Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
slars04

Compliments: UGH!

7 posts in this topic

I feel like a jerk. I really do want to be right-sized, but I do not want anyone to comment on it. I know I cannot control other people and that I should be flattered or whatever, but all I feel is slightly embarrassed and a little pissed off. I just mumble something and walk away. I feel the same way I did when I was pregnant and some jacka$$ felt the need to touch my belly. It took a while because I was so big to start, but now people are starting to notice. Has anyone else had trouble with the attention? I have lost a significant amount of weight several times before (hence the surgery) and each time I have gone through this. I don't want to wear clothes that fit (even when I get cool ones for free from my girlfriends as I'm dropping weight). I'm excited about being more myself in what I wear, but at the same time it's like I lost my armor. Thoughts? 

P.S. Yes, I have issues. Yes, I really want this. Yes, I see a therapist regularly.

MarktheNerd likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Initially, the compliments really bugged me. I thought - did I look so bad before?! And compliments were a reminder that yes, I have the kind of problem everyone can see. If my issue weren't food and it was gambling or drinking or shopping, people wouldn't know what my issue was the moment they looked at me.

Then, I went through a stage where I really liked compliments. At this point I had trouble seeing what I really looked like so when people would comment on how much weight I'd lost or how much better I looked, I liked it - A LOT!

 

To get comfortable with the compliments I had to get comfortable in my new skin and find empathy for my former fat self. I spent decades gaining and losing weight. I was angry with myself and disappointed that I was not able to control my food intake. Once I made peace with all of that, I learned to take compliments in stride. I appreciate them but it is fine if don't get them. I am comfortable in my body now regardless of what anyone else says about it.

Have patience with yourself and the process. It takes a while for our head's to catch up to our new bodies. 

 

 

slars04, bellamoma, Res Ipsa and 1 other like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm with you, I don't like compliments.  I don't like drawing attention to myself.  I also feel I was a failure before.  I just want to be normal.  I usually steer the compliment away.  A friend of my hubby's told me I look good.  Then said I looked really different, wasn't going there-i said thank you; I've started wearing my hair long.  End of it.  I nipped it in the butt. I try to come up with something to change the subject.  I'll ask about their family or kids...4 years later and I still don't like it. 

slars04, Carina, Stephtay and 1 other like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the feedback. It's good to know I'm not alone and that it will get better the longer I stay on this journey. I hope to forgive myself sooner rather than later for treating my body so badly all these years, and being so self-absorbed in the process. I weigh less than I have in 3 years and that is a good thing. I think it's time to figure out a way to enjoy my progress and stop overthinking it. 

Stephtay, Cheesehead and Res Ipsa like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People compliment people for two reasons, it makes you feel good, and it makes them feel good.  People like to be positive to other people, usually.  By giving a compliment, they are really saying that they want you to know that they care about you, and that they notice changes going on in your life.

Try not to overthink compliments.  It's weird at first because, you have all these internal things going on in your head, but you should take these comments as a positive.  All you have to say is "Thank you," you don't have to go into details about how/why you are losing weight.  Just thank them and move on.

GAviv, Stephtay, Zyia and 4 others like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎3‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 4:35 PM, liz4tin said:

People compliment people for two reasons, it makes you feel good, and it makes them feel good.  People like to be positive to other people, usually.  By giving a compliment, they are really saying that they want you to know that they care about you, and that they notice changes going on in your life.

Try not to overthink compliments.  It's weird at first because, you have all these internal things going on in your head, but you should take these comments as a positive.  All you have to say is "Thank you," you don't have to go into details about how/why you are losing weight.  Just thank them and move on.

I TOTALLY agree about not overthinking it, and I thank you for that. My experience has been that people compliment for other reasons as well, and that not everyone's motives are pure. I'm a little paranoid. I don't have to react. I can also trust my gut, say thank you, and keep going.

I went for my 6 week follow up with my surgeon and nutritionist yesterday and they said I was right on track weight-wise, but needed more water and exercise. My friend, Jane, keeps telling me to play the triangle. That is, I'm in the band known as Gastric Bypass and I'm not the lead singer, lead guitarist, bassist or drummer. I need to listen to my team and you guys who have gone before me, following directions and not making up my own rules. I need to remember my best thinking got me to 315 pounds at one point. It's really hard when you think you know everything. I hate the damn triangle! Lol.

bellamoma likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

other replies have said a lot of what I would, but i have to say that now i truly love the compliments. i will even say, "thanks, I FEEL great!".  you will get there. 

slars04 likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0