waterbottle

I would like some advice please

25 posts in this topic

I have just had a friend round to see me whom I havent seen for 5 years. At first I was pleased and made her a cup of tea and then sat for a catch up chat.

She started telling me that her private life had gone out the window and her husband had left her. Then she just started having a go at me... I am very upset and in shock. she told me that my late hubby who died 10 years ago was having an affair with her sister when we were married???? :confused: Then she told me things that only he could have told this lady and I was devastated. I think it must be true but cant get my head around it.

I loved my husband very much and thought the world of him and when he died I was so upset and still today I miss him so much. To make matters worse she started tellimg me that this band I have had fitted would be the worst thing ever for me because I knew what people thought about me I might even consider leaving the area.

as you can imagine I am really upset tonight and feel so useless. I have just sat in the bath thinking whats the point of having a life if people think so little of me. I am a good person who will help anyone even if I am sometimes pulled to many ways to have a life myself. I think life is for being kind to others then they will be to you.

This lady has now left and I have asked her never to come and visit me again. I am just wondering why she has told me all these things about my Peter it has hurt me and left me feeling unsure of what to believe now.

I loved Peter and always will but now I am really upset about what I have been told. I will never know the truth now and this is making my memory of peter very different now.

I hope this is okay to post and ask for advice on.

Dianne

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OH DIANNE!

I am so sorry for your loss, first and foremost. There is nothing any of us can say that will remove the doubt and tarnish she has put upon your memories.

What did this woman hope to accomplish with her horrible lashing out...other than to make you feel as miserable as she is feeling?

You have done nothing wrong. Hold your head high.

Even if what she said was true, it is more than 10 years in the past. There is nothing you can do now to change that. You live your life as a good, respectable, helpful friend and should continue doing so. You've made changes to lead a healthy life, and you deserve some peace and happiness. Cry it out in private, because you'll need to...

{{{Dianne}}}

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(((((Diane)))))

1.Your "friend" is a twit!!!Glad you gave her the boot.

2.You love Peter,then and now.Remember Peter for what you knew and loved.

3.You would have not been approved for the band if your health did not need some attention.Work the tool and you will succeed.The friend/twit is jealous.

4.Feel sorry for the twit...she lives a very sad life.

5.Life is too short ...ONLY surround yourself with people who lift you up and truly care about you.

You knew Peter the best....and you know your health better than anyone.

You matter!

Don't waste another cup of tea on that bag again!!!!!!

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Wow, that woman is no friend. If what she said about Peter is true, then why not tell you years ago when you had a choice in how you handled it and he could defend or explain? To say it now is just cruel whether it be true or not. I say let it go and remember him the way that helps you best. Sounds to me like she is miserable and is afraid you won't be..............now, DON'T be. :) Sorry for your loss.

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We need some kind of verbal garlic for the psychic vampires. Don't let this one feed on your emotions honey, she is surely not worth it. Remember your beloved husband as he was, not like the picture she's painted...her kind will say anything to cause pain. Plus--what good does it do to believe her? Does it do anything but hurt? So, write her off as a liar, keep your good memories, and don't believe the rest of her garbage either...

Horrible woman.

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Wow....wow....wow. I just can't even find words for what a piece of *&^% this woman is. Pardon my language, but no other word would have done in this instance. I am so sorry for your loss, and so terribly sorry for the hurt this woman introduced to you today. (((Hugs))). How awful. I can't even imagine the feelings that must be coursing through you, just making your head swim.

People capable of causing that kind of hurt are unhappy people. She showed herself as mightily unhappy today. Don't let her bring you down to her level...

How you felt about your husband doesn't have to change because of words that came out of her mouth. If it were me, I would choose to let sleeping dogs lie. You have nothing to gain by digging for any truth here; put this ugly lie to the side and continue on. I know that won't be easy...but for your own sake, I think you should try.

You need to not be alone right now. Draw the people you love close to you now, and just try to get through. Again, I'm so sorry...you will be in my thoughts.

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dianne,

Your friend from long ago sounds hurt. Her life is in termoil right now and she is trying to pull her life together. So she told you all that stuff to ease her own suffering. People generally don't like to suffer alone. So, she drug you and your husband into her web. Now, in her mind she's not the only one suffering. What ever! This really gets my goat!... Now, you have to wonder?!? But what does it solve... Peter was your husband and you loved him. If he had an affair with her sister... so what does that prove? He loved you enough not to tell you, he loved you, stayed with you to the end for better or worse. Sometimes, the worst is something best not known.

He took it to his grave... You were spared the indignity of the whole sorted details. You must have been the light of his life and for whatever reason if it's true that he strayed he knew you would never understand or condone the error in his judgement. It doesn't change your love for him nor the love you fealt from him.

She's got alot of nerve telling you to leave the area. What kind of person is she? What had she hoped to accomplish by visiting you? You are helping yourself and your health and lifestyle and all she can do is put you down? . I tell you! she's looking to find comfort in missery. Don't give her that satisfaction. Why would you leave the area? that's just plain silly. People judge you for who you are. If you once were something people disliked they will see you again and say, "wow!, She's really changed, She looks confident, healthy and secure."

She needed to be thrown out! You did good by asking her to never visit you again. With a friend like her you need no enemies. I'm glad you took time to relax in the tub and think things over. She's really not worth your time to dwell on for too long. She obviously wanted to hurt you.

This is what I do when I find myself feeling low .... I find 15 min. of time and clear my thoughts and block out all the misery from my mind and find a special place to be that once made me feel at peace and and remember how it made me once feel. when my time is up I find myself feeling at ease, ready to tackle the world again.

I hope this helps you.

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Good Morning to you all.

I havent slept all night and I know you are right about all these things but my head is just spinning with all sorts of anger for myself not poor PETER.

When I met Peter I thought all my dreams had come true he was a nice looking man and made me feel loved and cared for. when he was told he had cancer we became very close and shared things about our private lifes that maybe we wouldnt have. But becasue we only had 10 months off marriage I am still feeling blessed to have had him in my life and be loved for those short months before he had his stroke. They say you get out of LIFE what you put in if thats true then I have been blessed with PEter and I hope that one day I find true happiness again.

I know you are all right and nothing will take away the fact that I love peter, BUT I am upset that I allowed this women to say so much before I kicked her out of my home. I am only human and if someone is told something like this they will want to know the truth.... but for me I cant and her sister is someone I see alot off and will find it hard now to say nothing.. But I will not say anything because she is married and the upset could ruin her marriage and that will not help anyone to live with what has happened.

I am going today to do my volunteer teaching disabled adults so I will look at them and see what I joy I bring to them and they bring to me and try to forget this whole upset.

I am very grateful that so many people have sent such caring messgaes for me to help me cope with this upset.

have a good day to you all Dianne

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That friend is mean spirited to do what she did!

Peter may or may not have done what this woman professed he did. It does not really matter, because what you know to be true was the love you shared. A man going through the last days of his life may have made a misjudgment, but he chose you! It sounds like you and he shared such a deep and wonderful love than that is all that matters.

As far as how people look at you...pish posh....you are you not what other people have said or done to you!

Raise your head above the situation and in years to come you will be looked up to for your strength and perseverance!!

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I have an update for you all about this awful situation I am in.

I had a phone call from the sister whom Peter was accused of being with. She has rang me to tell me her sister wrote her a letter telling her that she had been to see me and told me everything. (why are people so nasty and hurtful)

I have told her that I do not want to talk about this as it will not change how much I love Peter now and always did, she tried to tell me that things were not as the seemed but I asked her to stop talking as I didnt want to discuss the matter at ALL.

You are all right I know Peter loved and and we had very close and special moments and no one can take those away.

I am very grateful for all your comments and have them all on board as you can see I am stying with my own loving thoughts and never need to know the facts from a 2nd party.

take care Dianne

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I know it's easier to say than to feel but who cares what other people think. The only opinion that counts comes from within. To thine own self be true. I've been banded also and have had mixed comments from 'good for you' to 'thats cheating'. Don't worry about that old git. You did right by kicking her to the curb.

cheers!

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I'm so happy you did that! It's would have done no good to discuss something so disturbing with her. She probably was relieved because like you said she's married and has her own family. Somethings are best left alone. You sound like your headed in the right direction. Keep your spirits high, keep doing what you love and makes you happy. You have been on my mind since I origionally read your post.

Sounds like your old friend wanted to stir the pot some more. She must be a very sad person, right now. I hope she finds peace in her life soon.

Janine

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Dear waterbottle

I am really, really sorry to hear about your ordeal. The whole matter sounds so awful for you.

However, although the ins and outs of the details are tormenting you, I don't think this is the real issue here. The real issue seems to be your vulnerability and the fact that some are choosing to abuse this (for whatever screwed-up reason). It is time to dig real deep and be stronger than ever before. Cut this woman, her sister and all the other bad-wishers/gossips right out of your life. Physically, mentally and publically! Rise way up high and stick to your guns. Remember, regardless of whatever may or may not have happened in the past, you do not have to put up with anyone who does not respect your feelings right now, in the present. I am sure that other right-minded folk will support you wholeheartedly.

Cheers,

Trinket

Lap RNY 1st October 2007

Age-41

height-5ft 5"

Surgery/Current/Goal

243lbs/ 235lbs /140lbs - dare I?!!? :eek:

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Waterbottle (I love your name). That woman tried to steal your joy, your memories. But I am glad to read that it didn't work. The memories that you had with your husband, no one can take that away for you. Remember that and insist upon it! You have control of what enters your life. Praying for your strength.

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Dianne, I'm so sorry I didn't see this thread until now. You've been given wonderful advice by all so I really don't have much to add. Please don't take any of the hurtful things this person said to you upon yourself. She is the one with the problems and for some reason she thinks that if she can drag everyone down around her lower, she will somehow feel better. I've known people like that. It is hard not to question but look deep into yourself and know that the love you shared with Peter is true. You were the one that he wanted to spend his last days with. You are the one that he loved and trusted enough to be the one whose arms he died in. You need to rise above this person and her mean spirited ways because you are a person of worth and you love yourself enough to have this surgery in order to find health.

I wrote these words once about a person much like the one you have encountered. It helped me to write them out, maybe they will help you as you read them.

Transcending

Take my hand and help me scale

The pillars of pain of my life

Transcending the myths of myself

That have brought to me much strife

Extract me from the murk and mire

That has enveloped my being so long

Rising above the tears of self hate

Permitting the privilege to be strong

May I realize the failures aren't mine

But bestowed by those of insecure mind

A need to pull to their level of self worth

The lowest level this earth can find

Guide me to the full essence of joy

Dispel the fog enshrouding my being

Seeing with clarity the gifts given to me

Showing me that my life has meaning

Help me draw out the beauty in me

A shield of strength against their croons

May I look on them with sadness not hate

For they will someday be truly alone

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Holy crap what a creep that woman was! I wouldn't doubt your late husbands fidelity.... and don't let ANYONE make you feel like your worthless!! Janie

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Waterbottle,

When folks on the board need respect, Michelle is always ready to help. She has a wonderful way of showing people how to be respectful! Michelle has everyone's back, and she would be happy to fly over and #*%$# slap this mouthy broad back to the toadstool she lives under. I follow up with a stern tongue lashing, and it seems to work well here in the States. ;)

In the meantime, please know how sorry we are to read of this betrayal and attempt to sully your husband's memory :o Our hearts go out to you.

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I would like to say thanks to beth for the poem and to Donna for the offer lol

I can tell you that I am still very upset by it all and deep in my heart I know that what Peter and I shared was true love and IF this is true then he must off had his reasons after all he is a man lol and has needs I guess.

I think I feel so upset that after all this time this has been told to me and when the women concerned decided to write a letter to me asking me to forgive her I thought then it was TRUE. I have not replied to her or will ever have anything to do with the sister who told me. But it has disturbed my thoughts,and all this time I thought Peter was at peace now I feel that maybe he is restless and this is why this has been dragged up and told to me? (the mind plays tricks with you when you cant face people and talk to them)

Love is a wonderful thing and now days I really wish I had a new partner to help me through this difficult time and be loved again. I am very sad and lonely again and thought I would always be happy with my own company .... but the truth is I want to feel loved and cared about again by a nice man who will make me feel whole again.

I guess sometimes in life we have to make the best of what we have and for me it is facing up to the fact that after 11 years of being single I am going to stay this way for ever.

I know I am very blessed to have 2 sons whom I love and they love me. I also have some good friends which I have been close to for 20 years and more. But nothing is better than a cuddle last thing at night with a person whom loves you and helps you through the sad and happy times.

Sorry this is going on I will finish now.

bye for now Dianne

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Waterbottle,

I hope things get better for you soon. Don't let anyone tarnish the memories of your husband. Just remember that you are not alone. You have us here when you are feeling down and need a little pick me up.

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Today seems a better day I am feeling a little moe with it.

I am going to take my dog for a good walk and then meet my friend in town for a coffee and a look round the shops.

I gave some of my tops away yesterday to a freind whom asked me what I would be doing with the big ones :D she was grateful and I thought maybe that was my good deed for the day.

Have a good day Dianne

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What a SOB!!!:rolleyes: She had no right to say what she did. I would assume not to know. I mean it was 10 years ago. Maybe she made it up cause she was jealous. You have every right to keep the good memories of your late husband. Good luck with your recovery. I am contemplating having the lap band procedure done. I hope youll meet another fascinating man and fall in love again. You deserve that. Just remember that no matter what anyone says, always believe in yourself, and youll go far.

Your friend in Texas,

Katy Lee;):D:)

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I'm so sorry your so called friend did this to you. I agree, she was unhappy so she wanted you to be unhappy. How hateful. She should have not tried to tarnish your love for Peter. I would put this behind you, remember all of the great memories and happy times with Peter, keep your head up and watch your extra weight evaporate.

Blessings to you,

Brenda

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Waterbottle,

When the time is right you will find a man that can keep you warm on a cold night. It's never to late for find another man that's perfect for you. You sound like a wonderful, caring person who does alot for others..and I know you will be blessed!

Cathy

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Waterbottle - I just now saw this post so I apologize for not replying earlier. This woman is jealous of you and your success. I agree with the others to not leave this gossip #!@$% tarnish the memories and love you have for your beloved Peter. If anything she needs to be the one to move away from the area because if Michelle (and I, and the rest of your family here who would like to take a trip over the pond) finds her, she will be very sorry!!!

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I think the commenst you made have made me feel so much better.

I love peter then and even more since he has passed away and in time these awful people will get their come up I hope.

Thank you so much for the support

take care Dianne

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