Raeme

Hubby says go for it

27 posts in this topic

So over a year ago before I had RNY I asked my hubby how he would feel if I lost my weight and wanted plastics to remove skin or lift the girls.  He said we will deal with whatever we need to deal with when you get where you want to be. 

Yesterday I mentioned I may be ready to call a surgeon and get a consult.  (I'm tired of having irritation from my belly and my boobs falling out the bottom of my bra.  It hurts and is a hassle.). He said go for it!! Let's find out what the experts say and go from there!!  So I called and have two consults next Thursday!!  I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

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You've got a keeper Raeme and I envy you.

When I mentioned to my DH that I was considering an abdominoplasty/boob job, his response was "at your age, why bother".  sad_smiley_23.gif

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1 hour ago, cinwa said:

You've got a keeper Raeme and I envy you.

When I mentioned to my DH that I was considering an abdominoplasty/boob job, his response was "at your age, why bother".  sad_smiley_23.gif

Wow! I think most hubbys would jump for joy...I know mine would!

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24 minutes ago, ValerieKGorman said:

Wow! I think most hubbys would jump for joy...I know mine would!

At 80, that's doubtful Valerie.  My husband barely remembers what day of the week it is. 

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2 hours ago, cinwa said:

You've got a keeper Raeme and I envy you.

When I mentioned to my DH that I was considering an abdominoplasty/boob job, his response was "at your age, why bother".  sad_smiley_23.gif

Thanks. He is definitely a keeper!  Lol:wacko:Sometimes spouses just miss the mark with a response huh?

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1 hour ago, cinwa said:

At 80, that's doubtful Valerie.  My husband barely remembers what day of the week it is. 

Haha! 

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17 hours ago, Raeme said:

So over a year ago before I had RNY I asked my hubby how he would feel if I lost my weight and wanted plastics to remove skin or lift the girls.  He said we will deal with whatever we need to deal with when you get where you want to be. 

Yesterday I mentioned I may be ready to call a surgeon and get a consult.  (I'm tired of having irritation from my belly and my boobs falling out the bottom of my bra.  It hurts and is a hassle.). He said go for it!! Let's find out what the experts say and go from there!!  So I called and have two consults next Thursday!!  I'm nervous and excited at the same time.


So excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Really amazing to me how two surgeons can both be board certified and located in the same area and be totally different in their approach!  One I thought was interesting and very thoughtful in talking about options and the recommendations.  His technique seemed to be more gentle but still aggressive in correcting the areas I'm looking at working to improve.  I liked him. The other Surgeon I would not feel comfortable with having surgery of any kind. I will literally never think about it again if he is my only option.  Price was nearly the exact number.  

Edited by Raeme
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22 hours ago, Raeme said:

Really amazing to me how two surgeons can both be board certified and located in the same area and be totally different in their approach!  One I thought was interesting and very thoughtful in talking about options and the recommendations.  His technique seemed to be more gentle but still aggressive in correcting the areas I'm looking at working to improve.  I liked him. The other Surgeon I would not feel comfortable with having surgery of any kind. I will literally never think about it again if he is my only option.  Price was nearly the exact number.  

Surgeon I like said a lift without implants would put me at an A cup!!  Wow! I was a d at I think 12. I know a DD I high school.  I'm really struggling with whether or not this is a good of choice for me.  

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I fantasize I would be able to get away with just a lift, but fully expect that I'm being completely delusional. I went from nubbins at 11 to a full C by 13 and stayed there until I gained all my weight in my mid 20s. Right now I still am filling a D cup, but have a feeling it's entirely because of all the excess boob skin. If it was all trimmed off, probably not much left. I'd be okay with a B cup, but not sure about an A. Still, not having to deal with implants is a benefit not to be overlooked. Or maybe even bras at that size. Mixed bag. 

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It's gonna be about $15,000. Question I have is, "Is it worth it?"  Is this right? I'm struggling with the whole thing.

1. Spending the money on myself. I feel selfish. I have three kids in college. That's the priority. I want them to graduate debt free like I did. It's a gift my parents were able to give me. But then again they all three have scholarship money. Just my one son's football money for one year is more than the cost of the surgery. 

2. I'm 51. In a way that seems really old and it's crazy to have plastics at my age. I mean I'm married 27 years to a great guy who doesn't care. He loves and wants me as is.  On the other hand I feel so young! I want to look more like I feel. 

3. I feel vain and odd that I want plastic surgery. I have always judged harshly because I've always had bigger boobs and that was fine whether I was thin or heavy. I couldn't imagine someone wanting to change their body unless there was a real problem or issue.  I feel like a hypocrite. But then again I've never really been unhappy like this about my body. Bras are impossible. I'm uncomfortable all the time because I can't keep my skin and girls in the bra.  I have to cram my tummy into my pants and I'm super self conscious that my skin is gonna over hang and it's gonna be seen. 

4. Pain and time off work. I'm in a role that is pretty important with lots of people depending on what I do.  The recovery for this surgery is longer than gastric bypass and it much more involved.  Surgeon said count on 3-6 but lots of people are back in two.  I have an office job so it's not a strenuous job but me bieing out for several weeks can impact performance for a large unit.  But I can work from home and have a lot of flexibility.  I also almost never take time off work unless I make up the time. I have so much forfeited time its ridiculous.  I have sick leave, vacation time, and personal leave. 

5. I'm scared.  What ifs are driving me nuts.  Infection, bad healing, scars, implant replacement, complications etc. But I was scared to have bypass and that's turned out terrific.  Wth right??  I guess I need a push one way or the other?

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Raeme, until very recently you've been fine with the body you had, through thick and thin. Now in a relatively short period of time, you've become dissatisfied with it. Imagine continuing to be dissatisfied for the next 30 years. How would that make you feel?

You feel (feel being the operative word) that plastcs are driven by vanity. I view it as reconstructive. You're not altering what you started with. You're repairing the damage that was done to it.

Yes, it's a long, difficult recovery. Yes you have a job that impacts you company's performance. Yes your absence could have an impact. Then again, you have already thought of ways to mitigate that impact.

Only you can weigh the pros and cons and make the ultimate decision. As you make that decision, ask yourself if you really want your boobs to fall out of the bottom of your bra for the next 30 years. ;)

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I think Wendy is spot on. How you feel about yourself is hugely important. You aren't old and several more decades of feeling uncomfortable and dissatisfied with your body seems unnecessary. $15000 doesn't seem too high a price when you consider all the factors.  The implant replacement is the issue I waffle over, but it sounds like the benefits you'll receive likely outweigh the cons at this point. Sometimes choosing to do something for yourself is the hardest decision of all. 

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Oh Raeme

Don't struggle. I understand you sooo well and can relate sooo much.

I've been married 26 years and have 4 kids in college. I too want my children to graduate without burdening them with debt at the beginning of their lives.

But I'm now 55 and I've given so much of ME (as most parents do), I'm tired. And yes I deserve to feel better in my body after years of being overweight and unhealthy. Yes it's ok to spend a sizable amount of money on me after laying down my life at my family's feet.  

Of course I don't know you or yours, and I don't know anything about your finances or your family dynamics. And it's as a stranger that I allow myself to tell you, go ahead you deserve it. You're so much worth it! You've done a great job losing fat, this terrible enemy of ours. You must feel empowered by your success. Go ahead and complete your journey especially that your husband is on board.

As for me when/if I reach my goal and when/if I can still afford it as my kids graduate, I will certainly go the plastics way.

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If you can afford it, go for it! Who cares if it's vain? And you are NOT old!

after RNY, its was my best decision. 

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I didn't comment on having three kids in college. I have two in college now, so I get that aspect. There's a nine year gap between them and their next younger sibling, so I have a four year window starting in four years to have reconstructive surgery. Then five years after he finishes high school, our next set of twins will hit college age, followed two years later by their younger brother.

As for wanting your children to graduate debt free, I get that too. My parents did the same for me. With the way college costs have outpaced inflation so dramatically for so long, it's a laudable goal, especially with multiple kids in college. If it comes down to it, you can take on a little debt for yourself instead of passing it along to them.

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We've all had this surgery to become healthier and we are healthier but having to stuff in extra skin is not healthy over time. Being unable to keep your breasts in your bra is not only painful but potentially embarrassing.  My mom had a very radical mastectomy when I was 9 and back then the prosthesis bra had blow up inserts which would deflate unexpectedly.  If she had chosen to have an implant I would have been all for it.  To my thinking having only $5k in college debt (15K/3 children= 5k per child) it very minimal. 

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$15,000 is pretty reasonable. I spent over $40k on plastics last year, totally worth it(and I had tons of complications). I think 3-6 weeks is a crazy long recovery. I was out to dinner and at the grocery store 8 days out and had implants and a tummy tuck. Back to an active job at 13 days. 

Edited by Samma
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On July 13, 2016 at 5:43 PM, Raeme said:

So over a year ago before I had RNY I asked my hubby how he would feel if I lost my weight and wanted plastics to remove skin or lift the girls.  He said we will deal with whatever we need to deal with when you get where you want to be. 

Yesterday I mentioned I may be ready to call a surgeon and get a consult.  (I'm tired of having irritation from my belly and my boobs falling out the bottom of my bra.  It hurts and is a hassle.). He said go for it!! Let's find out what the experts say and go from there!!  So I called and have two consults next Thursday!!  I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

Sounds like you've got a super supportive hubby. That's awesome! What an exciting time!

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On July 29, 2016 at 6:43 PM, WendyH said:

Raeme, until very recently you've been fine with the body you had, through thick and thin. Now in a relatively short period of time, you've become dissatisfied with it. Imagine continuing to be dissatisfied for the next 30 years. How would that make you feel?

You feel (feel being the operative word) that plastcs are driven by vanity. I view it as reconstructive. You're not altering what you started with. You're repairing the damage that was done to it.

Yes, it's a long, difficult recovery. Yes you have a job that impacts you company's performance. Yes your absence could have an impact. Then again, you have already thought of ways to mitigate that impact.

Only you can weigh the pros and cons and make the ultimate decision. As you make that decision, ask yourself if you really want your boobs to fall out of the bottom of your bra for the next 30 years. ;)

I have been going back and forth with the pros and cons.  I tend to think an awful lot about big things before I make a decision.  Once I decide it's very easy for me.  I like the idea of thinking of this as reconstruction. I honestly hadn't looked at it like that but you're right it's partly about restoring my body to what it would have been had I not had children and not gained lots of weight.  Definitely something to help me in the decision making process. 

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On July 30, 2016 at 8:41 PM, Kimchan said:

Sounds like you've got a super supportive hubby. That's awesome! What an exciting time!

Yes I do!! He and I have been together for many years and are coming up on our 27th anniversary.  Saggy skin and boobs and all I can't wait to go to the beach!!

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On 7/29/2016 at 2:42 PM, Raeme said:

It's gonna be about $15,000. Question I have is, "Is it worth it?"  Is this right? I'm struggling with the whole thing.

1. Spending the money on myself. I feel selfish. I have three kids in college. That's the priority. I want them to graduate debt free like I did. It's a gift my parents were able to give me. But then again they all three have scholarship money. Just my one son's football money for one year is more than the cost of the surgery. 

2. I'm 51. In a way that seems really old and it's crazy to have plastics at my age. I mean I'm married 27 years to a great guy who doesn't care. He loves and wants me as is.  On the other hand I feel so young! I want to look more like I feel. 

3. I feel vain and odd that I want plastic surgery. I have always judged harshly because I've always had bigger boobs and that was fine whether I was thin or heavy. I couldn't imagine someone wanting to change their body unless there was a real problem or issue.  I feel like a hypocrite. But then again I've never really been unhappy like this about my body. Bras are impossible. I'm uncomfortable all the time because I can't keep my skin and girls in the bra.  I have to cram my tummy into my pants and I'm super self conscious that my skin is gonna over hang and it's gonna be seen. 

4. Pain and time off work. I'm in a role that is pretty important with lots of people depending on what I do.  The recovery for this surgery is longer than gastric bypass and it much more involved.  Surgeon said count on 3-6 but lots of people are back in two.  I have an office job so it's not a strenuous job but me bieing out for several weeks can impact performance for a large unit.  But I can work from home and have a lot of flexibility.  I also almost never take time off work unless I make up the time. I have so much forfeited time its ridiculous.  I have sick leave, vacation time, and personal leave. 

5. I'm scared.  What ifs are driving me nuts.  Infection, bad healing, scars, implant replacement, complications etc. But I was scared to have bypass and that's turned out terrific.  Wth right??  I guess I need a push one way or the other?

I think you know what I am going to say, but I will say it anyway. :)

1 - I don't have kids so this was an easier one for me. I felt a little selfish but then thought about all the things I don't spend money on - we eloped when we married, I didn't want an engagement ring, we share a car, etc. I was easily able to justify the $16K based on all the money I haven't spent in the prior couple of years. :)

2 - 51 isn't old. I had plastics at 45. I am married to a great guy and he didn't care either. I wanted to get rid of the reminders of what I did to my body before I figured out how to manage my food addiction.

3 - Yep. I had to do some serious soul searching on this one. Now, I've embraced my vanity. But what you've said in point 3 isn't really about vanity. Its about comfort in clothes.

4 - Same here for me. I was off about two weeks. My team covered everything while I was out. And, I was back on email about 4 days after surgery. You have the time off. Take it and don't worry about it. Yes its painful but its not that bad. At least I didn't think so. My team didn't know about my WLS but they saw me lose weight. So I told them I was having my extra skin removed. They all knew it wasn't medically required. Even though it meant more work for them, they were all totally supportive of me. (I wasn't specific about what I was having done. I think I paraphrased Dolly Parton:  

“What's saggin' and baggin', I'm having it nipped and tucked!”

5 - I was scared too. Everything you listed is a risk but a small one. You are healthy and in good shape. 

 

I'm nearly 3 years out from WLS. Honestly, I have a hard time remembering what life was like when I was fat. I wrote a lot about it and saved my writings which is good - when I want to remember/need to remember, I go back and read what I wrote. I had plastics 18 months ago. This body I am in now feels like me. I never felt like me when I was big. For me, had I not had plastics, I don't think I wouldn't really feel like me. I had to tuck my extra breast and belly skin in my clothes. It bounced around when I would work out. It had a mind of its own during sex. I am very fortunate in that plastics were an option for me. 

 

I know its a huge decision with pros and cons. Good Luck with your decision! I support you either way! 

Edited by Stephtay

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I got a message today from a high school friend who works for a surgeon.  She's had two procedures with him and has worked with him for several years.  I'm calling to schedule a consult tomorrow.  Hope I like him, his work and his numbers. 

Edited by Raeme

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Update. Cazy day!!

I saw the new surgeon today and spent two hours in the office.  We discussed full body lift--OMG.  Talked about tummy tuck.  Discussed separate procedures. We talked about implant size and what it would take to look full but natural.  I loved the surgeon and staff.  I felt very comfortable and like they all really cared about me and what I wanted.  Size and shape is a weird freaking thing to me for sure  

I also saw my counselor today.  She is having me examine why I'm having such a hard time spending the money on me.  Very interesting because I would be the first in line cheering if this was for a friend,  spouse, or child.  I never and I do mean never put myself first.  Not because I'm not worth it (at least I don't think) but because it brings me so much joy to see others happy.  

I think I may be over analyzing things but it's really a big deal to me.  Next summer we are planning a family vacation and I would really like to walk onto the beach and feel as hot in my suit as I do in my clothes.  Probably tmi but I'm being honest.  So hard to feel like it's so raw. 

My husband wants me to do me and not worry about the rest.  He loves me the way I am.  This about me and what's in my head. 

Edited by Raeme
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My biggest character flaw is practicality. I never put myself first. I have a terrible guilty conscience. I am famous for taking things out of my cart and putting back on racks. I get how you are feeling. I also get you wanting to feel confident in your suit. 

My consult is 11/29. How am I going to react when the rubber meets the road? I hope the practical Claudia is taking the day off that day. Hubby is coming with me for extra peer pressure. I deserve this. You deserve this. Let's do this!!!

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