m_cruzan

It's not you, It's me! Ladies please help!

8 posts in this topic

Ladies,

When she says "It's not you, it's me!" should I worry?  She is telling me that in her past she used sex as a comfort tool, that she confused with love.  I tell her that her past doesn't matter to me, that everything that happened before we met we can not change.  Lately she has pushed me away in the bedroom, not wanting to confuse what we have with her past relationships.  I try to tell her that it her that I fell in love with and not the sex.  I try to tell her everyday how amazing she is.  The tough part is my sex drive is going crazy right now and she doesn't want to have sex.  I am really not sure what to do.  

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I wouldn't worry yet. Give her some space. Its good she's recognized mistakes she made in the past and if she's trying to not repeat them with you - sounds to me she really cares for you and wants to keep you around. At a woman, here is my two cents. Tell her you will wait to have sex until she's ready and DO NOT bring it up again. If you take the pressure off, she will probably figure out whatever she needs to figure out sooner and then she'll be ready for you. Good Luck. Don't stress and take it one day at a time. P.S. Don't talk about sex AT ALL unless she brings it up. 

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Thanks for the input. That is a great idea.  One of my toughest issues is I went almost 11 years with out being with anyone.  Now I feel like I am making up for lost time.  It is hard for me to set sex aside.  I am willing to try.  She is amazing and worth it.

GAviv and Stephtay like this

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It's a tough spot to be in, and I couldn't agree more with Stephtay.  If  she is trying to do things differently this time, it's a good thing!  To me it seems like she's seeing that you're different than the rest and she doesn't want to do what didn't work in the past. 

be patient and yes, wait for her to bring it up.  take care of yourself in the meantime (ahem).  Good luck!

Stephtay and m_cruzan like this

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Great advice.  Respect is big with me and I want to respect her wishes. We had a nice talk last night about what each others feeling were. This really helped.  I tend to overthink things sometimes.  I feel that if I give her the space she needs this will work out. 

Raeme and bellamoma like this

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hooray! keep us posted and best of luck to you xo

ps- i've been married for quite a while now and i also find that i get myself into a tizzy, and feel so much better after we talk it out.  talking and listening are great things to do in relationships! 

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Just wanted to thank both of you for the advice.  Things are way better here.  We are getting married in July and I can't wait.

 

bellamoma, msmarymac and dredfern like this

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Oh my gosh!! how excellent! i'm so happy for you both.  This is great news! 

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