charredtoast

Does anyone ever HIDE the fact that they have a lapband?

18 posts in this topic

I'm not saying I agree with these outside perceptions, but I could see people hiding the fact that they've had surgery to help them with their weight loss. We can all agree that it's not an "easy way out" and it's merely a tool to assist us in a life change involving sacrifice and exercise. However, I think a lot of people do look down upon it; like it's cheating somehow. I think this is especially true for people whom are overweight and dieting themselves.

So, do any of you hide it? Yes, we shouldn't, and we need all the support we can get, but do you hide it anyway? Do you find it embarrassing that you couldn't do it on your own?

I know someone that lost weight incredibly fast over just one summer and even though they say "old fashioned diet and exercise!" I can't help but be suspicious. But that's her prerogative.

There's nothing wrong with "new-fashioned diet, exercise and lapband surgery!". :P

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Plenty of people keep their WLS private due to the stigma and misconceptions attached. You have to decide what you are comfortable doing.

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Toast, you nailed it on the head-people who are fat are so discriminated against and judged.

I fight every day to change the stereotypes and am so happy to hear more scientific data coming out about genetics.

You need to do what you need to do.

But first and foremost, don't judge yourself, be kind to yourself.

Most of us are pretty bright and accomplished, we are not failures. This just may be an unwinable fight for some of us, no matter what you do.

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I totalllly agree...It's like your discrminated against FOR being obese, and then when you go to the gym or tell people your on a diet, it still feels like they are looking at you funny...Like when i go to a restaurant and get a salad...people look at me like "come on, you really want us to believe you got that way from eating salads?" but if i was eating a cheeseburger, theyd be thinking "Wth are you doing? you need to be eating a salad" lol, its a lose-lose situation.

So thats one reason im afraid of getting the surgery [well, im getting Bypass, but this topic interested me], Is that i dont wanna have to explain to people all the time why i needed to get the surgery...and its gonna be a little harder since i wont be able to eat certain things without worrying im gonna be running to the bathroom 5 min later, itll seem a but suspicious, lol.

But i could totally understand why people would hide the fact that they got WLS, and it is kind of messed up that its typically the people who are overweight and trying to lose weight the old fashioned way that discriminate against it the most...But the fact is that some people are so obese, it would take them YEARS to get even close to their ideal weight...And most of our health cant afford to wait too much longer.

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I was going to hide the fact about the surgery, but then I just could not control my mouth (no pun intended) and gushed about how wonderful I felt and how much anticapation I have the future, come to find out that 3 other people in the office have had WLS (but each of them is what you may call failures) they all had bypass last year and right back to eating chips, cookies, pizza, you name it), So it was a big yawn for them to hear about my surgery. I think they are waiting to see if I will succumb to the cookies and donuts.

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I was going to hide the fact about the surgery, but then I just could not control my mouth (no pun intended) and gushed about how wonderful I felt and how much anticapation I have the future, come to find out that 3 other people in the office have had WLS (but each of them is what you may call failures) they all had bypass last year and right back to eating chips, cookies, pizza, you name it), So it was a big yawn for them to hear about my surgery. I think they are waiting to see if I will succumb to the cookies and donuts.

I get almost like, mad when i see people sabatoging their success after surgery! It's like, after all youve been through, and were lucky enough to have a second chance at life, and you're gonna go back to the chips and cookies?! It just sucks because then it makes other people's process of just getting approved harder because doctors just cant trust their patients when they say they will commit to the diet for life, and when there is a high, but very preventable failure rate...Man, idk why it gets me so mad, lol

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I feel it is an individual choice as to whether they disclose their wls issues or not. Personally, I do my disclosures on need to know basis.

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No way Im proud I had the bottle to have wls ... I know many big people that say they couldnt do it ...

Its a huge commitment and u have to change your whole life to adapt , we all know any wls isnt easy ..

But some shallow people may think so .. I say live in a wls patients shoes for a month see how they cope :confused:

I say be proud u are willing to change and save your life !

And stuff what The negative folk have to say ....

Just my view !

Sas x

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I kept my surgery private - it was no one's business but my own and I also felt judged by "taking the easy way out" which is what I thought other people thought, not what I thought.

I've only been comfortable telling people the last few months. So far, the people I've told, my new friends, have been very supportive and inquisitive, though not judgmental, but genuinely positive.

So thats one reason im afraid of getting the surgery [well, im getting Bypass, but this topic interested me], Is that i dont wanna have to explain to people all the time why i needed to get the surgery...and its gonna be a little harder since i wont be able to eat certain things without worrying im gonna be running to the bathroom 5 min later, itll seem a but suspicious, lol.

I just need to address your fear of having surgery, because you fear running to the bathroom, or dumping, or food getting stuck.

Honey, your doctor does not want you to vomit. Mine wanted to know exactly how many times I had to have food come up and wanted to take steps to not minimize it, but to make sure it doesn't happen again. Actually, one throw-up was too many for him. What I learned early is I have more of a reaction to higher fat content than higher sugar content so I just watch my intake and I'm fine.

Although I've had several episodes of stuck food and dumping, and in public I need a bathroom once or twice, it's been only several occasions over nearly two years post-op. I think it's a pretty good near 'new' normal life.

If you follow the program, low fat, low to no sugar, chew-chew-chew, you'll do just fine.

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Absolutely no one knows that I have had WLS except my doctors office (I am not married). I plan on keeping it that way. I am not worried about running to the bathroom in public. I already had to deal with that years ago before I had my esophogas stretched and food got stuck frequently. That was no fun, but I dealt with it. I am really not expecting that to happen with the surgery, although I am still am on soft foods and will have to wait an see.

I have wonderful friends and family, but they have not spent two years researching WLS, as as I have, so they would speak out of ignorance or fear for my safety. I really didn't want anyone worrying about me, so I just kept it to myself. So far, so good.

Other folks go in the complete opposite direction and shout it from the roof tops. That always makes me smile at their self confidence and their willingness to take whatever critism might come there way.

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do this. Like everything else, whatever works for you, is what is best.

J

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I've also decided to keep my surgery private. Only my close friends know, not even family.

It's no one's business but of course people have noticed and ask me, "Wow, what have you been doing?? You look great!" I just say, "I have no life because I'm always in the gym" which was true to be able to take off the first 26 lbs before surgery. If they continue to ask I say say, "High protein" which is also true.

Anyway, the only thing I'm super sensitive about is that I hate when people comment on how little I eat. They start to think I have an eating disorder. Being honest about having WLS would stop this assumption but really, they can think whatever they want. I chose to be healthy.

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I share nothing about me with anyone who is NOT family. People are NOT entitled to know personal details. I feel that even dear friends are not entitled to this either. I dont want nor care about their opinion. I do not need for them to validate anything I do. On the other hand my family is very important to me. I look for validation on everything I do. I trust in them totally.

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When I first had my surgery, I told everyone.. I pretty much have a big mouth.

I hated how people hovered and questioned every little thing... so that part sucked. I loved how people shared their enthusiasm with how great I looked.. so there was that part that was good.

Since I moved to a new state, only some people knew me when I was still really fat and the new people in my life get told on a more need to know/like to share basis.. where I work, only one knows and I regret even telling him given their opinions of the 'fatties' (expletives left out here, btw)... who are so fat they have to resort to WLS. I refuse to give them the power to make me feel bad though.. (not as easy as it sounds!)

Though you lose the "WOW, look at YOU's", I'm okay with that. After living both with those that know and those that don't, I have to say overall, I much prefer keeping it to myself. Less judgment and harassment, overall and in general.

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When I first had my surgery, I told everyone.. I pretty much have a big mouth.

I hated how people hovered and questioned every little thing... so that part sucked. I loved how people shared their enthusiasm with how great I looked.. so there was that part that was good.

Since I moved to a new state, only some people knew me when I was still really fat and the new people in my life get told on a more need to know/like to share basis.. where I work, only one knows and I regret even telling him given their opinions of the 'fatties' (expletives left out here, btw)... who are so fat they have to resort to WLS. I refuse to give them the power to make me feel bad though.. (not as easy as it sounds!)

Though you lose the "WOW, look at YOU's", I'm okay with that. After living both with those that know and those that don't, I have to say overall, I much prefer keeping it to myself. Less judgment and harassment, overall and in general.

You have to trade the "Wow, look at you! s" for being viewed as just another NORMAL person. Whoo hoo!! Good trade, I'd say. When you are feeling discouraged because you havent yet gotten as far as you'd like, you have to remember how far you've come!!

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From the beginning of my WLS journey (hopefully I will be getting sleeved in the next couple weeks), I said I wanted the fewest people to know as possible. (I go into detail in my blog on here.) The less people you tell, the fewer that have to keep it quiet, right?

I started with just my dh, a family friend who just got wls a couple months ago & my parents knowing about my impending surgery. Then I decided to tell a friend who lives out of state. That's where I should have stopped.

Stupidly, I decided to tell a family member of dh's & another friend who lives around here. The family member of dh's has already told a friend of hers & has been making weird comments like 'well, when are you just gonna tell everybody? You can't expect to keep it a secret forever!' Ugh

I'm usually an open book about everything in my life, even embarassing stuff, so me keeping quiet about wls has been difficult- and it sometimes feels like lying.

Then I go back to my personal wls mantra- 'It's about ME. I don't owe anybody an explanation.'

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I didn't have the lapband, but had the RNY procedure. I felt the same as you though about surgery. I told maybe 3 friends, my brother and sister, and my mom. When I asked for 3 weeks off from work, I still didn't tell anyone I worked with what I was doing. After about a month, though, people at work put the pieces together themselves, and now know that I had weight loss surgery. But I think it was a matter of pride that kept me from admitting it. I still (almost 6 months post-opp) have a problem with just coming out and saying I had a gastric bypass. It feels like admitting to the world that yeah I ate so much that I got fat enough to have to have this surgery. It's been a hard pill to swallow.

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I wondered if I was the only one thinking about keeping this information private - I should have known better. The only person that knows I am about to have this procedue done is my wife. Not even my closest friends have a clue - and these are folks that know everything about me. I am just "leaving town" for a few days.

I struggled with talking to them about it but they are all "normal" weight so I just didn't think any advice or opinions they might have would be very helpful. A few of you suggested the surgery is like weight loss cheating in someways - maybe that's why I feel reluctant to disclose it to anyone.

Perhaps some things are better left unsaid. I wonder if my perspective will change once the excess weight is largely gone??

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It's been about 3 months now and to tell you the truth, it's so not worth talking about. It is only a factor when there are public gatherings, such as ALL STAFF Lunch meetings, we had one this week. I ate prior to going to it and took stock of what they were serving, got some sliced turkey and iced water and just chatted with people at my table. In the beginning, I wanted to tell total strangers, mainly because I felt like I had just won the weight loss lotto. Oh how quickly we change!

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