• Announcements

    • John

      Community Guidelines   09/15/2015

      A reminder that we have a general set of guidelines that are available at http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/guidelines/. If you have any questions or concerns, you may express them to me or a Community Leader directly. Thank you,
      John Callery
Emsielee

So You Want To Talk To Me Now?

16 posts in this topic

Well I have just had a horrible week. It is obvious I am losing weight rapidly, I decided not to tell anybody in work because a.) they are awful gossips and b.) it is my business. Whenever anybody says 'you look great what is your secret' I say 'just don't eat anything that tastes good'. That usually satisfies them.

Anyways, I have a very close friend in work and people who wouldn't normally say two words to me (teachers...it's like a ranking system, going on years you have been there, since I have only been in this job three years I haven't earned the privilege of being spoken to by those who have been there 20+ years). Anyways, one of these people who has only ever said hi in the corridor went to my close friend inquiring as to how I have lost the weight, what I am doing, was it cosmetic etc. My friend just said it was my business. Another did this but asked the office staff.

This really upset me simply because it is highly unprofessional and quite rude. At least ask me to my face, I wouldn't deny it. But they suddenly want to know my business? The reactions I have had, although positive in most cases are reminding me constantly that I used to be this over sized person. I like my job but now I am considering leaving my 'old life' behind when I hit a decent weight so I won't have to face this daily.

Anybody else experience this?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You will never be able to control people speculating and gossiping, so I would seriously just ignore it. I'm sure people are wondering about me at work as well and possibly gossiping, but really--what am I ever going to be able to do about that? Getting upset or worried about it just adds to the energy it might feed on, so I've got it all fully on ignore. "What other people think about me is none of my business."

Don't let them hook you in to the drama. Enjoy your journey and ignore the rest!! :)

Edited by swizzly
Townmama and GettinKinny like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

they think youre smoking crack lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I have just had a horrible week. It is obvious I am losing weight rapidly, I decided not to tell anybody in work because a.) they are awful gossips and b.) it is my business. Whenever anybody says 'you look great what is your secret' I say 'just don't eat anything that tastes good'. That usually satisfies them.

Anyways, I have a very close friend in work and people who wouldn't normally say two words to me (teachers...it's like a ranking system, going on years you have been there, since I have only been in this job three years I haven't earned the privilege of being spoken to by those who have been there 20+ years). Anyways, one of these people who has only ever said hi in the corridor went to my close friend inquiring as to how I have lost the weight, what I am doing, was it cosmetic etc. My friend just said it was my business. Another did this but asked the office staff.

This really upset me simply because it is highly unprofessional and quite rude. At least ask me to my face, I wouldn't deny it. But they suddenly want to know my business? The reactions I have had, although positive in most cases are reminding me constantly that I used to be this over sized person. I like my job but now I am considering leaving my 'old life' behind when I hit a decent weight so I won't have to face this daily.

Anybody else experience this?

This kind of garbage was the main reason I decided to be open and honest with everyone, it cuts the speculation and disarms the grapevine. When a chubster loses a lot of weight quickly and appears to be keeping it off and eating little, people are bound to put two and two together and come up with WLS. I'm not saying the OP should have told her "colleagues", and I use the term loosely, just that I am incredulous as to why post oppers are ever surprised when this speculation and associated gossip happens.

I'm not sure why you think one colleague asking another colleague a question is unprofessional, or rude? or why being reminded that you were recently fat upsets you. You could change your job, your town, your country, but as the song says "But you can travel on ten thousand miles, and still stay where you are" instead rejoice in the new you and see your fat memories as a positive motivator in your quest to make this a lifelong success.

Fidontop likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This kind of garbage was the main reason I decided to be open and honest with everyone, it cuts the speculation and disarms the grapevine. When a chubster loses a lot of weight quickly and appears to be keeping it off and eating little, people are bound to put two and two together and come up with WLS. I'm not saying the OP should have told her "colleagues", and I use the term loosely, just that I am incredulous as to why post oppers are ever surprised when this speculation and associated gossip happens.

I'm not sure why you think one colleague asking another colleague a question is unprofessional, or rude? or why being reminded that you were recently fat upsets you. You could change your job, your town, your country, but as the song says "But you can travel on ten thousand miles, and still stay where you are" instead rejoice in the new you and see your fat memories as a positive motivator in your quest to make this a lifelong success.

Love it! You are so right!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Karlos: I was not surprised that they guessed, like I said in my post, if they would of asked me to my face I would be honest with them. Like I have been with people outside of work life. I was upset by the fact that this colleague went behind my back and asked another person in work. And I do find it unprofessional simply because a.) she never speaks to me and couldn't care less about my wellbeing, it's just to fuel the gossip mill and b.) being big or small does not have an impact on my teaching so it's not of professional concern.

Furthermore I was kind of just ranting, blowing off steam if you will. Guess I will do it with friends next time :)

Thanks everybody for the advice.

Fidontop likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Karlos: I was not surprised that they guessed, like I said in my post, if they would of asked me to my face I would be honest with them. Like I have been with people outside of work life. I was upset by the fact that this colleague went behind my back and asked another person in work. And I do find it unprofessional simply because a.) she never speaks to me and couldn't care less about my wellbeing, it's just to fuel the gossip mill and b.) being big or small does not have an impact on my teaching so it's not of professional concern.

Furthermore I was kind of just ranting, blowing off steam if you will. Guess I will do it with friends next time :)

Thanks everybody for the advice.

Exactly so why should it be considered unprofessional?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I noticed you highlighted my comment about 'so it's not of professional concern'. What I meant by that was, if it were to impact my daily life professionally i.e. hinder my ability to do my job then I understand people wanting to know what is going on. Since it has nothing to do with my work and professionalism and is purely a private matter then people should approach me privately and not another colleague of mine.

I just think that prying into a colleagues personal life to satiate ones hunger for spreading gossip is unprofessional is all. Plus she has been pulled into management several times for spreading gossip - true or not. Anyways Karlos we shall agree to disagree on this one - thanks for the input though, it helped! :)

Edited by Emsielee
MissKenny likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can empathize with you. Gossip is exactly wihy I didn't tell anyone at work before I had my surgery. I realize that most people will figure out that I had WLS and that is fine. I chose not to tell before hand because of all the gossip and "advise" I knew I would get. I expect when I go back to work that I will be questioned in depth and will answer what I can /what I feel comfortable with. I also expect to hear comments about how I "took the easy way out" which is funny since this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't mind sharing my experience with anyone, but I also don't want to be the center of thier mid day bashing. I agree if they wanted to know if you had surgery, then they should have asked you. Good luck~ I hope your week goes better!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

they think youre smoking crack lol

:D lol @ Marcus

I wonder what it will be like for me with the people that I don't tell. Wonder if I should send them a memo? Nah.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everybody, simply Lisa I am totally with you on this!

As for Marcus, well, perhaps I should start telling them that, really feed the rumour mill ;)

Happy Sunday everybody!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gossip at work is unprofessional. She has a right not to talk about a medical procedure to coworkers. If she lost a lot of weight because she had cancer and chose not to talk about it, would it be the same reaction? Everyone deserves privacy, especially at work!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I personally think it's unrealistic to think people won't ask around, especially if you don't normally talk to these people. It's human nature to wonder and be curious when someone changes as much as someone who has WLS will. I also don't think it's not professional - they didn't say now that you're losing weight you can't do your job, they are just being curious. If you work yourself up over people "asking" what happened to you, you're going to stress yourself out for no reason. If one of them showed up to work 6 inches shorter, you would notice and since you don't talk to them, you would probably ask someone, it's the same thing. Relax and enjoy the ride!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Luciluu I do not think it is unrealistic that people ask around. As I said, I would be honest with them and of course I expected it. What I don't expect is people to ask others about me. Interestingly I spoke with one of management and they said it was highly unprofessional and it was usual for this woman to do this in the manner she did (she wasn't asking...she was prying, asking specific questions related to it, not just saying ''Did she have WLS'').

Anyways, the topic is dead, it has been resolved, I have moved on, like I said, next time I need to blow off steam I won't do it here...thanks for the advice!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Luci we are kindred spirits for sure :) I feel the same way, but I know not everyone is as open-book-heart-on-their-sleeve as I am.

I've been telling coworkers I'm having wls since my first seminar. Mainly because my weight was impacting my job performance. I take care of someone with CP that I have been having a hard time lifting and strapping into the van and showering etc. because my fat gets in the way. I needed my coworkers to understand this and to understand that I am doing all I can to correct it so they don't resent me. A strong team makes a strong house and that helps the folks we support. When we in-fight and have cattiness from unspoken issues, things fall apart and our folks suffer. The other people I take care of are ambulatory and it hasn't been as much of an issue, but I don't want my coworkers to think I am just lazy and unwilling to take care of my CP girl. It's that my stomach and boobs get in the WAY when I'm trying to secure her in the van or lift her into the shower chair etc. It takes me at least five times as long as everyone else which is not good if the poor girl has to pee! When she asks me to transfer her to pee I ask her how urgent it is... if it's urgent the other person on does it. If it's not, I have no problem doing it though I usually can't get her far back enough in the chair so she pees on the floor. ANYWAY... sometimes people at work need to know. If I worked in an office, it might be different. I'm proud of my choices though and talk about them openly.

Also, when my stepbrother had WLS a few years ago my cousin asked me quietly at Thanksgiving if he was dying of cancer. Why alarm people who care about you? If it's just gossips, eff em. I get that. but otherwise, why not tell?

LusanSusan likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I have just had a horrible week. It is obvious I am losing weight rapidly, I decided not to tell anybody in work because a.) they are awful gossips and b.) it is my business. Whenever anybody says 'you look great what is your secret' I say 'just don't eat anything that tastes good'. That usually satisfies them.

Anyways, I have a very close friend in work and people who wouldn't normally say two words to me (teachers...it's like a ranking system, going on years you have been there, since I have only been in this job three years I haven't earned the privilege of being spoken to by those who have been there 20+ years). Anyways, one of these people who has only ever said hi in the corridor went to my close friend inquiring as to how I have lost the weight, what I am doing, was it cosmetic etc. My friend just said it was my business. Another did this but asked the office staff.

This really upset me simply because it is highly unprofessional and quite rude. At least ask me to my face, I wouldn't deny it. But they suddenly want to know my business? The reactions I have had, although positive in most cases are reminding me constantly that I used to be this over sized person. I like my job but now I am considering leaving my 'old life' behind when I hit a decent weight so I won't have to face this daily.

Anybody else experience this?

You are 1000% right. She is VERY VERY RUDE and UNPROFESSIONAL. I am a teacher. Teachers close their door and teach. When we have lunch or a prep, we mostly work. We tend to be cordial to our collegues but we tend to only have a few very close friends. It is VERY BAD MANNERS to ask people about a personal issue such as weight. I am sorry I did not know about this board sooner, because you should feel you have the right to say what you want and you should not have to apologize or feel bad. In some jobs, collegues are more than collegues- they are friends. This tends not to be the case in most schools. I have been a teacher for 30 years and I have worked in a few different schools. There are ALWAYS a few, nosy , rude people who have no agenda other than gossip. They have a poor sad existence and want to live through others, instead of them getting a life and worrying about themselves. I decided not to tell and if someone thinks I have cancer, that's their problem. If I did have cancer, I know for sure that these types of people would not offer help or be supportive, so what difference would it make whether they know the "truth" or not? I have a fool in my school who keeps screaming at me , down the hallway in front of the kids, "You are shrinking" like everyday. First I ignored the moron- finally one day I yelled back, "No you are getting LARGER, and I laughed. She hasn't make the "shrinking" comment again. A decent respecful person just says, " hey you look great- whatever your doing keep it up"- which some collegues have said. Unless I'm F*****G you, Sorry, my body is NOT your business! Good luck to you- I hope you have reached your goal (or are close) and I hope you are enjoying your new body and life, (and not letting morons irritate you!)

LoriW likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now