Big update on my addiction! - ThinnerTimes

kittens4 · 08-01-2008, 03:32 AM

Well, there's lots to tell. As most of you know, I was tapering off Vicodin..my pcp put me on Norco 5/325...I went from 10, to 6, to 5, then 4. I was doing well until 4..some days I even did okay with just 2 or 3, then something "snapped" in me last week. I filled my 28 pills, for 4 a day, and took 10 in the 1st day, then 10 again the 2nd, and on day 3 I had one of my doctors I work for call me in enough to last me until I could get in to see my pcp. So, I told my pcp that the taper thing wasn't working for me, I need a new plan...so what does he do...he gives me ANOTHER prescription for 90 Norco! Oh no you didn't??? I couldn't even believe it....I felt like he wasn't listening to me, he was in a hurry, and just mentally "checked out" and just wanted to go home. I could tell he wasn't "all there". I was his next to last patient of the day.....I was crying, telling him the tapering wasn't working, I was honest about the quantity I took, the xtra I had my other doctor call in for me, etc. etc. and he not only gives me more, but 90 pills....that's more than I ever get!!!!!! Is he nuts??? I just told him I was taking 10 or more a day....is he trying to kill me??? It made me sooo mad!!! Not mad enough to not fill the prescription of course! lol! So, the next day, mad as hell, and flying high on Vicodin, I called my insurance, told them what happened, and got myself a new pcp right away. I got into see him Wednesday. He couldn't even believe what my doctor did! I love my new doctor by the way....he is young, nice, and listens, and actually knows what he's doing!!!! Thank God!!!!

I've been struggling with this for quite some time now. I do not want to go in-pt, but I will if I have to. He feels I won't have to, which makes me happy!!! So, I am starting detox tomorrow...cold turkey....No more Norco!!! I had to have my husband get rid of them...I didn't have the heart to toss them. It just seemed wrong!

I am taking Clonidine and Valium to detox. (they give it to heroin addicts, so it should work for me!)
The Clonidine is a blood pressure medicine, but it helps with the cravings, it fills some receptors, blocks others, as well as slowing things down and keeping the blood pressure down once the withdrawals kick in. The valium of course will help w/anxiety and sleep. I also have xanax if needed, but probably won't need it he said. I am just ready to be done with it. I'm sick of the pills, sick of trying to taper and failing, and sick of the merry-go-round! I'm up one day, down the next, and I know if I don't get off it soon, I could do permanent damage.....if I haven't already...it's become VERY serious!!
So, even though I have about 4-5 days of misery ahead, nausea, diarrhea, severe body aches, skin crawling, etc. etc. I do know I'll get through it and will feel good again once I get past it. For a long time I took the pills and felt pretty "normal", but lately I've been forgetting things, having moments of not remembering how I got to a certain place, or finding myself telling someone something that they tell me I've already told them, and I can't stay focused. I go from thing to thing....start something, go do something else, then remember what I was doing, to to that, then remember something else, move on to that, etc. etc. It's just like being on speed! Even my co-worker told me she's noticed my breathing is weird lately...which scares me! I know someone who took Oxy, drank a little, and went to bed and never woke up. Norco does slow down breathing as well as the digestive system, so he just stopped breathing in his sleep! He was younger than myself. Pretty scarey to me! Some people can't eat when they take it, but I still eat normally and drink many Starbucks, so there has been no weight changes, but I think I'll lose weight when I stop this. For one thing, I'll be ridding myself of that "crap" that's been hanging around in there...since the digestive system has been slowed to a halt...and I will stop going to Starbucks. I'm sick of that too. The pills and Starbucks go together for me. I should notice a major change in weight and finances soon! I also just re-newed my Gold's Gym membership, so as soon as I'm able, I will be going there! 6 of us at work joined ...so it'll be fun to go with them! I stopped going last year when I threw my back out and started taking the medication....then my back got better, but I just kept taking the meds more and more, and stopped exercising!

Well, I feel really good about this new Dr. I also feel REALLY good about having a detox plan that doesn't involve taking more Norco/Vicodin!!! I believe this will work!! Woohooooo!!!!

I go see my new doctor every Wednesday, so he can monitor my progress and adjust meds accordingly. It's a process, and even though the worst is the physical part with the detox, there's still lots of work to do after that. Then we'll get down to treating the mental part of it all.....that could take awhile....... I see many co-pays in my future.

BabyNicole · 08-01-2008, 03:46 AM

I'm happy you are on the right track! May I ask what got you started on the Vicodin? I am one of those people that Vicodin does nothing for.

sdgrrl · 08-01-2008, 08:05 AM

Oh, Elaine,
I feel badly for what you are going thru right now, and understand your struggle. I have been on such heavy hitters for such a long time, I know that while I may not be addicted, I am definitely dependent on the buggers. I have been working on cutting back on the pills also, with minimal progress, but still call it progress. My pain doc isn't very sympathetic about weaning down, which I think is kinda poopy, but with careful planning and dosing on MY schedule, I haven't done too bad. My 'base' allotment of meds (not happy pills or prilosec or vits/supplements, etc) is up to 5 percocet 10's per day and no more than 2 soma. I've done pretty well on the pain stuff overall, and can follow that dose pretty well. The going from 3+ soma per day to 2 is killing me...my 2 complaints are the pain (ground glass in my lumbar region--yum!

) and horrid, nasty, owie muscle spasms. I have a washboard back that goes from my left foot up to the left side of my neck. Most times 2 just doesn't cut it, so I have to get creative. When I have a day with a lot of errands, chores, or activity, I try to honor myself by taking it very easy over the next 1-2 days. Some days go better than others.

I so understand your feelings of just wanting to be off of them! I pray for a day--just a day--of no pain and no pills. But the fact of the matter is that I DO need these meds, like it or not, so I have decided that a day without pain because I only took what was prescribed and nothing more. That goal I think I can meet.

I respect you so much, Elaine, for being so open about this walk you are on! Addiction is one of America's dirty little secrets, and you have put this right out there for everyone to see. Kudos! Darlin', I know it's cold comfort right now, but I'm glad for you that it's just Vicodin and Norco that drive your Crazy Train, and nothing more potent. You could have to detox from Oxy's or Percos....there's tons of uglier meds out there to get addicted to, not to take a blessed thing out of the work you have in front of you with the 'vikes'.

Instead of white knuckling it alone, have you gone to a NA meeting for some support? It's so good that your job is being patient and kind around this--my guess is that it's because you're such a stellar employee. You will get through this, Elaine. The fact that you handed 90 (precious) Norco over to DH to dispose of instead of fooling yourself by saying that you will ration them or only use them when you are in a bad way. I know I couldn't do that. Every time I think I'm ready to say NO!!, something else craps out on me that requires pain meds, and it's back on the carousel for me again.

Please know that you are cared for and supported! I know how many, many people are watching you and sending good energy your way. You're walking a tough road, but I have every faith that you will prevail. You are so strong mentally (ya gotta be in order to give up yer stomick, fercryinoutloud!) that all (ALL) you have to do is set your brain to gut it out over the next couple of weeks, and you should be much much better! If you would like my phone number, pm me and I'd be proud to give it to you for some instant support. Take good care of you, Elaine, you have much love here for you, and you are strong. Just be sure to be strong for you, and not strong for the pharmaceutical companies.

You know how there are commercials that have the tag line, "you make them strong, we'll make them Army Strong"......

........FOOD MADE US STRONG, NOW WE'RE TT STRONG!

I love you, kiddo!
Donna

Godsblessedme · 08-01-2008, 09:42 AM

i'm so proud of you for admitting you have this problem and seeking proper treatment! i was a crystal meth, cocaine addict and i totally remember how hard the cravings were. good for you for opening up and letting us root you on because i know you can get over this

RebeccaNV · 08-01-2008, 09:46 AM

Elaine, I am thinking bout you girl. I know that you can beat this!

Duckie · 08-01-2008, 09:57 AM

Elaine sweetie. I am so proud of you for getting a new doctor that will actually HELP YOU! That's a great place to start. May I ask why you are so resistant to inpatient? If you are going cold turkey it may be the best place for you. They can monitor your vital signs and adjust meds for you accordingly. It would make for a much more pleasant detox. They would also help you set up resources on the "outside" as well... counseling, meetings, etc.
I am NOT trying to belittle what you are doing. Please don't take it that way. I am concerned about you. I know firsthand how difficult this can be. You can do it!!! I am now 6 1/2 months sober. You can do it too sweetie.

CeeCee · 08-01-2008, 10:30 AM

Elaine, can you hear me on the sidelines rooting for you? "cuz I am! You are one, strong woman, and you will get through this; my Irish mysticism tells me so. Go for it!!!

OsoDelDesierto · 08-01-2008, 08:02 PM

Elaine, I'm so sorry you're going through this hell, but I'm glad your new PCP has a clue about what you're dealing with. I've been clean and sober for a good while, but I remember what it was like when I was new to recovery, so I know how hard this is. You can do it - just take it one day at a time (I know you're sick of hearing that!). You're in my thoughts and prayers!

Blueyz · 08-01-2008, 08:09 PM

Elaine,

Please PM me any time. I totally understand what you are going through. I am on pain management for my spinal problems and I have been to some really bad doctors who treated me as a guinea pig. They literally had me on high doses and placed me in a stupor. I finally found a great specialist who is taking care of me for the time being. He mentioned that we are not addicted only dependent on the medication if we truly have a physical problem.

I hope that I can help you in any way. I am always a PM away if you need to vent.

Take care and take it one day at a time.

Love and hugs,
Dale

BIG TOM · 08-01-2008, 09:53 PM

pain killers always made me hot and sweaty.i would try to sleep but really couldnt. i would dream stupid dreams.and when i woke up for my morning shit, i felt like i was giving birth it felt so bad.if you want to live a healthier lifestyle get rid of the son of a bitches.i do like your honesty and you will be a bitch for a while but you will snap out of it.champions always overcome adversity