remaininlite

Writing letters to family/friends prior to surgery?

24 posts in this topic

I believe I've read, on a few occasions, some posts of people saying that they had written their family and friends letters before surgery just in case anything bad should happen. Is this a typical practice for people undergoing this surgery? Was this something suggested by doctors? In any event, it seemed a tad morbid to me. I asked my mom if I should do the same and she was completely appauled by the notion of it.

I would, however, like to write a general letter to my family and close friends telling them how I feel going into the surgery, thanking them for their support, and most importantly - telling them how excited I am to show them a new me. Is this a good idea?

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i have exactley the same dilema? i was going to write a letter to my husband and relay messages to my three sons through him, and then i thought of recording it for him to listen to my voice instead from a piece of paper, i just dont want to tempt fate, yet on the other hand would i regret it if something did go wrong? and i left nothing for them to read or listen to, to tell them how i feel about them and how much i love then and why i did what i did? its a tough one. :(

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This is a very personal and individual decision. I was a single mom to an adult daughter and I wrote a letter to her prior to my surgery. In the letter I explained to her my reasons for choosing to have the surgery and expressed to her how very much I loved her. I too thought it was a bit morbid but I did not want to leave her behind without some last words from me. Once I wrote the letter, I sealed it and gave it to a friend whom I could trust. I got the letter back after surgery and destroyed it. Noone else ever knew I had written the letter but it made me feel a bit of relief after writing it and even more relief when I was able to destroy it. If you choose to write or tape something to your family, don't tell them about it, it will just make them worry about you not making it thru the surgery. Think about it, if something does happen to you, would your loved ones be happy that you had left the note or tape/video for them?

Nikkiart29 likes this

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I did not write a letter but I did have a face to face coversation with my son and my husband just prior to be leaving to the hospital. They both begged me not to leave them (die) I promised I would not. They both told me that they just could not live without me if some thing should happen. I told them that I didn't know what the outcome was going to be. but I did know that if I died that night I would be with Jesus watching them and waiting for them to come in there own time.

We cried a lot. I cried alone in the hospital for hours the night before and then starting again when I woke up at 5am to wash for surgery.

The other side if great. I am now 80lbs down and I feel sexy and beautiful for the first time in a really long time. My husband is way enjoying his new wife. The bold wife. He is very please with the new wife.

My son is very proud and not embarrassed to walk around with the new mom. Not the fat mom. We acutally went to Yoga and 24 hour fitness together this morning. It was great to experience that with my son. Something i would have turned into a comedy routine prior to surgery.

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You know what? I never even thought about doing this. I guess I was being very optimistic about it all. In hind sight, I wish I would've "just in case." Obviously that "just in case" didn't come, but how horrible if it did. My kids would've just had pictures of me fat...and that's it.

I suppose that's why I started journal right after my surgery, I write in it every day so that one day my kids can read it and read what I went through...throughout my life, being obese, giving birth etc...you just don't realize how precious life is.

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Nope, I didn't write any letters. Heck, I didn't even tell my family until the day before the surgery. I had a brief discussion with my husband about advance directives.

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I did it to ease my mind. I was a total wreck before surgery and it helped calm me down. I am a bit obsessive at times and it was my way of making sure I left no lose ends.

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Actually I have been writing to my children for years. I have a journal for each. These have nothing specifically to do with surgery, I'm just a "what if" kind of person. And if I live to be 100, I will give these journals to my beautiful boys on their wedding days. I chose to not leave this earth without them knowing they are loved, and why they shouldn't wear black socks with shorts, and why they need to know how to make an omlette, and what it really means when their girlfriend says, "go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys". But that's just me.... :D

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"go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys"

Hahahaha...I never thought of writing down "tips" I"ll start doing that now lol

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hehehehehe.... besides I know my perspective is different now. I mean what if I don't like the girlfriend? My advice will be way different! LOL This way, I'm being more fair.... :D

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Actually I have been writing to my children for years. I have a journal for each. These have nothing specifically to do with surgery, I'm just a "what if" kind of person. And if I live to be 100, I will give these journals to my beautiful boys on their wedding days. I chose to not leave this earth without them knowing they are loved, and why they shouldn't wear black socks with shorts, and why they need to know how to make an omlette, and what it really means when their girlfriend says, "go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys". But that's just me.... :D

I have been keeping a life jornal for my son for years and years as well. Not as a good bye thing but as a way of him keeping a memory or a way of getting knowledge of his past present. When ever God has spoken to me powerfully in my life and or even when He spoke softly I write it in the journal. funny stuff, difficult struggles of mine his/ gramdma's... All kinds of stuff.

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I wrote a letter each to my wife and two children and gave them to mywife telling her I wantedthem back unopened when I came home. It made me feel just a little better to have done it. I really don't see a negative side to it, although it took me to tears as I was writing....

Mike S.

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Nobody, except my parents and my sister, knew that I was going in for surgery, and for me letters were important. My extended family loves to play the blame game and I knew my parents would take the heat if something happened to me, so I chose to write letters explaining why this was something I had to do for myself, and that nobody could dissuade me. I had also chosen not to tell my younger brother until after the fact, so just in case, I wanted him to understand why i hadn't told him in advance and share with him some things that I always expected to share with him when he was older. I didn't think of it as morbid, it just felt less selfish to leave my loved ones with an explanation and an expression of my love.

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I'm doing a general letter to my wife, just in case. The possibility is always there, but it's not that I expect something to go wrong -- I just want to be able to have something for her and my family/friends to have ... again, just in case.

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And I too have a journal for my daughter...

There will be an entry about this in there.

In the past, I've dealt with panic/anxiety, so I've already written a letter to her in this journal thinking it could be my last one.

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Well, I have written all kinds of letters to my kids. I have all of their holiday cards that they were too young to read put away unopened. Plus just letters I wrote and funny things I wnat them to know about. I have noticed I have been more lax about it in recent years :( I need to step it up I think. I have also writen to my kids when I had my c-sections and when going on a plane. I don't think it's morbid just a way to let them know I thinking about them in the midst of all that wa going on, be it getting ready for a new baby or packing and planning for a trip.

What I need to do is get some pictures of me, I am always behind the camera or avoiding them all together :rolleyes: That isn't fair to my kids.

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I also wrote a letter to my husband and kids and my parents and brother. I was worried about the "what if". When I came out of surgery my husband came home and tore them up :cool: . I just wanted my kids to know why I was doing this and that if I had died that no matter what I loved them and I would always be with them.

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Actually I have been writing to my children for years. I have a journal for each. These have nothing specifically to do with surgery, I'm just a "what if" kind of person. And if I live to be 100, I will give these journals to my beautiful boys on their wedding days. I chose to not leave this earth without them knowing they are loved, and why they shouldn't wear black socks with shorts, and why they need to know how to make an omlette, and what it really means when their girlfriend says, "go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys". But that's just me.... :D

This is so sweet. What an awesome idea. :)

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I didn't know about the whole letter-writing thing because I didn't know about the forum until after my surgery. Had I realized, I certainly would have written letters to my husband, daughter, brother, and two cousins with whom I am very close.

My whole surgery journey was something I regarded as business. Like Marcia, I wasn't really nervous. :confused: I only had 10 days' notice, so I think I just knew I had to take care of a lot of things...and I didn't let myself dwell on the risks. I knew I would be off work for six weeks and I had a lot of work-related things to do before I could feel okay about leaving.

I also rewrote my Will, wrote a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Purposes, and even wrote funeral instructions. I had everything notarized and put them in the family safe before surgery. They're still there...for someday in the future. :rolleyes:

I think the letter writing is a personal choice. Either you feel comfortable with it or you don't.

Hey Robin, this FONT'S FOR YOU! :D

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wow it brings me to tears reading these posts - and makes me question if i am doing the right thing - i have had 4 other surgeries and never gave it much thought that i would not wake up but when i had cancer on my liver i guess it could have happened then...but to be thin is it really worth taking the risk i mean i hate that my feet hurt my back hurts mostly i just hate being fat...so what do i do i sign up for GBS but is it worth it??? now i am scared for the first time i am scared what if???? my mom works for a Doctors Insurance company and she has looked up my surgeon and the assisting - both have had no losses no claims at all in over 5 years maybe it was 10...so i feel good about that but how many people dont believe in filing a claim and just accept that it was an accident and no ones fault so they dont file a claim??? i am going down for my pre-op appt today in about 30 minutes and will be thinking about it.....

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Hey Robin, this FONT'S FOR YOU! :D

HAHA! I love it! I like your pink stuff!...... Okay... wait.... that sounded wrong too.... :eek:

Good ideas on the will and power of attorney stuff too!

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Heather...

Just so you know, personally, I'm not worried about not waking up from my surgery. Not at all. I'm just a "what if" kind of person. I'm also the girl that's trying to buy a sattelite phone, and keeps 25 pounds of flour and 15 gallons of water on hand. :eek: I'm sure after you leave your appointment today you'll feel better. Big hugs sugar!

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Heather,

There is a higher risk of dying if you do not have this surgery. That is why your opting to have it. You could drop dead from a heart attack much quicker without surgery. Or you could die from other things related to MO. Or we can all step outside and get hit by a car.

My point life is too fricken short to live it with regret and or to live one more day than you have to hating yourself and wondering what if's.

I am 44 years old and living my life for the first time in a long time.

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