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LittleStar

What do/can I do now (Plus small update)

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Hi everyone a big thank you again for all your support. I am not currently working which money wise isn't great and I am relying on family atm. I feel bad. However I am the happiest I have ever been in a long time. I am still down about it. But at the same time I am not suffering mentally like I was at that horrible work place. Normally I am consumed with guilt from not working. My behavior outside work became unstable. I have mental health issue's. And I was scaring myself with my lack of care for myself.

Since I haven't been in this has stopped dead in it's tracks. I'm happier more relaxed. Working on projects (Inktober) being one of them if any of you know it. It's an artsy thing. I had a rough few days on the weekend. And my one coping thing I had I stopped which was writing in my Journal. It was a book I had laying around and I didn't want to waste money buying a new one. But it had all just become really depressing. So I went out and bout a nice bright-fluffy yes FLUFFY new one! some stickers and pink gel pens. Which is something so little but has made me so happy and I am finally writing again and it is helping me process things. I am also a lot more positive now.

I'm eager. So eager to get this surgery. My wife is being SO supportive. And has even offered to do my food for me after the op because she knows I will plate up big portions. I'm eating three chocolate bars a day I made myself count them yesterday. Today I'm going to get it down to one. I hate chocolate it is my weakness. I started eating soup I used to hate soup still hate canned. Bought some fresh been having it for lunch nice quick easy mean and getting myself used to liquid food. It's a lot healthier then the two egg mayo sandwiches I was eating before. Which made me feel sick after because I had eaten so much. 

I'm trying but I am still failing. Mental health is good physical health is awful in a lot of pain from weight. I do have m.e which doesn't help but after this weight I gained its become worse. I have cysts it's a condition don't remember what it's called sorry if this is TMI but they have flared up on the insides of my thighs very painful. I'm taking Codeine once a day to calm things down and am on antibiotics. A lot of people said after they had surgery the cysts calmed down and they hardly got any. I feel like I am literally at my worst. And exercise is not an option not until these cysts calm down. Though my friend has offered me a free year gym membership. I defiantly want to take it. But I've done the gym thing before and due to my poor diet it doesn't help. But I think I'll still try. 

My question is what can I do now? my first appointment is at the end of October it feel like it's gonna take forever. The more weight I gain the more I'll have to take off after I've had the op. What did you guys do while waiting how did you cope? did you start a diet? I think I'll defiantly take that gym member ship but I'm so scared of the pain. How did you deal with the wait? What did you do when you where at your lowest to help yourself?

Sorry for all the questions. Thank you again for all your support.

Star 

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@LittleStar

Being in control helps keep the demons away and make you feel confident. When I read your post I see you taking control by knocking down from 3 to 1 chocolate bars. Why don't you track what you are eating every day, and just tally the protein, carbs, and total calories? That will give you a tool you can use to take control of things. You'll need to do that after surgery anyhow, and it will be a good skill to have under your belt. It might help you to not gain weight now, before any surgery. 

Once you have the knack of that, there are lots of other things to do. 

Your idea about taking up your friend on the gym membership is great. I too had lots of pains in my back and hips. My local gym has a pool and I was able to swim without any pain. 

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