Carina

I saw a woman...

62 posts in this topic

7 hours ago, Michael_A said:

Oh absolutely jealousy, or some kind of judgmental thing going on. Just the statement "keeping up with you" reveals that she has compared the tow of you side-by-side in her mind and has deemed herself superior or better in some way. I think that's what it's almost always about. 

She does think she's better than me. She was the fat kid growing up, and I was thin. For the past 5 or 6 years, she has lost a lot of weight and kept it off, so that somehow makes her superior to me? She is always comparing herself to me and I don't know why. I keep to myself, and just enjoy my hubby, kids and grandson. But for some reason, me losing weight threatens her. Well that's her problem, not mine. And if she can't deal with it, she can go jump in the river! Lol :) I have enough on my plate to worry about her petty insecurities and whether or not she and my parents approve of me having WLS. It's my life, and this is necessary for me to start getting better and live a healthier life. 

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9 hours ago, Aussie H said:

Trish one of my sisters did the same to me. She had a lapband a couple of years ago but really never used it to its best advantage. By the time I had surgery I was already lighter than her (plus I'm taller). She is clearly annoyed that I continued losing, and has even said as much to my face. She actually stopped losing from the day she had surgery, and until now claimed she was just happy to not have regained the weight lost prior to her surgery. I'm expecting (given her current attitude) that she'll have had a revisional bypass within the next 12 months.

I don't get it...I just don't. Why all the drama all the time? It seems as though those closest to us (or in my case, not close, but family just the same), would only want good things for us. Instead, it's petty jealousy. Sounds like your sister was trying to convince herself that she was satisfied where she was, and couldn't stand the fact that you were lighter than she was before your surgery! If I was a betting woman, I'd bet she will have the revision too...

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15 hours ago, Trish1967 said:

There is definitely a stigma surrounding WLS here in the states as well. First of all, people try to make you feel guilty because they think this is the easy way out...which we all know it's not. I can't tell you the number of people that have said to me, "You don't need surgery to lose weight. If you try harder and get more exercise, you can do it on your own." These are people that have NO IDEA what I've been through over the years to get rid of this weight. Even my own parents and sister feel that way, and they DO know what I've gone through over the years. My mental health status is actually more accepted by people I know than WLS. How screwed up is that? It's ok to treat bipolar disorder and anxiety, but not morbid obesity that is most likely going to kill me within the next 10 years? It's insane...

I completely agree with you - it's very screwed up.

But I'm grateful to my parents and my sister for just this reason: They supported me and were with me from the moment the surgery became a real consideration and have been nothing but helpful and supportive since. In fact I think they're more protective of me keeping the stigma in mind than even I am at this point. Had they not been as they are, I think this would have been infinitely harder - more so because Im a single person so don't even have a wife who can support me and my extended family is not exactly the most supportive and gentle in their manner.

It amazes me even now how little people realise the extent to which even casually made comments can hurt.

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On 7/17/2017 at 1:42 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

This is where there needs to be real media campaign - the truth about the diet industry, and how hard surgery is. Things like this seem like they can't be changed... and then boom, they are.

Oprah Winfrey is an incredible business woman and I have nothing but respect for someone like her who has built an business empire. That said, I realized that dieting was no longer an option for me when she became the face of Weight Watchers. Like many people on this forum, I have dieted up, down and sideways. :) I have gone back to Weight Watchers about ten times. When I saw Oprah on television, touting the wonders that is WW, I knew something was wrong. If someone as rich and powerful as Oprah, who has access to personal chefs and the finest medical care in the world has yo-yo dieted all her life, then what hope is there for me? Instead of praising (fill in the blank diet program) , there should be a media campaign to take away the stigma of WLS and encourage people to ask their doctor about how surgery can change their lives.  

 

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On 7/15/2017 at 4:02 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

Musta been some of my family members... didn't know they lived in your neck of the woods but clearly they do. :wacko:

Shopping cart choices can be deceiving. If you would have seen my shopping cart pre surgery, you would have been impressed with the fresh food in my buggy. There may have been a chocolate bar or frozen meal for my husband. That didn't change the fact that I was eating too much. I never bought low fat foods, because I'm above that (insert self-righteous eye roll here). However, when you (ahem, me) eat 3 cups of pasta as a snack or graze on two pounds of almonds while reading a book, that adds on the pounds. Healthy foods are healthy in moderation. When eaten in enormous quantities, they are just as bad as chips and dip.

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On 7/17/2017 at 7:27 AM, Aksh said:

Interesting topic. It's something I've been sort of thinking about for a bit since just a bit pre-op and definitely post-op - but more in the vein of noticing obesity much more and in a small way, being just a tad critical.

Not of the people per-se but of a system/culture/whatever where someone can become like that. Much like me and a few other folks I know, the emotional baggage/reasons, the terrible lifestyle of work+bad eating+low activity and all that fosters poor health, the derogatory way that people can be treated for the way they look that exacerbates bad life choices more often than not and the stigma and casual way in which a not even obese but just slightly fat or even stout person can be treated.

And most of all it bothers me that there is a certain stigma to WLS which clearly makes a tremendous difference to a person physically and mentally and while it has its downsides/risks, compared to what an obese person is facing in the long run, it makes no sense to me now having dived head-first into this world and learned about it that it is still looked at poorly. I don't know about the US/Europe but around here it definitely is not unlike when someone has a mental problem like depression or anxiety or something and people look at you weird for no logical reason and treat you differently and are even more painfully awkward about it if you're getting treatment from a professional and even more still if you're open about the fact.

People are weird.

But I will say, that as an overweight person, when I interact with friends or people I know that are overweight - now I have to catch myself not to get into a lecture about WLS beyond any questions they might have, because (a) I remember that in a way we fat folk have an unspoken rule to not blab too much about diets and things and push others to do it because that's what everyone else does to them which makes them feel bad and (b) I remember the hesitations and worries and self-doubts and appreciate if they want to ask at their own pace and don't want to push, so I'm staying open about it and with the passage of time, different folk are talking to me about it at their own respective paces and I want to respect that.

...wow, I have got to learn to be more concise...

You made your point beautifully and are much more eloquent than I could hope to be. :)

 

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1 hour ago, NerdyLady said:

Oprah Winfrey is an incredible business woman and I have nothing but respect for someone like her who has built an business empire. That said, I realized that dieting was no longer an option for me when she became the face of Weight Watchers. Like many people on this forum, I have dieted up, down and sideways. :) I have gone back to Weight Watchers about ten times. When I saw Oprah on television, touting the wonders that is WW, I knew something was wrong. If someone as rich and powerful as Oprah, who has access to personal chefs and the finest medical care in the world has yo-yo dieted all her life, then what hope is there for me? Instead of praising (fill in the blank diet program) , there should be a media campaign to take away the stigma of WLS and encourage people to ask their doctor about how surgery can change their lives.  

 

I cannot agree strongly enough with this post. 

If it was a question of willpower, no successful people would be fat. If it was a question of time/money, no rich people would be fat. If it was a question of knowledge of nutrition and exercise, no intelligent people would be fat (and especially not people in the medical field). If it was a question of morals, no good people would be fat. If someone as amazing as Oprah has ridden the diet rollercoaster all her life, what chance do I stand of being successful? 

It was time for WLS.

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2 hours ago, NerdyLady said:

Shopping cart choices can be deceiving. If you would have seen my shopping cart pre surgery, you would have been impressed with the fresh food in my buggy. There may have been a chocolate bar or frozen meal for my husband. That didn't change the fact that I was eating too much. I never bought low fat foods, because I'm above that (insert self-righteous eye roll here). However, when you (ahem, me) eat 3 cups of pasta as a snack or graze on two pounds of almonds while reading a book, that adds on the pounds. Healthy foods are healthy in moderation. When eaten in enormous quantities, they are just as bad as chips and dip.

I'm co-signing this whole post. My issue was portions not ice cream and diet sodas. 

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8 hours ago, NerdyLady said:

Shopping cart choices can be deceiving. If you would have seen my shopping cart pre surgery, you would have been impressed with the fresh food in my buggy. There may have been a chocolate bar or frozen meal for my husband. That didn't change the fact that I was eating too much. I never bought low fat foods, because I'm above that (insert self-righteous eye roll here). However, when you (ahem, me) eat 3 cups of pasta as a snack or graze on two pounds of almonds while reading a book, that adds on the pounds. Healthy foods are healthy in moderation. When eaten in enormous quantities, they are just as bad as chips and dip.

I have to say that what you said about the quantity of food regardless of type... it hit home, it was literally like you took the words and food right out of my mouth!

I remember ordering a pizza and garlic bread at one time and eating the whole lot all by myself and still being capable of eating more... I remember eating a whole big bag of chips at night at one point on a regular basis.. I even remember at the "healthier" points when I was as you described, eating a whole load of dry fruits because it was healthier than a bag of chips of biscuits/cookies and hating myself for it every damn time.

People don't get it when I say it to them (people who've not been overweight until post 40 anyway...) but to my mind it was like I was a junkie and in a sense I'm now in recovery and trying to stay sober.

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8 hours ago, NerdyLady said:

You made your point beautifully and are much more eloquent than I could hope to be. :)

 

You can't tell but I'm blushing... :D

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5 hours ago, Aksh said:

I have to say that what you said about the quantity of food regardless of type... it hit home, it was literally like you took the words and food right out of my mouth!

I remember ordering a pizza and garlic bread at one time and eating the whole lot all by myself and still being capable of eating more... I remember eating a whole big bag of chips at night at one point on a regular basis.. I even remember at the "healthier" points when I was as you described, eating a whole load of dry fruits because it was healthier than a bag of chips of biscuits/cookies and hating myself for it every damn time.

People don't get it when I say it to them (people who've not been overweight until post 40 anyway...) but to my mind it was like I was a junkie and in a sense I'm now in recovery and trying to stay sober.

Exactly! Like you, I am an addict in recovery. Thankfully we have this forum to help keep us on track. 

:)

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I have actually come to think of the TT Forum as what an AA meeting must be like.  Ensuring that I check in at least 1x every 1-2 days keeps me on track and gives me the support I need to be informed, make the right decisions, handle any struggles of a new sleeve, etc.  It helps to read the successes and challenges from such a wide variety of members. 

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