Nana Trish

Confessions

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I see a lot of folks confessing their indescretions here, and I thought it time to join that club. Wine...that's all I've got to say. Hubby and I went to dinner tonight before Christmas shopping for my babylove, Harper. The food, I was fine with. I ordered a meatball sub...without the bread. They serve large meatballs, and I was only able to eat one of the two that were served. They are pretty big. Upside is I have lunch for tomorrow. Downside...ugh. I drank 2 glasss of wine, then had one when we got home. This is my biggest, off track, screw up since surgery. I'm feeling pretty guilty at the moment, and need some tough love. I'm using the stress with my daughter, as well as my dad, to justify drinking way more wine than I should. Normally one glass would be good, but not tonigh. I feel so weak and out of control :( Any coping mechanisms beside destructiveness to help get me through this? Any help is greatly appreciated :wub:

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6 hours ago, Nana Trish said:

............. :( Any coping mechanisms beside destructiveness to help get me through this? Any help is greatly appreciated :wub:

Trish,

You don't need a lecture from me or anyone else but that little guy would be my motivation to knuckle down and do the best I possibly could with my bariatric surgery:  Yesterday was Harper's birthday

Remember, your windshield is bigger than the rear-view mirror because that's where you're going and it's more important than where you've been.

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Thank you, @cinwa. You’re right, I don’t need a lecture...I know exactly what to do. I’m being way harder on myself this morning than anyone else could be. Harper is in the forefront and he’s going to stay there. 

I don’t usually allow myself to be weak like this. I’ve worked entirely too hard to *F* this up, and I’m so angry and guilty, and praying to God that I didn’t ruin this for myself. 

Looking forward from now on. I don’t like how easy it was for me to fall into bad habits, and I’m not letting it happen again.

Thanks for being here to listen to me whine ❤️

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Whine away Trish - we're all here to help you on your journey and trust me, there are very few who can hold their hand up to not slipping off the rails.

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Just now, cinwa said:

Whine away Trish - we're all here to help you on your journey and trust me, there are very few who can hold their hand up to not slipping off the rails.

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️ Apparently I need some help. You guys are my go to when I’m feeling vulnerable...or happy, or sad, or silly...always, really. I don’t know what I’d do without you

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@Nana Trish Relax.  You are now on a lifelong journey to be thin and healthy - so an occasional slip up (as long as no one gets hurt) is normal and not something to be upset about.  

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Just now, Res Ipsa said:

@Nana Trish Relax.  You are now on a lifelong journey to be thin and healthy - so an occasional slip up (as long as no one gets hurt) is normal and not something to be upset about.  

Thank you, @Res Ipsa. That's what my husband keeps telling me. The only one that got hurt was my poor pouch (meatballs were a very bad choice with wine...I get bad heartburn from any kind of red sauce). I owe it a huge apology. And I pray I didn't damage it. I've taken such good care of it up to this point. 

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Thanks for sharing Trish. You have done so great since your surgery! Don't beat yourself for being human and making a mistake. Owning our mistakes is half the battle and the most important thing is what we learn from them. I have full confidence that you have learned and will be even better for it. Now forgive yourself and get back on that horse. You're still a rock star in my book! 

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4 minutes ago, Chefman77 said:

Thanks for sharing Trish. You have done so great since your surgery! Don't beat yourself for being human and making a mistake. Owning our mistakes is half the battle and the most important thing is what we learn from them. I have full confidence that you have learned and will be even better for it. Now forgive yourself and get back on that horse. You're still a rock star in my book! 

Thank you so much for the support, @Chefman77 ❤️ I’ve definitely learned from this and will not be going this route again! I’m back on the horse today (liquids only for me today though...my poor pouch is hurting). I think you’re a rock star too...we need to start a WLS rock star band!! There are plenty of us here to form a nice band, lol :) 

By the way, I love your avatar!! Awesome pic!!

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6 minutes ago, Nana Trish said:

we need to start a WLS rock star band!! There are plenty of us here to form a nice band, lol :) 

By the way, I love your avatar!! Awesome pic!!

Agreed! There are lots of rock stars on TTF. Thanks for the pic compliment. I finally figured out how to do pictures on here. :D

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Just now, Chefman77 said:

Agreed! There are lots of rock stars on TTF. Thanks for the pic compliment. I finally figured out how to do pictures on here. :D

I'm so glad you figured it out...it's so nice to see your face!! Now if we can only convince a few others to do the same (yes, @Gretta, I mean you, lol) we will be all set!!

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Oh, and @Chefman77, I forgot to mention...you are KILLING IT!! Your stats are amazing!

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16 hours ago, Nana Trish said:

I see a lot of folks confessing their indescretions here, and I thought it time to join that club. Wine...that's all I've got to say. .... I feel so weak and out of control :( Any coping mechanisms beside destructiveness to help get me through this? Any help is greatly appreciated :wub:

Golly Trish, you look like a Saint compared to me. If I truly confessed to all of my sinful ways here, you'd think I was even more hopeless than I must seem. I've had plenty of nights of snacking; too much wine; not enough exercise; .... on and on.... you just have to pick yourself up the next day, think through what happened and why, and try to do better. Here you are the next day all contrite and remorseful that you had an extra 200-300 calories of wine. I think your response was rapid, responsible, and reasonable. This is why you are just  crushing your weight loss goals and will continue to do so. 

Someone posted here recently that weight regaining is only an M&M away.... when it's not acknowledged. You acknowledged to yourself and TTF what happened, this is holding yourself responsible. 

We are only human. That might be the lesson, if you want to draw a positive lesson: It's not that we are perfect, it's that we are human... and given all that you are dealing with, it's amazing this is the only slight, itsy-bitsy and minor indiscretion you have suffered. Personally I wouldn't feel guilty, I would feel just a bit wiser about how you can be affected by stress, anxiety and worry about the people you love. Indeed, I think you are a paragon of self-discipline and maturity. This post only reinforces my respect for your determination and honesty. 

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1 hour ago, BurgundyBoy said:

Golly Trish, you look like a Saint compared to me. If I truly confessed to all of my sinful ways here, you'd think I was even more hopeless than I must seem. I've had plenty of nights of snacking; too much wine; not enough exercise; .... on and on.... you just have to pick yourself up the next day, think through what happened and why, and try to do better. Here you are the next day all contrite and remorseful that you had an extra 200-300 calories of wine. I think your response was rapid, responsible, and reasonable. This is why you are just  crushing your weight loss goals and will continue to do so. 

Someone posted here recently that weight regaining is only an M&M away.... when it's not acknowledged. You acknowledged to yourself and TTF what happened, this is holding yourself responsible. 

We are only human. That might be the lesson, if you want to draw a positive lesson: It's not that we are perfect, it's that we are human... and given all that you are dealing with, it's amazing this is the only slight, itsy-bitsy and minor indiscretion you have suffered. Personally I wouldn't feel guilty, I would feel just a bit wiser about how you can be affected by stress, anxiety and worry about the people you love. Indeed, I think you are a paragon of self-discipline and maturity. This post only reinforces my respect for your determination and honesty. 

All of this! I'm sitting here, reading the forums and (gasp!) eating Ben & Jerry's. But, instead of eating an entire pint, I take a couple bites and then put it back in the freezer. Part of creating a new normal, for me at least, involves indulging in ice cream and other treats, in small servings. I was stricter before I reached goal, but even then, I was far from perfect. Now, I just strive to generally find balance and only go overboard, on a rare occasion, in a very intentional way. I see it like a pendulum, so I aim to stay close to the center, but when I go overboard, I reign my diet in tighter after as a response. That's just what works personally for me. Like @BurgundyBoy said, acknowledge the indulgence and move forward. It's not the end of the world, just a bump in the road. None of us are perfect. The key is choosing to move forward instead of using the indulgences as a slippery slope toward completely going off the rails. You have come so far! Forgive yourself and try to get yourself back on track.

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Folks here are so well spoken that I really can't add anything to what has already been said. Just know that I agree with all of them and also here to support you, Trish.

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Trish,

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You did the right thing by coming here to get some words of wisdom from people who understand. I was going to write my own post about current indiscretions. I made pumpkin bread for my husband and Katya. I shoved about a third of the bread down my throat. I even said to myself “you like wearing the jeans you have on. Don’t mess this up”, but that still wasn’t enough to keep my mouth from eating. Yesterday, I threw out a bag of Pirate Booty and poured soap all over the contents. Food addiction is rough stuff. Food is like a warm hug when I am sad or struggling. It’s a warm hug of lies!

I’m not an expert but I don’t think you hurt your pouch. I think you hurt your heart more than anything else. xo

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57 minutes ago, NerdyLady said:

Trish,

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You did the right thing by coming here to get some words of wisdom from people who understand. I was going to write my own post about current indiscretions. I made pumpkin bread for my husband and Katya. I shoved about a third of the bread down my throat. I even said to myself “you like wearing the jeans you have on. Don’t mess this up”, but that still wasn’t enough to keep my mouth from eating. Yesterday, I threw out a bag of Pirate Booty and poured soap all over the contents. Food addiction is rough stuff. Food is like a warm hug when I am sad or struggling. It’s a warm hug of lies!

I’m not an expert but I don’t think you hurt your pouch. I think you hurt your heart more than anything else. xo

I did hurt my heart. The one thing I promised myself I wasn't going to do is eat, drink, etc. out of frustration or stress. That was how I got through everything before surgery, and that's got to change. But under these particular circumstances, I've decided to forgive myself and move on. 

Food addiction really is rough stuff...a lot harder than I thought it was going to be to kick it. But I'm already back on track like I need to be. Pumpkin bread is a tough one to say no to...that's why I'm so glad I don't cook, lol. I make a killer banana bread that I can't stay away from, so I don't make it anymore. I can only cook a few things that are actually edible, lol...but they are really good. Lasagna and chili. I've been making lower carb turkey chili, and it's pretty good. But still not the same :) 

I keep repeating to myself...195 pounds is WAY better than 336...and I don't ever want to back there again!! Plus I look at fat pics of me, and that helps 99.9% of the time. It's like you with the jeans. It's not fool proof, but most of the time it'll get you through. 

Im sure my pouch is fine. It was just the mixture of Cabernet and meatball with red sauce that did me in. I was in agony all day yesterday, plus I dumped half the night Friday. Pretty safe to say I won't be doing that again very soon...if ever! Thanks so much for your support, @NerdyLady...I just have to remember to come here first next time! Same advice I gave you a while back, and I didn't even take my own advice!! ❤️❤️❤️

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14 minutes ago, Nana Trish said:

Pumpkin bread is a tough one to say no to...that's why I'm so glad I don't cook, lol. I make a killer banana bread that I can't stay away from, so I don't make it anymore.

I'm practicing "I don't bake" as a reply when people are talking about goodies. I *used to* bake. I like to do it, but I love to eat it. Since I've moved, I haven't bought any baking equipment (other than silicone muffin pan for Eggface's Egg Bites), so I won't be even the slightest bit tempted. There's going to be a Christmas cookie exchange at work, apparently, and I'm just letting it float around that I Really. Do. Not. Bake. It's just an easier way out for me. 

Keep looking at your beautiful pictures, Trish. They should be great motivation. And give Harper a big pinch on the cheeks and remind yourself how happy you'll be to watch him grow up and become an adult, since your health is so much improved :) 

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So. I read this post this morning and I sat on it. And I stewed. I'm still stewing. It felt like an appropriate time to say... I ate a pint of Ice-cream on Saturday. Truth is, I've been totally out of control. Snacks on snacks on snacks. I find it so hard at 9 months out to have idle time. I love being at work because I pack my food for the entire week breakfast lunch and snack and that's all I have. But when left to my own devices, there's been a lot of sweets involved lately. I have therapy Wednesday and I a have made a promise to myself to bring up food addiction. I have tackled all other addictions in therapy and talk about them freely, but this one seems scarier.

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4 minutes ago, Smashlee83 said:

but this one seems scarier.

It's the one that holds most of us the closest. Comforts us in just the perfect, right, specific way. Slowly heating up the water and boiling us alive while it's comforting. And yet we miss it so much when it's gone. 

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Just now, Michael_A said:

It's the one that holds most of us the closest. Comforts us in just the perfect, right, specific way. Slowly heating up the water and boiling us alive while it's comforting. And yet we miss it so much when it's gone. 

I agree. 

My coping mechanisms to avoid eating unhealthy foods as snacks are the following:

1.  I do my best not to allow unhealthy foods that are trigger foods for me into the house (I'm looking at you: brownies, Nutella, homemade chocolate chip cookies, Doritos Nacho Chips, and cake :angry:).  If one of these foods somehow end up in my house, I either throw it away or get someone else to eat it ASAP.

2.  When I want an unhealthy snack I instead have a far more healthy snack that I enjoy - like a small serving of dry roasted peanuts, smokehouse almonds, extra sharp cheddar cheese, a Premier Protein shake, a Slim Jim, or goldfish crackers.

3,  I find that when I am about to eat something unhealthy if I drink a lot of liquids that my desire for a snack goes away.

4.  When all these strategies fail, I do my best to stop with just a taste or two of the unhealthy food.  Thankfully, as I dump when I have a bowl of ice cream, I have no desire to eat ice cream except for a tiny taste.

5.  If I make a mistake and eat too much unhealthy food, I just resolve to eat very healthy for the next few days to make up for it.

6.  Finally, if I am at or above my goal weight, I simply refuse to eat unhealthy food.  I did not undergo major surgery and work so hard to reach my goal weight just to blow it.

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Last week I had to yell at my husband to remove the reeses p-butter trees from the living room. He purchased 3 bags of them and I realized I was back to really dangerous behavior. I would get up in the middle of the night to pee... and eat a piece of candy. That is not who I am anymore!

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7 hours ago, Smashlee83 said:

Last week I had to yell at my husband to remove the reeses p-butter trees from the living room. He purchased 3 bags of them and I realized I was back to really dangerous behavior. I would get up in the middle of the night to pee... and eat a piece of candy. That is not who I am anymore!

@Smashlee83

Oh, the old “I woke up to pee, so I’ll have a snack” routine. It’s one I know well. I have another spin on that routine called “I was sleepy and I couldn’t control myself”. UGH

I also find the urge to snack when I have downtime. I always keep salty almonds in my house, along with fruit to give myself a perk. This is also the perfect time to start on those projects that you haven’t done because of time limitations. Clearing out my basement is my current project. It keeps my hands busy and burns a modest amount of calories. 

YOU CAN DOO IT!

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Ugh. I am so afraid of snacking and going off track after surgery. I know that I will do well at least until I hit goal. It scares me that I may become complacent afterwards though. I am taking notes on how to avoid the dreaded regain that seems to happen to so many after WLS.

I do plan to keep up with my teams support group. I am hoping that between that and here, I will feel more accountable for my actions.

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I suppose when you are at goal or closer to goal it might be harder.  As for myself there is just no room if I get my fluids and protein in.  I have heard the restriction relaxes but at this point I don't see how.  Can someone farther out with a sleeve explain what, when, and why or how that can be after you are healed and swelling is gone?

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