Cardamom77

My sister died suddenly tonight

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She had a car accident. She has two boys and a complex custody situation. We are heartbroken and worried about how it will all turn out for them. And she is my best friend in the whole world. I love her so much.  

I'm thinking about putting off my surgery because I'm not sure I can do all of this. But I also know she would want me to do it. I know I have a little time to think about it, but right now I'm just horrified at the prospect of getting on an operating table in two weeks. And I feel selfish for thinking about it. :(

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I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sister - my heart goes out to you and your family.

 

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Oh, @Cardamom77,I am so sorry to hear that. What devastating news and I can't imagine what you're going through right now. We are here for you. (((HUGS)))

Don't stress about the surgery at this moment, you have a lot to deal with right now. You might feel differently later on you can do what you need to do, but put it in the back burner so you can get through the next few days.

 

Edited by CJireh

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Oh, @Cardamom77, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. What a tragedy, and what absolute turmoil your mind must be in right now. Take a few days away from stressing about WLS and maybe make your decision a bit down the road, as @CJireh mentioned. You have some hard days to get through right now. My heart goes out to you and your family. 

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I am so very sorry, what a horrible heartbreaking loss.  I agree with others; don't even think about WLS right now, just do what you have to do to get through these first horrible days.  As your best friend, I'm sure your sister would want your WLS to be successful and that may mean postponing it until you're in a better head and heart place.  Right now your energy is needed elsewhere. 

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I am so very sorry for your tragic loss and am sending love your way.

Whatever you decide to do, please know that you have our support. 

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I'm so sorry, @Cardamom77, this must be so awful for you and your family.  I think it's perfectly normal for you to wonder what your sister would want you to do, and to think about how this will or should affect your plans.  Humans are planning creatures, it's natural to react to change by considering adjustments.  But I agree with the advice above - give yourself some time before making any big decisions, at least a few days.  

And then do what your sister would want you to do - think about what is best for you, and your family, and then do that.  Whatever that happens to be.  The people who love you most always want you to make good, well-thought-out decisions that will make your life better.  That may be going ahead with it, or it may be putting it off, but if you base your choice in what's best for you, you'll make the right one. 

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I don't have any words - what a devastating loss. I am so sorry for you and your family. If you need anything, let us know. 

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@Cardamom77

Deepest condolences to you and your sister's family ... 

So much in life is unimportant. Good luck with being a great aunt to her boys and to taking care of yourself. 

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@Cardamom77  Oh sweetie, my heart is breaking for you.  I am so so sorry for your loss/pain.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.  *big hugsssss*

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I am so sorry this happened. I know your heart is broken, and you've only just begun to feel all you're going to feel about this. Sending you love and comfort. Whatever you decide about your surgery will be the right decision.

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I'm so sorry.  Take some time out to reflect.  If you consider delaying surgery, call your insurance to see how long you have before you would have to start the process over.  Praying for you and your family!

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I am so very sorry. Life can be so very cruel when relatives are taken from us without notice.

We are here to support you whatever your decision is on your surgery date. 

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I have to tell you all this. It is difficult, but I find such comfort in it. 

My sister had a gastric bypass surgery in 2003. She went from around 500 lbs to close to 200 lbs. She had an abdominoplasty and breast reduction, but always struggled with extra skin that insurance would not cover. 

Burn victims will be able to benefit from her extra skin. She was an organ donor and her skin is one of her most valuable donations. I am so humbled and comforted by this. She was so kind and would have loved this. 

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11 hours ago, Cardamom77 said:

She had a car accident. She has two boys and a complex custody situation. We are heartbroken and worried about how it will all turn out for them. And she is my best friend in the whole world. I love her so much.  

I'm thinking about putting off my surgery because I'm not sure I can do all of this. But I also know she would want me to do it. I know I have a little time to think about it, but right now I'm just horrified at the prospect of getting on an operating table in two weeks. And I feel selfish for thinking about it. :(

I am so very sorry @Cardamom77 I lost my sister 18 days ago. She was 59 years old and passed after being at hospital 2 weeks, nursing home a few days and then on to hospice.

If that was not painful enough, my mom had a stroke the night that my sister was cremated. Just got her from hospital to nursing home today. It has been very painful.

My surgery will not happen until February/March. So, I decided to stay on track. I truly need to get a grip on my health and soon.

Please accept my condolences and know that I get it. Sadly so.

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2 minutes ago, Readytobeme said:

I am so very sorry @Cardamom77 I lost my sister 18 days ago. She was 59 years old and passed after being at hospital 2 weeks, nursing home a few days and then on to hospice.

If that was not painful enough, my mom had a stroke the night that my sister was cremated. Just got her from hospital to nursing home today. It has been very painful.

My surgery will not happen until February/March. So, I decided to stay on track. I truly need to get a grip on my health and soon.

Please accept my condolences and know that I get it. Sadly so.

Please accept my condolences as well. This is really awful, isn't it? Incredibly awful. 

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Just now, Cardamom77 said:

Please accept my condolences as well. This is really awful, isn't it? Incredibly awful. 

 

Yes. Even at 18 days out, it is surreal. This is the most horrible pain that I have ever felt in my lifetime. My mom was in the same hospital, same floor, same nurses that my sister had. Our family is very small and my sister was our first loss. I stayed with her until she took her last breath and tried to make sure she was as comfortable as possible.

I too thought of postponing surgery for a couple of days. The nurse at my bariatric center even suggested it. I know that I would have to if it were soon but I think by March I will be ok moving forward. My health is really suffering due to my weight.

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@Cardamom77. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. I lost my husband during the run up to my surgery. In my case it was the surgeon that put a time delay in because he wasn't prepared to allow me to make such a life changing decision at the time. This was despite the fact that the actual decision had been made months earlier with my husband very much a party to the decision. In hindsight I suspect the surgeon was probably was right to delay the surgery, and I certainly benefited from the extra time I had. That is not to say you should delay, we're all different, and what is good for some isn't necessarily good for others. My best advice would be to go with your gut feeling. Give yourself a few days at least before you make any major changes. Best wishes moving forward. 

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Cardamom, I wanted to stop in before heading out this morning. I wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs to all of you in this very difficult time.

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what horrible news. I am SO sorry to hear of this. my sister and i are very close, i can't even imagine your pain.  it is wonderful to know that she will live on in others through her generous donation. love and peace and comforting thoughts being sent your way. xoxo

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17 hours ago, Cardamom77 said:

I have to tell you all this. It is difficult, but I find such comfort in it. 

My sister had a gastric bypass surgery in 2003. She went from around 500 lbs to close to 200 lbs. She had an abdominoplasty and breast reduction, but always struggled with extra skin that insurance would not cover. 

Burn victims will be able to benefit from her extra skin. She was an organ donor and her skin is one of her most valuable donations. I am so humbled and comforted by this. She was so kind and would have loved this. 

This is just beautiful; what a loving, living legacy. 

As a recipient of two cornea donations, I am forever grateful for the loved ones who so generously made my sight possible, even in the midst of the pain of loss.  I had lost my husband 2 years prior to my first transplant so I understood some of the pain they were feeling.   I often think of them (although I do not know them) and pray that they have found comfort in their gift as you have.  Peace to you and your family.

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(((HUGS))) @Cardamom77, been thinking of you and the pain you're in right now. I'm keeping you in my prayers as I know this whole thing has been such a shock.  I'm sure you're feeling a bit numb and totally overwhelmed at the funeral and desperate to rewind the week!  Please know we are here for you if you want to vent or just talk about how special your sister is or cry.

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@Cardamom77, I am so sorry to hear your news.  Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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On 11/9/2017 at 11:46 AM, msmarymac said:

This is just beautiful; what a loving, living legacy. 

As a recipient of two cornea donations, I am forever grateful for the loved ones who so generously made my sight possible, even in the midst of the pain of loss.  I had lost my husband 2 years prior to my first transplant so I understood some of the pain they were feeling.   I often think of them (although I do not know them) and pray that they have found comfort in their gift as you have.  Peace to you and your family.

This is so nice to hear. Her corneas were donated, as well. She had BEAUTIFUL eyes, so the fact that someone will be able to benefit from them is such a comfort. 

We had a small, private viewing today. It is the first time I have ever been to a viewing. I was surprised at how comforting it was. I will miss her terribly. 

I haven't postponed surgery yet. I may still. I will have to make that decision Monday. Money is also an issue now. My insurance covers 100% after deductible, but I got my job in June, so we haven't covered a lot of the deductible. I'm not sure how that will work out. 

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2 hours ago, Cardamom77 said:

This is so nice to hear. Her corneas were donated, as well. She had BEAUTIFUL eyes, so the fact that someone will be able to benefit from them is such a comfort. 

We had a small, private viewing today. It is the first time I have ever been to a viewing. I was surprised at how comforting it was. I will miss her terribly. 

I haven't postponed surgery yet. I may still. I will have to make that decision Monday. Money is also an issue now. My insurance covers 100% after deductible, but I got my job in June, so we haven't covered a lot of the deductible. I'm not sure how that will work out. 

I'm glad to hear you are finding some comfort and peace in the lives her donations have helped. 

You sound like a strong, sensible person who will be able to make a good decision about your surgery when the time comes. When making a big decision, I like to think about the idea that there isn't really a right or wrong decision, there are just different decisions that will take you to different places at different times. A decision to postpose is truly that - just a decision to do it a little later. A decision to go ahead now is just a decision to deal with the surgery process in the present rather than later. It's not a statement of your moral worth or psychological strength - just choices about timing. You have a lot on your plate. You'll either figure out how to deal with a little more on your plate right now, or decide to deal with that little bit more at a later time. 

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