the "talk" I've been dreading... - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

trish29 · 06-29-2009, 11:42 AM

Well, I think it has less to do with the guy and more to do with me. I was a fat girl and I was SUPER self-conscious about it. I'm still workin through all that. So, having a conversation about my WLS - that has to do with my body being skinny or big - makes me feel vulnerable and puts me on display. Its not that I have to ease him into it, its that I need to ease myself into it, lol.

And Baja....been there done that and he hasn't seemed to notice anything :-) Or he just hasn't asked! lol. My scars look pretty good and I don't have any big loose skin issues..yet. The stretch marks are what they are...and he has a few. So I don't feel like I need to tell him because of intimacy issues... I just want to get it over with because ultimately its something I'm really proud of and its a huge part of my life.

Ahhhhhh.......dating. I am SO bad at this.

Baja Big Dog · 06-29-2009, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trish29

Well, I think it has less to do with the guy and more to do with me. I was a fat girl and I was SUPER self-conscious about it. I'm still workin through all that. So, having a conversation about my WLS - that has to do with my body being skinny or big - makes me feel vulnerable and puts me on display. Its not that I have to ease him into it, its that I need to ease myself into it, lol.

And Baja....been there done that and he hasn't seemed to notice anything :-) Or he just hasn't asked! lol. My scars look pretty good and I don't have any big loose skin issues..yet. The stretch marks are what they are...and he has a few. So I don't feel like I need to tell him because of intimacy issues... I just want to get it over with because ultimately its something I'm really proud of and its a huge part of my life.

Ahhhhhh.......dating. I am SO bad at this.

Trish..first of all its more or less confidence that will help you communicate he information to the new "lab rat" as my dates refer to us men are!!

I dont normally sugar coat things, I dont post touchy..feely...oh you look great comments unless I really think someone looks great, that said, you my dear look fricken fantastic, not many can dispute that, I know that sharing information is gut wrenching for some, especially women, since most of us "lab rats" are visual things. One advantage you have is the age thing, and the skin thing may not play a big role in what to prepare the guy for.

Believe me, if this guy is into you (and you know what I mean!!) then sharing this information will more than likely draw him closer to you, it should, and if it doesnt, then he will have to deal with it...hold your head high, and show your pride in what you have done...your the bomb girl!!

watfam4 · 06-29-2009, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by trish29

Well, I think it has less to do with the guy and more to do with me. I was a fat girl and I was SUPER self-conscious about it. I'm still workin through all that. So, having a conversation about my WLS - that has to do with my body being skinny or big - makes me feel vulnerable and puts me on display. Its not that I have to ease him into it, its that I need to ease myself into it, lol.

I get this. I still sometimes feel a little funny about sharing. Not because I am ashamed of the surgery, but more ashamed of revealing that I was once a person with a weight problem that had spiraled out of control.

trish29 · 06-29-2009, 03:23 PM

Thanks Baja and Jim...

Baja for being such a good guy...

Jim for understanding what goes through my head, lol.

I do feel great Baja...just trying to get the mind to catch up with the outside.

He's a good guy - I'll keep everyone posted on how it goes...when it happens.

THX!

jenn75 · 06-29-2009, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by watfam4

I get this. I still sometimes feel a little funny about sharing. Not because I am ashamed of the surgery, but more ashamed of revealing that I was once a person with a weight problem that had spiraled out of control.

Precisely! It's not about them accepting me now, at the weight I am, it's the seed I plant in their imagination as to "just how fat/large was she?", and the fact that they could lose respect for me for allowing myself to get that large in the first place, even if I did do something about it. That's where I feel it could get sticky. Like maybe they could think to themselves "hmm, if she was capable of getting that large before, what's gonna stop her again/this time?"

But, I'm also single, and I have thus far told the person on or before the first date. I like to rip it off like a bandaid...just get it out of the way I guess. I guess now it seems to be the first true test of whether they accept me for me, and right now, so soon out from surgery, this is a major part of me.

And yes, Baja, it can be a major topic of discussion - educating them on what I can and can't eat and why, just how much of a stomach I have, all of that good stuff. Most have been intrigued about it. One didn't really care to ask much about it, just said that it didn't make a difference to him knowing I had it.

Janelle · 06-29-2009, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by watfam4

I get this. I still sometimes feel a little funny about sharing. Not because I am ashamed of the surgery, but more ashamed of revealing that I was once a person with a weight problem that had spiraled out of control.

This hits the nail on the head! I've been going through this very same conversation with someone I have met. He knew I lost a lot of weight because I'd warned him about the skin issue. On the last date, he asked how I lost the weight. I point blank answered him. He felt that the decision was a proactive one and was pleased that I would do something, even a drastic measure, to become healthier.

I also think that part of the hesitation is that most of us know that some people believe that WLS is cheating or they weren't supportive of the surgery. Making yourself so vulnerable in a new relationship and opening yourself up with the possibility of criticism is difficult.

watfam4 · 06-30-2009, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janelle

I also think that part of the hesitation is that most of us know that some people believe that WLS is cheating or they weren't supportive of the surgery. Making yourself so vulnerable in a new relationship and opening yourself up with the possibility of criticism is difficult.

I've been out of the dating game for a while, but I'd look at sharing your WLS story like talking about past relationships. It is not anything your ashamed of (necessarily), but it's probably best not to drag it out on a first date either (TMI).

Baja Big Dog · 06-30-2009, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janelle

This hits the nail on the head! I've been going through this very same conversation with someone I have met. He knew I lost a lot of weight because I'd warned him about the skin issue. On the last date, he asked how I lost the weight. I point blank answered him. He felt that the decision was a proactive one and was pleased that I would do something, even a drastic measure, to become healthier.

I also think that part of the hesitation is that most of us know that some people believe that WLS is cheating or they weren't supportive of the surgery. Making yourself so vulnerable in a new relationship and opening yourself up with the possibility of criticism is difficult.

This surgery and its outcome is something you should be proud of and if your mate cant share that feeling, then you have a little hurdle to overcome, and with education, if the person your with is worth it, Im sure the outcome will fall in your favor!!