587 replies to this topic

[jenn75]

Ok, so I've decided to join the troops here in chronicling my story and adventures and trials and tribulations with this whole "extreme" weight loss challenge. How else can I put it? I'm voluntarily having surgery for the first time in my life so that I can hopefully lose tons of weight to become a healthier person.

Here is the back story:

First moments of feeling big:

- being on the softball team around the age of 10 and they did not have pants to order in my size. i had to wear plain gray jogging pants folded up, and have the other girls ask me why i didn't have team pants. good times.

- dreading the moment i was measured for band uniforms and swim suits for the swim team in high school. this was rarely a "private" matter, since it was like mass measuring tons of people lined up on one day.

- having my PCP at the age of 14 tell me i needed to go on a diet and recommending weight watchers to me. (i did join and lost 40 pounds)

- after college shopping at Lane Bryant for the first time

It all goes downhill from here...

And then I find myself, last year, 32 years old, engaged, joining a weight loss group at work because my employees asked me to lead their group (I had no intentions of losing weight for my wedding).

I always made it a point to tell my dad (my worst weight critic - he himself overweight) when I began any exercise or weight loss program. So I find myself on a phone call, trying to act like I didn't call my parent's just to talk to my mom, and make small talk with my dad since my mom wasn't home. My dad asks how my efforts on the weight team are going. I tell him ok. He then starts asking me if I've ever considered the weight loss surgery, he works with a few guys who have had it, how they're all so skinny now and healthy, that maybe I should ask about it. For once, I hear my father talking to me with empathy, like we're both on the same team in this weight war, and that genetics have rallied against us, just as they had against his mother. I felt like he finally wasn't blaming me. He understood.

And so that same week in May 2008 I met with my PCP and she gave me the info for the surgery, told me what the process was, and said that I could benefit from it and that I did, indeed qualify for it, medically speaking. I started the 6 month diet and the rest is history. My surgery date is now less than 2 weeks away - January 29th, 2009.

[jenn75]

Oh, and now to fill in some gaps of importance (at least in my mind)...

The title of my personal story "But you have such a great personality". That is the story of my life, really. Any time during high school, and then into college, when I was bummed because no guys voiced interest in dating me, my friends told me to hang in there because I had such a great personality, why wouldn't guys like me? Which led me to have very low self-esteem when it came to meeting/picking guys to date. I pretty much would date any guy that showed interest. And I would try like hell to make it work, no matter how much they were not suited for me. In both major relationships of my life, I can say that was very much true. And the engagement from last year? Well, that has since ended. We were to get married this June. It needed to end. I wanted it for all of the wrong reasons. Most everything about our relationship I wanted for the wrong reasons. I ignored my inner voice time and time again. He was a good man with a heart of gold. We just never could agree on much, even perspectives on life, or even how to raise dogs. But, admitting that then was admitting that I was a failure, yet again, in a relationship. So I ignored it all (my inner voice) and pushed him into proposing to me...I had to catch up to all of my married friends, didn't I? What a one track mind I had after that. And we just grew farther and farther apart.

Edited by jenn75, 18 January 2009 - 08:13 PM.

[Dabigdawg]

Welcome aboard :-) enjoy the ride

[Aviator]

Oh, and now to fill in some gaps of importance (at least in my mind)...

The title of my personal story "But you have such a great personality". That is the story of my life, really. Any time during high school, and then into college, when I was bummed because no guys voiced interest in dating me, my friends told me to hang in there because I had such a great personality, why wouldn't guys like me? Which led me to have very low self-esteem when it came to meeting/picking guys to date. I pretty much would date any guy that showed interest. And I would try like hell to make it work, no matter how much they were not suited for me. In both major relationships of my life, I can say that was very much true. And the engagement from last year? Well, that has since ended. We were to get married this June. It needed to end. I wanted it for all of the wrong reasons. Most everything about our relationship I wanted for the wrong reasons. I ignored my inner voice time and time again. He was a good man with a heart of gold. We just never could agree on much, even perspectives on life, or even how to raise dogs. But, admitting that then was admitting that I was a failure, yet again, in a relationship. So I ignored it all (my inner voice) and pushed him into proposing to me...I had to catch up to all of my married friends, didn't I? What a one track mind I had after that. And we just grew farther and farther apart.

Relationships between the sexes are complicated to be sure. Mostly they are about compromise. And placing that relationship first - above all other things.
For true marital counseling seek Baja Big Dog here on the forum. You may learn how to successfully deal with men, select underwear, and change the oil in your Harley all in one paragraph.

[Baja Big Dog]

Bealejuice, Beatlejuice, Beatlejuice!! And I appear.

Ha ha..no advise except to say that life after your transformation is gonna get a whole lot better, and you will soon learn that you will have control over your relationships, not the other half.

Its gonna be a ton of fun,,,,,,,

Acceptance for what you are is not a real possibility in these days of everyone dwelling on being skinny.

This is particularly difficult when it comes to your family members, I know your did is your dad, but his treatment is 100% unacceptable, period, I know he is your dad, and you cant say it, so I will for you, when you get to your goal call me and I will be the first one to call your dad, and tell him to kiss your @*#.....

Edited by Baja Big Dog, 19 January 2009 - 06:55 AM.

[jenn75]

Wow, it's like I've just been graced with the presence of the three wise men...or should I say three wise-asses? That is a joke...I think you guys will get it after reading some of your other posts.

Thank you all so much for your responses, and taking the time to read my story. I really am hopeful that this transformation will come out with me being in control of a lot of things that in the past I once just settled for, thinking that this was just gonna be the best thing that was going to come along so I had to make it work, no matter the cost (usually my sanity). I already feel like I am more in control, that becoming healthier and having more self-esteem will only reinforce healthier decisions that I can actually stick to, rather than put to the side after a few days because I feel lonely and unlovable.

And Baja, as much as I'd love to tell my dad to kiss my @*# once I'm healthier, I won't have to, because every day that he sees me he's going to feel like *&^% that he could never experience this for himself! He's going to be so jealous it's going to hurt just as much as any words ever could.

[Vikkator]

Hi Jenn. Loved your story and I sure most of us can relate to it in one way or another. You are going to feel like a new person after the surgery. I'm only 2 1/2 months out and I already feel the joy of losing weight and knowing I'll be able to keep it off for good this time.

As far as your dad goes, it sounds like he's finally starting to understand you. Can't wait to talk to you when you're on the losers' bench.

[jenn75]

Hi Vicki! Thanks for posting. You made it below 200. You are so awesome! You are such an inspiration to me!

[jenn75]

As to being single again: I've been thinking and worrying and wondering if someone will accept me when my body is changing or has changed and maybe I'll have loose skin afterwards. I totally cannot afford plastic surgery due to the amount of debt I already have. I have no idea what will sag and what will nicely shrink. I'm afraid...what if I look bad naked? It will put me right back to where I've been all along. Ugh.

[nextbigloser]

Take things one step at a time. Worrying about what may be will make you lose your mind. Just focus on the now. There are plenty of people out there who will love you for who you are and not what is under your clothes.

[Skinny Boy]

Welcome to TT, your date will be here before you know it. We have all experienced a lot of the same things that you experienced in your younger life. Your surgery will be the beginning of your new life, things will change and there will be some challenges along the way but there will be a lot of wow moments, finding you have collar bones, can easily wear clothes that you previously could not and being able to go to any clothing store and purchase off of the rack instead of having to order from catalogs.

Enjoy the trip and keep in touch so we know your progress.

[Vikkator]

I wouldn't worry about the saggy skin at this point. You are still pretty young and will probably have a better chance of your skin tightening up. My belly looks like a road map after I had 3 kids, two at once the second time. I was 33 then, and those twins really messed up my belly. I could never afford plastics at the time. I think most women who've been overweight or pregnant have gone through this.

You will rejoice in the fact that you're not dragging all that excess weight around with you. When I go up the stairs with laundry now I pause to think that I used to have to carry that much and more around with me all the time. My African Grey still mocks me like when I used to go up the stairs with a groan. I tell her "Maxie, I don't groan like that anymore, you're going to have to learn a new phrase." She'll sometimes say "C'mon", so maybe she'll go back to using that instead of the groan.

[staraex]

Oh, and now to fill in some gaps of importance (at least in my mind)...

The title of my personal story "But you have such a great personality". That is the story of my life, really.

Isn't it the truth? Well, now we have a great personality annnnnd looks! hahahah

[Mssunnytx]

Congratulations and welcome! I am a newbie also...Just had my surgery on the Jan 20th :-)

I wish you the best!!

[Cabbie]

Thanks, Jenn, for telling your story. I admire your candor and your courage.

[jenn75]

Thanks all! I'm getting nervous. I can't concentrate at work, but I have so many loose ends to tie up at work. Being a manager kind of sucks right now, I have so many things I need to assign to people in my absence. I wish I could just put some of it on hold until I get back, but it needs to get gone. I've been working every night this week and over the weekend to try and wrap stuff up. This is the shitty part. I guess if I wasn't busy I'd just be more nervous, though.

[jenn75]

Ok, this is it. In less than 12 hours I will be arriving at the hospital. I have my time to arrive - 5:30 am...ugh! That's early! But I'd rather just get it over with before I am even awake to know what's happening. Plus I already have a headache from not eating today. And luckily it stopped snowing long enough for me to go out to my parents' tonight. Now I just have to get all of my crap together. I'm still mentally not out of work mode yet. I'm sure there are a million things I forgot to do or take care of. Oh well. Everyone said not to worry.

Here I go! See you on the other side!

[sherry7]

Good luck tomorrow morning!

[Cabbie]

Here I go! See you on the other side!

I might need to borrow some of that courage of yours in a couple of weeks when it is my turn to go over to "the other side." I'll be praying for you.

[Aviator]

I know you will do fine!
See you on the Loser's Bench