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slars04

Spring Break with Family: My Head Could Eat a Horse

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Our youngest son just got married! He lives in Honolulu at Fort Schafter and they wanted to be married in their church, so we forced ourselves to go to Hawaii for 9 days. Lol. It was awesome, beautiful, amazing, incredible, etc. except for the chatter in my head. I love our new daughter-in-law and we got on famously with her family. It wasn't that. I just never realized how much food buffered my feelings, or how much freaking rage I have! Also, how my family does not listen to me when I say I need something.

I did prepare as best I could. I bought yogurt, protein shakes, PowerAde Zero, and diet cranberry juice when we got there. I forced them to go to two places with healthier choices and they actually liked them, but it was harder than I thought it would be to find stuff that wasn't fried. I ate eggs, fish, shredded pork, chili, and some vegetables and fruit. I had a taste of a few sweets (head hunger and also because I knew they would make me poop) and they made me sick to my stomach for a while, so now I know. Everyone there knew I had surgery and they really do not have to get it, but GEEZ! Did they really have to explain to me how it works and how best to take care of myself, then go to McDonald's and ask why I wasn't eating? They argued with me about directions (I used the damn Google!) explained to me about Germany (I lived there), and instructed me on how I SHOULD feel about whatever was happening at the moment. (For those of you who don't know me, the word "should" is a swear word in my vocabulary. It does more harm than the F word ever did.)

So, anyway... It was my son and his fiancée's day, and without the distraction of food I was able to be present. HALLELUJAH! I was able to advocate for myself and get most of my needs met. WINNING! I am also learning to read my body's signals and know when I am full but not stuffed. SCORE! I started the pre-op diet on January 30th and I am down 45 pounds. WOO HOO! We made a bunch of runs while there and got the reception set up and decorated, the food prepped and the cake served up on the beach with only one outburst by me when a burger exploded on the grill and landed between my legs. BWAHAHAHAHA! The happy couple looks awesome in the photos we've seen so far. NICE! (NOTE TO SELF: Don't look at the pictures with you in them on less than 7 hours of sleep.) OMG! I almost forgot! I went to THE BEACH! Me!! I wore A BATHING SUIT, not shorts and a T-shirt, went to the beach with other people, and ACTUALLY WENT IN THE WATER! For like an hour! Twice! YAAAAAS!

I'm not where I want to be but my self-esteem has gone way up as I make better decisions regarding my health. It really was a great trip. I do love those guys despite my simmering rage. :wub:Perhaps it's time to resuscitate the ol' grateful list...

bellamoma, bcd, tracyringo and 4 others like this

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I can relate to family telling me what and how I should eat. Is is beyond frustrating.

 After I got to goal, my step-dad shared some concerns he had with me about how much protein I eat. Then he went on to tell me all the terrible things that can happen to your body by eating too much protein. I zoned out. When I realized he stopped talking I said, "I am so sorry, how did I not know that you went to medical school?!" Then I laughed and smiled and walked away.

 

Congratulations on wearing a bathing suit!

 

 

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It sounds like you had some great experiences and learned a lot about yourself. Fantastic!

slars04 and Raeme like this

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So... I've been sick and isolating since I got home. So much for learning a lot. All I ever did was eat when I had a feeling. I realize I don't know how to stay in the present for more than a minute. This is the whole reason I did this: yes, it's about the weight and being right-sized, but it's also about not being so damn self-absorbed! The constant chatter in my head is really annoying.

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Aw, be kind to yourself. Losing weight involves all kinds of hormonal changes that can really affect your moods.

slars04 likes this

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I love "my head could eat a horse!" That is so relatable to me!!!!!!!!  How are you doing now that you've been back home for a little while?

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Things got  worse before they got better. I started binge watching "My 600 Pound LIfe" and couldn't eat hardly anything for a while. I thought it was all psychological, but meat of any kind made me retch, and nothing smelled good. I felt like crap and realized I wasn't eating or drinking enough. It's not perfect, but I'm getting more fluids in and eating about 800 calories a day. I figured out a few shake combos to get enough protein in, and now fish and a certain brand of cottage cheese are working. 

What I hate right now (and I'm hoping this is just temporary) is I feel like I'm thinking about food just as much as I was before. On a positive note, I've lost almost half of my weight to goal, and I am learning to make good choices eating out. I can always get a yogurt and fruit parfait, or a piece of baked cod, steamed vegetables, or bring a shake from home, or take a protein bar as a last resort.

The takeaway is: I need to move my a$$ more, and watch TV less. I was walking about 6 miles a day in Hawaii and felt WAAAAY better. (it was Hawaii, after all...) The eating will work itself out. This is really working!

Thanks for asking. :)

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23 hours ago, bellamoma said:

I love "my head could eat a horse!" That is so relatable to me!!!!!!!!  How are you doing now that you've been back home for a little while?

See above. :rolleyes: I am a nut, with or without food. I need to be around humans, but they are really pi$$ing me off right now.

tracyringo and bellamoma like this

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Sorry to hear people are getting on your last nerve. It happens earlier on. This is an emotional process. Try to warn those around you that you may be grumpy sometimes, may not be so nice either. It should pass. Does your Bariatric practice have a therapist to help you if you want it?

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