Scared to tell my boss - help!! haha. - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

exanimatebylove · 03-19-2009, 07:11 PM

Sooooo.... I got my surgery date and now comes the fun part of telling my boss. haha. I'm so terrified to tell her. My co-workers tell me not to worry about it and that she is very supportive and stuff but I'm just scared. Scared she will be mad I didn't tell her sooner, scared of her reaction, scared I wont know what to say. I know she won't necessarily freak about the actual time off cause I work for a school district and they can't really deny time off for medical reasons but...

Anyway, I'm gonna go and talk to her tomorrow before our work meeting... and I need you guys help. What did you tell your boss or say to your boss?

I don't even know how to start the conversation.

Help me!

jerseygrl684 · 03-19-2009, 07:21 PM

My boss was this skinny lil like size 2 thing. I went in.. told her I was looking into getting the surgery like 6 months beforehand. I had all my facts, told her matter-of-fact-ly and looked her straight in the eye...as to not look unsure.

It wasnt easy and as your boss his/her primary concern will be filling your spot, but a job is a job, THIS IS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

VickiLyn · 03-19-2009, 07:25 PM

Hi Angie

Its really up to you on what you tell your boss. You could tell exactly what your having done, which if you've told other co-workers thats what I would do, or you can just say you will be taking medical leave for x amount of time. I think honesty is the best...just go in and say I have a chance for a life changing operation to help me become a heathier person and I hate that I couldn't give you better notice but I will be requiring time off on this date and I should return on this date. That opens it up to if she has any questions, or comments. Just don't let it dishearten you if shes not supportive. In this journey we have some thats on our team, some thats our biggest cheerleaders and unfortunately we have some that play for the opposing team. Just remember you are doing this for yourself and you don't need the approval of others. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

exanimatebylove · 03-19-2009, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseygrl684

My boss was this skinny lil like size 2 thing. I went in.. told her I was looking into getting the surgery like 6 months beforehand. I had all my facts, told her matter-of-fact-ly and looked her straight in the eye...as to not look unsure.

It wasnt easy and as your boss his/her primary concern will be filling your spot, but a job is a job, THIS IS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Ughh.. that sucks. Yikes. I mean, I know my boss kinda understands. She is by no means fat or even overweight. She's pretty normal. But, I know she has a friend who has had it before and another lady who works at my job (at a different school though) had it a few years back. I know I won't loose my job over it. I've been there 2 years and when you work with kids, you arent as easily 'replaceable' as you might be at an office job or something like that.

I just have trouble with words sometimes. Not sure how to start the conversation. Not sure what to say.

exanimatebylove · 03-19-2009, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VickiLyn

Hi Angie

Its really up to you on what you tell your boss. You could tell exactly what your having done, which if you've told other co-workers thats what I would do, or you can just say you will be taking medical leave for x amount of time. I think honesty is the best...just go in and say I have a chance for a life changing operation to help me become a heathier person and I hate that I couldn't give you better notice but I will be requiring time off on this date and I should return on this date. That opens it up to if she has any questions, or comments. Just don't let it dishearten you if shes not supportive. In this journey we have some thats on our team, some thats our biggest cheerleaders and unfortunately we have some that play for the opposing team. Just remember you are doing this for yourself and you don't need the approval of others. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

Thanks for the advice, I agree that honesty is best. Just not sure what to say. I'm such a private person and I worry too much when it comes to stuff like this.

bezobraz · 03-19-2009, 07:31 PM

I know exacly how you feel - telling your boss is tough.

Keep i mind it is not about your boss, it i about you. She can't tell anyone and she can't voice her opinion about it. It is just about planning.

So, just tell her. Don't get emotional, don't give any explanation about why. Just tell her you'll be out 4-6 weeks

Good luck!!
Tonya

ragazzarosa · 03-19-2009, 07:34 PM

hi - and congratulations on getting your surgery date!

So, first of all I have to say that you know you don't have to tell them what you are getting surgery for, right? It's none of their business and they're not allowed to ask. I only told my boss and co-workers (all of whom work remotely so I don't see them on a day-to-day basis) that I was having surgery. I think the most explanation I gave to someone is that I was having stomach surgery. I've since told a few people and I know it will make it's way through the company. I see everyone like once a year.

If you've decided that you want to tell her what kind of surgery you are having (and if my boss were a woman I felt close to or someone I thought would be sympathetic or if I DIDN'T work in a completely male-dominated company, I might have), then I guess I would have been serious about it (like, I have made a decision) but happy at the future prospects.

Sounds like you've already told your co-workers, so even if you don't say anything she'll find out what kind of surgery you are having - and she might be put off if you didn't tell her.

So, be serious, but hopeful. Like you were in the interview. Tell her that you've thought about it for a long time and weighed the risks and decided it was the right decision. Tell her that after you've recovered you're sure it will improve your health AND your work. Tell her you appreciate her understanding and support and that you'll work your hardest to ensure that your time off won't negatively impact the other members of your team - and that it'll benefit everyone in the long run.

Good luck!

kajn · 03-19-2009, 07:39 PM

I just gave my boss a heads up that I was going out for surgery. They really can't ask and my short term disability is handled through a 3rd party. I didn't tell her until a couple of days before I left to go out and that was only because I was comfortable telling her. I knew I was having my gall bladder out at the same time of surgery, for the people that I didn't want to tell I just told them I was having gall bladder surgery. All up to you.

exanimatebylove · 03-19-2009, 07:40 PM

Thanks Suzanne... That helps a lot! I just need to calm down and breathe. I'm sure she will be understanding and supportive. I'm gonna tell her I'm having RNY. We are very close-knit at my work. My co-workers and I and even my supervisor. So I'm sure all will be fine.

You make a good point though. And I'm doing it no matter what. She can decide to support me or not, I don't care. But in the end it WILL benefit everyone. I will be able to run around and be more active with the kids... which will be great! And feel better...

and ... keeping it secret isnt gonna work for me. besides the fact that all my co-workers already know... kids pick up on stuff so fast!! lol

Corrine · 03-19-2009, 07:55 PM

I'm guessing that there's a possibility your manager already knows if you're as close-knit a group as you think you are. People just love sharing information about others.

Either way, better to tell her sooner rather than later.