Food animosity towards your partner. - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

poet_kelly · 11-03-2009, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladyluck82

I dont see it as not being fair to be concerned when you other half is eating crap and shouldnt be, some people just cant help themselves, I know I couldnt. If you are saying it for his health then personally I think it is more unfair to say nothing.

I would have loved it if any of my friends or family would have said to me 'dont eat that, why dont you have some of this instead' then maybe I wouldnt have got so big! Instead everyone bought me chocolates and cakes and cooked me massive meals cos they knew I liked it!

Also I think if my husband had said 'dont eat that' instead of keeping schtum I wouldnt have eaten so much crap! I did feel like I had Carte Blanche to eat whatever I liked cos no one said anything.
I have said this too him and he said he thought in his head I shouldnt be eating that, but thought it was making me happy to eat it so left me be. As an adult I should have been able to monitor my own food intake but I coulndt/didnt for whatever reason people become obese in the first place.
I just wish someone had told me 'no'

This may be the case for you. It's not for me. I did not eat just because no one told me not to. I didn't need someone to tell me I was eating too much or eating the wrong things. I already knew that. I just ate it anyway. If my partner had told me not to eat that Ben and Jerry's, it just would have pissed me off and hurt my feelings. I would have felt like I was being treated like a child and I would not have appreciated that.

Kelly

mistymee · 11-03-2009, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eyesthatkissu

Remember, food is our addiction. Therefore we treat it as such. Imagine how hard it would be for you to tell a crack addict, "You MUST have crack 6 times a day, but only this much, an only this kind of crack." It sounds ludacris but as food addicts that is what is presented to us. But this food addiction is OUR issue. Sure we want support, but angrer is not the most productive emotion when you are trying to garner said support.

After a time your body does adjust and your cravings do change. Soon you'll most likely find yourself not even wanting those things you covet now. Just try and not hold a grudge. You wouldn't want to strain your relationship over food. Hasn't food caused you enough hardship in your life already?

On a side note, once MO alwys MO, I still hide my favorite foods from my family. I'll come home from the grocery store and announce, "This is mine! You eat it you die!" Triumphantly holding up a tube of Pringles that it takes me 3 months to eat.

See, a can of pringles (or in my case, a bag of Popcorn Indiana Kettlecorn) would be gone in two days at the very most... I could (and have) mindlessly eaten that just like in my old days.. where I would almost become a zombie, till the bag is half gone w/o my even realizing. So for me, I can't have it in the house. At all.

Temptations in the store? I can avoid that. Temptations in restaurants? I'm fine there too. Temptations in my home? I spend too much time alone here, I guess.. so, that is where I have to draw the line. I simply cannot have them in my house period. Hubby knows if he wants them he has to either bring them home without my knowledge and put them where I will not see/find them in my daily doings around here or just keep them in his car.

If I had restraint, I suppose that wouldn't be an issue.

And unlike you, I DO still crave all my old favorites. Add to that, the gnawing stomach that rarely goes away, except for just immediately after eating.. it just can't be here. Period.

I don't know what I would do if I lived with some of the spouses that others here talk about. Mine errs on the side of caution whenever he is deciding what he can or cannot bring home. He wants me to be happy and that means not having this stuff around me.

eyesthatkissu · 11-03-2009, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mistymee

See, a can of pringles (or in my case, a bag of Popcorn Indiana Kettlecorn) would be gone in two days at the very most... I could (and have) mindlessly eaten that just like in my old days.. where I would almost become a zombie, till the bag is half gone w/o my even realizing. So for me, I can't have it in the house. At all.

Temptations in the store? I can avoid that. Temptations in restaurants? I'm fine there too. Temptations in my home? I spend too much time alone here, I guess.. so, that is where I have to draw the line. I simply cannot have them in my house period. Hubby knows if he wants them he has to either bring them home without my knowledge and put them where I will not see/find them in my daily doings around here or just keep them in his car.

If I had restraint, I suppose that wouldn't be an issue.

And unlike you, I DO still crave all my old favorites. Add to that, the gnawing stomach that rarely goes away, except for just immediately after eating.. it just can't be here. Period.

I don't know what I would do if I lived with some of the spouses that others here talk about. Mine errs on the side of caution whenever he is deciding what he can or cannot bring home. He wants me to be happy and that means not having this stuff around me.

Aren't you proud of yourself?! For even knowing and recognizing your own limitations? I think that's an amazing accomplishment! You rock! Others that know me from before know about my food "allergies". Just after surgery I started telling myself and anyone who would listen that I was allergic to all different kinds of food. French fries, chocolate, processed cakes like pastries. It sort of became my self-fulfilling prophecy. After having told everyone and myself for so long this was the case, I think my mind actually believes it. The thought of certain foods makes me queezy! I think that however we can recognize our limitations and adhere to them in whatever way possible, that's what makes us successful.

eyesthatkissu · 11-03-2009, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poet_kelly

This may be the case for you. It's not for me. I did not eat just because no one told me not to. I didn't need someone to tell me I was eating too much or eating the wrong things. I already knew that. I just ate it anyway. If my partner had told me not to eat that Ben and Jerry's, it just would have pissed me off and hurt my feelings. I would have felt like I was being treated like a child and I would not have appreciated that.

Kelly

This reminds me of I think the worst argument I had with my SO in years. About a year post-op. I was making dinner and went into the pantry and grabbed a handful of pretzels. I was snacking on them while I was cooking. Knowing how little food I was able to eat at a sitting he looked over and said, "Should you really be eating that right before dinner?" He was logical.... why waste my precious stomach capacity on empty calories. But I flipped my lid screaming at him, "Who made you my (*&^ing food police?!" Poor guy didn't know what hit him. He was right, I was wrong. But there is no denying that when someone points something like that out you feel very defensive and very much like a child being disciplined.

mistymee · 11-03-2009, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eyesthatkissu

Aren't you proud of yourself?! For even knowing and recognizing your own limitations? I think that's an amazing accomplishment! You rock! Others that know me from before know about my food "allergies". Just after surgery I started telling myself and anyone who would listen that I was allergic to all different kinds of food. French fries, chocolate, processed cakes like pastries. It sort of became my self-fulfilling prophecy. After having told everyone and myself for so long this was the case, I think my mind actually believes it. The thought of certain foods makes me queezy! I think that however we can recognize our limitations and adhere to them in whatever way possible, that's what makes us successful.

Yeah, I do know my limitations but honestly.. I think it's my hubby Geof that ROCKS... he cares enough about my feelings that he will abstain from eating some things he loves because he knows how difficult it is for me to stay out of them.

I feel very sad for those that struggle with this issue with their partner. He loves me enough to not keep that stuff here.. I feel frustrated for those that are dealing with their loved ones eating old favorites in front of them without noticing or caring how difficult it is to see.

I would expect a child or teen, even just simple friends and other family members to not be aware of how hard that is for us, but our spouses? The one who loves us best? No, I would think they should have a little more sympathy and find times and places to eat that other than in front of us.

poet_kelly · 11-03-2009, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eyesthatkissu

This reminds me of I think the worst argument I had with my SO in years. About a year post-op. I was making dinner and went into the pantry and grabbed a handful of pretzels. I was snacking on them while I was cooking. Knowing how little food I was able to eat at a sitting he looked over and said, "Should you really be eating that right before dinner?" He was logical.... why waste my precious stomach capacity on empty calories. But I flipped my lid screaming at him, "Who made you my (*&^ing food police?!" Poor guy didn't know what hit him. He was right, I was wrong. But there is no denying that when someone points something like that out you feel very defensive and very much like a child being disciplined.

Yeah. And that may be helpful for some people, and if it works for them (and if their spouse doesn't mind monitoring them like a child) then that's fine. It wouldn't work for me. I know I shouldn't eat pretzels while I'm cooking dinner. But sometimes I might choose to do it anyway. And I'm an adult. I can do that if I want to. Doesn't matter that he would be right and I would be wrong. I'm allowed to be wrong sometimes. I'm an adult. I can make poor choices if I want to.

And so can my partner. He knows candy bars aren't good for him. He's a smart man. He doesn't need me to tell him that. He knows being 70 pounds overweight isn't healthy. But apparently he's not ready to change that yet. And I can understand that. I was overweight for what, ten years, before I was really ready to change it? And me telling him not to eat candy bars won't make him ready to change it. It will just annoy him. Or worse.

Kelly

Ladyluck82 · 11-03-2009, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poet_kelly

This may be the case for you. It's not for me. I did not eat just because no one told me not to. I didn't need someone to tell me I was eating too much or eating the wrong things. I already knew that. I just ate it anyway. If my partner had told me not to eat that Ben and Jerry's, it just would have pissed me off and hurt my feelings. I would have felt like I was being treated like a child and I would not have appreciated that.

Kelly

I knew I was eating the wrong stuff too, but no one said anything so I juat got on with stuffing my face. Its funny how we are all different, Like I said I would have loved it if someone was on my case! And like Mistymee I dont think I could live with someone who was eating crap all the time around me, I just think its unsupportive, luckily andy eats fairly healthy anyway as he has just had his thryroid out he has to watch what he eats a bit now.
I do know he munches chocolate in the car and at work cos I find the wrappers lol But thats up to him and I appreciate him not eating it around me

watfam4 · 11-03-2009, 08:29 AM

When I was in my first couple of years post-op, our house was filled with junk food and I just had to deal with it. Recently my wife decided to go on a diet and stopped buying the junk for her and the kids. The irony is that I can now eat a lot of things that are no-no's for her (mostly fast food stuff). The other day I was working on a plate of nachos and got the evil eye.

UndercoverDiva · 11-03-2009, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poet_kelly

Yeah. And that may be helpful for some people, and if it works for them (and if their spouse doesn't mind monitoring them like a child) then that's fine. It wouldn't work for me. I know I shouldn't eat pretzels while I'm cooking dinner. But sometimes I might choose to do it anyway. And I'm an adult. I can do that if I want to. Doesn't matter that he would be right and I would be wrong. I'm allowed to be wrong sometimes. I'm an adult. I can make poor choices if I want to.

And so can my partner. He knows candy bars aren't good for him. He's a smart man. He doesn't need me to tell him that. He knows being 70 pounds overweight isn't healthy. But apparently he's not ready to change that yet. And I can understand that. I was overweight for what, ten years, before I was really ready to change it? And me telling him not to eat candy bars won't make him ready to change it. It will just annoy him. Or worse.

Kelly

My thoughts exactly, Kelly! My SO's mother will ask me why I don't stop him from eating crap and I have to repeatedly tell her that he's a grown man and needs to take responsibility for his own health. I'm not going to nag or shame him into not eating what he wants. He has to decide for himself.

I also don't agree with mandating what can or cannot be brought home to eat. If I do the grocery shopping, I buy what I want and I don't buy junk. If he goes, I don't dictate what can and cannot be put into the cart, especially when he's paying for it. Besides, nothing he buys, what I consider to be junk, is anything I would eat...garlic-filled olives, for one! *Bleeeeccchhh*

mistymee · 11-03-2009, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UndercoverDiva

I also don't agree with mandating what can or cannot be brought home to eat. If I do the grocery shopping, I buy what I want and I don't buy junk. If he goes, I don't dictate what can and cannot be put into the cart, especially when he's paying for it. Besides, nothing he buys, what I consider to be junk, is anything I would eat...garlic-filled olives, for one! *Bleeeeccchhh*

It is much easier to say you don't agree when it is stuff that isn't a trigger food for you. When it is, it's a whole different story.