WorkinProcess

Reality Check -- This isn't supposed to be EASY

201 posts in this topic

Everything comes back to personal responsibility. Each and every one of us has our own personal trauma, something happened to each of us that is unique and affected our lives. However, we must actively choose how it shapes us. We must be responsible enough to ourselves to move on, become better, stronger, more capable. We get to define ourselves. Things might happen to us, but we get to choose how it affects us. I don't need to understand what happened to someone, they don't need to know what happened to me. It is my belief that holding someone accountable for themselves is no different than holding myself accountable. No free rides. Do the work just like I have to do the work. Or don't, and suffer the consequences. But never expect someone else to do the work for you.

 

And life is easier if you can laugh at yourself. I am quick to poke fun of someone, but my most frequent target is myself. Lighten up, laugh, shake it off, or tell some to kiss your butt. Life moves on, and you get to choose how every little thing shapes your day, week, life.

I love this.

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Okay, I know there's nothing more boring than other people's dreams, but this dream last night gave me some insight into myself and this thread. I won't go into all the details (I can hear sighs of relief) but my husband brought home a lion he found. The lion was big, unconscious, very sick. I called the police and they were mad at me--it was my responsibility, we never should have brought the lion into our house. I was so afraid of what was going to happen when this gigantic wild beast awoke, and then I realized there were also two little cubs playing around. Well, folks, I woke up an knew right away that this was a dream about my weight. The lion--no brainer--is my obese self lurking. The two cubs are the two pounds I play with all the time (write cubs in cursive, and you can see that the "c" and "u" could look like an "l" followed by "bs" so cubs could be read as "lbs". The brain is a marvelous thing! Anyway, I am so fearful of gaining weight back. And when I see new folks making mistakes, I think I am concerned for them, yes, but also for myself. I make mistakes, of course, and I am so afraid of those two little cubs growing into lions that sometimes I am really hard on myself. The scolding that I may give to others is nothing compared to what I heap on myself. So...what I'm trying to say is we all have baggage, we all carry more baggage than anyone can ever know. We are not here on the forum  to therapists to others, but to support them as they tame their lions and then try and keep the cubs small. I hope I'm making some sense.

 

When I see others sabotaging themselves, I'm not really annoyed with them, I'm telling myself to be careful, to be vigilant. 

Spunkycat, PapaG, Julie-R and 8 others like this

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I'm glad there are so many that have been able to set the past behind them and move on, that's huge and congratulations. But again, please remember that the ability to move on is a journey, it doesn't just happen because we decide it needs to happen. Life is not a TV show where someone can give honest tough advice and the receiving person has a light switch turn on and they suddenly make huge life changes that last forever. Life is more complicated than that and all I'm asking is that each of us try to be sensitive to where others might be in their individual journey. I'm not asking that anyone stop giving honest challenging feedback.

This discussion is becoming circular with the same points being repeated so I'm just going to let it go and stop replying. I hope and pray everyone has a happy new year and may 2015 be filled with joy and the realization of all your goals and ambitions.

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"You had surgery on your stomach, not your brain. "

 

I think maybe I should have gotten brain surgery as well  ... maybe my surgeon could have given me a 2 for 1 discount ? (lol)

teachingaimee, Mirtl and PapaG like this

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Thank you, PapaG.

Mirtl and PaBrian like this

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What?  I didn't take the easy way out?  That's what my 17 year old told me today.  I wanted to choke her to death!  I was furious when she said that to me.  Of course, she asked about a month ago if she could have the surgery.

Lennie, teachingaimee and CeCeJD like this

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What is with people thinking this is easy?!?

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The surgery, the lifestyle, the commitment to change, the exercise, the food, the psychological games--none of that is easy. I think what people are referring to is the weight loss. In the beginning, the weight falls off most people no matter what they do. Now, before you jump all over me, I was an extremely slow loser. I didn't lose a pound until 2 weeks after surgery, and then only 2 pounds a week average until goal. I never stalled, but I never had the big losses either. What was different was that I knew if I stayed on plan I was going to lose the fat. Before WLS, I would have given up. The only thing easy about any of this is that I have the confidence that what I do makes a difference. Before surgery, I was always discouraged. After surgery, I knew it was going to happen so I didn't waver. Make any sense? 

CeCeJD, teachingaimee, Mirtl and 1 other like this

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What is with people thinking this is easy?!?

 

I honestly think that a lot of folks just aren't prepared. They wake up one day, and think.. "I think I'm going to get WLS"... and 6 weeks later they are out of surgery, with NO IDEA what they have gotten themselves into. They make the decision because they think it's  easy.. .get the surgery.. lose weight.. be skinny forever. But, if they would just do a little reading... ask a few questions... slow things down a bit... they would realize that this is a MAJOR undertaking!! It hits you in every area of your life, and many people aren't prepared for that. It doesn't just affect how much you weigh, or what you eat. It also affects your relationship with food... the way you see yourself... it plays with your emotions.. it changes friendships... it changes your social interactions... it can strengthen or destroy a marriage.... It affects your health in a positive, and potentially negative way. AND... the worst part is... they may fail at it.. which brings with it another whole set of problems. 

 

I know.. here I am spouting off.. and I haven't even had surgery yet. But, I have been here long enough to know that it's not just about a "quick weight loss"... it's about literally changing your whole existance. Many people don't take the time to understand that... 

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Well, I'm not in maintenance yet, so the hard work hasn't really begun for me. I know I'm in the minority here, but I feel like my experience so far HAS been easy. Including the two week pre-op liquid diet and eating mostly liquids for 2-3 weeks post op. I kept telling myself in the beginning that basically a month of extreme "dieting" would pay off in spades, and it did. A month of liquids, no exercise, and I'm down 100lbs 5 months later. This wasn't mentally or emotionally difficult for me. I'm just grateful that surgeries like this are available for someone like me who has been gigantic since preschool and never had a lick of success losing weight the hard way (aka diet and exercise.)

It will get harder, I'm sure. Once the honeymoon is over and I still have X pounds I want to lose, it'll be hard.

In the mean time, I'm going to kick back and enjoy the weight loss, not feeling hunger, and the satisfaction (not fullness--I don't eat enough for that) I get after eating half a cup of food, lol.

teachingaimee, GAviv and karabelle like this

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Excellent points. This is a total lifestyle change. Food does not have the hold on me that it once did, but at four months out, I can see so many changes for the better. Yes, I do have days when I hate not being able to eat what I want, but taking charge of my health far outweighs it all.

I am going to Vegas with my girlfriends in May and I know it'll be a different experience than it has been in the past. I'll spend more time at the spa than at the bar. I'll workout more. I'll eat cleaner. I'm also going to look and feel great. Will I be perfect? Absolutely not. But, I'll be armed with this amazing tool.

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I honestly think that a lot of folks just aren't prepared. They wake up one day, and think.. "I think I'm going to get WLS"... and 6 weeks later they are out of surgery, with NO IDEA what they have gotten themselves into. They make the decision because they think it's  easy.. .get the surgery.. lose weight.. be skinny forever. But, if they would just do a little reading... ask a few questions... slow things down a bit... they would realize that this is a MAJOR undertaking!! It hits you in every area of your life, and many people aren't prepared for that. It doesn't just affect how much you weigh, or what you eat. It also affects your relationship with food... the way you see yourself... it plays with your emotions.. it changes friendships... it changes your social interactions... it can strengthen or destroy a marriage.... It affects your health in a positive, and potentially negative way. AND... the worst part is... they may fail at it.. which brings with it another whole set of problems. 

 

I know.. here I am spouting off.. and I haven't even had surgery yet. But, I have been here long enough to know that it's not just about a "quick weight loss"... it's about literally changing your whole existance. Many people don't take the time to understand that... 

OMG...this!  So well put.

Julie-R likes this

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Excellent points. This is a total lifestyle change. Food does not have the hold on me that it once did, but at four months out, I can see so many changes for the better. Yes, I do have days when I hate not being able to eat what I want, but taking charge of my health far outweighs it all.

I am going to Vegas with my girlfriends in May and I know it'll be a different experience than it has been in the past. I'll spend more time at the spa than at the bar. I'll workout more. I'll eat cleaner. I'm also going to look and feel great. Will I be perfect? Absolutely not. But, I'll be armed with this amazing tool.

CeCe I just wanted to say that i think you're a gorgeous inside and out lady.  :)

 

I honestly think that a lot of folks just aren't prepared. They wake up one day, and think.. "I think I'm going to get WLS"... and 6 weeks later they are out of surgery, with NO IDEA what they have gotten themselves into. They make the decision because they think it's  easy.. .get the surgery.. lose weight.. be skinny forever. But, if they would just do a little reading... ask a few questions... slow things down a bit... they would realize that this is a MAJOR undertaking!! It hits you in every area of your life, and many people aren't prepared for that. It doesn't just affect how much you weigh, or what you eat. It also affects your relationship with food... the way you see yourself... it plays with your emotions.. it changes friendships... it changes your social interactions... it can strengthen or destroy a marriage.... It affects your health in a positive, and potentially negative way. AND... the worst part is... they may fail at it.. which brings with it another whole set of problems. 

 

I know.. here I am spouting off.. and I haven't even had surgery yet. But, I have been here long enough to know that it's not just about a "quick weight loss"... it's about literally changing your whole existance. Many people don't take the time to understand that... 

Scar- You are amazing! Love ya! 

CeCeJD likes this

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it's good to have this repeated over and over again.  there was a part of me that thought before surgery, i would be an exception.  that it wouldn't be so hard.  that i could do this no sweat.  tracking, who needs tracking.  weighing food, who needs weighing food.  well now four weeks post-op, much to my chagrin, i find that i am not so special.  i'm not an exception.  this is hard.  yesterday i started weighing and tracking my food.  at least yesterday i know that i got enough protein.  today will probably the same since i will probably eat the same thing as yesterday.  prior to this i wasn't sure if i was getting enough of anything, it was so hard to eat.  it still takes me about 3 hours to finish a protein shake and about the same to eat a container of yogurt.  nothing tastes the same.  and very little tastes good.  i'm hoping that will improve. 

 

nope.  it's not easy.  but i'm buckling down to the reality of it and commiting to do the hard work. 

Snippets, cherylm321 and Mirtl like this

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You know, I've been wanting to make a similar rant.  Yours is excellent.  

 

Hate the whining about eating carbs, craving carbs, neeeeeding carbs.  Carbs are bad in excess, period.  The mind needs to get that figured out and then just suck it the heck up.  And DO what we need to do to get this killer monkey off our backs.  Don't eat the darned cookies, cakes, candy, ice cream, fudge, rolo's, potatoes, rice... Whatever.  If you do, it's your (and your alone) price to pay.  I just don't want to hear about it anymore.  I will no longer say, "poor you, get back up on that wagon".  There is nothing justifiable about going off plan ! repeatedly ! If you are eating junk food daily,  if you eat a moon pie and then confess,  expect to hear some backlash and don't feel beat up over it.  We're supposed to be good examples for each other, not just be a positive support for our downfalls and backslides.  -- Glad PollySue is gone. She would surely blast me for this.

 

Sigh.  Maybe my time on this board is coming to a close.  I'm just ... tired of coddling those who know they are fudging up and keep doing it over and over.  Tired of the ones who dont really try, despite them thinking they are. I love the people here who really, really try and make this work.  But you can spot in just a few posts, the future failures.  ...and they always come back saying "I messed up and gained 40 lbs back, what did I do wrong?". well... What are you eating?  Because its all about the input.

 

People, the honeymoon period is TOO important to be stupid with it.  That cannot be stated emphatically enough.  If you want this badly enough, you will do what it takes to get there.  Period. End rant.

Don't you dare leave. I will haunt you if you do leave. Take a break if you need one. Use the ignore function but please continue contributing your expert advice .

GAviv, Lennie and GinaRae like this

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Don't you dare leave. I will haunt you if you do leave. Take a break if you need one. Use the ignore function but please continue contributing your expert advice .

 

:wub:  Missed you Spunks...

GinaRae and GAviv like this

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:wub: Missed you Spunks...

Missed you guys as well but I needed a break from reality of everything.

Breaks from things that are intense are good and necessary to preserve sanity.

Edited by Spunkycat

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Missed you guys as well but I needed a break from reality of everything.

Breaks from things that we intense are good and necessary to preserve sanity.

Yes. That's why I took one before. Good to see you.

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Thank god we have you, MJ and HC.  

 

I often get blasted for being tough, or rude, or offensive.  Call it what you will.  But I am also not a fan of hearing about how people CHOOSE to go off plan and don't like to hear the honest truth about why it was a bad idea.  But, sometimes I just read a post and say whatever, because it's not worth it.

 

I don't know.  Maybe my time is coming to an end too, HC.  And be careful, people are very sensitive to the word "coddle" around here.

I refuse to like this post when you say you might leave.

Don't frigging leave or I might have to come to Colorado and force you to be on TT. I don't know how I would do that but I am resourceful and CeCe and I know peeps.!

GAviv likes this

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Yes. That's why I took one before. Good to see you.

Thanks

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CeCe I just wanted to say that i think you're a gorgeous inside and out lady. :)

Scar- You are amazing! Love ya!

Awww, you are so sweet. Thank you.

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hey cece- take me to vegas with you! :(

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hey cece- take me to vegas with you! :(

Do you wanna be around a bunch of 40-somethings who assume alter egos and make fools of themselves with reckless abandon?
lilrosie, MzScarlet, GAviv and 3 others like this

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Do you wanna be around a bunch of 40-somethings who assume alter egos and make fools of themselves with reckless abandon?

Yes!

I can assume with the best!

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Do you wanna be around a bunch of 40-somethings who assume alter egos and make fools of themselves with reckless abandon?

uhm. yes.

i'm almost 30! not too far behind, right? lol

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