Ponderings... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Vim&Vigour · 10-22-2008, 06:07 AM

Thinner Times came into my life nearly a year ago. I had absolutely no idea whatsoever that a website could have such an amazing impact on my life!

I seem to recall that in November 2007 there were about 5 500 members – today nearly 8000! The Forum has lost a little of its specialization and intimacy for me, but then again, I am no longer that Newbie, hungry for any and all information.

I find I respond differently today to newcomers: I sit back, wait and see whether the Newbies are actually here to stay as Senior Members or jump ship before. Only then do I interact with Newbies.

Claire-in-Texas put it elegantly in that some of us are leaders, some teachers and some motivators, some followers. I am renowned for my infinite patience in nearly all things. However, I have virtually none when it comes to teaching. Sadly, I do not have the leaders’ staying power and gift of welcoming each and everyone on our remarkable journey of change. To you who do, a warm thank you! The more “empowered” I have become from this surgery, the more “impatient” I am becoming! I am so busy catching up on LIVING, actively DOING something, for someone or, believe it or not, for MYSELF! And I am relishing it!!!

Perhaps the immense effort of getting wls off the ground means that one explores every single avenue and gives it one’s best attention. The more “out”, the more focused we become on what is, to us, “important”.

I have invested my energies in the Senior Members that existed when I arrived as a Newbie. Many, many of the then Senior Members have become real virtual friends, people whom I’d actually wish to look up if I ever were to visit the USA. Though intimate on this Forum, I am usually very, very, private and weary of “befriending” people just because they happened to do the same as I, they end up only being friendly ships in the night.

Immensely fortunately, I have had virtually no side-effects whatsoever. No dumping, no hospital emergencies, no vomiting… NOTHING! (I did have that brilliant Dr. Bruno Dillemans!!!). And none of that pre-op American half year of agonizing waiting with tests and hoops… No insurance hurdles… Neither have I had any divorce, marriage, birth or dramatic bereavement. So, why even bother with TTF you may wonder? The answer lies in the emotional development for me. The spiritual aspect I have usually taken comfortable care of but it is the raw emotions that have lead to the weight gain…

TTF has been and remains an amazing tool to help unpeel the layers of the onion, to unzip the fat suit. For me it is of learning how to move on and face the truth (as Gina describes), but more in the face of adversity. Being able to find the emotional support on here continues to be a true gift from you all. You help me deal with sad subjects (such as the death of my darling little Pug puppy and just this weekend my daughter’s miscarriage). You help me get a grip on situations which are stressful such as how to handle my same young daughter’s unexpected pregnancy and my encounter in the world of work with “Professor EBL”! I have had you to turn to instead of food! And yes, I do have a lot of friends in the real world, but sometimes one does not wish to reveal “all”, one needs a protective distance, or it is frankly none of their business to “share”. So, why you? Well, distance, virtual especially, does help. And for another, you are always there, 24/7, and the responses are instant1

Well, I have been a taker for this whole last year. I am truly grateful for your friendships, expressed in many forms. You have given me so much strength, fun, headcool, affirmation, confirmation, giggles and things to ponder over. My Seniors are often those who pop in occasionally, updating on the technical aspects of their pouch and changes in career, home move, divorce or other happier development in their lives. I feel I am a bird sitting on the window sill, half in and half out. A real pity I could not make it on the TT Cruise – I would really have loved to celebrate with you all.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not leaving, at least not in the foreseeable future! I don’t feel I have anything “meaningful” to impart (now that a good part of soul searching is behind me). It seems to me that the Forum garden has taken on a whole lot of new plants in the last few months. I’m happy to add a little fertilizer here and there, let others do the watering. Time will soon tell the plants from the weeds!

I am very impressed with John Callery’s unstinting work in the growth and maintenance of Thinner Times Forum. So young, thoughtful, capable and imaginative on behalf of nearly 8000 members. I am sad however that the site has gone through, what is hopefully only a bad patch, bitchiness and stabbing. It certainly did not have that when I joined, though there were some hot arguments at the time! Please, please, hold back, don’t spoil it for others. If you have an issue, don’t let it get ugly. PM or email the “offender” and sort any contradictions you have off line. Squabbles take up valuable space and are an irritant to others. Not a question of being prude or whatever, just unnecessary! One of the Senior Members today has become so disenchanted that the Member was/is seriously considering leaving TTF. So sad when you think what remarkable support we have on here.

So, to each and every one of you, my WARMEST THANKS so far! You are a REMARKABLE bunch and GREAT FRIENDS! Thank you for making me happy and keeping me sane!

Cheers,
Vim

kit60 · 10-22-2008, 06:22 AM

Thank you for the wonderful insightful post. I'm sorry about your loss. Take care.

Vim&Vigour · 10-22-2008, 06:27 AM

Thank you Kit for your thoughts.
They are exactly what I mean about support!
Cheers,
Vim

Toony · 10-22-2008, 06:36 AM

Vim... you are such a sweetheart... TT is lucky to have you here, sharing your amazing insight and wisdom. You have posted more thought provoking messages than anyone here... Your care, concern and "ponderments" have stopped me cold many times... forcing me to face things I tend to avoid - putting my mind on a path where it needs to be to succeed with this journey.

Thank you for each and every keystroke you've shared here! I treasure you beyond measure!

katie

Vim&Vigour · 10-22-2008, 06:47 AM

You Katie?
You of all people? You the one who makes us smile, who is mother to us all, who lifts our sprits, who are ALWAYS there with a comfort blanket for us all? Thank you for your kind words! They mean an awful lot to me! And indeed, you are one of my "Senior" Members, on here to greet me and hold me as a Newbie!
How is the dust settling on your new surfaces? Does the furniture "look right" in its new place? Do you have "favourite" corners in your new home? All very exciting moving. I do hope you can soon give yourself and DH a few days break from it all, get some rest, relaxation and recreation!
Many thanks Katie,
Warm hug,
Vim

OsoDelDesierto · 10-22-2008, 11:15 AM

Vim, thank you for being a part of "my" TT - I always look forward to reading your always interesting, always thought-provoking, always beautifully written posts. Whether you know it or not, you do have a profound gift to offer this forum, especially as we seek to go out into the world making the best use of our new lives - it's your way of looking at life and living it in a way that works for you. That gift to us is priceless and inspiring! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Vim&Vigour · 10-22-2008, 11:40 AM

Thank you Eric!
You make me feel all warm and fuzzy!
Interesting, I was thinking of you earlier. You are always here, like a faithful dog, going about you own business but hear us when we need you!
You come across as extremely discreet, say actually very very little about your private, intimate self and yet participate warmly and effectively - the guy in the right place at the right time!
Am I right that you have removed your profession from your profile? 6 letters beginning with L?
You seem to have a life of your own where you gain strength from and come onto here for a different, elite, specialist companionship... Close?
Thank you Eric for your support. You too are one of my "Senior Members"! I am really disappointed I cannot go on the Cruise and meet you!
Hugs,
Vim
Vim

OsoDelDesierto · 10-22-2008, 12:43 PM

Vim, thank you for your lovely words! I'm actually not as private a person as might appear from my TT postings in recent months - I just haven't posted a lot of detail about my life here on TT because I've been wrapped up in other things and the appeal of all that slow typing I have to do for long posts has waned.

Here are some tidbits:

I never had that naughty "six letter word" in my profile, but don't keep it mum - I'm a lawyer, a criminal defense attorney who represents court-appointed indigent clients in federal court. I'm proud of the type of work I do, but my work is not how I define myself (as unfortunately far too many people, especially lawyers, seem to define themselves by their professions).

I'm an "out" gay man who's been in a fulfilling relationship for almost a year with someone who had a RNY (he's almost three years post-op) - we got to know each other as friends and then started dating. I'm looking forward to bringing Cam on the TT cruise to meet everyone.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict who's been sober almost 13 years and is still very active in my program of recovery (in which I get PLENTY of sharing time about "what's going on with me").

I'm very active in my church (Episcopal) and have a rich spiritual life that is enhanced by, but not dependent upon, my church membership. Doing walking meditation, especially using a labyrinth, is essential to me.

I have many woderful people in my life, in my "real life" and here on TT, and for that I consider myself most blessed! I just wish there were enough hours in the day to spend time with all of them and still do everything else I love to do!

shereeks · 10-22-2008, 01:03 PM

Thank you once again for your usual thought provoking post Vim!

You speak so many truths and make me stop for a moment to analyse certain things in my life.

I too have noticed the negative elements creeping into this forum and have therefore been absent myself (probably not notably!). I hope that some of us oldies can bring the forum back to its' old positive vibe with a little effort.

Corrine · 10-22-2008, 01:24 PM

Vim,

People come and go on this forum but I can count on one hand those that have (and still have) a profound effect on me. And you are one of them.

I don't always reply but I can assure you, each and every time I read your posts, it gives me a great deal to think about.

Many of writings hit closer to home that I'm comfortable with as for years, I've avoided issues from my past because they're painful.

But I now realize they needn't be. Things happened, things I had no control over and confronting those demons from my past is the only true way forward.

I have stripped myself of the layers of fat but in many ways, the layers of guilt and sadness over situations that were not of my doing have been holding me back from the life I know I'm destined for. Your posts give me much to think about but they also give me the courage to strip myself of some old baggage.

Thank you my friend.