Confessions of a WLS Serial Dater - the good, bad and downright hilarious! - Page 36 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

MrHarker · 10-26-2009, 09:56 PM

WoW yikes?

Atleast yall are trying, I havent been on a date since 2001

I did just write up a nice personal ad for Craigslist but i've been to chicken to post it. I did mention that I had WLS...which will prolly scare away %90 of the women looking but eh it's who I am now.

If anything I would like to meet someone nice who has also gone through WLS.....atleast she would understand where I am coming from and know what I went through.

Kymel · 10-29-2009, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrHarker

WoW yikes?

Atleast yall are trying, I havent been on a date since 2001

I did just write up a nice personal ad for Craigslist but i've been to chicken to post it. I did mention that I had WLS...which will prolly scare away %90 of the women looking but eh it's who I am now.

If anything I would like to meet someone nice who has also gone through WLS.....atleast she would understand where I am coming from and know what I went through.

Don't worry about dates yet...they'll come. Just get out there some and enjoy yourself. Some of my experiences might be a yikes...but I've had a great time in the process. It all balances out...and it's been much better than sitting at home watching tv every night.

For me personally, I don't mention my surgery in my add, nor really to anyone that I haven't gotten to know that well yet. Not so much that it would scare them away - just that they don't really have a need to know yet. I used to in the beginning - mention it at least (not put it in an add), but it was mostly because I was self conscious of them seeing some kind of sign of it and thinking something odd about it...like my bat wings, or how little I eat. Mostly it would come up as a last ditch effort to get them to stop trying to make me keep up with everyone elses drinks when I go out. Anyway - for your add - focus on the positive and good qualities about you. Not that your surgery isn't good or positive - but there's better ways to spin it. Like that you're working on living a healthy active lifestyle. Afterall - if you were reading some chicks add, would you want to know she had back surgery, or a hysterectomy, or a cyst removed??? Nope, probably not. Medical history is for later...and that's how you should treat this too. It is part of your medical history. Just my two cents from a girl's perspective and all.

Try an add and just see how it goes....what's the harm in it. If you decide to venture out, just keep in mind there's a multitude of reasons that someone might pass your add over. Yes, they may not be interested, but it's not necessicarily for a negative, or reason that could be taken personally. Could be location, or their situation at the time. Could be that you're just not a fit for them...because of whats going on with them -not you. Could be that they don't feel confident enough to contact you...there's a 100 reasons out there and all of them boil down to the simple reason that it's just not a good fit - but nothing personal behind it. Imagine how hard life would be if there were 200 fairly perfect matches for us in our area at any one given time. We'd never be able to reduce it down to 1 good candidate. Our minds would constantly be looking at everything and saying 'but this one would work too'. There's someone out there for all of us - it's just a matter of weeding through and finding them.

Here's something to try, a friend of mine does this with hers - write up several completely different adds. Stuff that reflects you, some of your various facets and qualities and post them. Maybe 3...and see how that goes. You'll probably get some of the same responses from the same people, but it will help you see what works out there as an 'ad' and maybe what doesn't.

Take the bull by the horns and start contacting people there too. Take your life in your hands and control it instead of it controlling you. Just keep the responses in perspective and remember most of the time the reason for a lack of interest isn't necesarily something for you to take personally. It comes in time, but really there are a ton of fish in the sea - and others will come along.

That being said...it's ironic for my next post...but I do have faith...just in a funk right now.

Kymel · 10-29-2009, 12:51 PM

Ok I'm in a funk this week...and I've got Alanis Morrisette running through my brain "It's like rain, on your wedding day. A free ride, where you're goin anyway. Some good advice, that ya just didn't take. Who woulda thought, it figures. Isn't it ironic...dontcha think?"

Oy. Ok, I said I was appreciating the break, but now it's too quiet.

So the irony here? What's buggin me?? It's not so much the break - which is still appreciated...it's that I realized earlier this week that it's been a full year since I started venturing back out into the big wide world. Last year at this time I was feeling good enough about myself to try my hand out there and see what kind of response I'd get. This process really started out with me not wanting to go to our company Christmas party alone...AGAIN. After I had my surgery I had this wonderful dreamy thought that "wow, I'll never have to go to another holiday party, halloween party, wedding, etc alone." Either I'd have a boyfriend in time, or surely could find a date of some sort to go with me.

Last year this process started out right about this time with a friend of mine taking me out with the sole intent of finding me a date for our holiday party which was a little over a month out. Had I met someone and clicked that night, it might have been possible, but it didn't turn out that way. I did meet someone shortly after that, but he was working 7 days a week and we weren't quite at a spot that I felt I could ask. Holiday party's can be a touchy subject becuase some people look at them as pretty big deal - lotsa pressure for someone you really just met. Anyway, I wound up going alone...again. New Years, alone. Birthday - with friends, but essentially alone. Ok, I had someone at the time, but he lived 3 hours away. Company picnic...alone, friends parties...alone...etc. Even after all this effort and all the lovely tribulations and 'adventures' I've had this past year, I'm still not any further along than I was last year at this same time. I still have no one to go with to this years party...which is again coming up and just over a month away. I'm right exactly where I was last year, and it's depressing to realize. I don't want to go alone.

I have a few guys I could ask to go as friends, but I'm pretty sure they'll decline. You boys have issues with understanding that when we ask you as a 'friend', we really could possibly mean just that - without alterior motives. I know, it's probably been ingrained due to past experiences, but still. And going with someone from work doesn't pan out here either - mostly because the guys I work with are bigger gossips than us girls are. They see two of us singles together and we'll never hear the end of it at work. No one would even bother asking if we're a couple or just friends - the assumption would be out there and someone would be ordering wedding invitations by Monday. Silly boys here.

Something else that's been bothering me, or just bugging me somewhere just below the surface...is that there's a guy across the hall from me that's been planning his wedding. Hooray for him...and it's not lonely jealousy here that's eating at me - it's the person. For one, I'm not used to hearing about wedding plans from a guy in the hall. For two - he's a stereotypical engineer down to the letter. Socially awkward, book smarts without common sense, no sense of humor and just simply weird in his own ways too. In fact, this week...he's off at a meditation resort type thing. And not the relaxing spa type either. Actual meditation to the core...like visualizing himself visiting with 'other' beings. Really out there stuff. This guy is about as awkward as they come, and I've been around some strange ones here...yet he's managed to find someone out there in the world that accepts and loves him just the way he is in all his weirdness...yet I can't even get past a 3rd date...hell, for the past 3 or so months, I can't even get to a 2nd date (just realized that). And he's not even cute (just incase you were thinkin maybe a weirdo in a hot body).

I know everyone has their own time...as I said, I'm just in a funk right now. I'm sure I've learned things along the way so it's not all just a waste...it's just hard coming back around to this time of year when there's so much going on that I love to do, but hate to go alone.

Haven't heard from ShyGuy in a while. Bagged out on plans with Wild Child tonight. And Hotbody Rifle Boy hasn't said anything either...so I haven't made a point of contacting him. There was the 3rd guy on POF that I passed over and forgot to mention. He's another cop, about an hour north of me. We've been emailing this week, but I kinda dropped the ball and just finally responded to his email from Monday - ooops. Not intentional, just hadn't got around to it. Wrote him back this morning. He'd like to get together for coffee sometime, but my weekend is pretty full this week - plans with the gals for halloween and shopping, so I'm not sure when, if at all that anything will happen there.

Hopefully my foot finds it's way to my keester before Saturday, or else I'm not going to be much to hang out with on one of the funnest nights of the year...that would suck.

Kymel · 11-02-2009, 03:37 PM

Alright CeeCee! I've been officially called out publicly to get my rear in gear here. (say that 5 times fast!) Ok I gotta put this here for a second...just in case. I'll be mentioning someone new today, so feel free to still communicate with me either here or on facebook (for those of you on my friend list) - but if it's on FB about the thread - please have some fun with cammoflaging it. This new one is now on my friend list there and can see comments...lol. Mkay? And Kimmers...that doesn't mean you get to try and embarass the heck out of me with anti-camo comments (double negatives are included in that!) I know you waaaay too well luv!

Ok...so for the update.

The Cop and I are still emailing...although it's kinda slow going right now. He'd said something about meeting in a podunk town that's between mine and his, but there's really nothing to do there. It was a gracious effort to meet 'in the middle' but really - it's 50 miles for me, and 20 for him...so if I'm going that way I might as well drive the other 20 and have a chance for something decent to do. Decent being fun...not as in not-dirty for those of you with yer minds going to the gutta already. Anyway - I mentioned that he knows the area much better than I do, so I was hoping that maybe he'd suggest something. Instead he came back and said he was fine with whatever I'd like to do. Ok, again gracious...but doesn't do me any good. Now I'll have to utilize google to try and find something up there and what not. Could ask again, but...eh oh well - that's what the internet is for, right???

Nothing from ShyGuy...

Friday I went out with some of the girls and did meet a (so far) fairly nice guy. He's 29 (barely), tall, has an athletic build and lives about 1.5 hours northwest of me...but comes down to one of the towns closer just about every weekend to work on a house he bought there. Mostly he works as a maintenance type guy for a property managment company that has several apartment complexes. Quite a bit of his spare time is taken up with racing dirt bikes, which is why he was in town this weekend - they were participating in a 24 hour endurance race on Saturday and Sunday. Anyway, we chatted quite a bit and hit it off pretty well. He gets my humor and could play along, so that's a start - but we also have quite a few 'life views' in common too. Nutrition is kind of a big one for me obviously - but he goes further with it than just the low fat/carb/sugar thing. Like me, he leans toward natural whole foods and trying to steer clear of the processed stuff. No, we didn't talk about that over a beer at the bar, lol...he called lastnight after he got home to let me know how his race went. (They took 3rd in their class of a couple hundred riders). Anyway, we hit it off really well the first night - and our conversation on the phone was an hour and a half last night...so a good start I guess.

I actually almost missed out on the call. We were just out of town and I must have been in a bad signal area because it went straight to my voicemail. Well...when it does that - you don't get a readout for the number that called. I'd given him my number, but didn't ask for his before he left...didn't want the temptation of calling first... So, he'd left a message, but assuming the caller ID would give the number - didn't leave it along with the message! I panicked for a minute - if the first call isn't retuned...likely there won't be a second one - YIKES!!! I dialed the voicemail again and went through the options, luckily there was one to check the details on the message, and it did have the number - WHEW!! So I called him back later in the evening.

Jeanie · 11-02-2009, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kymel

Friday I went out with some of the girls and did meet a (so far) fairly nice guy. He's 29 (barely), tall, has an athletic build and lives about 1.5 hours northwest of me...but comes down to one of the towns closer just about every weekend to work on a house he bought there. Mostly he works as a maintenance type guy for a property managment company that has several apartment complexes. Quite a bit of his spare time is taken up with racing dirt bikes, which is why he was in town this weekend - they were participating in a 24 hour endurance race on Saturday and Sunday. Anyway, we chatted quite a bit and hit it off pretty well. He gets my humor and could play along, so that's a start - but we also have quite a few 'life views' in common too. Nutrition is kind of a big one for me obviously - but he goes further with it than just the low fat/carb/sugar thing. Like me, he leans toward natural whole foods and trying to steer clear of the processed stuff. No, we didn't talk about that over a beer at the bar, lol...he called lastnight after he got home to let me know how his race went. (They took 3rd in their class of a couple hundred riders). Anyway, we hit it off really well the first night - and our conversation on the phone was an hour and a half last night...so a good start I guess.

I actually almost missed out on the call. We were just out of town and I must have been in a bad signal area because it went straight to my voicemail. Well...when it does that - you don't get a readout for the number that called. I'd given him my number, but didn't ask for his before he left...didn't want the temptation of calling first... So, he'd left a message, but assuming the caller ID would give the number - didn't leave it along with the message! I panicked for a minute - if the first call isn't retuned...likely there won't be a second one - YIKES!!! I dialed the voicemail again and went through the options, luckily there was one to check the details on the message, and it did have the number - WHEW!! So I called him back later in the evening.

Wait that is it?!?!?!?

When is the date?

Cee99Cee · 11-02-2009, 07:00 PM

alright that was just a tease right? I rush back from my meeting and that was just like a commercial for up coming events. We want more girl. How did your costume go over? Did you stay in town or to the large town? Where you wearing your costume when you meet him? Stay tune for the conclusion...... hahaha

Kymel · 11-03-2009, 10:10 AM

What? You want details??? Lol.

No, I wasn't in costume when we met. None of our local places were doing anything on Friday...so the nun bit was just a one time deal. It went over well by the way. I was regretting getting a full length outfit for a few days, but once we got to the parties I was ok with it. Seems like just about every other girl down there was trying to show as much skin as possible, so not only would I have been 'just another girl', but many of them were much younger and didn't have the skin issues I have, so they pull it off much better. I was the only nun though, so that drew some attention. In fact, there was a 'priest' there who's wife opted to not do the matching thing with him (did with her girl friend though). He was someone that was a friend of a friend long ago. I remembered him, but he didn't remember me (that's ok though...it was a long ass time ago). Anyway, I wound up in some pictures with him on account of the costume lol. The buddies at his table all wanted to know who I was, but none of them really interested me. The only problem I had with the outfit was the head piece - it kept slipping back because the material for it and the dress didn't cooperate - they kind of stuck together (velour and cotton...not a good mix). I also had put on a spanx type thing to hold everything in - I've worn it before without a problem, but this weekend it kept rolling down on me - so I went into the bathroom and took it off at the first place we went to.

As far as where we went - we stopped in at the local joints first. The Welder and Yogi were both there. Yogi dressed up as a girl thing. Short skirt, fishnet stockings, halter top with a padded bra sticking out and some kind of heals on...and a blonde wig. He even shaved his gotee off for the outfit. I wouldn't have recgonized him if it weren't for his tatoos. The Welder has been having some girl issues, if I were to go into it - you'd probably get a good laugh...but this isn't about him, so I won't. I'm just observing from the outside and kinda happy I'm not involved in the mess that's making him miserable.

Oh, ok - there was me as a nun, my girl friend as Oliveoil (from Popeye), her daugher as Little Red Ridinghoood, and the girl friend's friend as some kind of a witch (see pics attached).

We all sat and had a drink at the local place just to get started and see what was going on there. Then we left to go down to my hometown. The place there was packed, and they wound up having to make people wait at the door just after we got there. Woulda hated for that to be us - it was stinkin cold!! It's always hard to get a drink there, so about 20 minutes later we were able to finally go find a place to stand...seeing as there wasn't anywhere to sit. I had 4" heals on...so standing for the next 3+ hours was killer on my feet, but I managed. The girl friend had another friend we were expecting to meet us shortly after we got there - but didn't show up for another 2 hours. Since we were expecting him, we couldn't hop anywhere else, and stayed in that packed room. I didn't bother trying to get another drink, and there were so many people in there, you really couldn't move much...so by the time this guy showed up I was bored out of my mind and would have rather just gone back up to the small bars at home...but I drove everyone down, so I was kind of stuck. Rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Ran into some people I've met before. Danced a little. Had some horny young guy hit on me and try feeling up my fishnet stockings I had on under my habit. He was cute, but as I've mentioned before, I'm not into public displays...so I was a bit uncomfortable with his overly playfulness.

So that was pretty much how Saturday went.

Lol, I forgot to give the new guy a nickname yesterday. I was trying to think of one while I was writing, but never came up with something. Hmmm... I need one of those baby name books, but for good nicknames, I'm running out of ideas. Maybe Mr. Fixit since he seems pretty good with that.

I left a good morning message on his FB wall yesterday, but didn't hear anything from him all day. I went over to my girl friends place last night to go hang in her hot tub for a bit, and checked my page before I left her place...was surprised that not only had he responded, but has invited me out to his race this coming Sunday. Said he needs me there to cheer him on. Yeah

AND he didn't even feel the need to wait till later in the week to ask. I'm getting my dining room floors installed this weekend, so hopefully it will be done in time and leave my Sunday open...but so far I'm planning on going.

Man! I'm so used to rejection so early on lately that I really was thinking that he'd either not respond at all (having changed his mind about me), or that he'd be kind of distant like most of the rest of them have been. Instead not only did he invite - but he did it rather publicly....right on my wall. Ok, I'd have prefered a phone call, but oh well. I'm sure we'll be talking this week. And yes...I do have to keep trying to wipe a little grin off my face when I realize I'm smiling for no apparent reason...but it's a good thing.

Cee99Cee · 11-03-2009, 11:52 AM

Now thats more like it my fingers are crossed that you have a great time next week end and you looked great in the pictures have a great week and enjoy you new floor

Kymel · 11-03-2009, 05:38 PM

Bonus points scored. Just got off the phone with him...called to see how my day is going. That was nice. And to give me the track's website so I can pull up directions - he must have remembered me saying that I'm directionally challenged, lol.

So...we talked about a bunch of different things, and he got a little more insight as to who I am (just little portions...that seems to be all they can handle). He sounded somewhat impressed with some of it. Also talked about this weekend, and he mentioned that he was hoping I might join him (or maybe it might be the team - I dunno) for lunch after the race.

Yup, I'm grinning

Jeanie · 11-04-2009, 09:32 AM

Sounds like a nice guy. Lets hope he doesn't go nutty!