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I Feel Doomed and Defeated


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#1 Mumsy

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 09:44 AM

Hello to all on this esteemed message board.

I am feeling doomed and defeated. I had my surgery almost a year ago (4/3/08) and have lost almost 80 lbs. I started out at 245 so I have been rather a slow loser (as opposed to a sore loser; though I am thinking I am that also).

Back in late June of last year I started having severe back pain...which turned out to be a cyst on my spine and crumbling discs below the cyst. Had the cyst removed and two fusions in late November. I am finally weaning myself off the big plastic brace I've had to wear since then and am still on pain meds 'cause it still hurts.

My problem is I've gained about 4 to 5 lbs. in the last couple of months. I haven't been able to exercise, except for some short walks and light housekeeping. I spend the majority of my time in bed. Technically, I haven't properly exercised since late June of last year and am feeling so defeated.

I know the "window of opportunity" for the greatest weight loss is within the first year and now I feel I've blown that opportunity. I am doing my best to stick to my high protein, low carb, lots of water diet. But it is so depressing to not see the scale budge...except for going UP!

Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? I am living in dread and fear of gaining weight back. I'm also on so many different meds for my depression. I can't seem to pull myself out of the "pits".

I'm not even looking forward to spring because I'll still be so limited with what I can do physically. I start physical therapy in another month when I'm totally weaned off my brace.

Thanks for listening to my rant. I am absolutely feeling down, defeated and doomed.

A hug to all...the mums


P.S. I started this journey out with so much optimism and hope. It seems to have all been for naught.:(
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]googoobear


SURGERY DATE:D4/2/08!!!!
245/186/145/120
Start/Current/realistic goal/goal of my dreams:eek:

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"What Other People Think Of Me Is None Of My Business"!!

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#2 Kymel

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:27 AM

Oh Mums!

You have not blown your opportunity...you're body just isn't cooperating right now, but it will be soon. With the benifit of physical therapy, you will start to regain your ability to move and be active...but until then, you need to take care of your dear spine!

I understand it's difficult, and it's frustrating right now - it will be better in the future. It sounds like you haven't abused your pouch, so when your back comes around you should be able to start loosing again. Personally I think you've done an amazing job if you've managed to maintain with only 4-5 pound gain in several months with the limited activity. Heck, I gained 4 pounds last week because I started skipping a day at the gym (and let a couple other things slide)!

Keep your chin up dear, K? You're on the mend and you'll be back up and around in no time!

{{{{HUGS}}}}
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#3 LyndasRoom

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:52 AM

Mel put it so beautifully.
Mumsy, you have this new tool to help you get to your goals...YOU'VE LOST 80 POUNDS!!! Once you're through your physical therapy and feel like moving a little more, you'll be able to do some gentle exercising. Keep up with good nutrition and follow the rules of the pouch. It's not too late, it's just going to take a little more work.
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#4 Godsblessedme

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 10:55 AM

oh my dear Mums! i feel ya sister! Unfortunatly you cant control the excersize part right now because of your back, but i bet once you start PT you will notice a change again. Just take care of yourself and keep up on the nutrition part, you can only do what you can do :)

BTW, i miss ya
Deborah
Highest weight 268
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#5 Mumsy

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 01:40 PM

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I feel a bit better but guess every once in a while I have a mini-breakdown and thus feel the need for a bit of a pity party. Part of the problem is I know a few people who have chronic back problems and I am so fearful that I'm going to end up limited in what I can do physically.

I'm just plain worn out...even have to get I.V. iron every week now for a while...my hands look like they've been in battle from the needles...ooooohhh...I HATE needles.

Moan, #*%$#, complain.

You are all so kind.
mumsy

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]googoobear


SURGERY DATE:D4/2/08!!!!
245/186/145/120
Start/Current/realistic goal/goal of my dreams:eek:

Gym Rat #107 (Do you smell a rat)?
:P

"What Other People Think Of Me Is None Of My Business"!!

Dr. C. Selwyn
St. Michael's Hospital
Stevens Point, WI

www.myspace.com/zollski




#6 suebry05

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 01:50 PM

Mums,

Try and think positively. Only positive things can happen with that kind of outlook-

you are doing great and you will do even better once you have allowed you back to heal properly and then exercise- think of the pain you would be in if you were still 80 pounds heavier!! Be proud!!
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#7 mistymee

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 02:03 PM

Aww Mums... so sorry you're in pain. Like Sue says though.. you (and your back!) are so much better off now than you would be 80 lbs heavier. Personally, given all the physical limitations you have right now.. I think 80 lbs down is a fantastic achievement and you should be really proud of yourself for how far you've come. Once you start up with PT you'll probably see and feel even more positive changes.

Good luck.

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#8 princesse

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 03:25 PM

oh mumsy...
Iwish I had the intellect to reply to this. I don't, so I won't even try. but I know your fear, sweetie.

Good karma & blessing on the way to you,
Princesse
:D...out of respect for Lisa...:D

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BMI: 28.6

Since Nov. 2006: -88kg/193.6 lbs.
Since Feb. 2007: -66kg/145.2 lbs.

#9 sherry7

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Posted 05 March 2009 - 04:35 PM

Mumsy, you've done great with your loss. :) And with your current physical limitations, I think you've done well to only gain 4 or 5 lbs. Keep your chin up. :) You'll be moving around more after you start physical therapy, and the weight will start to drop off again.
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#10 Mumsy

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 02:06 AM

Channeling positive thoughts...channeling positive thoughts. That is hard to do when you keep having this picture of yourself returning to your former weight. Gotta get this positive outlook stuff down. Yes I do.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]googoobear


SURGERY DATE:D4/2/08!!!!
245/186/145/120
Start/Current/realistic goal/goal of my dreams:eek:

Gym Rat #107 (Do you smell a rat)?
:P

"What Other People Think Of Me Is None Of My Business"!!

Dr. C. Selwyn
St. Michael's Hospital
Stevens Point, WI

www.myspace.com/zollski




#11 MiladyB

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 04:40 AM

Channeling positive thoughts...channeling positive thoughts. That is hard to do when you keep having this picture of yourself returning to your former weight. Gotta get this positive outlook stuff down. Yes I do.


Mums so glad to hear you are working at channeling the positive thoughts. It's hard though, isn't it? When we are in pain and have felt SO crappy for SO long it really tends to wear on your body and mind. So an occasional 'pity party' is certainly an appropriate party to have. You need those occasional meltdowns to find your inner strength to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Right now that's a success for you. And 80 lbs my dear? Just think how much your back is already thanking you. This talk about the 'honeymoon phase'? Personally I think it is a bit of hogwash. Just because you maybe haven't reached your goal in a year doesn't mean you won't. It isn't over. I know. You still have your tool and it still works.
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#12 cinwa

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 04:52 AM

I'm going to be in your corner cheering you on Mums.

You've done a great job with the 80lb and I'm confident you can get back on track. Try to stay positive sweetheart, you have much to be proud of.

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#13 Corinna

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 05:48 AM

Dear Mumsy,
You have lost an amazing amount of weight !!!! Try and picture 80 pounds !!!! you are 80 pounds thinner than you were a year ago .. I would call that a huge sucess !!! In addition to this you have been severely handicaped through your spinal surgery. Once you move again I am sure you will loose more. Well done !!!!

Take care
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#14 Mumsy

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 07:21 AM

I woke up this morning and re-read the posts here and realize what good friends you all are. I have sadly neglected this forum (I've been reading but not commenting much...which is something my husband would not believe...the "not commenting" part)!

I'm trying to get on with my new attitude today because I keep putting my mind in a place where I'm not seeing the "big" picture but just looking at the little things that have road blocked me. (Well...maybe not so little, but perhaps little in the overall scheme of things).

I'm going to forget about the shorter "window of opportunity" and extend mine to at least another year or so. It takes a year at the least to even start healing well from a back surgery. Gonna take it one step at a time.

Hopefully I'll feel this way for at least...hmmmm...a few days! But thanks for coming to my pity party. I'm raising my glass of protein to you all!

Love and many hugs...feeling a bit less doomed...the mums

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]googoobear


SURGERY DATE:D4/2/08!!!!
245/186/145/120
Start/Current/realistic goal/goal of my dreams:eek:

Gym Rat #107 (Do you smell a rat)?
:P

"What Other People Think Of Me Is None Of My Business"!!

Dr. C. Selwyn
St. Michael's Hospital
Stevens Point, WI

www.myspace.com/zollski




#15 Snow-Belle

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Posted 06 March 2009 - 06:27 PM

Greetings Mumsy,
Would you be able to exercise in water? I work with someone that has back issues and can't walk, etc., for exercise but she is able to do water therapy at a local gym (her insurance covers it) and this has helped her to strengthen muscles and lose some weight without exacerbating her back problems...
~Michele

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#16 Mumsy

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Posted 07 March 2009 - 07:49 AM

Snow...you have a great idea there...one that my doc has been pushing for me to do forever. But when I was at my heaviest there was no way that I was going to put on a swimming suit. I haven't even owned a swimming suit for about 20 years!

Besides the fact that I hate water...I am thinking of getting myself a swimming suit this year and doing some water exercise at the local YMCA. I have to do some other physical therapy stuff first though before I'm ready to hit the water...if I do.

I was lucky to win a 3 month family membership to the YMCA last summer and unfortunately have not been able to use it since all this back stuff. It's good for a year though so hopefully I can use it this summer.

Now I need to go take some pain meds. I'll let you all know when I'll be featured on "Intervention". Oh hahahaha! Look...my sense of humor is coming back.

love...the mums
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]googoobear


SURGERY DATE:D4/2/08!!!!
245/186/145/120
Start/Current/realistic goal/goal of my dreams:eek:

Gym Rat #107 (Do you smell a rat)?
:P

"What Other People Think Of Me Is None Of My Business"!!

Dr. C. Selwyn
St. Michael's Hospital
Stevens Point, WI

www.myspace.com/zollski