NerdyLady

Two truths and a lie.

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I don't like to lie. People who know me IRL know that I tell the truth, even if it hurts.

Katya's babysitter, Baba S, returned from a four month trip home and was amazed at my weight loss. I said thank you and moved on. However, she keeps talking about it, and talking about it and won't let up. Today she asked me how I lost the weight and I mumbled something about Weight Watchers. I felt terrible and was about to tell her the truth, when she told me that she had been telling all her friends about my rapid weight loss. I know where this leads. Baba S. would tell all her friends and they will in turn tell their friends. Now a whole community of people who know each other will know my business. I'm not ashamed of having WLS but I'd like to choose who I tell. 

Minutes after this conversation, I went to a chiropractor. I told the two receptionists about my surgery. One of them followed me into the consultation room and got teary eyed. She told me that her mother had the lap band and was unsuccessful in keeping the weight off. In addition, she (the receptionst) wants to have WLS but doesn't know where to start. I told her that I would being her information the next time I see the doctor. 

I may have lied but I think my truth may have helped someone today. 

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You absolutely get to choose whom to tell and when. You have my full support.

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We all have the right to determine who knows our business.  You obviously felt comfortable sharing in one scenario and not the other and did some good in doing so.  Good for you.  Ignoring your instinct with Baba would probably lead a direction you wouldn't be comfortable with and then that relationship might suffer. 

But you don't have to actually lie either; with people I don't really want to have the conversation with I usually say something along the lines of "I eat mostly high protein and veggies and I walk 4 miles every evening".  Not a lie.  Maybe not the entire truth but not a lie.  People who want to know just to be nosy and you know they will gossip...nope.  People who genuinely care and/or would benefit from knowing, well that's entirely different and you get to choose.

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i feel like I am going to be the same way....and telling a total stranger is easier than telling someone you know. 

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Yea, it's weird. I'll tell a perfect stranger all about it, but I'm intensely private with friends and acquaintances, so I'll lie right to their face, haha. Tell who you want!

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“Your body, your rules.”  Tell who you are comfortable telling, there are no rules about it.  It can be easier to tell strangers as you won’t see them again, so who cares what they think.

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@NerdyLady, I know you love Clusie L, and I'm sure you've seen this video before, but here it is again. In between bits of hilarity, she has some solid advice for avoiding telling people about your WLS if you're not comfortable with it. I'm also not very comfortable lying to people, but sometimes that's the best way, especially if it's someone who you just KNOW will tell everyone they run into. I don't mind if some people know, but I don't want it to be a topic of conversational entertainment for random bystanders. 

You are allowed to not disclose personal medical information to people. If you have something done to yourself or something happens to you that you don't want to share with the world, you absolutely do not have to. Particularly if it's just going to be a moment's entertainment for someone. If it's going to change someone's life, and you're comfortable with it, disclose away! You may have given someone their life back today.

TL;DR (although I highly recommend this video if you have questions about this issue): Lie your @$$ off to people about it, but do it in the most boring way possible so they shut up and quit asking you.

 

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15 hours ago, NerdyLady said:

I don't like to lie. People who know me IRL know that I tell the truth, even if it hurts.

Katya's babysitter, Baba S, returned from a four month trip home and was amazed at my weight loss. I said thank you and moved on. However, she keeps talking about it, and talking about it and won't let up. Today she asked me how I lost the weight and I mumbled something about Weight Watchers. I felt terrible and was about to tell her the truth, when she told me that she had been telling all her friends about my rapid weight loss. I know where this leads. Baba S. would tell all her friends and they will in turn tell their friends. Now a whole community of people who know each other will know my business. I'm not ashamed of having WLS but I'd like to choose who I tell. 

Minutes after this conversation, I went to a chiropractor. I told the two receptionists about my surgery. One of them followed me into the consultation room and got teary eyed. She told me that her mother had the lap band and was unsuccessful in keeping the weight off. In addition, she (the receptionst) wants to have WLS but doesn't know where to start. I told her that I would being her information the next time I see the doctor. 

I may have lied but I think my truth may have helped someone today. 

I don't lie...period. Except about this. The only people that know are my hubby, my 3 kids, and 2 very close, trustworthy friends. I've told those that know that if anyone on social media asks me if I've had WLS, I'm gonna lie my butt off about it. They are, for the most part, a huge bunch of gossipy people...most of whom I went to high school with. I wouldn't have a problem telling someone that was considering it, however, because it really does change our lives. And it could save someone's life. I know it saved mine! 

I don't have one ounce of guilt over lying about this. It's all about the circumstances and who is involved that makes me decide whether to tell or not. I do tell the nurses at my various doctors appointments, however, when they weigh me. Because they are usually shocked at the amount of weight I've lost since my last visit. My urologist only asked me if I knew how much I weighed, instead of making me step on the scale (?). I said "I weigh 221.6". She was like, wow...right to the ounce? I said yes, I'm a WLS patient, lol. We ALWAYS know how much we weigh! 

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10 hours ago, Jen581791 said:

@NerdyLady, I know you love Clusie L, and I'm sure you've seen this video before, but here it is again. In between bits of hilarity, she has some solid advice for avoiding telling people about your WLS if you're not comfortable with it. I'm also not very comfortable lying to people, but sometimes that's the best way, especially if it's someone who you just KNOW will tell everyone they run into. I don't mind if some people know, but I don't want it to be a topic of conversational entertainment for random bystanders. 

You are allowed to not disclose personal medical information to people. If you have something done to yourself or something happens to you that you don't want to share with the world, you absolutely do not have to. Particularly if it's just going to be a moment's entertainment for someone. If it's going to change someone's life, and you're comfortable with it, disclose away! You may have given someone their life back today.

TL;DR (although I highly recommend this video if you have questions about this issue): Lie your @$$ off to people about it, but do it in the most boring way possible so they shut up and quit asking you.

 

I love Clusie!! 

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I'm an open book so I'll tell just about anyone who asks that I have had wls.  I had a girlfriend who I was roommates with in college have lapband.  I asked her how she was losing weight and she told me that she was on a high protein diet.  So my other girlfriend who was also trying to lose weight felt defeated because she was also on a high protein diet and not losing like my friend.  Later I found out she had wls.  I was frustrated that she lied to me but reading this kinda helps me understand it.  Thanks for the post.  I think you should just say that you radically changed what you are eating.  That's what I've done and clearly with your success, you've done the same thing.  You tell who you want to tell lil' toothpick!

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53 minutes ago, Karimeaway said:

You tell who you want to tell lil' toothpick!

Yes! :D

By the way, at the Harvard Business School a professor used to refer to a lie as a “strategic misrepresentation.”

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2 hours ago, Trish1967 said:

I don't lie...period. Except about this. The only people that know are my hubby, my 3 kids, and 2 very close, trustworthy friends. I've told those that know that if anyone on social media asks me if I've had WLS, I'm gonna lie my butt off about it. They are, for the most part, a huge bunch of gossipy people...most of whom I went to high school with. I wouldn't have a problem telling someone that was considering it, however, because it really does change our lives. And it could save someone's life. I know it saved mine! 

I don't have one ounce of guilt over lying about this. It's all about the circumstances and who is involved that makes me decide whether to tell or not. I do tell the nurses at my various doctors appointments, however, when they weigh me. Because they are usually shocked at the amount of weight I've lost since my last visit. My urologist only asked me if I knew how much I weighed, instead of making me step on the scale (?). I said "I weigh 221.6". She was like, wow...right to the ounce? I said yes, I'm a WLS patient, lol. We ALWAYS know how much we weigh! 

Um, and I think this means you have a new NSV.    336.6 divided by 3 = 112.2.    336.6 - 112.2 = 224.4. Your weight is 221.6.

YOU HAVE LOST A THIRD OF TRISH, or YOU HAVE ACHIEVED TWO-THIRDSIES, or (help me on this, ok?) 

[ Not only do we know how much we weigh, we pay attention to how much our friends on the Forum weigh. :D ]

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18 minutes ago, BurgundyBoy said:

Um, and I think this means you have a new NSV.    336.6 divided by 3 = 112.2.    336.6 - 112.2 = 224.4. Your weight is 221.6.

YOU HAVE LOST A THIRD OF TRISH, or YOU HAVE ACHIEVED TWO-THIRDSIES, or (help me on this, ok?) 

[ Not only do we know how much we weigh, we pay attention to how much our friends on the Forum weigh. :D ]

I never thought to put that under the NSV!! Woot woot!! My fitness pal says 34.3...I still can't believe that I've lost 1/3 of my body weight!! A few more pounds, and I will have lost the equivalent of my youngest daughter :lol:

And you are sooo right...we do pay attention to how much our friends on the Forum weigh!! Thank you for caring enough to do the math for me!! I've only got 46 more pounds to go until I reach my first goal weight!!

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8 minutes ago, Trish1967 said:

I never thought to put that under the NSV!! Woot woot!! My fitness pal says 34.3...I still can't believe that I've lost 1/3 of my body weight!! A few more pounds, and I will have lost the equivalent of my youngest daughter :lol:

And you are sooo right...we do pay attention to how much our friends on the Forum weigh!! Thank you for caring enough to do the math for me!! I've only got 46 more pounds to go until I reach my first goal weight!!

Great job with weight loss Trish. 

And to think, just a few months ago you probably would have thought it to be very rude for anyone to comment on your weight....  I am still waiting for a big celebration (and happy dance) once you reach your goal weight and can declare total success! 

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I've considered being intentionally ridiculous when people I don't want to confide in ask me. Something like "Thanks! I'm on the marshmallow fluff diet" or quoting The Devil Wears Prada and saying "I'm on this new diet. Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese." I think that gets the point across that it's not their business while not really lying, either. Because presumably people will see the humor for what it is... let's hope. :)  

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18 hours ago, kristinwitha_k said:

I've considered being intentionally ridiculous when people I don't want to confide in ask me. Something like "Thanks! I'm on the marshmallow fluff diet" or quoting The Devil Wears Prada and saying "I'm on this new diet. Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese." I think that gets the point across that it's not their business while not really lying, either. Because presumably people will see the humor for what it is... let's hope. :)  

I find saying "super low carb" and throwing out a few percentages of macros usually bores the pants off people and they give up. No one wants to hear super low carb. I like the Marshmallow Fluff Diet as an answer, though. I think I saw that on the cover of Woman's Day magazine a couple of months ago ;) 

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1 minute ago, Jen581791 said:

 I like the Marshmallow Fluff Diet as an answer, though. I think I saw that on the cover of Woman's Day magazine a couple of months ago ;) 

Wait....there's a Marshmallow Fluff Diet?!?!?!  Then why the heck am I getting surgery?!?!?!  I can EAT fluff and lose MY fluff???  Sign me up!!!! That sounds like a diet I can maintain for a lifetime!!! LOL!:P

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I totally get it and understand why you responded the way you did. Although I am acutely aware of the social stigma associated with WLS, I'm not ashamed about my decision to have it and never wanted to lie to anyone. However, I'm a pretty private person when it comes to medical things and really dislike being fussed over. I decided prior to surgery that I was going to be selective about who I told. So the question then became, how do I answer questions in a way that is honest yet still preserves my privacy? This is what I came up with:

We'd like to assume that everyone's inquiries come from a place of concern or genuine interest but we all know some folks are just plain nosy or gossipy. I would have to gauge in the moment the intention behind people's questions.

Typical questions:

Q: 'Wow you look amazing! How did you do it?'

A: 'I went on a coffee and cigarette diet and the weight just flew off!!!' (you'd be surprised how long it takes some folks to realize this is a joke). After a little chuckling, I just say 'A couple of years ago I got really serious about getting in control of my health. Let's face it, knowing what to do isn't really the problem...it's the doing it that gets us tripped up. I made a lot of good decisions after that and here I am!' That usually is enough to sooth their curiosity.

Q: (from work people who I had to tell I was going to be out of work for a couple of weeks) Is everything ok?

A: Yes, everything is fine. I have to have a routine medical procedure. I'll be back after that.

Inevitable follow up Q: What procedure are you having? Is it serious?

A: It's a standard procedure, nothing life threatening.

Occasional additional follow up: Q: What procedure?

A: Thank you so much for being concerned about me. I'm actually really private about medical things but I promise this is all routine. Than I change the subject.

 

Weather I told them or not, I'm sure there are people who connected the dots and either assumed or figured out that I had the surgery. There really isn't much I can do about so I just have to let it go.

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10 hours ago, Jabsie said:

I totally get it and understand why you responded the way you did. Although I am acutely aware of the social stigma associated with WLS, I'm not ashamed about my decision to have it and never wanted to lie to anyone. However, I'm a pretty private person when it comes to medical things and really dislike being fussed over. I decided prior to surgery that I was going to be selective about who I told. So the question then became, how do I answer questions in a way that is honest yet still preserves my privacy? This is what I came up with:

We'd like to assume that everyone's inquiries come from a place of concern or genuine interest but we all know some folks are just plain nosy or gossipy. I would have to gauge in the moment the intention behind people's questions.

Typical questions:

Q: 'Wow you look amazing! How did you do it?'

A: 'I went on a coffee and cigarette diet and the weight just flew off!!!' (you'd be surprised how long it takes some folks to realize this is a joke). After a little chuckling, I just say 'A couple of years ago I got really serious about getting in control of my health. Let's face it, knowing what to do isn't really the problem...it's the doing it that gets us tripped up. I made a lot of good decisions after that and here I am!' That usually is enough to sooth their curiosity.

Q: (from work people who I had to tell I was going to be out of work for a couple of weeks) Is everything ok?

A: Yes, everything is fine. I have to have a routine medical procedure. I'll be back after that.

Inevitable follow up Q: What procedure are you having? Is it serious?

A: It's a standard procedure, nothing life threatening.

Occasional additional follow up: Q: What procedure?

A: Thank you so much for being concerned about me. I'm actually really private about medical things but I promise this is all routine. Than I change the subject.

 

Weather I told them or not, I'm sure there are people who connected the dots and either assumed or figured out that I had the surgery. There really isn't much I can do about so I just have to let it go.

@Jabsie I love your responses. They are a great way to both avoid gushing the whole truth to someone you don't really want to share it with and tell enough truth to satisfy my internal Pinocchio who cannot tell a lie. Thanks for sharing. 

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@NerdyLady  I totally agree. I was so excited last night after I'd made my decision to go through with the surgery that I wanted to tell my family right away. We are in Bunco together and I was at a table with my two sisters and my brother-in-law. Someone at another table overheard and I lied. I told her I went to a diet seminar with several solutions including drugs.She kept pushing wanting to know which one I picked and I told her I hadn't yet.  I don't want everyone in my community to know. I'm not telling my friends either. I want it to be a surprise. I don't want people asking me how much I've lost, etc. My friends live in another town and I only see them about every six weeks. 

Thanks for sharing

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On 10/10/2017 at 10:50 PM, Jen581791 said:

@NerdyLady, I know you love Clusie L, and I'm sure you've seen this video before, but here it is again. In between bits of hilarity, she has some solid advice for avoiding telling people about your WLS if you're not comfortable with it. I'm also not very comfortable lying to people, but sometimes that's the best way, especially if it's someone who you just KNOW will tell everyone they run into. I don't mind if some people know, but I don't want it to be a topic of conversational entertainment for random bystanders. 

You are allowed to not disclose personal medical information to people. If you have something done to yourself or something happens to you that you don't want to share with the world, you absolutely do not have to. Particularly if it's just going to be a moment's entertainment for someone. If it's going to change someone's life, and you're comfortable with it, disclose away! You may have given someone their life back today.

TL;DR (although I highly recommend this video if you have questions about this issue): Lie your @$$ off to people about it, but do it in the most boring way possible so they shut up and quit asking you.

 

@Jen581791

I've seen this video before and it's hilarious. I'm going to commit these to memory. 

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Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I think I will take the "low carb and exercise". In my head, that's what I figured I would do but I was taken completely off guard. I hate using Weight Watchers as an excuse because while this program may work for some people, I think WW is a load of hooey. WW was the first excuse that came to my mind, so I went with it.

I have told complete strangers who have mentioned weight loss  In fact, one of the local elected officials wants me to meet with her husband to discuss WLS. Ooh, I'm fancy. 

i need to be prepared for this weekend. Katya' birthday is on Sunday and I'm going to see a lot of people that I haven't seen in a while. Wish me luck! 

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5 hours ago, NerdyLady said:

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. I think I will take the "low carb and exercise". In my head, that's what I figured I would do but I was taken completely off guard. I hate using Weight Watchers as an excuse because while this program may work for some people, I think WW is a load of hooey. WW was the first excuse that came to my mind, so I went with it.

I have told complete strangers who have mentioned weight loss  In fact, one of the local elected officials wants me to meet with her husband to discuss WLS. Ooh, I'm fancy. 

i need to be prepared for this weekend. Katya' birthday is on Sunday and I'm going to see a lot of people that I haven't seen in a while. Wish me luck! 

Oh my Matthew is turning 4 this Sunday! Happy Birthday Katya!

image.jpeg

Edited by Karimeaway
Added photo

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9 hours ago, Karimeaway said:

Oh my Matthew is turning 4 this Sunday! Happy Birthday Katya!

image.jpeg

@Karimeaway Twins! 

Your son is just lovely! What a beautiful smile. Happy Birthday, Matthew! 

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22 hours ago, Karimeaway said:

Oh my Matthew is turning 4 this Sunday! Happy Birthday Katya!

.....

Matthew is adorable Kari.  With those gorgeous and eyes and smile the girls are going to be lining up for sure.

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