Sojourner

Just need to talk

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I've posted a few times but have never really introduced myself. My name is Sharon, and I live in the beautiful Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. I am scheduled for an RNY on May 4th~just a few weeks away. 

Today I watched my stepmom take her last breath due to complications that arose from her gastric bypass surgery that was done 7 years ago. Granted, she had other comorbidities which came into play, and her surgeon (who is also my surgeon) reminds me that I am not her. But, I must be honest that I am admittedly frightened about May 4th now, even though I couldn't wait to be scheduled. Perhaps I'm still raw from today's events as they came so unexpectedly, but I thought I would reach out to this community and find a bit of support and encouragement. Thanks for letting me share a little piece of my heart.

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Hi Sharon. So sorry to hear about your mum. We have the same surgery day!!!! The reason I was prompted to respond is that I lost my husband just days before my surgery was originally due to be scheduled. Losing a family member sets off a roller coaster of emotions I know. Just 6 days after my husband died was what was supposed to be my final appointment pre-op with my surgeon. He actually insisted at that time that I delay my surgery, which while really annoying to me at the time, has been a very good decision for me. It allowed me to grieve and work through a lot of my emotional issues that resulted from his death. It isn't the end of the world as you know it if you decide that perhaps now isn't the time for your surgery. You can take a step back and still have the surgery later. As my surgeon told me, it's normal to second guess your surgery decision for every patient.....it's even more confronting a decision when life deals you the blow of losing a close family member. Please take whatever time you need to decide for yourself whether you need to take some time out now and delay your surgery, or whether you can manage heading into such another big life change as planned. In hindsight I'm glad the delay was forced on me, as I got the time to sort out everything that needed to be sorted out, but only you know what's best for you.

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Sharon, I am so very sorry for your family's loss. We are here to support you in this difficult time. 

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I am so sorry about your loss.  The chances of dying of health related issues due to obesity is greater than if you have surgery.  I could be hit while crossing the road.  You can't give up living because of the what ifs..

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So sorry for your loss.  Have a hug and see how your emotions are a week from now. 

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3 hours ago, Aussie H said:

Hi Sharon. So sorry to hear about your mum. We have the same surgery day!!!! The reason I was prompted to respond is that I lost my husband just days before my surgery was originally due to be scheduled. Losing a family member sets off a roller coaster of emotions I know. Just 6 days after my husband died was what was supposed to be my final appointment pre-op with my surgeon. He actually insisted at that time that I delay my surgery, which while really annoying to me at the time, has been a very good decision for me. It allowed me to grieve and work through a lot of my emotional issues that resulted from his death. It isn't the end of the world as you know it if you decide that perhaps now isn't the time for your surgery. You can take a step back and still have the surgery later. As my surgeon told me, it's normal to second guess your surgery decision for every patient.....it's even more confronting a decision when life deals you the blow of losing a close family member. Please take whatever time you need to decide for yourself whether you need to take some time out now and delay your surgery, or whether you can manage heading into such another big life change as planned. In hindsight I'm glad the delay was forced on me, as I got the time to sort out everything that needed to be sorted out, but only you know what's best for you.

Thank you, Aussie, for your heartfelt reply. I am due for my preop and preadmission testing tomorrow. I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I have a message waiting for the surgeon's office and am hoping for direction as my appointment is first thing in the morning. I just hate the thought of upsetting the progress of things already in motion. But everything happens for a reason, right? I just have to trust that and find some comfort there.

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Oh, Sojourner, I'm so sorry for your loss. Trust your gut. If it tells you go for it, postpone, whatever. Be kind to yourself and take your time. Know we're all behind you. Hugs.

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Spoke with the surgeon's office this morning. We decided to postpone my preop and preadmission testing appointments until next Monday. That will give me some time to get over the shock of what has happened. So far May 4 is still a go.

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Thanks for the update. You've been on my mind.

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