Carina

I saw a woman...

62 posts in this topic

I went to a concert this evening and sat behind a very obese woman. I thought about her a lot: how her legs, feet and back hurt. How she sweats. How she was probably embarrassed that part of her hips and thighs rested on the seats next to her. How she had found a store that sells t-shirts and jeans that are big enough for her. How she always wears shoes with soles that absorb shocks well.

I'm not nearly at goal weight yet, but I kind of wished she'd go for surgery so her life would be easier.

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Am with you. Have found myself thinking how someone in view or at work would be helped by WLS. Is this a phase or permanent??

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9 hours ago, BurgundyBoy said:

Am with you. Have found myself thinking how someone in view or at work would be helped by WLS. Is this a phase or permanent??

It tends to be permanent BurgundyBoy. Think about reformed smokers, or even those that have rediscovered religion.....then try to keep those thoughts to yourself. I doubt many people would really value hearing about WLS unless they are ready to make that kind of commitment. I save my talk of surgery for those that want to discuss it.

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There's a very obese woman (well there are a couple) I see everyday (she drops a child off at the daycare where I work). I've often wonder what they would look like slimmer and how they would posture and walk differently.  It's sad.  But a person really needs to be in the right mind..

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Last week I was behind a woman at the grocery who was buying 3 quarts of ice cream and nothing else. She could walk, but not very well. I would guess she was about 450. She started talking loudly about how her parents love this ice cream and they called her begging her to buy some so she was stocking up for them. Perhaps it is true, but I doubt it. I felt so bad for her and wanted to give her a hug. I wanted to tell her there is no shame in only buying ice cream to eat for herself. I also thought she'd be so much healthier and probably happier if she would have WLS. I doubt there is a fat person out there who doesn't at least know a little about WLS. I'm with Aussie H. I keep my thoughts to myself. I smoked for years when I knew I should quit. I quit smoking (for the last time) and had WLS when the time was right for me. 

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Posted (edited)

@Stephtay, I'd tend to believe that the ice-cream was actually for someone else....simply because it was just ice-cream....no chips, lollies, cakes, frozen pizzas etc. Cruel thing to say I know, but I admit I spend my time when queued at checkouts checking out the trolley contents of the people in front of me. It fascinates me while simultaneously feeding my judgemental side without others knowing....haha!!! I never comment, but I do tend to judge the fatter shoppers trolleys. I don't know why but I always thought others did the same thing waiting in queues.....or when you see a particularly fat person. I was always mortified at the thought that one day my doctor would be shopping when I was and see my trolley chokkers full of lollies, chocolates, chips, cakes etc. I live in a pretty small community and did run into him a few times at the supermarket but avoided talking to him (simply because I think he deserved to shop in peace), but did notice all the half price chocolates and popcorn in his trolley. Fortunately mine was still empty at the time.

Edited by Aussie H

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I feel bad for everyone I see who is morbidly obese. Even if they seem happy. Because I know the reality. it is a lonely, sad existence. Nobody in their right mind said one day, "I want to be the fattest person in the room."

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@Aussie H That is my normal routine. It works both ways though. I always review the contents of other peoples carts and make assumptions of their home life / eating habits based on it. I also do the same with my own basket lol. Some days I think "look at me go with my basket full of fresh veggies and meats and nice cheeses". Other days I am reloading on my daughters frozen pizzas, chicken nuggets and fruit roll ups and my husbands 37 bags of chips and soda and think "they all think I'm a monster don't they!?"

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Hmm. This feeds into the "there but for the grace of God go I" thing. There is both an element of our self-direction, to get the surgery done, as well as some luck to be in a personal space with enough insurance, money, and other resources to pay for it. 

 

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I worked as a grocery store checker to put myself through college, and I think I must have used up all of my curiosity about what is in other people's carts then because I can't for the life of me remember looking at other people's items since then. 

The checkers will judge you, though, for sure. And talk about you later with the other checkers if it's bad enough...

I have to admit I've thought about telling my high school best friend about WLS, though - we both dieted our way up and down (and back up) the scale, all the while dreaming of being thin. We're FB friends but haven't talked in 20+ years. She looks to be around 400 pounds or more now, just like her mom was then, when she was horrified by that. Her daughter looks like she did in high school. And the wheel turns. 

Wow, that got dark fast.

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Oh @Jen581791 how true! A lot of dappled shade, sunlight and darkness, in this particular forest we are walking in.

Like @TP1210 says, the key is to remain empathetic and not judgmental (even if we let our imaginations run wild as to what those shopping carts REALLY mean). 

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1 hour ago, BurgundyBoy said:

Hmm. This feeds into the "there but for the grace of God go I" thing. There is both an element of our self-direction, to get the surgery done, as well as some luck to be in a personal space with enough insurance, money, and other resources to pay for it. 

 

Hear, hear.

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I not so gently advised one of my best friends to have the surgery. He struggled with daily insulin injections and sleep apnea. He wants a family. He wants to explore the world. But he was 450lbs and was wasting precious time. He drug his feet. He had the money and the time off but just kept stalling. One day I lost it. I told him that he was never going to have the life he wanted if he didn't get off his @*# and do something. I know this seems harsh. But sometimes you have to fight fiercely for those you love, even if you are fighting them.

He had the surgery 6 weeks ago and is down 70lbs so far. He bought a plane ticket to go on vacation with me and my family this fall :) 

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24 minutes ago, Smashlee83 said:

I not so gently advised one of my best friends to have the surgery. He struggled with daily insulin injections and sleep apnea. He wants a family. He wants to explore the world. But he was 450lbs and was wasting precious time. He drug his feet. He had the money and the time off but just kept stalling. One day I lost it. I told him that he was never going to have the life he wanted if he didn't get off his @*# and do something. I know this seems harsh. But sometimes you have to fight fiercely for those you love, even if you are fighting them.

He had the surgery 6 weeks ago and is down 70lbs so far. He bought a plane ticket to go on vacation with me and my family this fall :) 

tough love is still love, and what are friends for if not to tell you these kinds of things??

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7 minutes ago, BurgundyBoy said:

tough love is still love, and what are friends for if not to tell you these kinds of things??

Sometimes the stars align and sometimes they don't. I told very few people about my surgery. I did tell the older sister of a childhood friend who was around 350 and had been overweight for 20+ years. She decided to get sleeved after our discussion and 3 weeks later she was in the OR. With self pay you don't have to jump through as many hoops. She was doing fine initially and lost about 60 pounds. She has since gained it all back. It doesn't really matter what we say or don't say, do or don't do, if someone is ready, they will lose the weight and keep it off. If they aren't ready, it won't work.

 

 

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5 minutes ago, Stephtay said:

Sometimes the stars align and sometimes they don't. I told very few people about my surgery. I did tell the older sister of a childhood friend who was around 350 and had been overweight for 20+ years. She decided to get sleeved after our discussion and 3 weeks later she was in the OR. With self pay you don't have to jump through as many hoops. She was doing fine initially and lost about 60 pounds. She has since gained it all back. It doesn't really matter what we say or don't say, do or don't do, if someone is ready, they will lose the weight and keep it off. If they aren't ready, it won't work.

 

 

What was the time frame of her weight gain? I'm always curious to hear about those with sleeve and their ability to re-gain the weight. Obviously I'm only 4 months out but I just don't get how I'd ever be able to eat enough to regain all my weight.

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1 minute ago, Smashlee83 said:

What was the time frame of her weight gain? I'm always curious to hear about those with sleeve and their ability to re-gain the weight. Obviously I'm only 4 months out but I just don't get how I'd ever be able to eat enough to regain all my weight.

Less than a year. Honestly, it's easier than you think to regain weight. While your sleeve can't hold much food at once, it is easy to get in the habit of grazing all day. When girl scout cookie season came around, my friend would eat a box a day. A couple in the morning. A couple 30 minutes later, etc, etc.

My PCP has a patient who had WLS years ago. She used to eat an x-large pizza every night. After WLS she couldn't do that. But she really missed pizza so she went back ordering an x-large pizza nightly. She would then cut it into bite sized pieces, and eat it through out the day at work the next day. 

 

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15 minutes ago, Stephtay said:

It doesn't really matter what we say or don't say, do or don't do, if someone is ready, they will lose the weight and keep it off. If they aren't ready, it won't work.

Truer words have never been spoken. I am so amazed (even to learn this about myself!!!!) that it is ALL in the head....

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7 minutes ago, Stephtay said:

Less than a year. Honestly, it's easier than you think to regain weight. While your sleeve can't hold much food at once, it is easy to get in the habit of grazing all day. When girl scout cookie season came around, my friend would eat a box a day. A couple in the morning. A couple 30 minutes later, etc, etc.

My PCP has a patient who had WLS years ago. She used to eat an x-large pizza every night. After WLS she couldn't do that. But she really missed pizza so she went back ordering an x-large pizza nightly. She would then cut it into bite sized pieces, and eat it through out the day at work the next day. 

 

Oh, talk about sabotage...:(

On another thread just posted this link to advice from a surgeon who did bypasses for 30+ years. It has a lot of wisdom.  http://www.amylhwilliams.com/pouchrulesfordummies.html

A lot of text in it is about how to NOT do this kind of endless eating of small amounts and regain weight ...

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4 hours ago, Stephtay said:

Less than a year. Honestly, it's easier than you think to regain weight. While your sleeve can't hold much food at once, it is easy to get in the habit of grazing all day. When girl scout cookie season came around, my friend would eat a box a day. A couple in the morning. A couple 30 minutes later, etc, etc.

My PCP has a patient who had WLS years ago. She used to eat an x-large pizza every night. After WLS she couldn't do that. But she really missed pizza so she went back ordering an x-large pizza nightly. She would then cut it into bite sized pieces, and eat it through out the day at work the next day. 

 

Yep, you can defeat wls one bite at a time!  That's one reason I get up and leave the table when I'm done, so I don't graze.  If it's still on my plate, it's mine right?!  Took hubby a while but he's accepted it.  

 

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At work to I was thinking of this thread...

there is a woman there that eats 3!  Lunches..  she comes in the kitchen at 10:30, grabs a bowl of what I'm making, eats with the kids at lunch, then on her break goes out for fast food!  I try not to judge... 

then there is another woman who is always trying to lose 30 pounds.  Her latest was all soup diet..some days I'd just like to tell them to stop, just eat healthy!  It's hard to watch people we know..

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Posted (edited)

6 hours ago, Stephtay said:

Sometimes the stars align and sometimes they don't. I told very few people about my surgery. I did tell the older sister of a childhood friend who was around 350 and had been overweight for 20+ years. She decided to get sleeved after our discussion and 3 weeks later she was in the OR. With self pay you don't have to jump through as many hoops. She was doing fine initially and lost about 60 pounds. She has since gained it all back. It doesn't really matter what we say or don't say, do or don't do, if someone is ready, they will lose the weight and keep it off. If they aren't ready, it won't work.

 

 

@Stephtay What you described above is my deepest and darkest fear. When I decided to self pay, the surgery was mostly on my terms. When people on the forum lose patience with amount of time it takes to get a surgery date, I get a case of the "what ifs". I wonder if going through the motions would help me be successful with keeping the weight and diabetes away in the long term. That's part of the reason I come back to TTF. Many times I don't have the time to comment but I lurk around to remind myself the importance of accountability. 

 

Edited by NerdyLady

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11 hours ago, NerdyLady said:

@Stephtay What you described above is my deepest and darkest fear. When I decided to self pay, the surgery was mostly on my terms. When people on the forum lose patience with amount of time it takes to get a surgery date, I get a case of the "what ifs". I wonder if going through the motions would help me be successful with keeping the weight and diabetes away in the long term. That's part of the reason I come back to TTF. Many times I don't have the time to comment but I lurk around to remind myself the importance of accountability. 

 

Same. I feel there's more pressure on me to succeed also because I self paid. I spent $7K that I could have taken my daughter to Disney with, or bought a new camper. I spent it on myself. I know that I invested in my health, but what if I fail?

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17 hours ago, Stephtay said:

Less than a year. Honestly, it's easier than you think to regain weight. While your sleeve can't hold much food at once, it is easy to get in the habit of grazing all day. When girl scout cookie season came around, my friend would eat a box a day. A couple in the morning. A couple 30 minutes later, etc, etc.

My PCP has a patient who had WLS years ago. She used to eat an x-large pizza every night. After WLS she couldn't do that. But she really missed pizza so she went back ordering an x-large pizza nightly. She would then cut it into bite sized pieces, and eat it through out the day at work the next day. 

 

It's pretty alarming to see the extent people will go to sabotage themselves :( 

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Smashlee83 said:

Same. I feel there's more pressure on me to succeed also because I self paid. I spent $7K that I could have taken my daughter to Disney with, or bought a new camper. I spent it on myself. I know that I invested in my health, but what if I fail?

I didn't realize you self paid. May I ask why your insurance didn't cover your WLS?

I'm sorry you had to pay out of pocket but it makes me feel better I'm not alone in holding myself accountable. 

My $11K bill would have made a very nice dent in my student loan debt!

Edited by NerdyLady
Cash money, yo.
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