WorkinProcess

Reality Check -- This isn't supposed to be EASY

205 posts in this topic

This is one of the best threads I have ever read. I belong to a couple of WLS pages on Facebook and have to hold back from the victims sometimes. Here, I see some serious woe is me types, too. Enough is enough. Get it together, follow your plan, own up to your mistakes, and stop confusing others' honesty with bullying.

That said, if anyone starts telling a sob story and gets brutally honest responses, I can't deal with the whining.

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I'm a lurker (quiet and reserved by nature) but like others have said, many of you on this thread are the reason I check back here everyday. Recipes, clothes, NSVs, etc. There are days when I think, "these steadfast long-timers must get tired of saying the same things over and over again. Protein first. Stay away from sugar and carbs. Stay hydrated. Search before starting any new poop threads." I hope we don't end up left with only whiners and coddlers.

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"Search before starting any new poop threads"

LOL love it!!!

KimR, Stephtay, CeCeJD and 2 others like this

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I have Never expected anything worth while to be easy. I knew going into this that there would be many ups and many downs. That there would be moment's where i felt strong and moment's where i had to bow and pray. When i took that 1st precious step towards Living it wasn't about doing it for hubby or doing it for the sake of being a size 4. It was done because i wanted to be happy and freaking live. I spent half my life, alone and scared. Looking in the mirror hating that FAT girl, and wishing and wanting so badly to be something or someone so strong. 

 

I know i'm not the model TT girl. What ever that may be. I'm not rich and i'm not super popular. I don't claim to have any or all the answers. But i can tell everyone that i am real and honest. I work very hard to be a success. I struggle and i cry, but i don't give up. Life can either be viewed as sucking. Or it can be viewed as something so wonderful...that u are willing to do anything possible to survive it. I am that girl. I will do anything i have to over come my struggles or fears. I will not give into the crap that could drag me down and ruin my future. This surgery changed me. I feel very blessed and so want to share my experience with all the world.  :)

Winzi, duffman27, Mirtl and 5 others like this

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I love this thread. Every single day I remind myself that I had SURGERY to assist me with weight loss and that this is not a diet it's a lifestyle change. I will probably need to remind myself of that every day (or at least every so often) for the rest of my life. Anytime I want to reach for a chip or a snack I think about the thousands of dollars I have spent and the trauma and stress I have put my body through to get my life back. I have overcome almost every single urge (and the very, very few that I haven't I have felt nothing but regret for).

Going into this i lurked on these forums for MONTHS trying to decide if surgery was the right thing for me. Seeing the success that dedicated veterans have had encouraged me to have the surgery. I joined the forum once I made up my mind and I haven't looked back. I may not say things or post things with frequency but I appreciated the advice (especially early on when I felt like I had NO clue what I was doing) and encouragement that everyone here offers. This is a place for support and I can't think of anything more supportive than telling people the cold hard truth. So, thanks, everyone. :)

Sleevarilla, Stephtay and cinwa like this

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Oooh, finally!  I've been waiting YEARS for it!

 

First of all, I'd like to thank the Academy, and my agent, and the producers, and of course my lovely wife and family!

 

Have your pets spayed or neutered!

Sweetie...I don't think she was talking about you.... ;)

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Sweetie...I don't think she was talking about you.... ;)

You mean it's not all about me? Ha ha. Just a light hearted attempt at humor. :)

CeCeJD, Stephtay, kindred71 and 2 others like this

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You mean it's not all about me? Ha ha. Just a light hearted attempt at humor. :)

I like your acceptance speech.

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I like the honesty. I stay because if it and would leave if it were absent.

Snippets, Stephtay and cinwa like this

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I agree that I think all of the long time members are helpful, and hope that all of them continue contributing. It is a great service they provide and is not always well reciprocated. And at times, I find some of the questions or comments annoying. At the same time, I dont think it is appropriate to call people clueless or pick on people that may not understand that they are being picked on (by calling them clueless.) We are here to be supportive of other people, and there is nothing supportive about much of this thread that is picking on someone who you believe does not understand they are being picked on. I am not saying we should not be harsh about people who don't make the proper decisions with their life vis a vis WLS. But, if you find someone annoying and dont want to read their comments, block or ignore them instead of pick on them.. This public shaming seems unhelpful and not commiserate with the way this board has operated forever, at least since I have been posting.

 

Ps. The original thread itself is very helpful and is spot on commentary by MJ

Edited by Buddymiles5

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I agree that I think all of the long time members are helpful, and hope that all of them continue contributing. It is a great service they provide and is not always well reciprocated. And at times, I find some of the questions or comments annoying. At the same time, I dont think it is appropriate to call people clueless or pick on people that may not understand that they are being picked on (by calling them clueless.) We are here to be supportive of other people, and there is nothing supportive about much of this thread that is picking on someone who you believe does not understand they are being picked on. I am not saying we should not be harsh about people who don't make the proper decisions with their life vis a vis WLS. But, if you find someone annoying and dont want to read their comments, block or ignore them instead of pick on them.. This public shaming seems unhelpful and not commiserate with the way this board has operated forever, at least since I have been posting.

 

Ps. The original thread itself is very helpful and is spot on commentary by MJ

 

I thought it was pretty funny.  We're ALL clueless in the beginning despite what we think we know.  We know NOTHING until we walk in the shoes of the post op.  I can freely admit to being clueless early out.  But we learn quickly how much we don't know once we're tossed in to the post op pool with that surgical belly flop.  What goads me worse are the new ops or the pre ops who think they have all the answers and dish them out without having the experience behind them.  Life usually smacks them in the butt and shows them who's boss.  :)

 

The only thing we can count on with this surgery is that everyone will have a different experience. No one way is perfect and no one person has all the answers.  The best we can do is learn from each other and then test our own waters.  If someone decides that eating nothing but carbs are the way they will lose weight henceforth and forevermore, we really can't tell them otherwise.  Time and experience will tell the tale.  Same way with only eating protein. Some people can do it forever with no issues and some people will develop kidney problems from it.  It's the luck of the draw and we're all in on the raffle.

 

Choose your straw only after proper research has been done and you are more comfortable with that than anything else.

Zen_Steph, Birdienut, Winzi and 5 others like this

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I've been watching this thread with a great deal of interest.

I agree with the OPs sentiments, this isn't easy, many people don't see the sabotage they are doing to themselves and lord knows I've never been on a forum where new members know or take the time to use the search function. Answering the same question over and over can be maddening.

With all that said....

This thread has turned largely into a group attaboy where we are extolling how strong we all are for being honest with ourselves and with others. I salute all the strong people on this forum and appreciate your honesty, but I beg each of you for caution....

1. As HC mentioned, early on we are all in a honeymoon and think we know more than we do. As we move on in our time with anything we still don't know everything, we only know what has worked for us. Please keep in mind the stage people are at, like a teenager they may feel invulnerable while they aren't, we need to be patient with them.

2. Honesty doesn't have to be brutal to get through. There is no reward or joy in brutality. Please be charitable yet honest, many of us are very fragile and brutal honesty can have a very real negative impact.

3. Remember that all of us are potentially one trigger event away from adopting our old bad behaviors. For some those events must be much more severe than for others, but it's still true. Please remember that when replying.

Again, I'm not saying don't be honest, just be patient and try too see things based on who the poster is and what baggage they are bringing to this journey. I love the honesty here, but taking pride in being brutally honest is not healthy. Just take pride in being honest.

I understand that I may be opening myself up for some retaliation, and my intention is not to offend or interfere with honesty. However, I'm afraid of this forum turning into a bullying ground just as others are afraid of it turning into a pity forum.

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Papa - "bullying" will never be tolerated.  Our Guidelines on that are very clear on that:

 

 

In general, "play nice". Treat one another with civility and respect. Do not belittle members, do not air dirty laundry in public, etc. If you have a problem with a member, PM (private message) them or e-mail them. If you have a problem with a member you do not feel you can get beyond, walk away or use the "ignore" function. We expect you to keep the best interests of the members/forums in mind. It is not in the best interest of anybody to start or contribute to flaming/bashing threads. These threads only result in hurt feelings and general negativity in the forums. It is neither necessary nor useful to participate in such communication.

 

 

Every post has a "Report" button to the bottom right - that's the quickest way to attract my attention if there's something going on that anyone feels needs looking at.  

 

It's done anonymously and the source will never be divulged.

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As a person who hasn't had surgery yet, and comes here to ask questions, and learn, and am still learning... I'd first like to say that I hate the search function on this site. Sorry admins, just giving feedback. I find it to be ineffective. I have tried to find past posts, and find it near impossible to locate them. sometimes I get 10 pages worth of results and I have to weed through every single post, to find that none of them answer the question I am looking for. Other times, I can put in similar search parameters, and get only 1 page, and it may or may not have the answer. I have wasted HOURS trying to locate information. And when I do, often times the information was posted by someone who is no longer here, so follow up questions are impossible. The folks here are so kind, and there is someone who is always helpful and jumps right in. And I can ask follow up questions. So, yes.. I am guilty of asking questions without searching. I apologize, as I certainly didn't mean to frustrated people. Just trying to learn.

The other thing I wanted to say is that after following along in this forum for 9 months, I have to say that there is a big difference between someone who is still learning and finding their way through this very difficult life transition, and someone who is completely "clueless". I've actually had to spend a good 6 months here before I understood that there ARE some people here who ARE clueless. And, for a new person, this can be confusing, and at times, dangerous. If it wasn't for the folks who understand this process (whether brand new WLS folks, or veterans)coming in and setting some of the folks straight, I believe that many people would take a wrong path, resulting in either failure, or seriously harming themselves.

I have learned, in time, to ignore the clueless, and their ridiculous, and often times harmful posts. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the truly "clueless" folks, are on the path to becoming a statistic. If it wasn't for those "veterans, and non veterans" who really try to grow in this process stepping in, I may have actually listened to that "clueless" advice, and set myself up for failure before I've even begun.

So... I wanted to say THANK YOU to those folks who have been brave enough to risk confrontation and wrist slapping to point out the "clueless" postings, (and posters). You have truly helped me to find the right path.

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Helpful tip, type in:

site:thinnertimesforum.com ___ ___ ( < Insert your query there)

Into a new internet tab and search results will be WAY better.

For example searching "site:thinnertimesforum.com weight training" gives me this--

http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/topic/99958-needing-sample-weight-lifting-and-nutrition-plan/

Stephtay and teachingaimee like this

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Thanks for that, MM! I have had a hard time searching the forum, too, looking for threads I KNOW are there, but cannot find. Oh to be technologically savvy!

Stephtay likes this

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Papa - "bullying" will never be tolerated.

Thank Cinwa and I know and like the report functionality. We just need to remember that bullying is very subjective and many people who come from an abusive background have been conditioned not to report. I just want us to keep our minds open. I do appreciate the diverse opinions here it is what makes the forum valuable.

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Thank Cinwa and I know and like the report functionality. We just need to remember that bullying is very subjective and many people who come from an abusive background have been conditioned not to report. I just want us to keep our minds open. I do appreciate the diverse opinions here it is what makes the forum valuable.

Great points! 

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Thanks for that, MM! I have had a hard time searching the forum, too, looking for threads I KNOW are there, but cannot find. Oh to be technologically savvy!

Ha! I'm the least technologically literate person I know. Someone on another forum (not WLS related, don't worry I'm not cheating on y'all :P ) has this tip in their signature. Apparently lots of online forums have crappy search functions lol.

Mirtl likes this

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I do NOT believe in Bullying, but I do NOT believe in coddling, either....

 

Encouraging people to cling to a victim mentality is not healthy.

 

The whole process of WLS surgery is Empowering, proving you CAN overcome the odds.  Its not about what happened 10 or 20 or 30 years ago, its what is happening NOW.

Edited by WorkinProcess

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Best Post Ever.

Yep.

Happy-Camper likes this

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Ha! I'm the least technologically literate person I know. Someone on another forum (not WLS related, don't worry I'm not cheating on y'all :P ) has this tip in their signature. Apparently lots of online forums have crappy search functions lol.

That's only because you haven't met me! I still have a flip phone...

 

 

 

Edited by cinwa
Mirtl likes this

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I do NOT believe in Bullying, but I do NOT believe in coddling, either....

 

Encouraging people to cling to a victim mentality is not healthy.

 

The whole process of WLS surgery is Empowering, proving you CAN overcome the odds.  Its not about what happened 10 or 20 or 30 years ago, its what is happening NOW.

I don't believe in coddling either, I respect your position and support your right to say it, I just don't agree with it.

What happened 10, 20 or 30 years ago shaped what we are today. To ignore it is a huge mistake, and it is impossible to just say "that's the past, I think I'll just move on" life doesn't work that way. Much of the damage many have is not just gotten over, it takes years of effort to get past it. No surgery is a tool to fix it, it's much harder to correct than our weight. Our weight was often a symptom of much deeper issues.

Also, working to understand what is going on with someone is not encouraging them to hold on to a victim mentality, again, it doesn't mean we coddle, we must and should challenge them. I'm only asking that we do so so in an understanding and charitable manner.

My oberservations are not directed at any one person, I'm just asking the collective group to keep some things in mind.

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What "happened in the past " Shaped us all right, made us a LARGE SHAPE!

If one hangs on to all the negative energy that has passed through their lives, it leaves No Room for New and Better things!

And I DO believe in moving on from past issues -- accepting that what happened is IN THE PAST. Its called Growth.

!

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Everything comes back to personal responsibility. Each and every one of us has our own personal trauma, something happened to each of us that is unique and affected our lives. However, we must actively choose how it shapes us. We must be responsible enough to ourselves to move on, become better, stronger, more capable. We get to define ourselves. Things might happen to us, but we get to choose how it affects us. I don't need to understand what happened to someone, they don't need to know what happened to me. It is my belief that holding someone accountable for themselves is no different than holding myself accountable. No free rides. Do the work just like I have to do the work. Or don't, and suffer the consequences. But never expect someone else to do the work for you.

 

And life is easier if you can laugh at yourself. I am quick to poke fun of someone, but my most frequent target is myself. Lighten up, laugh, shake it off, or tell some to kiss your butt. Life moves on, and you get to choose how every little thing shapes your day, week, life.

Edited by Sleevarilla

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