jules_78

Nervous breakdown

30 posts in this topic

Hi everyone, I just wanted to share something that happened to me last week. I had a kind of a nervous breakdown. All started when I woke up from a nap in a terribly bad mood. Then I took the dog for a walk, although I wasn't in the mood. When I got back home, I just broke down and started crying and yelling to my boyfriend (who also had RNY), saying I was just sick and tired of all this, that I would go to the store and buy 4 donuts and eat them all until I threw up. He asked me what was going on, if anything had happened in my business trip to Barcelona a few days before etc. I just told him I was tired of living with eating limitations for the rest of my life, that all this process is not easy and I felt overwhelmed. Then I cried a little bit more and calmed down eventually. 

I guess my trip to Barcelona was a triggering factor for my breakdown - I was amazed how I couldn't find anyhting to eat at the station before catching the train back to Madrid. And when I was going to restaurants with my colleagues, all the story again: " sorry I can't have this, can't have that" - really annoying and frustating. 

My boyfriend asked: "you knew you'd have limiations for life, you learned everything about WLS before going, why are you so upset now? Because you can't have a stupid donut?" I couldn't really answer him. I've wanted to have WLS for so long and when I finally had it I kinda regret it. 

Have any of you go through this? Thank you all! 

 

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Aw, hugs to you! I think it's natural to have moments of feeling sorry for yourself for any limitation (food related or not). It's not always easy to focus on the positives. When I'm having a self-pity party, I limit it to 10 minutes. Anything longer just ends up making me feel worse. The bad feelings with pass. Thanks for sharing. It's all part of the big picture.

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Jules_78, Yes. Of course. For anyone who enjoys food, for its beauty or pleasure or all the good things it can be, OF COURSE. EVERY DAY. Your response is deeply human in a profound way. 

I belong to a bunch of food and wine societies and have spent *A LOT* of time celebrating slow cooking fast cooking any cooking raw foods gastronomy and otherwise eating too much. I belong to a wine tasting group that I have been part of for more than 30 years. The wine tasting group is among my closest group of friends. They have been an important part of my support and are 100% behind me. I'm just going to be going to events in the future and eating a lot less than everyone else. 

I don't regret my surgery. I do have to figure out how I will continue to be friends and a participant in these groups. My relationship to food was fundamentally unhealthy. My life is worth a whole lot more than an extra helping of foie gras or a couple of lamb chops. Sounds silly once you write it down that way. I'm hopeful I will be able to figure out how to eat sensibly. I hate the word "sensible" when it means I have to lay off the foie gras.  Maybe your bete noir was doughnuts. But I decided to live and not die of obesity. 

I'll never be able to eat the way I used to, even for a day or a meal - like your 4 doughnut example - but I wish I could. My Foodie Heart says nothing is better than a rack of BBQ ribs. But when I could - I ate too much. My brain tells me to grow up. I can't have it both ways. So indeed, I have buyer's remorse - a sense of regret after a purchase - and probably always will. But I'll be alive, not obese, and not racked with back or arthritis pains, or have hypertension or diabetes. I sleep through the night as my sleep apnea has about disappeared. 

You know the drill. You are down from 229 to 134. You must know something about your life is better. Probably more than one thing. Probably a bunch of things. Keep those in mind now ...

So, here is something from the neurosciences world. There is a technique that can help with this - actually, it was developed by Buddhist monks 1500 or 2000 years ago, but validated recently by people who didn't know about the monks. 

The technique is when you have a bad memory - a person who hurt you, let's say - you also recall a time when they showed you love or something good. You consciously try to remember a bit of good with the bad. When you NEXT remember them, your bad memory is ameliorated by the good. You then again consciously try to remember a kind act on their part the third time you think of them. Eventually your bad memory becomes a balanced one where the good and bad are mixed together. Memories are laid down in your brain like data on a hard drive. You over-write the original memory (eventually) with the balanced one.  

So, in going through this, every time I think of eating a rack of ribs - the pleasure of the bite, the taste of the meat and fat ... I also remember something I don't like about being morbidly obese. I think positively of how strong and fit I feel now. I am trying to lay down a set of feelings that are totally authentic and genuine and real to mingle with the pleasure of eating the ribs. I don't want my FOODIE HEART to wave the rack of ribs in front of me without the simultaneous thought of how happy I am to be thinner. When I next have BBQ ribs, I will have ONE rib and the chances are that I will be both happy to have it, and happy not to have 8. 

And I will thank those monks who came up with this technique hundreds and hundreds of years ago.

 

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I make sure I always have things I can eat accessible. I don't trust myself in a moment of weakness to make good decisions. If I am hungry and there isn't anything I can eat, I can go a while without food and then be just fine. But at some point, my body needs food and then I will eat whatever is available which is more likely to be a donut than something on my food plan. 

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Thank you guys for your supportive responses. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions since I've had surgery. What BurgundyBoy said defintely makes sense and it's actually something I do all the time, think about the bad and then instantly think about why I had WLS, obviously the positive wins.

I am very lucky too, as my partner is very supportive - we both had RNY a few months apart (mine in September 2016 and his in December 2016) - and we're supporting each other on this long journey. 

Again, thank you all!

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I, for one, am glad you brought this up. I went for my three month follow up yesterday and one of the first things my surgeon asked me was how I was doing mentally. I told him I'd had a few moments of rocking myself in a corner, that my crazy had taken on a whole new level, and he said: "That's pretty much expected. A lot of people who get weight loss surgery have used food as their primary coping mechanism and when that's taken away we see issues they'd previously kept buried bubbling to the surface."

He then asked me about how my husband and friends were doing with it and if I had any outside support. I told him that people who did not have a weight issue were the most genuinely supportive and that some people were rather hostile and/or aggressive in their questions. I said my husband was doing better with everything, and that I was a bit surprised at the vigor with which my family kept pushing food, particularly my mom.

"We see that a lot, too. Our patients families and friends feel threatened and try to undermine our patients' weight loss. It's really important to get time face to face with someone who doesn't have a personal stake in your recovery for support."

I told him I both wanted and despised the attention I'm getting. We laughed when I said that I wouldn't have been physically attracted to me at my previous weight, so why would I expect other people to be. I was prepared as well as I could be for issues coming up, but it's like trying to prepare yourself for a move, a job change, or a death - you can think your way through all of it but your feelings are your feelings, and you can't prepare for those beforehand.

I have struggled with the thought "I can't eat __________." also, and had to change it to "I don't eat _______ because ________." Sometimes I still feel like I lost my best friend, and thinking someone outside of me is saying I can't eat certain things makes it worse. It's just semantics, but it has made a difference in how I view my eating. I do get your frustration at the station, however. Yesterday, I was trying to grab lunch prior to my follow up and could not find anything appropriate to eat IN THE HOSPITAL CAFETERIA WHERE MY F-ING SURGERY WAS PERFORMED! lol

I feel your pain. I fear I will always carry a lunch pail and sometimes I just don't want to. I suppose it is a small price to pay to be alive and healthier than I have been in 30 years. You have been at this longer than me and your numbers show that it is working. I commend you for putting it out there. Go YOU!

 

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Posted (edited)

49 minutes ago, slars04 said:

I, for one, am glad you brought this up. I went for my three month follow up yesterday and one of the first things my surgeon asked me was how I was doing mentally. I told him I'd had a few moments of rocking myself in a corner, that my crazy had taken on a whole new level, and he said: "That's pretty much expected. A lot of people who get weight loss surgery have used food as their primary coping mechanism and when that's taken away we see issues they'd previously kept buried bubbling to the surface."

 

Yes! Hoping all the people considering WLS or are new post-ops see this. Whatever issues you had before surgery, you will still have after. It can be tough to learn to cope with them without using food for comfort. 

Edited by Stephtay

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Instead of focusing on the things you cannot have, think about the things you can do now you are free of the weight. 

For example, can you go for a walk without being winded? Can you go shopping in the 'normal section' of clothes. Do you have a thigh gap (I Do! Oh my gosh I cannot tell you how many pants I ruined because my thighs kept shifting and I wrote holes through my pants), Can you sit on a train and have spaces between the seats? Sure, it sucks to tell people you cannot have those foods, but instead of focusing on that, focus on what you can eat, what you can do. Yes having to turn down sweet things, sucks. Every friday at my work is donut day, that I cannot participate in, and they all look so so good, however, I didn't do this drastic thing to my body to fail, and I now can fit into pants that I couldn't even fit into when I was a teenager, and for me, that is far far better than indulging on something that won't really give me satisfaction in the long run. 

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22 hours ago, slars04 said:

I, for one, am glad you brought this up. I went for my three month follow up yesterday and one of the first things my surgeon asked me was how I was doing mentally. I told him I'd had a few moments of rocking myself in a corner, that my crazy had taken on a whole new level, and he said: "That's pretty much expected. A lot of people who get weight loss surgery have used food as their primary coping mechanism and when that's taken away we see issues they'd previously kept buried bubbling to the surface."

He then asked me about how my husband and friends were doing with it and if I had any outside support. I told him that people who did not have a weight issue were the most genuinely supportive and that some people were rather hostile and/or aggressive in their questions. I said my husband was doing better with everything, and that I was a bit surprised at the vigor with which my family kept pushing food, particularly my mom.

"We see that a lot, too. Our patients families and friends feel threatened and try to undermine our patients' weight loss. It's really important to get time face to face with someone who doesn't have a personal stake in your recovery for support."

I told him I both wanted and despised the attention I'm getting. We laughed when I said that I wouldn't have been physically attracted to me at my previous weight, so why would I expect other people to be. I was prepared as well as I could be for issues coming up, but it's like trying to prepare yourself for a move, a job change, or a death - you can think your way through all of it but your feelings are your feelings, and you can't prepare for those beforehand.

I have struggled with the thought "I can't eat __________." also, and had to change it to "I don't eat _______ because ________." Sometimes I still feel like I lost my best friend, and thinking someone outside of me is saying I can't eat certain things makes it worse. It's just semantics, but it has made a difference in how I view my eating. I do get your frustration at the station, however. Yesterday, I was trying to grab lunch prior to my follow up and could not find anything appropriate to eat IN THE HOSPITAL CAFETERIA WHERE MY F-ING SURGERY WAS PERFORMED! lol

I feel your pain. I fear I will always carry a lunch pail and sometimes I just don't want to. I suppose it is a small price to pay to be alive and healthier than I have been in 30 years. You have been at this longer than me and your numbers show that it is working. I commend you for putting it out there. Go YOU!

 

Oh boy, there were/are times I wanna bang my head against a wall. As you said, you can never be prepared for what comes after surgery. There are so many issues to deal with, people's opinions, people reacting to your weight loss and saying "enough, right? You're soooo skinny now", when before you were way too fat. 

Besides that, I'm thinner than I've never ever been in my life and I hope I'll be able to keep this change for good. Thanks for your support!

 

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20 hours ago, Zyia said:

Instead of focusing on the things you cannot have, think about the things you can do now you are free of the weight. 

For example, can you go for a walk without being winded? Can you go shopping in the 'normal section' of clothes. Do you have a thigh gap (I Do! Oh my gosh I cannot tell you how many pants I ruined because my thighs kept shifting and I wrote holes through my pants), Can you sit on a train and have spaces between the seats? Sure, it sucks to tell people you cannot have those foods, but instead of focusing on that, focus on what you can eat, what you can do. Yes having to turn down sweet things, sucks. Every friday at my work is donut day, that I cannot participate in, and they all look so so good, however, I didn't do this drastic thing to my body to fail, and I now can fit into pants that I couldn't even fit into when I was a teenager, and for me, that is far far better than indulging on something that won't really give me satisfaction in the long run. 

Oh Zyia, that' so true! There are so many things I'm able to do without getting breathless in a second, walk the dog, walk up a steep street etc. Oh boy, the tight gap! Actually I miss my tights rubbing each other (I remember having this problem ever since I was a child), strangely enough,it feels kinda weird when I walk, as it seems something is missing in between my tights, so I walk with my legs half open, it's just so weird! hahahaha! About clothes I went from a size 22/24 down to a 8 for pants and 6 for tops.

Anyway there are so many things to cope with after WLS that one day you end up breaking down, as I did the other day. But fortunately I did not fall into the trap as you said, all the positive things are far much better.

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Dear Jules_78, please feel free to voice your continued frustration, despondency, hatred of your circumstances, and general blues.

After this slew of relentlessly positive and upbeat messages, how could anyone voice anything negative? ;) BB

1 hour ago, jules_78 said:

Oh Zyia, that' so true! There are so many things I'm able to do without getting breathless in a second, walk the dog, walk up a steep street etc. Oh boy, the tight gap! Actually I miss my tights rubbing each other (I remember having this problem ever since I was a child), strangely enough,it feels kinda weird when I walk, as it seems something is missing in between my tights, so I walk with my legs half open, it's just so weird! hahahaha! About clothes I went from a size 22/24 down to a 8 for pants and 6 for tops.

Anyway there are so many things to cope with after WLS that one day you end up breaking down, as I did the other day. But fortunately I did not fall into the trap as you said, all the positive things are far much better.

 

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On 5/17/2017 at 4:47 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

Jules_78, Yes. Of course. For anyone who enjoys food, for its beauty or pleasure or all the good things it can be, OF COURSE. EVERY DAY. Your response is deeply human in a profound way. 

I belong to a bunch of food and wine societies and have spent *A LOT* of time celebrating slow cooking fast cooking any cooking raw foods gastronomy and otherwise eating too much. I belong to a wine tasting group that I have been part of for more than 30 years. The wine tasting group is among my closest group of friends. They have been an important part of my support and are 100% behind me. I'm just going to be going to events in the future and eating a lot less than everyone else. 

I don't regret my surgery. I do have to figure out how I will continue to be friends and a participant in these groups. My relationship to food was fundamentally unhealthy. My life is worth a whole lot more than an extra helping of foie gras or a couple of lamb chops. Sounds silly once you write it down that way. I'm hopeful I will be able to figure out how to eat sensibly. I hate the word "sensible" when it means I have to lay off the foie gras.  Maybe your bete noir was doughnuts. But I decided to live and not die of obesity. 

I'll never be able to eat the way I used to, even for a day or a meal - like your 4 doughnut example - but I wish I could. My Foodie Heart says nothing is better than a rack of BBQ ribs. But when I could - I ate too much. My brain tells me to grow up. I can't have it both ways. So indeed, I have buyer's remorse - a sense of regret after a purchase - and probably always will. But I'll be alive, not obese, and not racked with back or arthritis pains, or have hypertension or diabetes. I sleep through the night as my sleep apnea has about disappeared. 

You know the drill. You are down from 229 to 134. You must know something about your life is better. Probably more than one thing. Probably a bunch of things. Keep those in mind now ...

So, here is something from the neurosciences world. There is a technique that can help with this - actually, it was developed by Buddhist monks 1500 or 2000 years ago, but validated recently by people who didn't know about the monks. 

The technique is when you have a bad memory - a person who hurt you, let's say - you also recall a time when they showed you love or something good. You consciously try to remember a bit of good with the bad. When you NEXT remember them, your bad memory is ameliorated by the good. You then again consciously try to remember a kind act on their part the third time you think of them. Eventually your bad memory becomes a balanced one where the good and bad are mixed together. Memories are laid down in your brain like data on a hard drive. You over-write the original memory (eventually) with the balanced one.  

So, in going through this, every time I think of eating a rack of ribs - the pleasure of the bite, the taste of the meat and fat ... I also remember something I don't like about being morbidly obese. I think positively of how strong and fit I feel now. I am trying to lay down a set of feelings that are totally authentic and genuine and real to mingle with the pleasure of eating the ribs. I don't want my FOODIE HEART to wave the rack of ribs in front of me without the simultaneous thought of how happy I am to be thinner. When I next have BBQ ribs, I will have ONE rib and the chances are that I will be both happy to have it, and happy not to have 8. 

And I will thank those monks who came up with this technique hundreds and hundreds of years ago.

 

I love your writing!! 

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19 hours ago, Hotmamatime said:

I love your writing!! 

Thanks Hotmamatime, I did spend some time crafting it for clarity and impact.

Better yet would be if you find this Buddhist technique helpful as you face into the inevitable challenges of WLS, and if it has been described clearly enough for others to use it. 

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On 19/5/2017 at 10:08 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

Dear Jules_78, please feel free to voice your continued frustration, despondency, hatred of your circumstances, and general blues.

After this slew of relentlessly positive and upbeat messages, how could anyone voice anything negative? ;) BB

 

Absolutely, BB! This forum has been of great help and support during this journey!

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On ‎5‎/‎17‎/‎2017 at 4:47 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

Jules_78, Yes. Of course. For anyone who enjoys food, for its beauty or pleasure or all the good things it can be, OF COURSE. EVERY DAY. Your response is deeply human in a profound way. 

I belong to a bunch of food and wine societies and have spent *A LOT* of time celebrating slow cooking fast cooking any cooking raw foods gastronomy and otherwise eating too much. I belong to a wine tasting group that I have been part of for more than 30 years. The wine tasting group is among my closest group of friends. They have been an important part of my support and are 100% behind me. I'm just going to be going to events in the future and eating a lot less than everyone else. 

I don't regret my surgery. I do have to figure out how I will continue to be friends and a participant in these groups. My relationship to food was fundamentally unhealthy. My life is worth a whole lot more than an extra helping of foie gras or a couple of lamb chops. Sounds silly once you write it down that way. I'm hopeful I will be able to figure out how to eat sensibly. I hate the word "sensible" when it means I have to lay off the foie gras.  Maybe your bete noir was doughnuts. But I decided to live and not die of obesity. 

I'll never be able to eat the way I used to, even for a day or a meal - like your 4 doughnut example - but I wish I could. My Foodie Heart says nothing is better than a rack of BBQ ribs. But when I could - I ate too much. My brain tells me to grow up. I can't have it both ways. So indeed, I have buyer's remorse - a sense of regret after a purchase - and probably always will. But I'll be alive, not obese, and not racked with back or arthritis pains, or have hypertension or diabetes. I sleep through the night as my sleep apnea has about disappeared. 

You know the drill. You are down from 229 to 134. You must know something about your life is better. Probably more than one thing. Probably a bunch of things. Keep those in mind now ...

So, here is something from the neurosciences world. There is a technique that can help with this - actually, it was developed by Buddhist monks 1500 or 2000 years ago, but validated recently by people who didn't know about the monks. 

The technique is when you have a bad memory - a person who hurt you, let's say - you also recall a time when they showed you love or something good. You consciously try to remember a bit of good with the bad. When you NEXT remember them, your bad memory is ameliorated by the good. You then again consciously try to remember a kind act on their part the third time you think of them. Eventually your bad memory becomes a balanced one where the good and bad are mixed together. Memories are laid down in your brain like data on a hard drive. You over-write the original memory (eventually) with the balanced one.  

So, in going through this, every time I think of eating a rack of ribs - the pleasure of the bite, the taste of the meat and fat ... I also remember something I don't like about being morbidly obese. I think positively of how strong and fit I feel now. I am trying to lay down a set of feelings that are totally authentic and genuine and real to mingle with the pleasure of eating the ribs. I don't want my FOODIE HEART to wave the rack of ribs in front of me without the simultaneous thought of how happy I am to be thinner. When I next have BBQ ribs, I will have ONE rib and the chances are that I will be both happy to have it, and happy not to have 8. 

And I will thank those monks who came up with this technique hundreds and hundreds of years ago.

 

Now I just want ribs.

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On 5/21/2017 at 5:22 PM, jules_78 said:

Absolutely, BB! This forum has been of great help and support during this journey!

Dear Jules_78 and @slars04, Now the big denouement (for me). I had a rib yesterday. It was pretty good, but but but... I was happy to have just the one. The best part of the meal was the company, and everyone's delight at my weight loss, and the good hearted humor of BB just eating one (a very unlikely event in the past).

Because it was part of the leftovers, I had another rib today. It wasn't as good as my emotional heart remembered it as being even from the night before. I feel like the proverbial kid who left home to go to college or the Army or something and ... " I can't find my way home." (Blind Faith, with Stevie Winwood & Eric Clapton, 1969). The rib, the rib, the rib was good... but it was not the Aristotelian ideal rib I had imagined. 

I am heartbroken. Could this mean that being thin is better than this food tastes??? 

__ suggest anyone unfamiliar with this listen to the Stevie Winwood and Eric Clapton versions on You Tube ________

Come down off your throne and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason I've been waiting all these years
Somebody holds the key

Well, I'm near the end and I just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home

I can't find my way home
But I can't find my way home
But I can't find my way home
But I can't find my way home
Still I can't find my way home

And I've done nothing wrong
But I can't find my way home

 

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@BurgundyBoy I recognize this feeling. I don't know the answer, but I recognize it. 

Peggy Lee, "Is that all there is?"

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Wow, as to on-the-road eating, you can always get soup.

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On ‎5‎/‎22‎/‎2017 at 8:37 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

Because it was part of the leftovers, I had another rib today. It wasn't as good as my emotional heart remembered it as being even from the night before. I feel like the proverbial kid who left home to go to college or the Army or something and ... " I can't find my way home." (Blind Faith, with Stevie Winwood & Eric Clapton, 1969). The rib, the rib, the rib was good... but it was not the Aristotelian ideal rib I had imagined. 

I am heartbroken. Could this mean that being thin is better than this food tastes??? 

I have had this same experience. I've felt the same grief - #%$? This stuff, the food, almost killed me and yet I still want it to make things better. This shouldn't surprise me, but it does catch me a bit off-guard. Cookies were always the way to deal with Mother. Pizza was relationship issues. Crunching through chips stuffed anger. Now I just have to sit with it. Ugh.

I did know this going in, and I did do this because I want to deal with my feelings without using food or other stuff. It still sucks sometimes.

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On 5/23/2017 at 2:40 AM, Carina said:

@BurgundyBoy I recognize this feeling. I don't know the answer, but I recognize it. 

Peggy Lee, "Is that all there is?"

I think so, I think so. That's all there is. Maybe that's good, if there was more, what would we do with it?

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4 hours ago, slars04 said:

I have had this same experience. I've felt the same grief - #%$? This stuff, the food, almost killed me and yet I still want it to make things better. This shouldn't surprise me, but it does catch me a bit off-guard. Cookies were always the way to deal with Mother. Pizza was relationship issues. Crunching through chips stuffed anger. Now I just have to sit with it. Ugh.

I did know this going in, and I did do this because I want to deal with my feelings without using food or other stuff. It still sucks sometimes.

Yes. It does suck. I haven't tried knitting or origami yet, but I bet they will not be as satisfying since they aren't oral. I think our oral and olfactory - taste and smell - senses are so hard wired to our brains and our satisfaction that when we need reassurance and love, nothing is more direct than through those routes. One day I was in downtown Boston and a random scent near some restaurants instantly brought me back to being 2 years old, when that same smell flooded my existence. I still haven't been able to identify what exactly it was, but the power and authenticity of that moment was electrifying. Alas, those poor ribs did not provide the same experience. 

Maybe this summer I will find redemption in gardening or fishing. I just don't know though. Holding and smelling warm dirt in my hands may be as good as it gets now. I can still eat.... (drum roll....) The Perfect Tomato. It just won't offer the same emotional benefits. 

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On ‎5‎/‎25‎/‎2017 at 8:46 PM, BurgundyBoy said:

Maybe this summer I will find redemption in gardening or fishing. I just don't know though. Holding and smelling warm dirt in my hands may be as good as it gets now. I can still eat.... (drum roll....) The Perfect Tomato. It just won't offer the same emotional benefits. 

I, too, love to work in the yard and it is helping. My husband tells me I don't garden, I farm. I may or may not get a little extreme with whatever I do. It is so good to bring order to chaos in my little corner of the world. I find it hard to just sit and enjoy the landscape when I'm done for the day. Perhaps my new assignment is to sit out there for 15 minutes each morning to clear my head and maybe I will be able to extend it without feeling the need to "do something constructive." This inner work is the most constructive thing I can do right now.

I am having issue with smells and I hope it resolves. What once evoked comforting memories now makes me queasy. Maybe that's a good thing, and I can make new memories with smells like gasoline, fertilizer, and bleach. OMG! That sounds like I'm making a bomb. To be clear, I'M NOT.

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thankfully my sense of smell and taste has not been changed by the surgery. 

As I write I am looking out a window over a sea of green tree tops just being caught by the morning light. It's a great time of day, and for me will be the only quiet time until late tonight! this seems to be ever a bit more peaceful than before surgery. Maybe I'm more peaceful and imputing it to the early morning dawn light. Hard to say...

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Life seems to be a whole new ball game. When I made the decision to have this surgery I had to give up things that my world revolved around. Food. Alcohol. Cigarettes. All at once! These three things have gotten me through my adult life and have been my #1 coping mechanism. Addiction to all 3 is real. My biggest fear was "what is left?". It was also a legitimate fear of my husband. Was I about to be boring? The life of the party would no longer be attending the party?

There are days when I want to shove my face into the greasiest of cheeseburgers and tacos. But... I know that it's just my way of wanting something to make me FEEL good. I find that food now disappoints me though. I've had bites of things others are having. I've literally spit out a tiny bite of tortilla because the satisfaction no longer was worth the damage.

I have extra time now. I have time to give most of my focus to Bonnie (my sweet girl) and time for self care. Gym every day after work. Home to play Old Maid with Bonnie. I have time to tend to my vegetable and flower garden. Time to see a therapist. Time to take it all in instead of cover it all up.

LeeC, Jen581791 and slars04 like this

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What I do is pack my protein powder and other high protein snacks so that no matter what I know I have something with me that I can eat. You can't rely on someone else, and especially if you are in a new place you have no idea what food is going to be around.

I also think of going out to eat as a social thing. If I am going to a new place and I can't look at the menu online before going and I have the suspicion that there isn't going to be anything for me to eat I'll just eat before I go even if it's a protein shake and then get a small appetizer or something and tell people I'm not really hungry. I know it sucks. I think th first year is really hard because you have to get through all kinds of new experiences and adjust to it all. 

You have done so well! Almost to goal! Keep going! 

LeeC and Jen581791 like this

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