Communication with your spouse? - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Marina · 02-09-2009, 07:34 AM

Do you communicate with you husband or wife? I mean do they know how much you weigh? Do they know the stress you are under being over weight? Do they understand why you are wanting/have done the surgery? Just seeing how many people let their other half know their weight?

Marina · 02-09-2009, 07:43 AM

I dont tell my husband how much I weigh Im embarrassed. I dont think he understands how much my weight effects me. He knows how much I have gained off and on but I dont really think he understands that Im trying but the weight isnt coming off. He is backing me on the surgery but he thinks I can change my eating or excersie more and it will just come off.
He didnt even know what I weighed when I was 160 because I thought I was over weight :-) and now at 216 Im really not telling him.
I dont think men look at their weight the same? Sorry guys but its true most men will take off their shirt and not think twice about their bellys hanging out where us woman wouldnt dream of getting into a bathing suit with out covering up. Its frustrating havig to hide my weight. I dont want to go out of the house and I dont want to come out of my sweat pants :-) it will be so nice to get up and put clothes on that fit and I look good. Ahhhhhh I canty wait until Im approved

mistymee · 02-09-2009, 07:44 AM

Prior to my decision to have GBP, I didn't tell anyone (including MYSELF!) how much I weighed.. I didn't even let the doctor weigh me, but once a year at my physical. The rest of the time, I would refuse to get on the scale. (Good thing I did that annual weigh in though, or it could've prevented the surgery!)

Anyway, once I'd decided to go forward with the RNY, I had to be honest with the people that mattered.. so along with getting real with myself, I did tell my then fiance... he was the one that was going to be getting me through the whole procedure and recovery.. Once I started losing the weight, I was even able to discuss my weight with my children, which had, to that point, been off limits as far as a topic of discussion.

I've even been able to discuss my actual weight with my best friend and my skinny 101 lb mother! Shocking to me, but I guess after discussing my weight here for 10 months, it's easier to be honest about it now.

I still plan on lying like a rug on my drivers license, though! lol

Puddin · 02-09-2009, 08:00 AM

I’ve struggled with my weight for many years. My husband met me fat, fell in love with me fat, married me fat. Of course, I wasn’t this fat, but fat nonetheless. I never told him how much I weighed and never really talked about it until this surgery. He doesn’t know the number, but he knows I weighed more than he did…a 6’4 ex-football player. Yah, that was embarrassing. Two weeks ago, we went to the outlet center with the girls and for the first time in a very long time, I felt normal. I told my husband that I didn’t feel like the fattest, ugliest woman there. He looked at my like I was insane, then I just started spewing all these emotions and thoughts. He said he never realized that I felt so badly about my weight and how hard it was for me. It’s been a Godsend to be able to talk to him about this now. My skinny girlfriends don’t get it and maybe he doesn’t either, but he pretends he does and that really helps. Having this surgery has changed my marriage for the better. It’s like someone removed the 2 ton elephant in the room.

Marina · 02-09-2009, 08:03 AM

My mom knows what I weigh because Im really close to her and she wont judge me. But I dont want anyone else knowing. I mean I feel being being 216is alot for me and everyone looks at me and says you dont weigh enough for the Gastric bypass. They think that u have to be 500+ pounds to have that surgery. I just wanna be healthy and feel good when I look in the mirror

Marina · 02-09-2009, 08:05 AM

I told my husband he will know what I weigh after I have the surgery

mistymee · 02-09-2009, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marina

My mom knows what I weigh because Im really close to her and she wont judge me. But I dont want anyone else knowing. I mean I feel being being 216is alot for me and everyone looks at me and says you dont weigh enough for the Gastric bypass. They think that u have to be 500+ pounds to have that surgery. I just wanna be healthy and feel good when I look in the mirror

At 216, you are probably what is considered a lightweight for the surgery. But at 5'2", that makes a difference. What is your BMI?

Just know that as you do start to lose the weight, you'll probably feel less concerned about whether people know the number. It's not like they can't SEE that we're heavy, you know? We're not really fooling anyone, but ourselves. You'll start to feel more comfortable in your own skin and then things will change, you'll see.

Marina · 02-09-2009, 08:13 AM

My BMI is 40 and I have medical issues to go along with that. I should weight between 101-131 so Im up there.

ford9n · 02-09-2009, 08:38 AM

When we were dating I got really sick and my hubby took me to doc. I stepped on the scale, with him in the room, and weighed 183...I was mortified that he knew. I told him if you ever make a comment about my weight I am gone! He never did and probably never would have... For years we talked about surgery, my sis had it done 8 years ago and he kept saying you don't need that you can do it on your own. He thought that this was what I wanted to hear. Then one day last spring I woke up and knew I had to have surgery I was in the 240's and did not see any end in sight. Once I told him I was going to have the surgery done he jumped on board and helped me get through the insurance process as quickly as possible. I did not tell him what I weighed when I had surgery...but he knew it was in the mid 200's. Now that I am done I have told him what I weigh and he keeps telling me it doesn't matter what the number is...it matters that I am healthy. And you know he is right. The number does not matter...although I am consumed with the scale..what matters is I have extended my life, can do things I have not been able to do for a long time, am happier,etc. So maybe you don't need to tell people how much you weigh.

Corrine · 02-09-2009, 09:35 AM

Personally, I think it's essential to be totally open and honest with your partner about your weight, your feelings and emotions.

They are going to be an essential part of your weight loss process and you'll need their support and understanding at every stage. They can't do that effectively until they know what you're dealing with.

WLS isn't easy and it brings about HUGE changes - both physically and emotionally and unless you make your partner a part of your journey you run the risk of distancing yourself from them and that can lead to conflict.

Let them share in your worries and fears, and the reasons behind your decision to have the surgery (and that includes your weight). It'll allow them to share in the highs (and lows) in the months ahead.

A big part of the reason our many previous attempts to lose weight failed in the past is that we feel ashamed about our weight and won't admit to weighing what we do because invariably, we knew that our chances of any longterm success were nil to zero.

Gastric bypass is different. This is going to be one of the most life changing journey's that you will ever embark on. Start it on an open and honest footing with your partner - let them share your journey.