Food animosity towards your partner. - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Femme_Fatale · 10-31-2009, 04:59 PM

Ok weird i know but i am seriously having such a hard time with this. For the most part my Boy friend has been good about watching what he eats around me but still its hard.. He is eating better but not... the best that he could.
I have had the most intense cravings like out of this world BAD, and still he'll eat Chinese, Wendy's pizza and so forth around me... and i feel like sobbing every time. I don't know if i am being selfish becuase i cant have it or ridiculous becuase its affecting me so much! GOD!!!! I know i have to deal but (sigh)

Has this happened to anyone...

AirForceW1fe · 10-31-2009, 05:11 PM

It did to me at first. I would say the first month or so was rough. I yelled at him ALOT. But then once I realized it was not his fault I could no longer eat that way I got past it. It's still a little frustrating sometimes. It's tough, don't get me wrong!

I was telling Kel earlier I wish they could operate on our brains because the foodie in me will never die. I will always love food and will always struggle with my addiction to it.

I think at least for me it came down to putting reminders everywhere of what I wanted more than food. Smaller clothes, really high heels etc. These are in my closets and they help to keep me focused on the more long term goals I have. My diabetes is gone and that was the biggest one for me, so now comes the being more active and just overall feeling better about what I see when I look in the mirror.

I got better for me, I really hope it does for you too! And if you just want to vent, rant on. That's what we are here for.

poet_kelly · 10-31-2009, 05:31 PM

You know, for the most part watching other people eat stuff I can't have really doesn't bother me too much. I don't know why not. It just doesn't. Now, once over the summer my partner came home with a flurry, and I really wished I could have one. But it didn't make me angry at him or anything.

Honestly, I think it's just a issue we have to deal with inside ourselves. Maybe it's just easy for me to say that since it hasn't bothered me too much, I don't know. I am not trying to minimize something that is obviously difficult for you.

But I don't know if it's very reasonable or fair to ask people not to eat certain things around us. We chose to have surgery, knowing there would be some limitations on what we could eat, at least for a while. The people around us did not choose to have surgery. The fact that I chose to have surgery should not mean that my partner has to give up flurries. Or that he has to hide from me when he eats them.

Kelly

mistymee · 10-31-2009, 05:37 PM

Theres various things that bother me.. watching HOW people eat can often disgust me.. and how much they eat is downright gross to me at times.

I don't get mad when hubby eats something that I can't have, BUT.. I've had to ban certain things from the house because I simply do not have the fortitude or strength to resist it on my own and hubby and I have talked about it and he's agreed that we just won't buy it anymore because he wants to me be happy. He loves chinese food but will go with friends from work at lunch rather than subject me to it.. and I'm so thankful for that. I would find it very frustrating if he wouldn't consider my feelings.

Rather than get mad, is there a way you two could work out some sort of compromise? I mean, like Kelly said.. they didn't choose to have the surgery so it's hard to be mean at them for eating stuff we can't eat.. but it'd be nice if he tried to be considerate of your feelings.

Good luck..

soon2bthin · 10-31-2009, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poet_kelly

You know, for the most part watching other people eat stuff I can't have really doesn't bother me too much. I don't know why not. It just doesn't. Now, once over the summer my partner came home with a flurry, and I really wished I could have one. But it didn't make me angry at him or anything.

Honestly, I think it's just a issue we have to deal with inside ourselves. Maybe it's just easy for me to say that since it hasn't bothered me too much, I don't know. I am not trying to minimize something that is obviously difficult for you.

But I don't know if it's very reasonable or fair to ask people not to eat certain things around us. We chose to have surgery, knowing there would be some limitations on what we could eat, at least for a while. The people around us did not choose to have surgery. The fact that I chose to have surgery should not mean that my partner has to give up flurries. Or that he has to hide from me when he eats them.

Kelly

Interesting Kelly, this is the exact point I was trying to make in a thread last week that got totally mistconstrued. I guess maybe I didn't fancy it up enough with filler words huh?

Point is, just because we had surgery doesn't mean our loved ones, family, friends are gonna change they way they eat. We chose this not them. It is hard at first but you get used to it. Its just what we have to do.

Highlandlass · 10-31-2009, 05:47 PM

The only time I got really angry was when my husband (a wonderful Italian cook) kept asking "Do you want some spaghetti and meat sauce" (my absolute fav dinner) after I told him about 100 times I couldn't eat - not that I didn't want it, I just couldn't because its stuck in my throat, bothered my pouch and came back up violently. I had to really lose my temper and make it very clear that I didn't want to be asked again. I don't mind that everyone eats my old favourites around me - I just love my protein shakes and cheese sticks so much (lol).

UndercoverDiva · 10-31-2009, 06:21 PM

I've never had a problem with my SO eating whatever he wants. There are times that he'll order takout and bring it home and eat it in front of me. Doesn't bother me in the least.

Lynette · 10-31-2009, 06:35 PM

No, it doesn't bother me because I know if I DID eat it I would either be in pain or it wouldn't taste as good as it looks and smells. My experience relates to my kids really and for the first month or so I found myself making or buying them things I would want even though I couldn't eat it but have since stopped doing that.

What DOES piss me off something fierce is when I have plenty of food in the house for them and they take ALL of the ONE freaking thing in the fridge that I can eat

Like my 16yo was really craving burritos from our fav Mexican place so we got take out and I ordered a side of beans for myself. I wasn't hungry so put them in the fridge and she ate half of her burrito. The next morning rather than eat the other half, she ate my beans for breakfast. Ugh!

Puddin · 10-31-2009, 07:40 PM

I have to agree watching people eat just disgusts me now. People just shovel food into theirs mouths barely chewing before they swallow. I'm sure I did this too but never really thought much about it until after surgery. As far as others eating in front of me, it doesn't bother me.

Karlos · 11-01-2009, 09:10 AM

I agree with what has been said here, it was my choice to get this surgery, and I knew going in that I would have to make sacrifices. My family are not allowed to be deprived of the foods that they can eat with control just because for years I was out of control. I would go ape if I thought they were not eating the stuff they love because I was a knob for twenty years.

Saying that I have been tremendously lucky in that my family have given me more support than one fat man deserves. In the early days when I was struggling with the enormity of what I had done to myself they would not eat my old foods in front of me. Now I have exorcised my food demons they can eat what they like I am OK.

In some kind of twisted Masochistic way it strengthens my resolve to see people eating food that I can no longer eat. I feel great inside that I am stronger than them because I can deny myself the foods they crave. The craving hasn't gone from my mind yet, I doubt it ever will, but I take the moral high ground and look down from my lofty perch and smile. Twisted but it works for me LOL.

On a recent all inclusive holiday I was disgusted with the amount of food some people were putting down their necks, yet this time last year I would have shifted more than them. Go figure