JessinVT

Told my boss, "you know you can lose it naturally, there are restrictions or you'll just gain it all back."

21 posts in this topic

So, I've been thinking about doing a sleeve surgery for more than a year now, I've been more than 100lbs over weight my entire adult life. I've been reading the forum and finally have reason to need to vent. I finally have  a surgery date February 29, I am very excited. I have lost 28 lbs. during my supervised pre-surgical requirements, I walk daily now, journal all my meals and even started doing Zumba.

I just told my boss that I would be out for the surgery. She is 5' and weighs 95 lbs soaking wet, she is a jazzercise instructor.  She launches into this whole lecture about how I know I need to make changes to my lifestyle or the surgery won't solve anything, and I'll just gain it back. Why don't I try losing the weight naturally through diet and exercise?!

Like I haven't thought of that, I've lost and gained three of her in the last 10 years, of course I know I need to make some lifestyle adjustments. The changes I'm looking forward to are: not getting diabetes, regaining some mobility and relieve from my arthritis, not developing heart disease...ect. ect.

Everyone else I have told about the surgery have been supportive and positive, I was just surprised to have this opinion from my boss.

Edited by JessinVT
curse, sorry
Clickin and Res Ipsa like this

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If you strangle her, we'll all be very supportive.

I don't have anything positive to say. Lots of people suck and I don't like them at all.

bellamoma, WendyH, Clickin and 13 others like this

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Think it would be better to ask her for data to support her position. The fact remains is that you need the surgery to jumpstart anything. Ask her if she knows any one personally who has done it? I've seen them stop at 30-40 pounds doing it her way. The people on the TV shows, I hear all the support they get and regain without it.

Keeping it on a data level also makes you show you have more knowledge and it is not a personal attack, so if it turns into that, then you can showcase that as inability to deal with truth.

ThinCVT and athenarose like this

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I think I wouldn't engage in a discussion with your boss, as this is a medical decision between you and your medical team.  If this were any other kind of medical leave and she voiced an opinion, would you feel the need to justify it?  This is a good place to vent, you will find that many here have experienced similar "helpful" advice :)

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I would end the conversations with your boss about this. She doesn't get it and anything you say isn't going to change that. I'm sorry she was such a jerk about it. 

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3 hours ago, JessinVT said:

So, I've been thinking about doing a sleeve surgery for more than a year now, I've been more than 100lbs over weight my entire adult life. I've been reading the forum and finally have reason to need to vent. I finally have  a surgery date February 29, I am very excited. I have lost 28 lbs. during my supervised pre-surgical requirements, I walk daily now, journal all my meals and even started doing Zumba.

I just told my boss that I would be out for the surgery. She is 5' and weighs 95 lbs soaking wet, she is a jazzercise instructor.  She launches into this whole lecture about how I know I need to make changes to my lifestyle or the surgery won't solve anything, and I'll just gain it back. Why don't I try losing the weight naturally through diet and exercise?!

Like I haven't thought of that, I've lost and gained three of her in the last 10 years, of course I know I need to make some lifestyle adjustments. The changes I'm looking forward to are: not getting diabetes, regaining some mobility and relieve from my arthritis, not developing heart disease...ect. ect.

Everyone else I have told about the surgery have been supportive and positive, I was just surprised to have this opinion from my boss.

I heard the exact same thing from many people before I had the surgery.  'why can't you just follow a diet and exercise?".  If it were that easy we would all be thin!  People without an obesity issue cannot comprehend what we are going through.  They simply have no idea.  Keep your chin up and maintain your resolve to become a better you.  Good luck!

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10 minutes ago, Tripletmom007 said:

I heard the exact same thing from many people before I had the surgery.  'why can't you just follow a diet and exercise?".  If it were that easy we would all be thin!  People without an obesity issue cannot comprehend what we are going through.  They simply have no idea.  Keep your chin up and maintain your resolve to become a better you.  Good luck!

Ditto on your post. The worst one for me was the day I came home from an appointment with my ortho Dr about my hip on 1/7/16 and my husband asked me the same question. I had already explained why I was having surgery several times before so this time I totally lost it.  It was not an easy conversation to have with someone who has made it clear how he felt about my weight.  I told him that I was doing this for me and my health. What if you die was his question? I went over everything again and told him the stats on death. He then finally accepted all the data.  He once again said but you could die and I told him that at this time in my life if I died I would be fine with that as I am ready.

I know that this sounds kind of cold of me but with all the health issues I am having I am ready to tackle my weight using RNY as a tool or meet my maker.

MarktheNerd, Trish1967 and JessinVT like this

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She is entitled to her position even if its wrong and uninformed.  You know your body and understand that its not simple, WLS isn't something you're doing lightly, etc.  Let her think what she wants, you can't change that, just do what you know is right; were all here for you.

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Irish Rose, I can totally understand your reaction to your husband questioning your decision to have WLS. I just wonder why people, that are so against WLS, don't realize that you can also die from the many comorbidities that sometimes accompany obesity, as well as suffering the physical pain? And also how many times most of us have gained and lost hundreds of pounds, only to end up heavier? If we could do this on our own, I'd guess a very high percentage of us would take the diet and exercise routine over surgery any day. I know I would! It's really no ones business, nor an invitation to criticize us, because we feel there is no other choice but to have the surgery. I've personally only told my husband, kids, and my parents at this point, because I can't do what I have to do to prepare for this with all the questions and negative reactions of people who have nothing to do with it. JessinVT, It really sucks that your boss chose to be so disrespectful to you...don't let her derail you!!

Edited by Trish1967
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You should have never told your boss your personal medical information. She isn't required to know and it is none of her business. If you told her nothing about why you  were going to be out for surgery and she kept asking you about it, you could report her to HR.

ValerieKGorman, heddi and Snippets like this

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13 minutes ago, FinerIn2015 said:

You should have never told your boss your personal medical information. She isn't required to know and it is none of her business. If you told her nothing about why you  were going to be out for surgery and she kept asking you about it, you could report her to HR.

Telling or not is a personal choice, I told my boss and he has been nothing but supportive.  The issue here is how the boss responded.  Telling is fine.

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4 hours ago, Irish Rose said:

What if you die was his question?

When people say this, in my opinion, they are making it about them. As your husband, of course he would think about this and be scared that he might lose you.
But, what all of us know on this side of obesity and WLS, is that most of us were looking an an early death anyway if we didn't take measures to lose weight and keep it off. Few people in my life know about my surgery and I refuse to go down the rabbit hole in conversations with anyone about my health whether they know about my WLS or not. I don't share my thoughts or advice with someone who has cancer, diabetes, gout, black hairy tongue disease, etc and I don't let others do the same to me. 

 

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In a professional workplace it really isn't okay to divulge too much personal information especially medical. It opens the employee up to discrimination and it opens the employer up to liability. A professional manager wouldn't even entertain this kind of conversation, it could lead to nothing but problems. The only people in the company that need to know about surgery are HR, they are trained to handle the information properly, and even they are not entitled to know the details. Medically necessary surgery with letter and information from the Doctor are enough. Even if they push and require more information, again they are trained to handle the privacy issues of this information.

 

This kind of behavior in the workplace is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

heddi and Snippets like this

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Not everyone has a strictly corporate/professional workplace and casual relationships are normal. I suspect you did not anticipate this type of reaction from her but given how you described her, you don't seem entirely surprised by it either. You might want to explain that you told her about your surgery as a professional courtesy but that you expect her to respect your privacy by keeping this information to herself. Should she attempt to give unsolicited advice again, remind her that your medical treatment is between you and your doctors and that you aren't really interested in discussing it with her any further.

JessinVT and Trish1967 like this

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I work in a small workplace we are human services and there are very few secrets. In retrospect I didn't need to answer her when pressed what kind of medical leave I was taking.

Trish1967 likes this

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I understand that you didn't have to answer her when pressed what kind of leave you were taking. I would have probably done what you did. We pretend that people will understand what we are going through, but very few really do understand. It is so hard, and it sucks big time. It's easy to say now that you didn't need to answer her, but that pressure is always there. Please don't let her get inside your head and ruin your plans. You are worth so much more than that!!

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Ok all, because I'm like this:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/857976
Tough Workouts 'May Not Lead to Weight Loss'

Please feel free to give that to your boss. I have a list of bariatric articles, some of which say that the surgery leads to more improved outcomes than diet/exercise alone. I can post that if its wanted. I also have a corresponding document that gives you reasons & articles & research about needing to be very careful on picking your surgeon very very carefully.

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On 2/3/2016 at 7:33 AM, JessinVT said:

So, I've been thinking about doing a sleeve surgery for more than a year now, I've been more than 100lbs over weight my entire adult life. I've been reading the forum and finally have reason to need to vent. I finally have  a surgery date February 29, I am very excited. I have lost 28 lbs. during my supervised pre-surgical requirements, I walk daily now, journal all my meals and even started doing Zumba.

I just told my boss that I would be out for the surgery. She is 5' and weighs 95 lbs soaking wet, she is a jazzercise instructor.  She launches into this whole lecture about how I know I need to make changes to my lifestyle or the surgery won't solve anything, and I'll just gain it back. Why don't I try losing the weight naturally through diet and exercise?!

Like I haven't thought of that, I've lost and gained three of her in the last 10 years, of course I know I need to make some lifestyle adjustments. The changes I'm looking forward to are: not getting diabetes, regaining some mobility and relieve from my arthritis, not developing heart disease...ect. ect.

Everyone else I have told about the surgery have been supportive and positive, I was just surprised to have this opinion from my boss.

 I think your boss means well but it is a little insulting for her to assume you haven't done your research.  The sleeve would be great you should lose it within the year if you eat clean and healthy.  

I had my sleeve done almost 9 months ago and I'm down 120 pounds and although I hardly exercise, I'm conscious of what I eat. If you're a volume eater, then sleeve will cure you of that fast.  However, if you're an emotional eater then it's going to be challenge every day to eat healthy but the good news is it will get easier as the weeks pass.  I'm telling ya, the trick is not reintroduce foods that you know are bad.  Don't think "well, I'm going eat something with sugar in it eventually so I might as well eat this and learn how to cope with it now." <-------- NO! Bad idea!  Make sure you monitor yourself trying to justify bad eating habits that led you to your pre-op state in the first place.  

For example, I have a close female friend that got the sleeve and 3 months later I saw her at the Taco Bell drive-thru. (I live behind Taco Bell. lol) She's only lost 50 pounds total - that's pre-diet and everything.  It's been almost 2 years for her and she's still sitting at a 50 pound weight loss.  So let that be a lesson.  Don't pick back up the cokes, the chips, the bread - none of it.  Use this awesome window of opportunity to liberate yourself from all that nutritionally empty, calorie dense food. 

Sorry about the lecture.  lol  I just want you to succeed. :)

Edited by la.craig

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I can eat a taco supreme, but I haven't had more than 4 in the past year. I have no desire for fast food, though sometimes it's just convenient since I travel for work. McD is completely useless, BK at least has real chicken, and I don't eat the bread.

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9 months is still honeymoon time. 2 years out and more you really have to work the tool. It depends on how much they had to lose pre surgery. 50 lbs for me would be a success because that was 50% of my previous weight. Might be something to consider.

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This is why I didn't tell many people I was having surgery and still not many people know. People are ignorant and uninformed. Just ignore them. 

I would say tell people on a need to know basis and when they say stupid things just say "Thanks, I appreciate your concern." and just drop it. There's no point in arguing. 

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