13 replies to this topic

[raguilera00]

I am a little upset that my mother isn't supportive about me doing the gastric bypass. I was recently approved and my surgery date is Dec. 19th! I am really excited! My husband is getting it done as well on Dec. 13th! We are both supporting each other. But my mother is not happy for us. I don't know why it bothers me so much, I guess I just wanted her approval. She doesn't even want to take me to the hospital! All that matters, is that my husband and I are there for each other.

[Anna Banana]

I'm sorry about your mother do you have any aunts or cousins who would be able to take you to the hospital?

If you and your husband are having the surgeries so close together, see if you can get a friend of family member to help out a bit after you both have had surgery-- while you are going into surgery he might still be recovering and not able to help you out so well when you go home.  

Bets of luck and I hope you both succeed!!!!

[cinwa]

raguilera00, on 22 November 2011 - 10:20 PM, said:

I am a little upset that my mother isn't supportive about me doing the gastric bypass. I was recently approved and my surgery date is Dec. 19th! I am really excited! My husband is getting it done as well on Dec. 13th! We are both supporting each other. But my mother is not happy for us. I don't know why it bothers me so much, I guess I just wanted her approval. She doesn't even want to take me to the hospital! All that matters, is that my husband and I are there for each other.

Babe - this isn't unusual.  

A lot of the negativity we face is from people who know little about the WLS process OTHER than all the urban legends that continue to get bounced around.  It never ceases to amaze me at just how many people who know someone who has a cousin whose friend married someone whose sister had WLS and ............ yadda, yadda, yadda.

You've got two choices sweetheart.  Either just carry on and hope your Mum comes around (which they generally do), or try and help your Mum understand the process.  Get some leaflets, print some information off the internet etc.  Something else that might help is to ask her to go to a WLS support group with you.    

She may not agree with you getting WLS and in fairness, that's not something we have a right to ask of anyone.  But we do have a right to expect people to respect our right to choose.

[raguilera00]

Thank you both for replying!

I am going to see if my sister in law can take me. She is a nurse and she takes care of people at a hospital all day. I am praying that she will be able to take care of things for us.

To Cinwa's point, yes I agree. I do have a choice to make. Your right about bringing her pamplets and information about WLS. I hope she would understand that it I have chosen to do this to better myself. I want to be healthy.  I would hope that she would respect decision.

[cinwa]

raguilera00, on 23 November 2011 - 09:42 AM, said:

Thank you both for replying!

I am going to see if my sister in law can take me. She is a nurse and she takes care of people at a hospital all day. I am praying that she will be able to take care of things for us.

To Cinwa's point, yes I agree. I do have a choice to make. Your right about bringing her pamplets and information about WLS. I hope she would understand that it I have chosen to do this to better myself. I want to be healthy.  I would hope that she would respect decision.

Don't be too upset about your Mum - as mentioned earlier - lack of knowledge of the WLS process tends to generate a lot of fear for our family and friends.  When she see's the slimmer, healthier and happier you emerging, you'll see a change of attitude.

[hollyann]

Sorry about your mom, maybe she's just worried.

You will definitely want to line up some help at home since your surgeries are so close together, it could be really rough if either of you have complications. My husband had his 9 weeks after mine,  we were advised to have them at least 3-4 months apart, but I felt great at 4 weeks out, so we scheduled his surgery when I felt good.
I definitely wouldn't have wanted him to have it 6 days after mine, that would have been very difficult, your still crabby and in some pain at that point. I'm assuming you don't have small children as that would be nearly impossible.

Good luck to both of you!

[bfly_one]

I hear you!  My parents are supportive - my mother is even coming out for a week to help out.  But at the same time, they are both full of "we love you the way you are" and "you're perfect to us", etc.  Excuse me... these are the same people who put a perfectly normal weight girl on a diet in the 4th grade and nagged me about every thing I ever put in my mouth!

It's ironic, really!  

I think we all want our family's approval.  But when we can't get it, we need to look at our chosen family.  I have the most supportive group of friends in the world, and they are the people who I need in the long run.

[nestingdoll]

I don't know about you guys, but....I've NEVER met a heavy person with serious familial baggage.  Why is it that we (myself included) are shocked when we don't get a normal, healthy response from our family now?  

My mother, since my announcement of my decision, has offered her "support" for my decision, while making the most heinous comments on the planet. Bravo! It takes a minute, sometimes, to remember who exactly I'm expecting support from.

[Namaste123]

Did she say why she doesn't support you?
It could be she's worried about your health or it could be she's worried about you not being in the role if the "big one" or of being the only thin one. I'm sorry. I hope she comes around.

[saidgrrl]

I am so sorry! She's probably worried, I know that my mom is. I think sometimes it's hard for others in our lives to support us the way we think we should be supported because they have their own lives and fears and ideas about what could be involved in the surgery. I was hoping everyone would jump up and down and throw me a party because that's how excited I am about it, but that's not the case. Good Luck!!

Edited by saidgrrl, 28 February 2012 - 05:00 PM.

[raguilera00]

I wanted to give everyone an update on my mother. My mother in the beginning did not support me or even talk about the surgery to me. I didn't understand why and I was very upset. I wanted her support during my transformation. I made a really big decision and I wanted to talk to her about it. She is my mother and I was value her opinion no matter what. But I knew I was making the right choice for me. I had researched it,talked with the doctor and talked with other wls paitents.

My husband and I went to the seminar that our doctor does. We were thrilled! We could have not been any more excited. My husband and I looked as if we won at the casino! Jackpot baby! Right afterwards, we went to my mothers house as every Thursday we would have dinner with her. I gave her the packet and explained everything to her, she did not want to look at it. Then she turns around and says "so, what type of pizza do y'all want to order?"  I was heartbroken. Pizza?! I want to lose weight and you are talking about pizza? She missed the target completely. So yes, we ate pizza that night.

My mother came through at the end and took me to the hospital along with my husband who was only 1 week out of his surgery. It was hard for him to get up and down, but everyone called him a "Champ". I looked up to my husband for moral support. The hospital staff was amazed at the both of us. We were being as positive as we could. We didn't want my mother to say anything negative about the process. The only thing was, I was in so much pain after surgery that I cried out. She said " See, did you make the right decision now?" That's not what you want to hear when you are in pain. But the doctor but me on meds through an IV and I was great after that. Anyone who has had the surgery,you know what type of meds they give you. I came home 2 1/2 days later and was in recovery process. My mother came over a few times to help out. I couldn't bend down or clean my lovely cat litter box.

My husband was ready for his 1 week post op doctors appt. My mother took him. She went in to the office and looked around at all the posters,read pamplets, and asked a lot of questions to the lady at the desk. (my husband is a witness) The lady at the desk had the surgery and my mom looked at her and said "NO WAY!" She couldn't believe it. My mom finally understood why and how we had the surgery. She is supportive now. It is completely different. My mother will ask, "what type of foods can you eat?" She is concerned with my weight loss! She looks at me now, "you were this skinny in high school!" So I am now almost 4 months out and I have more weight loss to go. Now, I have support from my mother. For her, it was not being educated and actually talking with someone who as already gone through the process. It was the unknown that scares people.

I'm glad it worked out, but she still asks me about when can I have pizza! Neverending!

[Paula's Overhauled]

I am so glad you came back and shared about your mom. Sounds like she was scared and scared of change. You guys may have to make one of the cauliflower crust pizzas or pizza casseroles together sometime. Tradition is hard break and change is hard to handle
Congratulatons to you and your husband! What a journey!

[Ladyashten]

I am glad your mom came around. I am trying to educate mine, but she completely shuts down every time WLS gets mentioned. I am hoping that at some point in time she will come around to listening to what I have to say. I know I can count on her to take me to the hospital, help with the kids, bring me home, etc. What I am afraid of (and am positive it will happen) is the comment like your mom made when you were in recovery.

[StormGazr]

I'm so glad to hear your mom is supportive of your decision!