch of adult bullies.

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This sounds like the kind of place that calls for an ipod.  It never ceases to amaze me how some supposed adults can be such a**es.  Unfortunately the people you are surrounded with are the type that will probably never understand your point of view, and as a result almost fit in the "never try to teach a pig to sing" category.

 

good luck!

Edited by MJreadyforaChange

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Girl, once you start feeling up to it, start looking for a non hostile work environment. Keep your mind occupied and don't let them bring you down. Forget those snotty people!

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that's why nobody at work knows I had surgery. But... if the subject comes up, just tell them that you needed to find something that worked for you, nothing else had in the past. If any of the heavy ones say anything negative, just kindly say "do you want a referral to my surgeon?"

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I agree. That is why I also am not telling anyone at my job either. There are always "the haters" wanting to make comments, but have never known how it feels to be an overweight person!

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Thanks, guys.

 

Work was okay today.  I got a few comments (nothing overtly negative but the connotation wasn't pleasant).

 

I -did- get a lot of people from outside the company telling me they were relieved I had come back and asking that I not go on "vacation" again for a while. :)

 

Looking for a new job?  I don't know.  I've been loyal to this company for the better part of a decade.  It would be a big change.  Maybe one day, but nothing in the immediate future, realistically.  The thought has crossed my mind though--I think it would with any rational person.

 

I had this amazing moment today of clarity.  It came at around 1:30 this afternoon.  I was tired.  I mean, bone tired.  I get tired easily because I'm drinking about 600 calories a day.  My back was hurting (I'd been in my desk chair for about 6.5 hours at that point), and my stomach sutures were hurting, and I was feeling down--almost to the point of tears.  Just really about to give up for the day and pack it in, and go home.

 

And then I thought, no, I'm going to try to drink this broth I brought with me today, and I'll swig some pain medicine that I packed just in case, and take an anxiety pill.  

 

So I did this.

 

Ten minutes later, I was a new person.  I mean, it was almost frightening.  One moment, it was like I was ready to sag into a puddle on the floor.  Next minute, I was rejuvinated.

 

Now, the clarity part came from this:  I remembered, when I ate before the surgery, it made me feel BAD.  I'd hurt.  I'd have to go sit down in my recliner at home and put my feet up, and cover up with a blanket, or go to bed and lay on my side.  I hated myself for every bite I took.  I was so ANGRY at myself for eating, for making myself feel so bad, and yet... when I was hungry, it was consuming, all encompassing... I could not stop myself from overfilling so that the hunger would go away.

 

And now?  Now, when I eat, I feel good.  It took me a few minutes to really "get" that today.  I started to tear up.  Out of -joy-.  Now, I know this sounds dumb, but seriously, I have to ask... is this what normal people feel like when they eat?  You eat, refuel, and you feel -good- after you eat?  No guilt at putting something in your mouth.  Just joy at how the machine of your body processes your food and makes you a happy camper again, fueled up and ready to go for a while longer...

 

Is this what normal people feel like?

 

It was a liberating, exhilarating feeling.  Like I was in control, and like food was okay again... not something taboo that I couldn't do in public, or couldn't make references to in normal conversation without worrying that someone would look at me the wrong way.  I have been tortured all my life about food.  My best friend and worst enemy.  I am a true recovering addict.  

 

It was one of the best feelings I have ever had, in my life, no lie.  I felt good about eating today.  Just the best feeling ever.

 

Call me a drama queen, I don't care... I'm just thrilled.

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I'm glad it went ok for you on your first day back. Over time I think you will get serious respect from most of them, so just hang in there!

 

Mean people suck!

 

My work knows I am starting the process, but they won't say anything mean because we are all social worker types. Seriously, we deal with crazy people and downright mean people all the time, so go out of our way to be tolerant of each other.

 

Its nice. They accept me as a morbidly obese man, they will accept me as a skinny man who did it through the wonders of surgery.

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Sorry about your meanie co-workers. I agree that you should look for something new when you're up to it. I left a hostile work environment a few years ago. The company I went to was better but not doing well financially and I got laid off after 1 year. My first thought was that I never should have left the other place. But within 2 weeks, I had an even better offer, and I am thrilled with my current job. It's not perfect, none are, but it's a pretty good fit. I have gossipy co-workers but they mean well lol. So what I'm saying is, change is scary but I think it's worth taking the leap...

As for feeling GOOD after you eat, I know what you mean! I usually feel tired and sweaty and blah after I eat. I cannot wait to have a healthy relationship with food and use it as fuel for my body rather than abusing it and it bringing me down. Less than 3 weeks away!!!

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Thanks for talking about your "moment of clarity."  I hope I feel the same way and now I can go into this expecting to.

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Well!

Been a couple days since I checked back in. For all I know my home computer is still on the same page (I get on that thing maybe twice a week when I'm not attending a class lol).

Mean people do suck. I've made a resolution to find more tolerance for other people just so I'm never labeled a mean person.

Good luck to those of you starting surgeries. It's a long road, but not one I'd have done differently. :)

Happy day before Friday!

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I told 1 person at the school I work at that I would be having surgery - she is my quiet support sytem. The others - do make comments at how much I've slimmed down and want to know what I'm doing - and I have began to tell a few more that are truly interested in what I had been up to... but the others - with the negative remarks and raised eyebrows... tough luck!

 

I've found the more I share about the things I have to do as far as food routines, water, etc --- the more they realize it isn't 'the easy way out'  --- that it's actually hard hard work to be very diligent about following the plan and using the tool.

 

One of my most negative coworkers finally said to me the other day ---- I don't know how you have been able to maintain the 'diet' that you do. I would be miserable by now! I wouldn't be able to do it!   (not that some days I wouldn't love a  McD's cheeseburger...because I REALLY would - but won't allow myself) She brought up a good point with her statements -  Not everyone is meant to do what we are doing. Simply said - because it ISN'T easy.

 

Hopefully it's easy sailing without having to defend your decision on WLS.

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I'm not telling many people either!  My surgery, my business!  Good luck to you my friend.

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