Zen_Steph

Time for a check-in, I suppose

55 posts in this topic

I haven’t been on regularly in quite a while. It’s been an up and down year for me in a lot of ways, but I thought I’d jump on and catch up on what’s going on with everybody. I’m also a pretty severe introvert, so I have just been myself, I suppose.

I’m here and doing okay overall. I got sick in June with a crazy bug and stopped training and regularly running distances because of a knee injury and I never picked it back up on a regular basis. I ran a half marathon in October that I had signed up for and it was very difficult. I finished, but I re-injured my knee in the process because I had done nothing by way of training to get back into enough shape to run it healthy. In the last six months, I’ve rebounded a bit in weight: gained 30 lbs (yikes!). I own it. I know why and what I did to do it, so I’m not looking for pity. I also think that not exercising and with that, not cutting back on the amount that I ate was a big culprit for me. So, I’m working on reigning in all of that crap and trying to get back on track. Fortunately, I’ve been stable since November, so no holiday bumps up on the scale. I have a 5k coming up on Saturday that I signed up for. It’s a route I love and the distance isn’t too much of a concern. This year, I’m not obligating myself to run any races, only getting back into training. I had frozen my gym membership due to finances for two months and will add another month on to it, so I’ll be back in the gym starting in late February. I am committing myself to training and yoga this year so when 2018 rolls around (and finances are in better shape…paying off credit card debt sucks, guys), I’ll be able to get back into doing races and feeling fabulous again.

I’ve been going through a pretty major depression since about October, which hasn’t helped matters for me. Lots of stuff going on in real life that have driven my anxiety through the roof and has been overwhelming, so I’ve been trying to work through that as well. Thankfully, I think I’m finally on the other side of it and have made some decisions on how I’m going to handle things and people that have caused me grief lately. Severing relationship with people is difficult, but it is what it is. (Oh, and before assumptions are made, my husband and I are doing absolutely fabulous. We’re about to celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in March and I couldn’t be happier than I am with him in my life.)

I get to be in my clinic’s bariatric fashion show at the end of the month. Next week, I have an appointment at Kohl’s to pick out three outfits to wear and at the end of the month, I get my hair did and clumsily walk their proverbial catwalk. Good times! I’m hoping to shed a few pounds before then, but if I don’t, there’s always Spanx to hold in the loose skin. I’d love to get surgery to remove the excess stuff, but I don’t have the $15k lying around to do it, so that waits until finances allow for it. Probably in 5 years I’ll look at the beginning of it, unless I come into some kind of massive uptick in money between now and then. But, the fashion show will be fun, I think. I’ll post photos when it is time.

Am I down on myself for the gain? Of course. I mean, who wouldn’t be? But I have no one to blame but myself. I lost my commitment drive and let stuff creep back in. It happens, even to me. Like I said before, I’m owning it. But, I know I have the drive somewhere in there and I’m digging deep to get it back. I’m likely going to do the 5 DPT this week. I can start it today, actually….I’ve only had a cup of coffee and a protein shake, so it makes sense if I just continue on liquids today. I just need to do it. I know when I was at my happiest weight-wise, and I know I will get there again with discipline. It takes work and commitment to keep this weight off and I need to get back to where I was 8-9 months ago mentally. I’m almost there, though. Just need to stick with it, right?

Anyway, that’s my update. I don’t have pictures (other than my new profile photo) because I haven’t bought any new clothes lately. Again, finances and all. But, I’m still comfortable in the same clothes I’ve always worn, so it’s not a bad thing. By the end of the year, I’ll be back to where I was fitness-wise and weight-wise and I’ll be in a much better place.

Glad to see you all are doing good overall. I’ve missed coming on here and checking in. I’ll try to do better at that this year. ;) Cheers

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Thanks for checking in~ so good to hear from you. It sounds as though this year will have a lot less stress and bumps in the road, so yea!

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Man, life is hard sometimes isn't it!?! I am so proud of you for owning it and getting back on track.  I know you can do this! 

Fashion show sounds fun!  Enjoy and please do share pics :)

Mary

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Great to hear from you, Steph, and I am glad you are back. We are all here for support. 

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It's good to have you back! Thanks for your honesty and sharing. Here's to 2017. Kick butt girl, I know you can do it. 

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Welcome back!  Stay positive!  You can do it.  Ditch the negative!  Looking forward to photos!  Love Kohl's!

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It's really great to have you back. I know that you can lose the extra weight, and we are here to support you. Remember that it is not where you are but where you finish that matters. 

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Posted (edited)

Welcome back!  It sounds like you hit some bumps but are getting back on track. Thanks for sharing your story and keep us posted. We'll be here cheering you on!

Edited by Dunndeal
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It's good to see you posting again Steph - you've been missed.

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Hey, Steph! Happy 2017!

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Last night was the end of day two of a 5 day pouch test of sorts. I say "of sorts" because I ended up having a small amount of shredded chicken and cheese for lunch, so it wasn't 100% liquids. However, I've managed for the last two days to keep my carb totals for the day below 45g and my sugar totals below 20g. So, it's progress. Today, I have felt better than I have in a while. I think the lack of carbs is starting to kick in a little. More fluids has been a good thing, I think. So, with day three, I haven't eaten any lunch due to my work schedule going through my lunch period, so I will eat as soon as I get home, which will be a yogurt and cheese stick with a cup of boullion broth after the obligatory 30 minute waiting period. It's going well, though. I feel like I have a little more energy than I have and that's a positive baby step. I know this won't turn around overnight, but it's promising.

Last night, on a whim, my husband and I decided to call our insurance company/bank and ask about refinancing our home. We have been in our house for almost 8 years and have wanted to get out from under the relatively unknown bank lender we have been under because they are weird and put our home loan through them. We trust them and have had nothing but positive experiences, so we've talked about it before. Anyway, without going through the long phone call, we found out that our credit isn't as awful as we had thought it was with all of my financial missteps over the last year (hence the struggles I've had lately). His debt to income ratio was barely too high to get into the situation of refinancing and getting cash equity back to pay off our high balance credit cards. With talking to the adviser, it sounds like that we will be where we need to be on the ratio to get both the refinance and the cash loan that will pay off the cards. And our mortgage would drop by a small amount, so that's a good thing. With those high balance cards taken care of, we will start putting more onto my little cards that got out of control (they have smaller balances, but they are still numerous). That said, long story short, it looks like if we can get this to work (and we will), our revolving debt will be paid off within about 15 months from now. After that, we just have things like student loans and our car payment to go, which aren't all that bad. It's the revolving credit that is getting us and is taking forever. We have a plan and this was very promising news. We just have to continue to be diligent and I need to continue to not go out and open credit cards just so I can buy stupid stuff I don't need.

Fun fact: spending addictions are no fun, especially when you aren't as responsible with money as you thought. I fessed up to my husband six months ago and after a very difficult discussion and honesty, he took over our finances are is working really hard to correct the ship. I am very fortunate to have him in my life and that he is very, very responsible with money. That said, after the phone call and us looking at our numbers and bills, figuring out that we could be out from under this with zero balance on our high limit cards....my husband (not me) brought up that he has a hard time thinking about freeing up that credit and closing all of the unnecessary accounts, only to throw $15K back onto it. I had no idea what he was talking about, so he clarified that he is nervous about the thought of putting me through $15K worth of surgery. That kind of floored me. I had pretty much given up on it being a reality, only one of those "it would be nice, but it will probably never happen" sort of dreams of mine. I told him that I wouldn't do it all at once: maybe one part one year, then after it is paid off, then go for the other part and then pay that off. He shrugged and said that he wants this for me because he knows how much it would mean for me and my self esteem to be able to do this for myself. We'll see where it goes. I don't bring it up anymore, so it was interesting that he did. 

Anyway, that's my update for now. I am off work in an hour and going to pick up my packet for a 5K I am running tomorrow. Starting off a new year with a short run, then getting back into the gym and getting my butt back into shape. I'm very hopeful for this year in getting the ship heading back in the right direction in many different avenues. Maybe by this time next year, things will actually be fabulous.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

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So, instead of refinancing, we're going to sell and buy a new home. Funny what happens when you start talking to people and looking at your budget very closely. Our house is going up on the market probably by the middle or end of February (right around the corner...yikes!) and we will likely sell quickly, as we live in a fairly desireable neighborhood, have a corner lot, and there are maybe four houses on the market right now. I'm quite confident we'll be able to sell. Now, the new house is going to be brand new....built from a bare lot. Construction will likely start in March sometime and we'll be looking at a July or maybe August completion date.

Here's what's crazy. Since we started looking into this, a lender has told us we'll have no problem getting a loan approval because our credit is actually pretty good; we are happy with the lot location; we will need an interim place to live while the house is being built...my sis in law's husband just moved to Nebraska for a new job and she is still living locally, so she's in their house by herself to work until he passes his probation before she makes the move and she offered to take us in because she has the space to do it, so we have a place to live that we know with someone we know and love; our daughter will start at a public school in the fall, so her care cost will go down in August; we will be paying off pretty much all of our revolving debt with the house sale, so we will free up monthly payment amounts to go toward the house or save; we will have a pretty sizeable down and may even get it up to 20% so we don't have to pay a mortgage insurance with the loan; my husband is set to get a promotion sometime this spring; I am in line to get a promotion once my office can secure a new position for it; and, we actually like the floorplan we are building and aren't making concessions or "making it work."

This is a perfect storm of things letting us know that we are headed in a great direction. It has been nice, for the first time in over a year, to actually feel like things are going to be great in the not too distant future.

Hope everyone is having a great week so far.

vsgguy, Raeme, GAviv and 3 others like this

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So glad things are going well for you!

Zen_Steph likes this

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47 minutes ago, msmarymac said:

So glad things are going well for you!

Me, too. It's been a rough year or so.

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Another positive: I stepped on the scale and have lost 5 lbs in the last week. Going through with the 5 day pouch test really helped after all. I feel restriction again, I don't have the overwhelming head hunger and cravings. I eat because I have to, not because I'm actually starving or my head is telling me something sounds good enough to just eat because it's there.

The 5 DPT is the real deal, folks.

KMFL28, Res Ipsa, Raeme and 3 others like this

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hi, my name is meredith and i've gained 20lbs back. (hi, meredith!) 

steph - so good to see you back and glad that things are turning around for you. seems like you and i are basically parallel in our lives now... with the weight gain, the slacking on running, depression, etc. so. just know that if you need to bond with someone who's dealing with the same stuff... i'm your lady. 

i've been meaning to do the 5DPT... i'll be on a cruise next week and am taking my running gear with me. once i come back... sounds like that's gonna be the move. 

much love to you!!!! 

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1 hour ago, TheColdestAugust said:

hi, my name is meredith and i've gained 20lbs back. (hi, meredith!) 

steph - so good to see you back and glad that things are turning around for you. seems like you and i are basically parallel in our lives now... with the weight gain, the slacking on running, depression, etc. so. just know that if you need to bond with someone who's dealing with the same stuff... i'm your lady. 

i've been meaning to do the 5DPT... i'll be on a cruise next week and am taking my running gear with me. once i come back... sounds like that's gonna be the move. 

much love to you!!!! 

Meredith, Welcome back!  Have a nice trip, be careful what you eat (so that you don't gain weight on the trip), and have fun.  When you get back home you can focus on getting back on track with your weight.  You can do it and we are here to support you!  Geoff

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3 hours ago, Zen_Steph said:

Another positive: I stepped on the scale and have lost 5 lbs in the last week. Going through with the 5 day pouch test really helped after all. I feel restriction again, I don't have the overwhelming head hunger and cravings. I eat because I have to, not because I'm actually starving or my head is telling me something sounds good enough to just eat because it's there.

The 5 DPT is the real deal, folks.

Steph, Great job on the 5 DPT and losing some weight.  I understand that you life has been difficult/busy recently, so I am impressed with your ability to lose weight now.  Don't stop, stay focused on what you are eating, and let the power of your gastric bypass drive your weight down to your goal weight!  You can do it and we are here to support you!  Geoff

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2 hours ago, TheColdestAugust said:

hi, my name is meredith and i've gained 20lbs back. (hi, meredith!) 

steph - so good to see you back and glad that things are turning around for you. seems like you and i are basically parallel in our lives now... with the weight gain, the slacking on running, depression, etc. so. just know that if you need to bond with someone who's dealing with the same stuff... i'm your lady. 

i've been meaning to do the 5DPT... i'll be on a cruise next week and am taking my running gear with me. once i come back... sounds like that's gonna be the move. 

much love to you!!!! 

Hey there, lady! Yup, every time I read one of your updates, I think, "Damn, I'm going through the EXACT same thing!" I've been glad to read that someone else is going through what I've been going through. 5 DPT wasn't all that bad, as long as I was firm with myself during the first two days. It might be hard to do on the cruise, for sure, but there are so many decent options on food that you should be okay overall. Have a GREAT time!  

Res Ipsa and TheColdestAugust like this

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Hi, sounds like you are on the right path for 2017! I was wondering how do you do the 5 DPT?

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14 hours ago, Zen_Steph said:

Hey there, lady! Yup, every time I read one of your updates, I think, "Damn, I'm going through the EXACT same thing!" I've been glad to read that someone else is going through what I've been going through. 5 DPT wasn't all that bad, as long as I was firm with myself during the first two days. It might be hard to do on the cruise, for sure, but there are so many decent options on food that you should be okay overall. Have a GREAT time!  

i've already gone on carnival's website and reviewed what food options they have. other than the pizza and burger bars, they have some awesome options (with portion sizes). i'm excited to try the food, as well as get some running in on the outside track and in the gym. it'tl be all good! :)

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11 hours ago, Marie1 said:

Hi, sounds like you are on the right path for 2017! I was wondering how do you do the 5 DPT?

Here are some details on the 5 day pouch test:

http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/theplan.html

 

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Res Ipsa beat me to it. To me, the hardest part conceptually was getting through the first two days with liquids. It's another battle with the brain, trying to remind it that it's okay and it will survive without the junk it's gotten hooked on again. It actually went by quite fast, since I kept myself busy and didn't sit and think about the food I was "depriving" myself of.

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The packing process has been so overwhelming, I can't wait for it to be over. We've been accumulating a bunch of crap that has managed to make it into boxes that have never been properly gone through, so we've spent the last week and a half going through junk drawers, old papers, boxes, clothes...everything. To date, there have been six trips to Goodwill, three trips to the E-recycle facility, two trips to a used book store to sell old books/movies/games, two weeks of very overfull trash/recycle cans with overflow boxes next to them, and one trip to the dump to dispose of an old burned out TV bulb that has mercury, so it has to be handled by a hazardous waste facility. I think we have two and a half junk drawers to go through in the kitchen, then it's all about packing the stuff we're keeping in bedrooms, the kitchen, and bathrooms. We've got probably a solid week's worth of packing left, so we're definitely making progress. We've finished going through our garage, which was a horrible mess of things that are put in there to die, so we have begun a staging ground for furniture and boxes to go into storage until we get the keys to the new house this summer. Last night a small load of items went to my sister in law's house to start clearing them out of the way. Today, we have a contractor coming in to do measurements to figure out how much our new carpet installation is going to be to replace carpet that our cats have destroyed (the stairs primarily). But, it is definitely coming along. I am much more confident now that we will actually have the house ready to go on the market by the middle of February. I didn't think we'd even be close to ready by then, but with the progress we've been making so far, it's definitely possible.

One thing that has bothered me about this whole thing is that I'll have to repaint all of my walls to white. I started working on painting rooms a few at a time and had the entire upstairs done and a bathroom downstairs. I was pretty proud of how they turned out. But, our realtor suggested we'd have better luck selling if there is a "blank canvas" for potential buyers to look at. I get that, I really do. It's also why we are working to actually move out of the house either when or shortly after we put the house on the market. People want to envision their own stuff there, not someone else's stuff. Again, I get it. It's just disappointing. However, silver lining: I still have leftover paint from my paint jobs and you'd better believe I'm going to paint the new house with those colors. So, there's that. It'll just be a pain to have to cover up all of that work, only to have to do it all over again. Oh well, such is life.

My fashion show is Friday for the Bariatric Clinic. My husband is going and the kids are staying home, so I should have photographs to share. I'll try to get them up when I can. It just takes time, which has all been spent packing and going through stuff. It is what it is.

I haven't stepped on a scale, but I think I've lost about 6 lbs so far this month. I've been a lot more active with moving boxes up and downstairs, lots of walking, and just blah. I am still sticking to my low carb/low sugar/high protein regimen, though my carbs have been closer to 50-60 g instead of 30 g, but with the exercise I've been getting through the packing and sorting process, I'm feeling okay with that. Clothes are starting to fit again where they were, so I guess I can't complain. I also haven't been drinking the wine at the quantity I was last year. I had my last bottle finished on New Years Eve and I haven't had a drop since. Maybe that's helped, I have no idea to what extent. But, I've been able to work through my stress by packing and looking at necessities for the new house, so refocusing has been wonderful.

Hope you all are having a good week.

Clickin, Res Ipsa, LadyFl and 1 other like this

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6 hours ago, Zen_Steph said:

The packing process has been so overwhelming, I can't wait for it to be over. We've been accumulating a bunch of crap that has managed to make it into boxes that have never been properly gone through, so we've spent the last week and a half going through junk drawers, old papers, boxes, clothes...everything. To date, there have been six trips to Goodwill, three trips to the E-recycle facility, two trips to a used book store to sell old books/movies/games, two weeks of very overfull trash/recycle cans with overflow boxes next to them, and one trip to the dump to dispose of an old burned out TV bulb that has mercury, so it has to be handled by a hazardous waste facility. I think we have two and a half junk drawers to go through in the kitchen, then it's all about packing the stuff we're keeping in bedrooms, the kitchen, and bathrooms. We've got probably a solid week's worth of packing left, so we're definitely making progress. We've finished going through our garage, which was a horrible mess of things that are put in there to die, so we have begun a staging ground for furniture and boxes to go into storage until we get the keys to the new house this summer. Last night a small load of items went to my sister in law's house to start clearing them out of the way. Today, we have a contractor coming in to do measurements to figure out how much our new carpet installation is going to be to replace carpet that our cats have destroyed (the stairs primarily). But, it is definitely coming along. I am much more confident now that we will actually have the house ready to go on the market by the middle of February. I didn't think we'd even be close to ready by then, but with the progress we've been making so far, it's definitely possible.

One thing that has bothered me about this whole thing is that I'll have to repaint all of my walls to white. I started working on painting rooms a few at a time and had the entire upstairs done and a bathroom downstairs. I was pretty proud of how they turned out. But, our realtor suggested we'd have better luck selling if there is a "blank canvas" for potential buyers to look at. I get that, I really do. It's also why we are working to actually move out of the house either when or shortly after we put the house on the market. People want to envision their own stuff there, not someone else's stuff. Again, I get it. It's just disappointing. However, silver lining: I still have leftover paint from my paint jobs and you'd better believe I'm going to paint the new house with those colors. So, there's that. It'll just be a pain to have to cover up all of that work, only to have to do it all over again. Oh well, such is life.

My fashion show is Friday for the Bariatric Clinic. My husband is going and the kids are staying home, so I should have photographs to share. I'll try to get them up when I can. It just takes time, which has all been spent packing and going through stuff. It is what it is.

I haven't stepped on a scale, but I think I've lost about 6 lbs so far this month. I've been a lot more active with moving boxes up and downstairs, lots of walking, and just blah. I am still sticking to my low carb/low sugar/high protein regimen, though my carbs have been closer to 50-60 g instead of 30 g, but with the exercise I've been getting through the packing and sorting process, I'm feeling okay with that. Clothes are starting to fit again where they were, so I guess I can't complain. I also haven't been drinking the wine at the quantity I was last year. I had my last bottle finished on New Years Eve and I haven't had a drop since. Maybe that's helped, I have no idea to what extent. But, I've been able to work through my stress by packing and looking at necessities for the new house, so refocusing has been wonderful.

Hope you all are having a good week.

I seriously love everything about this post!!

Zen_Steph, GAviv and Marie1 like this

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