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Writing letters to family/friends prior to surgery?


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#1 remaininlite

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Posted 19 September 2005 - 11:34 PM

I believe I've read, on a few occasions, some posts of people saying that they had written their family and friends letters before surgery just in case anything bad should happen. Is this a typical practice for people undergoing this surgery? Was this something suggested by doctors? In any event, it seemed a tad morbid to me. I asked my mom if I should do the same and she was completely appauled by the notion of it.

I would, however, like to write a general letter to my family and close friends telling them how I feel going into the surgery, thanking them for their support, and most importantly - telling them how excited I am to show them a new me. Is this a good idea?
-Jared

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#2 wendydj

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 12:31 AM

i have exactley the same dilema? i was going to write a letter to my husband and relay messages to my three sons through him, and then i thought of recording it for him to listen to my voice instead from a piece of paper, i just dont want to tempt fate, yet on the other hand would i regret it if something did go wrong? and i left nothing for them to read or listen to, to tell them how i feel about them and how much i love then and why i did what i did? its a tough one. :(
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#3 Karla56

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 12:39 AM

This is a very personal and individual decision. I was a single mom to an adult daughter and I wrote a letter to her prior to my surgery. In the letter I explained to her my reasons for choosing to have the surgery and expressed to her how very much I loved her. I too thought it was a bit morbid but I did not want to leave her behind without some last words from me. Once I wrote the letter, I sealed it and gave it to a friend whom I could trust. I got the letter back after surgery and destroyed it. Noone else ever knew I had written the letter but it made me feel a bit of relief after writing it and even more relief when I was able to destroy it. If you choose to write or tape something to your family, don't tell them about it, it will just make them worry about you not making it thru the surgery. Think about it, if something does happen to you, would your loved ones be happy that you had left the note or tape/video for them?
Karla
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#4 Barbarajo

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 12:52 AM

I did not write a letter but I did have a face to face coversation with my son and my husband just prior to be leaving to the hospital. They both begged me not to leave them (die) I promised I would not. They both told me that they just could not live without me if some thing should happen. I told them that I didn't know what the outcome was going to be. but I did know that if I died that night I would be with Jesus watching them and waiting for them to come in there own time.

We cried a lot. I cried alone in the hospital for hours the night before and then starting again when I woke up at 5am to wash for surgery.

The other side if great. I am now 80lbs down and I feel sexy and beautiful for the first time in a really long time. My husband is way enjoying his new wife. The bold wife. He is very please with the new wife.

My son is very proud and not embarrassed to walk around with the new mom. Not the fat mom. We acutally went to Yoga and 24 hour fitness together this morning. It was great to experience that with my son. Something i would have turned into a comedy routine prior to surgery.
Barbara Johanning
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#5 Dee22

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 05:44 AM

You know what? I never even thought about doing this. I guess I was being very optimistic about it all. In hind sight, I wish I would've "just in case." Obviously that "just in case" didn't come, but how horrible if it did. My kids would've just had pictures of me fat...and that's it.

I suppose that's why I started journal right after my surgery, I write in it every day so that one day my kids can read it and read what I went through...throughout my life, being obese, giving birth etc...you just don't realize how precious life is.
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#6 lealphachienne

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 06:01 AM

Nope, I didn't write any letters. Heck, I didn't even tell my family until the day before the surgery. I had a brief discussion with my husband about advance directives.
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#7 katlover66

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 06:05 AM

I did it to ease my mind. I was a total wreck before surgery and it helped calm me down. I am a bit obsessive at times and it was my way of making sure I left no lose ends.
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#8 eyesthatkissu

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 06:27 AM

Actually I have been writing to my children for years. I have a journal for each. These have nothing specifically to do with surgery, I'm just a "what if" kind of person. And if I live to be 100, I will give these journals to my beautiful boys on their wedding days. I chose to not leave this earth without them knowing they are loved, and why they shouldn't wear black socks with shorts, and why they need to know how to make an omlette, and what it really means when their girlfriend says, "go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys". But that's just me.... :D
~~Robin~~

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#9 Dee22

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 06:34 AM

"go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys"

Hahahaha...I never thought of writing down "tips" I"ll start doing that now lol
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#10 eyesthatkissu

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 06:41 AM

hehehehehe.... besides I know my perspective is different now. I mean what if I don't like the girlfriend? My advice will be way different! LOL This way, I'm being more fair.... :D
~~Robin~~

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And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. -Abraham Lincoln

#11 Barbarajo

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 06:48 AM

Actually I have been writing to my children for years. I have a journal for each. These have nothing specifically to do with surgery, I'm just a "what if" kind of person. And if I live to be 100, I will give these journals to my beautiful boys on their wedding days. I chose to not leave this earth without them knowing they are loved, and why they shouldn't wear black socks with shorts, and why they need to know how to make an omlette, and what it really means when their girlfriend says, "go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys". But that's just me.... :D


I have been keeping a life jornal for my son for years and years as well. Not as a good bye thing but as a way of him keeping a memory or a way of getting knowledge of his past present. When ever God has spoken to me powerfully in my life and or even when He spoke softly I write it in the journal. funny stuff, difficult struggles of mine his/ gramdma's... All kinds of stuff.
Barbara Johanning
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#12 ScootRider

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 07:18 AM

I wrote a letter each to my wife and two children and gave them to mywife telling her I wantedthem back unopened when I came home. It made me feel just a little better to have done it. I really don't see a negative side to it, although it took me to tears as I was writing....

Mike S.
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#13 Pixie

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 07:32 AM

Nobody, except my parents and my sister, knew that I was going in for surgery, and for me letters were important. My extended family loves to play the blame game and I knew my parents would take the heat if something happened to me, so I chose to write letters explaining why this was something I had to do for myself, and that nobody could dissuade me. I had also chosen not to tell my younger brother until after the fact, so just in case, I wanted him to understand why i hadn't told him in advance and share with him some things that I always expected to share with him when he was older. I didn't think of it as morbid, it just felt less selfish to leave my loved ones with an explanation and an expression of my love.
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#14 Realtor Linda

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 07:40 AM

Robin, you are amazing!
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#15 Vertigo

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 07:48 AM

I'm doing a general letter to my wife, just in case. The possibility is always there, but it's not that I expect something to go wrong -- I just want to be able to have something for her and my family/friends to have ... again, just in case.
Andy
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#16 Vertigo

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 07:50 AM

And I too have a journal for my daughter...

There will be an entry about this in there.

In the past, I've dealt with panic/anxiety, so I've already written a letter to her in this journal thinking it could be my last one.
Andy
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#17 QueenB

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 11:22 AM

Well, I have written all kinds of letters to my kids. I have all of their holiday cards that they were too young to read put away unopened. Plus just letters I wrote and funny things I wnat them to know about. I have noticed I have been more lax about it in recent years :( I need to step it up I think. I have also writen to my kids when I had my c-sections and when going on a plane. I don't think it's morbid just a way to let them know I thinking about them in the midst of all that wa going on, be it getting ready for a new baby or packing and planning for a trip.


What I need to do is get some pictures of me, I am always behind the camera or avoiding them all together :rolleyes: That isn't fair to my kids.

:D QueenB :D


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#18 Laura@BellaBabies

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 01:13 PM

I also wrote a letter to my husband and kids and my parents and brother. I was worried about the "what if". When I came out of surgery my husband came home and tore them up :cool: . I just wanted my kids to know why I was doing this and that if I had died that no matter what I loved them and I would always be with them.
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#19 Blueyz

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 05:07 PM

Actually I have been writing to my children for years. I have a journal for each. These have nothing specifically to do with surgery, I'm just a "what if" kind of person. And if I live to be 100, I will give these journals to my beautiful boys on their wedding days. I chose to not leave this earth without them knowing they are loved, and why they shouldn't wear black socks with shorts, and why they need to know how to make an omlette, and what it really means when their girlfriend says, "go ahead and go to a strip club with the guys". But that's just me.... :D


This is so sweet. What an awesome idea. :)
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#20 Dara

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Posted 20 September 2005 - 10:52 PM

I didn't know about the whole letter-writing thing because I didn't know about the forum until after my surgery. Had I realized, I certainly would have written letters to my husband, daughter, brother, and two cousins with whom I am very close.

My whole surgery journey was something I regarded as business. Like Marcia, I wasn't really nervous. :confused: I only had 10 days' notice, so I think I just knew I had to take care of a lot of things...and I didn't let myself dwell on the risks. I knew I would be off work for six weeks and I had a lot of work-related things to do before I could feel okay about leaving.

I also rewrote my Will, wrote a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care Purposes, and even wrote funeral instructions. I had everything notarized and put them in the family safe before surgery. They're still there...for someday in the future. :rolleyes:

I think the letter writing is a personal choice. Either you feel comfortable with it or you don't.

Hey Robin, this FONT'S FOR YOU! :D

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Dara
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