lisambarbosa

Workout Group not working

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A group of friends, my partner and myself started a work out group a few months back. My partner had wls in 2015 and is down 97lbs. All our friends are overweight, but the majority are not morbidly overweight. I started working out before surgery and did as well after, but it's going on a month that I've stopped working out with them. It's not that I'm intimidated, but I feel as if I hold them back b/c I cannot keep up or I'll stop bc I feel lightheaded or dizzy. They'll tell me to keep going and I know they're trying to be positive but i snap at them bc when I tell them to give me a minute they keep on pushing me to continue. My partner is guilty of that too. I know they all mean well, and I've explained to them but I just feel like an outcast. They say they understand, but at times I feel as they don't. I feel that I have pulled away from the group, but ultimately I have to listen to my body and take care of me. Plus, I feel if I work out alone, I'll hurt their feeling since we all started together.  Also, they've all started a biggest loser competition and I refused to join bc I felt like since I'm losing without working out, I have an advantage and it won't be fair, so that's also made me pull away from them as well. I don't know if it's the fat girl in me that has always been lazy coming out and not wanting to work out, or it's my emotions getting the best of me bc I feel left out... but I think I shouldn't feel left out bc I'm the one who is making the choice not to go. Has anyone gone through this, or does anyone have any advice.. I feel stuck.. 

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It sounds like you're struggling with a couple different things. First, do not feel bad if you'd rather work out alone. If they're really your friends, it won't be a big deal to them. FWIW, I know plenty of people who would rather work out on their own (myself included). When I work out, I want to be left totally alone. I want to zone out and I don't want anyone to talk to or interact with me. And I won't apologize for that. I find that a lot of us who have weight issues have a habit of putting other people first. You need to take care of yourself and, if you want to work out alone (or not at all), do it. Second, if you don't want to work out right now, then don't. Plenty of people get to goal without exercise. Also, exercise might mess up your weight loss. Your caloric intake is already so restricted that exercising could push you into starvation mode and make you stall. Or it might not. But don't feel like you have to exercise. As far as the Biggest Loser thing, it's your call. If they know you've had WLS and they still want you to join, it's obviously not a big deal to them, but it sounds like there's other rules involved in their contest? Also, for me, something like that wouldn't be ideal since I'm trying to get out of the quick weight loss mindset and focus on making long term sustainable changes. The bottom line is this: take care of you. Make the choices that are best for you. Stop worrying about hurting other people's feelings or upsetting them. This is about you taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. I hope everything works out. :)

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Thank you much. The Biggest Loser has a cash prize and I didn't want to join then someone say something. Even though their my friends and I love them, when money is involved, sometimes greed takes over and I just didn't want to put myself in that situation. I think I'll try working out alone or even just going for a walk. You're absolutely right, I'm so used putting everyone first before me, so that is something I'm going to have to learn to do. It really is a overall whole lifestyle change. 

I'm so happy I found this site!! 

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Full disclosure, I skimmed but didn't read yet. In the meantime wanted to share that I do not like working out with other people. I turn down all invitations to be workout/accountability buddies. I work out to my own abilities, pace, and wishes.

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Rather than work out with other people, I vastly prefer to take long walks with them. That way we all get some exercise and can have a nice chat at the same time. It is also much more fun and less competitive. :)

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It was like that at first, just walking and catching up, but then everyone wanted something more challenging and exercises to work out other parts of the body. Everyone wants to work and push hard. As much as I want to, it's just to hard for me. If I fall behind, they'll stop and wait for me to catch up which is nice and I appreciate it, but it makes me feel bad.  They always tell me to do what I can do, and I do but then they're like pushing me do more to be supportive and it annoys me and I become a crabby patty. I just don't want to hold back anyone from what they're trying to achieve even though they are offering. I've explained and told them my emotions are everywhere and I'm just tired. I'm also afraid that if I don't push myself to workout or walk, I'll fall back into old routine and gain all the weight I lost and more back. Even though I know I'm only 3 months out and it's impossible bc I cannot consume the amount of calories I was once eating, but i still have those fears.  

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Remember that for most of us, exercising has very little to do with weight loss. But exercising is very important as it tones the body, makes us feel and be more healthy, and becomes much easier as the pounds fall off. 

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Okay, I read the messages. I would add that your friends trying to be helpful and encouraging, but in their enthusiasm and workout-fueled energy, they're inadvertently being pushy.

You mentioned getting lightheaded with exercise on another thread. You have no business doing a Biggest Loser-esque competition right now. Straight weight loss, fine, but not the high duration and intensity workouts. You can't get in enough hydration and nutrition fast enough to keep up.

In your situation, I would tell my friends that my intentions got the better of me and that I need to bow out for health reasons. Friends will want the best for you and want you to be straight with them.

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Very true. Thank you Wendy. I've been looking on YouTube for at home workouts for bariatric patients and I'm going to start those. I know their intentions are good but I also know they want me to be successful and they too have to learn the new me. I'm so grateful for everyone's response. It has definitely helped me :)

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They're trying to help, but Wendy is right, they're inadvertently pushing you in the wrong direction.  

I like to work out alone.  I like to pop in my earbuds and crank up tunes and just do my thing.  But that's me.  

I do have a workweek competition each week on FitBit with a group of friends.  It's good natured, but we do get competitive - I'm not going to lie, I've paced around my living room trying to catch up if I was a couple hundred steps behind late on Friday night once or twice lol.  So I guess in that respect we work out together, just not in each other's faces and at our own pace.

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On 7/28/2016 at 7:53 AM, lisambarbosa said:

A group of friends, my partner and myself started a work out group a few months back. My partner had wls in 2015 and is down 97lbs. All our friends are overweight, but the majority are not morbidly overweight. I started working out before surgery and did as well after, but it's going on a month that I've stopped working out with them. It's not that I'm intimidated, but I feel as if I hold them back b/c I cannot keep up or I'll stop bc I feel lightheaded or dizzy. They'll tell me to keep going and I know they're trying to be positive but i snap at them bc when I tell them to give me a minute they keep on pushing me to continue. My partner is guilty of that too. I know they all mean well, and I've explained to them but I just feel like an outcast. They say they understand, but at times I feel as they don't. I feel that I have pulled away from the group, but ultimately I have to listen to my body and take care of me. Plus, I feel if I work out alone, I'll hurt their feeling since we all started together.  Also, they've all started a biggest loser competition and I refused to join bc I felt like since I'm losing without working out, I have an advantage and it won't be fair, so that's also made me pull away from them as well. I don't know if it's the fat girl in me that has always been lazy coming out and not wanting to work out, or it's my emotions getting the best of me bc I feel left out... but I think I shouldn't feel left out bc I'm the one who is making the choice not to go. Has anyone gone through this, or does anyone have any advice.. I feel stuck.. 

Three thoughts:

 

1 - I worked out with trainers and took exercise classes for years in weight ranging from 240 - 310. Plenty of exercising I couldn't do. I told the trainer or whom ever was leading the group up front - I will do what I can. Don't push me. :) Lots of exercises - push up, burpees, etc just weren't possible for me at that weight. I was firm about not being pushed so people didn't try to tell me what do it. I also told them - my inner rebel is strong, when you push me, I get angry and think 'f you' and I won't do what you tell me to do. :) Then, if I'm still angry when I get home. I want to eat ice cream which is what got me here in the first place!

 

2 - I went hiking with my 6'1 husband and my 5'11 girlfriend in Yosemite when I weighed about 290. I am 5'8. Neither of them is overweight. They would get way ahead of me on the hills and stop and wait for me to catch up. It took everything I had just to catch up to them. They would then take off all rested and ready to keep going. I was mad! I finally said - hey dudes! I need a break each time I catch up to you. Either wait with me or go on ahead and I will catch up at some point. 

 

3 - The competition doesn't sound like much fun. It sounds like more pressure and this isn't a quick race for you. These are changes for the rest of your life. 

 

Hope that helps!

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